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Do You Want to be Made Well – or What?

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in gratitude, Healing, Misfits for Christ, Prodigal Son, surrender, you are enough

(Originally posted 5/8/2012)

John (5:-5-6) is such a challenging question, “Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?’”

(Artist: Marten de Vos)

REALLY!? Come on. Why would he ask that? Jesus could end thirty-eight years of misery for this guy in a heartbeat! Is there any possibility that he would say “no”? Well, yes, there is. I know that for a fact because I have said “no” to God longer than that! I turned my back on him and suffered a life of emptiness for years. Truth be told, I still suffer the consequences whenever I close my heart to God and choose to go my own way.

I was angry and self-indulgent (I often still am). My faith was shallow and lifeless (it, maybe not so often, still is). I continually picked at the scabs of the wounds inflicted by others, refusing to forgive and, at the same time, denying my own sinfulness (yeah, you guessed it – still doing that).

As I listened to God’s word and began to meet some faithful Christians, I became aware of an unexplainable longing in my heart. That was God, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I found myself getting bolder at reaching out to trust him. Though I still considered myself unworthy of anyone’s love, especially God’s.

I was also learning to become a better parent. I believe God intended for the parenting skills he taught to be passed down from generation to generation, but some of us have to look elsewhere for guidance. As much as I resented my mother for abusing me, and as determined as I was not to be like her…I was. Her way was the only way I knew. But then God gave me lessons in “Parenting 101” through others in my life.

However, as I poured more of myself into my children, a new reality was setting in. My husband and I were headed for disaster. I begged him to look honestly at our relationship while refusing to do it myself. I prayed we could work harder to mend our hurts and strengthen our marriage. But my pleading fell on deaf ears, and my fears were becoming a reality.

One by one, our kids were leaving home, and my husband and I became lost in the deafening silence of our empty nest. So after much thought, counseling, and prayer, I made the heart-wrenching decision to leave. It was probably the most challenging decision of my life! I had no idea what the outcome would be. I will say this in hindsight; I know I did not sense God was approving my decision or telling me to leave. But I am sure he intended to use this new reality “for his good”. (Genesis 50:20)

So, off I went. I decided to go to Kentucky to volunteer for an organization that worked with the poor in Appalachia. Before I left home, I prayed a prayer that I had never prayed before, that God would change me, not every other person in my life, but ME! God was just giddy with excitement! And, oh, the lessons I was about to learn!

How can I describe to you the soul-cleansing I experienced during that time, what those eight months were like for me? Every single day seemed to bring to light another of Linda’s issues to deal with. I didn’t enjoy confronting my pride, anger, and resentfulness. As a matter of fact, it was, in essence, like being in hard labor – for eight months. Non-stop. With no anesthetic!

“Come on, breathe for me,” says the doctor. “Breathe for me? I’ll give you breathe for me! How about if you try to breathe for me while my hands are around your neck, choking you? How about that?” (Oh, sorry, I must have been having a flashback.)

Anyway, for the first time in my life, my longings, my brokenness, and my hope that maybe I was worthy of love were laid bare. God was beginning to change my heart, though I hardly knew all the implications of that at the time. It was a beautiful example of how he can work in our lives when we “allow” him to do what only he can. All of my past attempts to change failed because I tried to do things my own faulty way, refusing to yield my will to his.

Sheer desperation began leading me to accept whatever God deemed necessary to change my life. No strings attached, that would allow me to yank control back if things became too hard or too painful. I would resist the impulse to switch to an easier route, though that’s how I reacted in the past when I was afraid. And what did I receive in return? Oh, not much…just a new relationship with God, my family, my husband of forty-three years, a purpose that fulfills me, and the joyful hope that endures, even during the most challenging times. In short – an abundant life I could never have imagined on that fateful day I left home.

John 10:10 says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.”

The fulfillment we seek can seem elusive. It can be confused with something as insignificant as a new outfit or something as unattainable as somebody else’s life. When we’re removed from our groundings and feel overpowered by our struggles, God reminds us that we’re right where he wants us. In our brokenness is where we’ll learn to be most like him. That’s where we discover that our joy cannot be stolen unless we allow people or circumstances, rather than God, to define us. Coming to grips with that truth will open us to the fullness of life.

In his most beautiful book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Henri Nouwen enfleshes all that I have experienced, all that I have been so afraid to admit or even look at honestly. His vulnerability and openness about his own struggles give others the courage to trust that when Jesus comes to us and asks, “Do you want to be made well”? Our “yes” can be the beginning of more than we could ever imagine or hope for. (Ephesians 3:20)

Nouwen talks about his “coming home”; about being in his Father’s embrace, “I so much want to be, but am so fearful of being…It is the place where I have to let go of all I most want to hold on to….It is the place that confronts me with the fact that truly accepting love, forgiveness, and healing is often much harder than giving it. It is the place of surrender and complete trust.” I believe Henri Nouwen would agree that it is where God’s call and our self-emptying “yes” meet in the fullness of his grace.

All these years later, I’m still being challenged daily, and I don’t always respond as I should. My sinfulness is constantly a force to be reckoned with. After all, I’m still a messy human being. But I know God longs for us to claim the gift of his extravagant love amid all our messiness. If we only look within ourselves, we can see what is already there. We can become who we already are. God offers that joy to all of us. All we have to do is claim it. When Jesus asks, “Do you want to be made well”? – and your answer is finally “yes”, strap yourself in for the ride of your life!

https://tenor.com/view/rollercoaster-despicable-me-cartoon-animated-steve-carrel-gif-5894665

Leave me Alone – I LOVE Being Miserable!

by Linda Russell, posted in Consider trials pure joy!, Lent, Prodigal Son, Return to Me, surrender

Who aggravates every fiber of your being? Come on, you know someone in your life – past or present – you have wanted to throw from a moving train in one of your most angry moments!

Throw mama from the train

Perhaps it isn’t your mother (like Danny Devito in Throw Mama from the Train) You love your mother. How about Uncle Bill? Uncle Bill makes you dread holidays! Every. Single. Blessed. One. He hates holidays and, in short order, makes you hate them too. He also hates your new living room set, your cheesecake, thinks you’ve put on too much weight, and wants to borrow another $200.

How about that annoying and relentless neighbor who causes you to lock your doors and pull your shades when you see her coming? Sometimes she catches you off-guard and holds you hostage in your own yard as she rants incessantly about absolutely nothing! Oh yeah, and she thinks your new birdbath is tacky (she might be right about that).

birdbath

Anyway, you walk away, dazed and confused. Ewwww, she got you again! She makes you want to smoke more, drink more, or kick the dog. (Don’t do that. It’s not the dog’s fault.)

It’s really not the dog’s fault, Uncle Bill’s fault, or your neighbor’s fault. It’s your fault because you choose to allow others to control you. Don’t think they’re doing that? When you allow another person to upset you, for whatever reason, they are controlling you. How do you like being controlled? If you’re like me, you pride yourself on being the one in control and refuse to believe anyone could have that kind of power over you.

NEWS FLASH: When we cling tenuously to control or give it up to another, that is the prescription for misery.

Mark 7:14-23, “Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile. From within the man, from his heart, come evil….”

My dear mother-in-law recently passed away at the age of ninety-eight. Before her health took a turn for the worse, she was happy and content and loved being with her family, especially the grandkids. She was always very giving of herself and generous to a fault. But, the last few years of her life, she was miserable. Daily she expressed that misery to us, “Why won’t God take me?!” She felt like a burden, that her life no longer had purpose. She was angry, frustrated, and confused. Throw in hip pain, a bad back, possible strokes, and dementia, and of course, she was miserable!

But what’s my excuse? What’s your excuse? I believe we have forgotten who we are. Life presents a series of blows to our fragile ego, and the joy God intended for us is overshadowed by misery. Misery that we inflict on ourselves, all the while blaming others.

“Wounded by sin, clouded by temptation, we are our own worst enemy. Everything we say and do arises from within our own hearts. If our hearts change, it stands to reason that our actions will follow.” Terry Modica (http://gnm.org/good-news-reflections/ )

We see misery played out powerfully in the lives of the Pharisees during Jesus’ time. He not only came to show us by his own life how we are to live, but he also used the Pharisees as a prime example of how we are not to live. They were pious and arrogant! They were mean, vengeful, and always trying to trip up Jesus. Their hatred for him was palatable because he was constantly exposing their sinfulness. No one wants to be exposed. If they could just get rid of him! Mark 8:11 tells us that Jesus “sighed from the depth of his spirit” because of their actions.”

He could have retaliated, but he didn’t. We would have liked him to so we could justify our own reaction to the hurt we feel from others. But, he humbly walked away, and in the end, he humbly received the torturous beatings and crucifixion.

Misery can be a stern mother. But Psalm 119 tells us that being afflicted is a good thing, “It is good that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes.” Also, sometimes, we can learn from others’ afflictions. Take my mother-in-law, for instance. I learned more from her at the end of her journey when she lay dying and unresponsive. I learned more about compassion that cannot be measured, love that cannot be returned, and inexplicable joy in the midst of it all.

When I would sit vigil in the evening with her, I could sense God’s presence, as in Genesis 28:16, “…surely the Lord is in this place.” The joy I felt during that time was unmistakable. The joy of knowing that Catherine would soon be in God’s presence. Truth be told, I was a bit jealous. I recall saying to her several times, even though she could not respond, “Aren’t you excited?! You will soon see all of your family and friends that have gone before you. They’re waiting for you. God is waiting for you. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to put in a good word for me – I need it!” I thought I heard her say, “Yes, you do!” once, but it was probably my imagination.

In all the training and experiences I have had as a Hospice volunteer, you just know that God is present. You can’t explain it or quantify it. You just know. For me, the most intense times of joy are these experiences and the Lenten journey we are now on. The joy that comes in knowing God never forsakes us; never abandons us. These are times when he asks me to return to him. Joel 2:12 says, “Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart…”

Listen to this beautiful song by John Michael Talbot.

Every Lent, I read Henri Nouwen’s “The Return of the Prodigal Son”. I am enthralled by this book and Nouwen’s honesty about his life and struggles. It is a beautiful and powerfully written account of a story most of us know, yet few of us delve so deeply into it. Nouwen uses Rembrandt’s portrait of the Prodigal Son to tell the story:

prodigal son
(cover of Henri Nouwen’s book)

The son made a choice. He chose to leave his father and go his own way, to take his inheritance and “set off for a distant country, and there he squandered his wealth in wild living” (Luke 15:13). Soon, he was broke and in the midst of a famine. He was hungry, but no one offered him anything to eat.

This is a very telling example of what happens when we turn to the world to meet our needs, but all we meet there is misery. We want the world to fill us with all we ever thought we wanted, but what we want is never enough. The world can’t/won’t satisfy. The world only takes and leaves desolation in the empty places of our souls.

Notice, though, that the son finally, instinctively, knew where to turn when he was starving – his father. Though he felt he wasn’t worthy of his father’s love because of the shameful way he acted, he also hoped his father would at least feed him as the servants were fed (15:17-20). That was all the son hoped for. Imagine his surprise when he didn’t even get his well-rehearsed words out of his mouth…

HOLY FATTED CALF, BATMAN!

Being willing to receive crumbs, the son got the surprise of his life when “the father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (15:20) There’s no way my father would have done that, and my mother would likely have changed the locks on the doors when I left. The father had compassion for his son because he knew he was a miserable, lost soul – but now he was found. It was a time to celebrate; it was a time of joy and thanksgiving.

Well, okay, the oldest son was not so joyful and was not willing to offer his brother the least bit of sympathy or support. He was also angry with the father because it all seemed so UNFAIR! Here’s that “misery gremlin” again! Sucking the fullness of life and joy from anyone too self-absorbed to notice.

Nouwen says, “It seems to me now that these hands have always been stretched out – even when there were no shoulders upon which to rest them.” And of the son, he says, “He realized he had lost his dignity as his father’s son, but at the same time, he is aware that he is indeed the son who had dignity to lose.” He says, “I am loved so much I am free to leave home.”

Think about that.

What brings the joy we so long for? It’s a choice we make in how we respond to our circumstances. You can be the younger son who learns from the misery he inflicted on himself or, the older, bitter son who doesn’t seem to “get it”. It is a daily, sometimes minute-by-minute choice.

Nouwen says, “And this concerning the attitude of the elder son: “Am I so ensnared in my own self-righteousness complaints that I am doomed, against my own desire, to remain outside of the house wallowing in my anger and resentment? God says to the elder son, you are with me always, and all I have is yours.”

The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.

God always has more for us. We are always only at the beginning of love (you must understand) Jesus is pleased with you right now. He sees how much you’ve already done. He wants to see you overcome the next hurdle and get that much closer to the finish line. He is committed to taking you there.“I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Often, my prayer is that God will not give up on me and that I will daily surrender to this love that is beyond my understanding, that I will let go of all those hurts and sorrows that steal my peace and joy.

Thanks – Just Kidding!

by Linda Russell, posted in Consider trials pure joy!, gratitude, scarcity vs. sufficiency, surrender, Using our gifts

(Originally posted 3/20/2017)

For SO MANY YEARS, my life was out of control, and my brokenness held a death grip on the teeniest desire I may have had to change. During that time, if anyone would have told me to be grateful, I likely would have side-eyed them while restraining myself from doing them great bodily harm! (Don’t laugh! I still have my green belt in karate from thirty years ago that never expires! Yeah, that’s right, I can be dangerous!) So anyway, in their stunned state, while I had their attention, I would have pulled out my handy “gratitude – NOT” list and spewed all my anger and bitterness right at them.

Let’s see…

  • Thanks, mom, for all the abuse. That was fun.
  • Thanks, psycho-neighbor kid, for introducing me to perversion when I was too small and afraid to run away from you. Oh yeah, and for breaking my nose with a 2×4 (not kidding).
  • Thanks, ex-husband, for your “lying, cheating, cold dead-beating, two-timing, double-dealing, mean mistreating, (un)loving heart”. What a knight in shining armor you turned out to be!
  • Thank you, world, for gleefully providing all my trivial wants, empty longings, and self-centered demands.
  • Oh yeah, and thank you, God, for totally ignoring all the above.

I was bitter and hateful all those years, entrenched in such a deep sense of emptiness and hopelessness that I felt the only relief from the pain was to end my life, and I made a failed attempt at that when I was twenty-three (Okay, I’ll thank you now for that, Lord). Two years later, when I married my current husband, Tom, I became a Christian. But, for years, it was in name only, and nothing really changed. Like “putting lipstick on a pig,” as they say.

Though that was the beginning of my faith journey, it took years of healing for me to warm up to this scripture verse that is most critical for a life to be filled with joy and passion and purpose: 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus”.

It has only been in the past twenty years or so that I have been able to truly grasp and claim for myself the meaning and depth of gratitude in two significant areas of my life that kept me trapped: the painful experiences of my past and my sense of entitlement. I was always striving for “things”, successes, whatever it took to numb the pain. Constant shame battled with my pretense of being emotionally stable and spiritually healthy, “Look at me, people! Aren’t you jealous? You are, and you know it!”

I know gratitude for the pain as well as the joys in life seems like a paradox – it makes no sense at all, right? Believe me, I get it. The pain inflicted by others left me empty of purpose and hope. I had no concern for anything or anyone beyond myself. But gratitude loosened my white-knuckled grip on all that hurt and my own sins as well, which was actually my biggest hurdle. I suppose that’s why it got stuck at the end of the line while screaming for my attention.

The beginning of my transformation was like the forest and trees analogy: I had to step away and look back to realize how God was with me all along, that he did love me, and had a plan to use my pain in service to others. My gift was to share my story. My purpose was and still is, to walk alongside those God puts in my life that are also broken and lost. I owe a debt I cannot pay to a God who will never send bill collectors to my door – not ever!

My life has never been richer. I have never been happier. Beginning with the discovery that anything the world has to offer could never fill the void or heal my wounds. As Brennan Manning tells us:

Brennan Manning Quote

So is my life pain and heartache free because I shop the sale racks now? No…but…now I know how to access God’s love which resides within my very being; I know I can hope and trust in him to overcome anything life throws my way, even if I may not have the slightest idea what good will come of those struggles.

Sooooo, how do you replace discontent with gratitude? Is gratitude a simple act of the will?

It’s important to first realize what we’re up against. I believe the biggest obstacle to gratitude and contentment is our Western culture’s sense of scarcity in all areas of life. We need more gadgets, a bigger house, a better car, a more important job to be happy.

We’re always comparing – because someone else has more and they look happier. The Scarcity Gremlin eats up sufficiency for a midnight snack. So, each day begins with a sense of “not enough” of___________ (fill in the blank) and then a striving to get it. Whatever “it” is.

How can you be content, you ask, when your new neighbor, who just moved into a house twice the size of yours, is younger, prettier, has a career you envy, and a pool to die for? And if all that wasn’t bad enough, she speaks eight languages – you only speak four. She has traveled to fifty-two countries – you have only made it to thirty-eight. She’s been married six times – you’ve only been married once! Okay…ENOUGH! It’s endless and exacerbating. And, guess what? Even the wealthy we envy are suffering, especially the kids who are paying the price.

Our sense of scarcity, our need to one-up others, distorts and devalues all the blessings and gifts we have been given. We are so hyperfocused on what we don’t have we fail to appreciate or show gratitude for what we do have. Gratitude seems to be a lost virtue.

storage shed

According to a CNN article, “Suniya Luthar, a professor of psychology, has been studying the lives of privileged children for 25 years. Her research has shown that drug and alcohol use among affluent teens is higher than among kids of the same age group in inner cities. Further, children growing up in wealthier households are more likely to be suffering from anxiety and depression compared with the national average, according to the research.”

David G. Myers, the author of The American Paradox: Spiritual Hunger in an Age of Plenty, wrote in an American Psychologist article. “Compared with their grandparents, today’s young adults have grown up with much more affluence, slightly less happiness, and much greater risk of depression and assorted social pathology. Our becoming much better off over the last four decades has not been accompanied by one iota of increased subjective well-being.”

You know you want to change because there is something deep within your heart that has been relentlessly pursuing you for a very long time. Annoyingly reminding you how discontented and unfulfilled you are with your life and with all your “stuff”. You need to trust that God is just waiting for the slightest motion toward him. That mustard seed step of faith (Matthew 17:20). A faith that begins with patience and hope, which are two critical elements of a healing heart:

  • Gratitude requires a great deal of patience and trust in God’s timing and ultimate plan for our lives.
(iStock image)
  • Hope is not tangible; it is in things unseen: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Dr. Robert Emmons of the University of California-Davis, considered the world’s leading expert on gratitude, says, “Gratefulness is a knowing awareness that we are the recipients of goodness.”  When we turn our focus from ourselves to God, we are the ones who benefit. “The self,” in the words of Emmons, “is a very poor place to find happiness or meaning in life.”

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above (not Amazon prime), and cometh down from the Father of lights.” (James 1:17)

Now then, time for more true confessions. Until six weeks ago, I felt pretty altruistic and benevolent toward “the least of these”. After all, over the years, I have given away perfectly good: designer clothes, furniture, household items, a kidney, canned goods, and my precious time and energy. I thought I knew what poverty and hopelessness were all about. I was wrong.

My husband and I went to Rwanda in Central Africa to visit our son (who’s in the military), daughter-in-law, and two of our grandkids. It has been one of my most profound and overwhelming experiences! Here, hunger has stared down my apathy. I have seen the memorials that display the graphic reality of the genocide in 1994: A mass slaughter of almost a million men, women, and children in just one hundred days, by their own neighbors, while the world stood by and watched. I have talked to survivors and been surrounded by hungry and shoeless children. I can’t even describe how it has torn at my heart.

When I think of the contrast between Rwanda and America: what we have and they don’t, what they appreciate and we don’t, I can’t help but think about the virtue of gratitude. When we left there, I prayed that I would be a different person when I returned home. That I wouldn’t forget. I prayed that contentment would look much different. That I would be mindful of the difference between need and want, and I would not be so wasteful or take anything for granted again. Since then, I have been a mix of getting it right and getting it terribly wrong. But I keep trying.

Just try to imagine the following contrasts. I hope these will give you a sense of how this experience has impacted me:

(iStock images)

Do Expiration Dates Matter?

by Linda Russell, posted in Easter, Lent, the glory of God

Did you know: According to the FDA, “With the exception of infant formula, the laws that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) administers do not preclude the sale of food that is past the expiration date indicated on the label? The FDA does not require food firms to place ‘expired by’, ‘use by’, or ‘best before’ dates on food products. This information is entirely at the discretion of the manufacturer.”

Article in Time, “…according to the new analysis, words like ‘use by’ and ‘sell by’ are used so inconsistently that they contribute to widespread misinterpretation — and waste — by consumers. More than 90% of Americans throw out food prematurely, and 40% of the U.S. food supply is tossed–unused–every year because of food dating.”

So, it would seem that, to many Americans, the expiration date stamped on food products is gospel. It is critical to our health and well-being. Right?

images (1)
You wouldn’t consume this. Right?

So then, the question becomes:

Why do we so stubbornly oppose, ignore, or deny THIS expiration date:

me expired

Don’t tell me you don’t. We all do. I think that reality is the most profound image of “whistling past the graveyard”. Every one of us has an expiration date. It’s not arbitrary or negotiable. And, yes, it IS set in stone. Okay, a bit of clarification: God can change that date. God can do anything he wants!

It’s also quite possible that when your doctor told you you had six months to live – ten years ago – that all those prayers raised to heaven on your behalf were answered. But, I believe it’s more probable that the doctor was simply wrong. It reminds me of the expression, “If it ain’t your time to go, not even a doctor can kill you.” But, that is a whole other blog post.

Anyway…

I can be, and often am, lax about the dates on most food products. Milk is a good example. After you reach the date on the carton, smell it, and then take the tiniest taste. You’ll know if it’s okay for another day. Simple enough and money-saving.

Actually, (sorry, this is probably gross for you to consider), when we humans reach our final stage of life, usually the last couple of days or hours, there is an undeniable smell of death. It is one of the signs of the end of life’s journey, and I have experienced it often sitting vigil with Hospice patients. But, don’t count on that smell test to help you decide to hurry up and clean your act up. Unfortunately, at that point, you will be too far gone to make any life-changing decisions.

And, what if, on your expiration date, without any warning, you just get run over by a truck on your way to the mailbox!?

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I know I use this a lot, but it’s SO funny!

I am writing this post at the beginning of Lent, a perfect time to reevaluate how I’m living my life. After all, it is a time when we too, are called to die…

Take a breath – it’s okay…

We’re called to die to our sins. I’m not saying that’s easy by any stretch. We so often fail miserably at our best intentions: I’m going to bake a pie for that grouchy neighbor of mine! Maybe. Or not.

We must keep trying though, and hopefully, by the grace of God, we will at least fall forward. With that in mind, I have determined – again – to make this my most profound Lenten Season EVER! (I’ll keep you posted on my progress. Or not.)

I have so much to consider:

  • Needed changes I have refused to deal with.
  • The baggage I cling to.
  • Old hurts that still affect my life all these decades later.
  • Lies of other broken people I have fed on and nurtured.
  • Guilt and shame I cannot let go of.
  • And, most importantly, denial of my worth as a beloved child of God.

I long to grow in love. I want to use these final days of my life, however many I have left, to fully live as the person I was created to be.

Saint Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.” I want and need to be that fully alive Christian, now. We should all, if we call ourselves Christian, want to strive for the ultimate goal of our faith. And it is not a goal to be realized after life here on earth has ended. It is a goal we should be striving for every day, right here, right now. The Kingdom of God is here, now. It’s not some faraway place we hope we’ve gotten our card pinched enough to qualify for entry.

Our hell is right here if that’s the life we are living.

Our heaven is right here if we choose to live as God calls us to.

Even if Lent is not part of your faith tradition, this is still an excellent time to consider fasting and praying as we approach Easter. You don’t have to eat peanut butter and jelly or fish on Fridays unless you LOVE peanut butter and jelly and fish. Not together – that’s gross!

Believe You Are Enough

by Linda Russell, posted in God's awesome creation, Our Imperfection, surrender, you are enough

Here’s a challenge: How about some honest soul-searching? Come on – stay with me – it’ll be fun! Okay, it probably won’t be fun if we are actually honest. But let’s give it a go.

I’ll start.

For most of my life, I have not allowed myself to admit I screw-up. Doing things like making instant judgments about other people or becoming a modern-day Job when God seems to be pushing my buttons or ignoring my demands. I decide daily how things should be and then set out to make myself, you, and God conform. It’s a full-time job, and it’s exhausting. Oh, wait! Maybe I don’t have to tell you. Perhaps you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I should, you should, we should, they should, trees should, rocks should, animals should, the weather should, God should. My boss should be nicer, my kids should be more respectful, my husband should do the laundry, I should let go of that hurt – NAH.

Have I left anything out? We are obsessed with shoulds and calculate daily, almost moment-by-moment, what should be. Then we adjust our lives accordingly.

What if we were given the power to enact all the most significant shoulds we have ever envisioned? What would they be? This is pretty broad, so let’s make three categories:

  • My shoulds.
  • Everyone else’s shoulds.
  • God’s shoulds

Let’s begin with these:

My shoulds:

  • I should be thinner, smarter, prettier, and healthier; exercise more and eat less.
  • I should be more forgiving and less judgmental.
  • I should spend less time on the internet and more time with God.
  • I should quit counting offenses against me and begin counting my blessings.
  • I should be perfect by now.
  • Chocolate should not be fattening (it’s my list!)

Everyone else’s shoulds:

  • People should be more generous and less self-serving.
  • Wicked people should be blown up. (Oops, too extreme?)
  • Wicked people should be allergic to chocolate. (Better?)
  • People should love and accept each other.
  • People should mind their own business.
  • People should be more like me. Then we’ll all be fine!

God’s shoulds:

  • God should not allow suffering – especially for Christians.
  • God should punish all evil, sinful people – except me.
  • God should make people behave.
  • There should be some reward for those who are good…like…hum…I know! Chocolate would not be fattening for us – no one else – just us!

God created everything, and when he was finished, he said, “I’m pretty awesome – even if I do say so myself”. “Well, okay, I could have tweaked that goofy Linda a bit (I won’t be making another one of those any time soon).” Think about it. As soon as God created everything on the earth, he declared it “good”. He doesn’t wait until we prove ourselves for him to admire his work.

And there it is, people! Even though God was perfectly happy about his creation, he was also well aware of the likely outcome of giving us mortals a free will. “I made everything perfect, then you guys screwed it up just as I thought you would. So I made love and forgiveness my signature MO. Try not to abuse it, ok?”

No one is without fault. Romans 3:10-12 tells us, “There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who does good, no, not one.” Not one stinkin’ one of us.

NOT. ONE.

Why is that so hard for us to accept? I believe I know. It’s probably because we are unwilling to be vulnerable or dare to be imperfect. I know. I have lived most of my life refusing to believe the simple truth that I AM ENOUGH, which, in turn, does not allow me to accept you as enough.

God tells us that we should have the faith of a child. Unfortunately, as a child, I was made to believe, by those who were supposed to take care of my tender heart, that I was not good enough, not worthy of love. I eventually stopped allowing myself to be vulnerable and tried desperately to hide as much of my imperfections as possible. I still do at times.

I could not accept my own brokenness or the brokenness of others. I viewed everyone and everything through that lens, even God. Everyone was suspect. This is the false self Richard Rohr speaks of often, “The false self is your psychological creation of yourself in space and time. It comes from your early conditioning, family, roles, education, mind, culture, and religion. The false self is who you think you are! But thinking doesn’t make it so. The false self dies and passes away. Yet it is the raw material through which you discover your True Self in God.”

As I began to sit in prayer with God, I gradually grew to realize that he could be trusted with my fragile heart – and it began to change. I grew to recognize that he not only admonished me for my sinfulness but loved me in spite of it. I began to love and accept myself and others in a way I had never experienced before. As I let go of the hurt and pain of my past, others began to lose their stronghold on me.

Now, Saint Mother Theresa, I am not. DUH! I still do, and am sure I always will screw up.

The Spirit of God lives and works and has its being within us 24/7. Not just when it’s convenient for us. Of course, we would prefer God be “on-call” because the idea of him“hanging out” there conjures up all kinds of frightful thoughts. Being “busted” comes to mind for me.

https://tenor.com/view/football-fail-oh-no-gif-24242419

Here’s what happens when you arrive at the place where you can hear God’s still small voice through the thunder of your own wretchedness. Often, I will become defensive with someone and strike out at them to preserve my fragile ego. Usually, it looks like this, “You idiot! You ________(fill in the blank)”. There, I got it out. I’m feeling better already. Never mind how it made you feel!

Then it comes, almost immediately, “So, Linda…yeah…what he/she did was pretty stupid (my ego still intact at this point. A bit of gloating showing through.)”. But…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

“But, Linda. Remember, just last week when you did the exact same thing?” Shoot! Busted! “Lord, why couldn’t you be somewhere else right now instead of all up in my business?” And off I go to apologize. But it’s okay. I can now laugh at myself and carry on. We have to laugh at ourselves, or this whole business of acceptance fails to work because we become too overwhelmed with our failures.

Let’s call it getting back to basics. God calls us to the childlike innocence, love, and joy he originally created. Children are full of contagious laughter, silliness, trusting innocence, vulnerability, and curiosity.

If you have expectations for yourself and others that are beyond human capacity, you will always be disappointed. We are all broken and incapable of being the perfect parent or child or friend or neighbor. God calls us in our suffering to lean in on him and draw life and fullness from him. Understanding that helped me to forgive my mother long ago. As a child, I hated her; as I grew older, being honest, I realized she did the best she could. She was simply incapable of being the mother I needed her to be.

So, cut yourself and others some slack. Like Father Rohr says, “Once we have learned to discern the real and disguised nature of both good and evil, we recognize that everything is broken and fallen, weak and poor—while still being the dwelling place of God….That is not a put-down of anybody or anything, but actually creates the freedom to love imperfect things! As Jesus told the rich young man, “God alone is good!” (Mark 10:18)

So, come on, let’s begin with a simple step: laugh at yourself at least once today and then sit down for a while, be quiet, and contemplate the experience in the context of the imperfection of all things. Let me know how that turns out.

You Can’t Fix Regrets When You’re Dead

by Linda Russell, posted in Love the Lord your God, Oh, death where is your sting?, Our Imperfection, surrender, The greatest of these is love, all you need is love,
(Tattoo Removal Service in
Big Rapids, MI)

In January 1994, my mother died of heart disease.   Eight months later, my father died of cancer.  Because they hadn’t belonged to a church, a minister was provided by the funeral parlor.

Before my mother’s wake, the minister gathered all twenty grandkids and great-grandkids.  He asked us to tell him something about this woman he’d be eulogizing the next day.  He wanted to relate some happy memories of my mother at her funeral.  

In complete silence, we looked at each other, incredulous, thinking, “Come on, somebody.  Come up with something!” Digging into the recesses of our memories, we slogged through the anger and sorrow.  Trying desperately to recall a long-forgotten quip or enlightening conversation, maybe a silly habit, a favorite joke, one particular Christmas tradition, or what about that time when…?

Nothing.

At the end of my mother’s life, her family had nothing to say about her.  Well, nothing you would say at a funeral.  You think it, but you don’t say it.  Seeing that there’d be no wealth of joyful material from which to draw his comments, the minister politely excused himself to hunt up some old familiar one-size-fits-all sermon.  That experience left me numb.

My father’s death was like suffering through a bad movie for the second time: The same cast of characters, the same setting, and faulty plot line.  But, again, the twenty of us couldn’t come up with a thing; even though my dad wasn’t mean, he wasn’t there for us either.  The silence was deafening – and I was angry.  I wanted to shout, “How could the two of you do this?  How could you inhabit this earth for over seventy years, at the epicenter of a family you were supposed to love, and not leave behind even the faintest happy memory?”

I hadn’t expected this level of grief.  I didn’t understand it.  How could I grieve for the parents who had left me nothing to miss?  Eventually, though, I realized that I was grieving the absence of love.  I longed for my parents’ love all my life, but I had just been fooling myself.  And now…that longing would remain unfulfilled.

Those two funerals, and my indignant response to them, proved pivotal to the changes in my life that would follow.  I was inspired to set two goals: To seek the love that would draw me closer to God and to share that love with others, especially my family.

My Turn

I hoped I’d have a different funeral, a different legacy than my parents.  I wanted to be remembered as someone who had loved, had honestly and openly confessed to others when I’d failed or fallen short, and had needed and known God’s mercy.  And I wanted everyone who attended my funeral to have a smile on their face! – a smile that reflected the joy we’d shared, the compassion we’d known, the forgiveness we’d received, and the love we never doubted.

As scripture tells us, “…if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

After determining my two goals and reviewing my life accordingly, I could see that a mountain would indeed have to be moved.  And, in all honesty, I also felt that it might be impossible!  Did I even have the strength of character to become the person I envisioned?

Your Turn?

That was over twenty years ago, and I can tell you with absolute conviction that it is not only NOT impossible, but it is God’s promise to us and will be fulfilled by him!  He simply needs our mustard seed of faith, shaky knees, sweaty palms, and trepid “okay, I’ll give it a try” response.  The result is not ours to know.  However, it is God’s already set-in-place plan if we’re willing to cooperate with him – and trust.

Perhaps, unlike everyone else in all creation, you are privy to the date and time of your demise.  But, even then, you may or may not have LOTS of time to fix all the messes you have made in your life and the lives of everyone around you.  Otherwise, procrastinating on this one is probably not a good idea.

 I’ll leave you with this fun little bit of wisdom from Gian Carlo Menotti, “Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do.”

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

by Linda Russell, posted in God is LOVE, Good Friday, Is God Relevant?, The Life, Death and Resurrection of Jesus

(Originally posted on April 2, 2012)

The prelude to Easter is a most blessed time for Christians. We are now experiencing what is to come and called to reflect on Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection as they relate to our lives today. The sad reality is that we often get stuck with the Good Friday Jesus. If we allow that to happen, then Jesus becomes just another prophet, albeit a pretty good one. Love those parables!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the prophets. On the contrary, I find encouragement in their messed up, bumbling, curmudgeonly, can’t-get-their-shit-together, parts. High five there, Jeremiah! But then, if we fail to consider the resurrection, God remains remote and irrelevant to our lives. Truth be told, that’s probably why we anchor ourselves at the tomb.

Do you suppose God just dropped Jesus off here and left him to fend for himself? If so, then why would I depend on him? I’ll get my card punched on Sunday, but I’ll just take care of myself in my day-to-day life. Thank you very much. I’ll come back to why that doesn’t work in a moment, but for now, let us consider these passages:

  • “All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. ‘He trusts in the LORD,’ they say, ‘let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.’” Psalm 22:7-8 
  • “My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46

Those who hated Jesus so bitterly stood at the foot of the cross and scoffed at him, “Where’s this God of yours now? He doesn’t seem to be bothered about you”! Keep in mind that the belief of the Jewish people was based on punishment and reward. They were saying, in essence, “See, we are justified in crucifying you, Jesus, and God’s silence is proof of it. It was your own blasphemous sins that brought you to this end.”

There were lots of people standing near the cross that day: those who hated Jesus, those who loved him, and many others who did not know what to think about him. Everyone was waiting to see if God would show up. But he was silent, even when Jesus cried out to him. It was a justifying silence for Jesus’ accusers and murderers, a deafening silence for his followers, and a confusing silence for those who just weren’t sure.

Those who believed in Jesus, who put all their faith in him, were desperate for God to rescue them. They were hoping for retribution. So imagine how devastated they must have been when God was silent, and Jesus indeed died. As they walked away, their weariness was more than they could bear – hopes morphing into despair – mumbling under their breath, “Why didn’t you come, Lord? Why didn’t you save him? What are we to do now? If this Jesus was not the One, who then? How much more can we take”?

Sadly, for many of us, faith is based on the same idea of reward and punishment. Think you’re going to heaven? Think again if you’re bad! (However you define bad.) Think you’re going to hell? Who knows? It’s a lifelong nail-biter, isn’t it? God as the proverbial Record Keeper, added to that the concept of a God out in the stratosphere, distant and aloof, and it’s no wonder we feel lost in this crazy world.

Ponder for a moment, if you will, how the above passages speak to your own life. That’s all I’ve been thinking about lately. Growing up, my family was of no faith. I only recall going to church once with them, though a neighbor regularly took me to Sunday school. That one Easter Sunday, we all had new outfits, paraded into my grandmother’s church, and paraded right back out.

I had no sense that God was there when my mother was physically abusive, or when I was being sexually abused, or when I was twenty-three and tried to commit suicide. He wasn’t there when I regularly drank myself into oblivion or for too many other “got the T-shirt for that one” events in my life.

All of this pondering begs the question: Is God present to us or not? Does he care one lick about our day-to-day lives? Did he just dump us off here too? “There you go, Linda. Have a nice life. See you at the end – maybe – or not.”

We will never have the answers to our most profound questions if we remain stuck with the Good Friday Jesus. We must live our faith from the other side of the resurrection! That is the only place it is possible to view God’s immense love for us. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection point the way. In the moments that it feels like God is silent in our suffering, there is a reason far beyond what we can humanly understand. It is not God who is not present to us; it is us not present to him. Have you ever considered that? God is totally invested in every one of us!

If you feel distant from him, it may be a good time to look at where you are in your faith. For me, those moments have always pointed to my being too caught up in things of this world to give God much thought. And truth be told, often, it is intentional because I know I am not where he wants me to be, and I don’t want to change. So there – I said it.

I can often be selfish and self-serving, and there is no room for God there. And then I get whacked with this passage, “For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.” (Deuteronomy 4:24)  How can I possibly enjoy my worldly pursuits when he’s watching – fuming perhaps? La la la la la – I can’t hear you! (I don’t recommend that – it has never worked well for me.)

(Gipsy)

My beloved friends in Christ, this is when we are compelled to open the eyes of our hearts! There are two passages in scripture I would offer you for your reflection as we near this blessed time of Jesus’ Passion:

Luke 19:41, “Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it….” When the crowds saw Jesus entering Jerusalem, they began singing praises.”

Why did he weep? Likely because he knew they still did not understand. They followed, praised, and put all their hopes in an earthly King. Jesus’ heart ached because God loved them so deeply that he was preparing to die for them, yet they could not comprehend the magnitude of that Love.

Matthew 27:50-54, “And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, and the graves were opened….So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God.”

Do you see? God’s heart was torn apart for the love of his Son. Do you know why he was willing to suffer such pain? Because his heart aches for the love of you and me as well! He longs for you to come out of hiding and step into his light!

How to be a Human – for Dummies

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Sodom and Gomorrah, Trusting God, Whining to God

(Originally posted on May 21, 2012)

how-to-be-human-for-dummies

Yesterday, I invited God to a whine-fest, “I’m so sorry! Why do you put up with me? I can never seem to get this human thing right.” Paul and I are like kindred spirits, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Romans 7:15). Mea culpa, mea culpa.

And then, this morning – an AHA moment! That holy 2×4…WACK, “Pay attention, Linda!”

It began a few days ago as a presumed uneventful adventure into the Bible. I resisted my usual habit of skipping over the begots, genealogies, and the “order of Creation.” That’s why I try to avoid the Old Testament unless I am searching for a particular verse. You know, the short, profound, meaningful ones.

I have persevered now. I’m almost to the end of Genesis – whew – it’s like running a marathon! Suddenly, the reality of yesterday’s whine-fest smacked me silly. I act like I’m the only misfit God created, the only failure. God’s only recorded mistake – ever!

But, alas, realizing a common bond, I have found myself shaking my head and laughing at the characters in Genesis! I’m sure you know these stories well. But have you ever connected the dots between them and us? Here’s what I find so amusing, though I’m not so sure God is amused:

  • God creates paradise. He plops Adam and Eve right in the middle of it. Eve barely gets her first morning stretch in before Satan offers her breakfast –THE APPLE! She bites (literally). Gives it to Adam. He bites. God shows up unannounced (he’s sneaky like that!). Adam whines and passes the blame off on Eve, “It’s not my fault! She made me do it”! (Genesis 1:1-3:24)
  • Adam and Eve have sex, as the job of being “fruitful and multiplying” rested entirely on them at this point.
  • So, Caine and Able are the first to arrive. Time lapses. Then, Caine, out of jealousy, kills his brother Able.  God shows up unexpectedly. Again. He punishes Caine. Caine whines, denies any wrongdoing, and with an in-God’s-face retort, “I don’t deserve this!” – he pleads for his life. (4:1-15)

Next, we have Noah…

  • He most likely didn’t whine. Well, maybe he complained about cleaning up after all those stinky animals, but we don’t know that for sure. Perhaps he kept his mouth shut because he was privy to God’s anger about all the stuff he had to put up with. Noah knew God was having Creator’s remorse and decided to wipe humanity out and start all over (6:9-8:19). (I don’t know, God. Maybe this would have been a good time to reconsider that whole free-will thing. Maybe.)
  • Even though God promised not to wipe out all of creation ever again, he didn’t promise not to annihilate a small part. Just a shot across the bow on Sodom and Gomorrah. God couldn’t even find ten faithful people there. So, Sodom and Gomorrah are no more. (19:1–25) Then, God asks anyone watching, “How do you like me now?!”
(clipart library)

Then, as soon as Noah’s sons hit dry land they began multiplying, cause God said so.

  • Somewhere in all that begetting, Abraham is born, grows to manhood, and marries Sarah. And they have sex too, but Sarah can’t conceive. God promises them a son in their old age, but they do not believe it, and Sarah is even caught laughing at him (18:10-15). Really!
  • When Abraham told Sarah she would conceive at the age of ninety-five, she rolled on the floor laughing. God heard her, “Are you laughing at me”? Sarah tries to deny it, “No, no, I wasn’t laughing…really”! God replied, “Yes, you were! Just for that, you’re not only going to conceive, but I will also give you, and every woman after you, stretch marks! Not so funny now, is it?”  But, really, I’m not sure Sarah grieved over her stretch marks. It’s not like bikini lines were an issue.

Hold on, more whining is coming…

  • In verses 16:1-6, the waiting got to be too much for Sarah. She failed to trust God’s promise. Whining to him for making her barren, Sarah takes matters into her own hands and gives Abraham her maidservant, Hagar, to conceive a child for her, and we all know how that turned out! Now, Sarah whines to God again. Hagar is making her life a living hell (16:1-6). Then, unbelievably (even though God promised), Sarah conceives Isaac (21:1-7).
  • Okay, now here’s Isaac, a grown man. He falls in love with beautiful Rebekah, who becomes his wife (24:62-67). Ahhh, a marriage made in heaven…NOT! They have twin sons, Jacob and Esau…awe…. Mom and dad play favorites. Isaac loves Esau, and Rebekah loves Jacob (25:27-28). And, you guessed it, Rebekah whines because Esau was born first and therefore had the birthright she wanted for Jacob. So, she and Jacob trick Isaac (25:29-34, 27:1-46).
  • Jacob falls in love with Rachel but is coned by their father into marrying her older sister. Then, whining, he realizes he has no alternative but to work longer so he could also marry Rachel. And, of course, there was plenty of whining between the two sisters, now sharing a husband. They were each pumping out baby after baby, trying to win his favor (29:1-30:24). Whoever thought of that arrangement never knew about PMS! Yeah, I say Jacob deserved it. Can I get an AMEN, sisters?!

Okay, that’s as far as I have gotten in the Old Testament – the FIRST BOOK! And, of course, there are lots more to come. We know that – deceit, murder, adultery, and the endless, incessant whining – everything we’re seeing and doing today, they were doing then. Even those God loved and favored. This has been the reality of humanity throughout the ages.

Yes, we are sinners, grumblers, and selfish, self-centered creatures – the whole lot of us. But God refuses to wipe us out again. And because we have not changed one tinsy bit, what he did seems more ridiculous than ever, “Christ died for the ungodly. Scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man, someone would dare to die. But God demonstrates his love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:6-8).

If Jesus wanted to walk with the sinless, he would have had to walk alone. If he was looking for someone, anyone, who was without fault, he would have had to look in the mirror. If he would only die for those who deserved it, he would not have bothered to come.

We humans, we sinful, messy, prideful, self-centered outcasts, are deeply loved by God in spite of ourselves. Why? It bears repeating that we were made in his image, and yet we beat ourselves up constantly for who we have come to believe we are, for only seeing our faults and assuming that’s all God sees too. Oh, he sees our faults – don’t ever doubt that! But he also sees the beauty deep within when he gazes lovingly at us. Every stinkin’ one of us.

And how about this for a revelation! Do you think God “gazed lovingly” at the Pharisees in the Old Testament times or their counterparts today? He shouldn’t have by our standards. But, here’s the reality. The sun shines, the cooling rains fall gently, the mighty Oak tree’s shade covers – all – the good and the evil.

Unlike the Pharisees, we “Publicans” know we need God. I ask you, is that not what is going on every time we whine? Something is happening in our life at that moment that is not right, and we know as Christians that God is the only one who can make it right. We grumble to the One who can take it and turn it around – it’s the Job story played out over and over again.

Henri Nouwen, in his book “The Life of the Beloved” says, “I want you to hear that voice, too. It is a very important voice that says, “You are my beloved son; you are my beloved daughter. I love you with an everlasting love. You belong to Me. That is where the spiritual life starts — by claiming the voice that calls us the beloved.”

Life can seem as painful as being pecked to death by a chicken. But live it we must if we are to fulfill our calling; our destiny. Claiming the innate blessedness of our humanity offers no trophies to set on a mantle, no promises of worldly success, no protection from pain, no surety of love from others. What it does offer, with surety, is a life unimaginable if we can just trust that God resides in our messiness.

Here’s my “Tear-Out for Quick Reference” because I daily forget who I am. What would yours look like?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tear-out for Quick Reference:

  • Begin and end every day in prayer. Spend a good deal of that time listening.
  • Stop my incessant whining and start living as the deeply and radically beloved sinner I am.
  • Admit my faults and ask forgiveness from those I have hurt.
  • Let go of my “right” to hurt others as they have hurt me. Forgive them.
  • Follow this simple and straightforward path of Micah 6:8, “Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.”
  • Don’t be a jerk.
  • Leave the world a better place than I found it.

Boring Sermon Causes Boy to Jump to His Death

by Linda Russell, posted in fear of failure, Using our gifts, Women serving God

Ladies, this one’s for you! Guys, you’re welcome to listen in if you can refrain from making faces or snarky comments. So, let’s continue:

He didn’t really jump. He fell. But he was still dead. But not for long because Paul revived him. Just to drag his aching body back upstairs to listen for hours more! Do you think I’m kidding? Here’s what happened: Acts: 20:7-12, “We met on Sunday to worship and celebrate the Master’s Supper. Paul addressed the congregation. We planned to leave first thing in the morning, but Paul talked on and on the way past midnight….A young man named Eutychus was sitting in an open window. As Paul went on and on, Eutychus fell sound asleep and toppled out the third-story window. When they picked him up, he was dead. Paul went down, fell on him (Resuscitation methods certainly have evolved, haven’t they?), and hugged him hard. “No more crying,” he said. “There’s life in him yet.” Then Paul… went on telling stories of the faith until dawn!”

Take a hint, Paul!

So, some preaches should not be preaching

Paul certainly had his gifts, but droning on and on may not have been his crowning achievement.

Some teachers should not be teaching

Matthew 23:13 (NIV), “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.”

Some prophets maybe should not have been prophesying, at least not naked

Isaiah 20:3, “And the LORD said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and wonder upon Egypt and upon Ethiopia….”

On the other hand, some who have been gifted fail to say “yes” to their calling.

Ladies, I am talking to you in particular!

And there is no better time than now as we approach Jesus’ final hours to discuss this topic.

You know how this goes. Jesus had been walking with and teaching his disciples for three years. But, unfortunately, they were a motley crew of doubters, nay-sayers, and power grabbers, often blind fools who could not see beyond their cultural biases.

And the women? They understood very well their customs and traditions. They were inferior to men, under the rule of their fathers or husbands, and had no authority in any area of their lives. Women were not allowed in the Temple to worship, and talking to strangers was forbidden. The slightest infraction of these laws often resulted in their being stoned to death.

Then along came Jesus. Glory be! He loved them, talked to them, and raised them to a new status. Though it may be difficult to believe because they are rarely named, Jesus had many female disciples. Who stuck around when Jesus was led to his trial? The men? NO! They ran scared. It was the women who stayed with him from the moment he touched their lives until his resurrection.

The men ran off in fear because this was not what they had envisioned. They were sure Jesus came as an earthly king, and they would share in his power. When it was clear things were going badly, they hid behind locked doors to save their own sorry butts.

Not so the women. Ah, you gotta love those women! Jesus had so empowered them that there was nothing that would keep them away from his side. It’s as if they were saying to all those who participated in Jesus’ crucifixion, “Go ahead, make my day! Crucify me too! I’m not afraid of you anymore!”

Who did Jesus first appear to after his resurrection? The disciples? No! Okay, probably not We don’t know for sure. Most scripture scholars believe it was Mary Magdalene and “the other Mary.” Some scholars say he did not appear to Mary first but to Cleopas or the disciples, but it is important to remember that some scripture writers were concerned about cultural norms that could have influenced their writing. So, I’m sticking with Mary on this one.

What is important is what we take away from Jesus’ love for and treatment of women, the worth and value he placed on them. Remember, for men in those days, it was all about power. Serving others was foreign to them; it was not their responsibility, not so with women. Women are innately gifted for service, nurturing, compassion, and putting others first. That was the connection they had with Jesus. A man who valued and related to their giftedness for the first time in their life.

I am reasonably sure you will not feel you have anything to offer until you believe how deeply God loves you and how he longs to forgive the sins you cling to as proof that you are not worthy of that love. That was the reality for me. Life had convinced me that I was a terrible mistake. I deduced that he wasn’t there when I was being abused because he didn’t care, and he undoubtedly hated me for my own sinfulness.

But then something happened that changed my life. It was a pivotal moment that I talked about in my book. That moment when God said, “Linda, I was there when you were being abused, suffering right along with you, and I was there every time you sinned. But your life will be restored if you turn to me and seek my forgiveness and mercy. Your true self – the person I created out of love – will emerge and thrive! Just trust me.

God has called each of us to use our gifts for his glory, to make our little corner of the world a better place, and to let his light shine on our suffering brothers and sisters. I don’t know what gifts God has given you. But if they are teaching, preaching, or prophesying, just don’t be boring, and don’t do it naked…PLEASE!

Prepare the Way…for…the Easter Bunny?

by Linda Russell, posted in Easter, Follow Me, God is LOVE, Is God Relevant?

(Originally posted March of 2012)

(Warner Brothers image)

Today is Ash Wednesday. We are called to contemplate more deeply the life, death, and wondrous Resurrection of Christ.

Knowing what must occur before that glorious day should cause us to tremble – but we’re too busy.

The soon-to-be-revealed and unimaginable love of God for us should bring us to our knees – but we’re too afraid.

The reality of the cross should cause us to beg forgiveness for our sinfulness – but we’ve become desensitized to sin.

We don’t cry out to God because we’re afraid he’ll answer!

And so, for many of us, Easter comes and goes with little more fanfare than any other Sunday.

Consider this:

  • While we prepare the menu for an Easter feast, Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper.
  • While we scrub the house for guests – Pilate washes his hands of the people’s demand for Jesus’ death.
  • While shopping for new outfits – Jesus is stripped, humiliated, and brutally beaten.
  • While we look forward to having all the family together again; kids home from college, parents arriving soon – on the long walk to Calvary, Jesus and his mother touch for a moment as their eyes reveal the unspeakable pain of their suffering.
  • While we are feeling left to do all the work and have our annual pity party – Jesus, in his weakened state, struggles with the weight of the cross he carries, alone and abandoned by those who called themselves his disciples.
  • While we fuss over last-minute appearances playing beat the clock: taming cowlicks, straightening ties, new shirts without stains, socks that match – Jesus’ face is streaked with blood, and his broken body is no longer recognizable.

Could we even bear to consider what just happened? Jesus, as the Incarnation of God, is the fullest expression of God’s own self. God is relentless, extravagant, merciful, indiscriminate, gratuitous, enduring, and grace-filled Love!

In this most holy season of Easter, we are called to remember and celebrate that Love. But not just that! Jesus never said, “Worship me.” He said, “Follow me. Do what I do.” What difference does it make if we have not changed in some way, if Monday is just business as usual, if we step over our suffering brothers and sisters on our way to more important things?

When did you quit believing in the Easter Bunny?

When did you quit believing the message of the cross and the empty tomb?

One is life-altering; the other is not.

Photo by Murilo Soares: https://www.pexels.com/photo/sculpture-of-jesus-hung-on-the-cross-6978414/

Eaten by Dogs

by Linda Russell, posted in forgiveness, grace, Love the Lord your God, Love your neighbor

(Originally posted on March 16, 2012)

Our number one, most important, above all else – not “boy, I sure would like you to consider doing this” – commandment is, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-34

We are loved by God – completely and unconditionally! We are forgiven and forgiven and forgiven again. Can I get an AMEN?! God expects us to love others and forgive their transgressions against us in return. Can I get an “AAUGH”!?

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Charlie Brown

Matthew 18:21-32 tells us how and why God expects us to forgive – a lot! – “One day, during some downtime, Peter asked Jesus. “How many times do I have to forgive people that push my buttons because I’m at six right now with my neighbor. Will one more do it?” Jesus sighed, “No, Peter, try seventy times seven and then some.”

Here comes a parable…”Once upon a time, a king demanded a huge debt be paid by one of his servants. When he couldn’t pay, the king was going to throw his entire family, the dog, and two fish in jail. The servant begged him to give him more time, and he could keep the fish as ransom. Feeling all generous the king canceled the entire debt. The servant, quick to forget his generosity, went after another servant who owned him what amounted to pocket change. Without any sympathy, he demanded his money and immediately threw the guy in jail when he couldn’t pay. The king got wind of it, changed his mind, threw the first guy in jail, sent his family home, and kept the fish.”THE END. The lesson is about us showing others the mercy God shows us without keeping count.

Every person possesses an inherent human dignity by the very nature of the fact of who and Whose we are. Dignity and worth belong even to those we hate or reject; those who annoy, provoke, and get on our last nerve. That was Jesus’ mission and message.

The person we struggle with most is the person who mirrors something about us that we refuse to see. They are in our lives to teach us a lesson about ourselves, and they will continue to annoy and anger us until we learn that lesson. Even when they move on, and we think we are rid of them, someone else comes along to take their place.

Sit with this lovely quote for a while and see if it doesn’t make you squirm: “You only love God as much as the person you hate the most.” Ouch!

I’m willing to tell on myself here. I often like to convince myself and everyone around me that I have my life altogether and that my compassion and love for others would rival Mother Theresa. Then someone comes along, and in a millisecond, the false self I thought I sent packing long ago, or have become comfortable with, rears its ugly head. Within my own family, I have gone from “Mother of the Year” to “Mommie Dearest” at the speed of lightning!

Just when I have visions of myself as the Proverbs 31 woman, “A good woman is hard to find and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.” – my husband riles me – and poof – from Saint Linda to Jezebel in the blink of an eye. And you know how she ended up, don’t you? No? Are you ready? It’s not pretty…

The dogs ate her! (1 Kings 16 – 2 Kings 9). Ewwwwwww!

(Gustave Dore)

So, what do you say? Let’s show some love and thankfulness for the God of second chances, shall we?

CDC Concedes: No Known Cure for #1 Cause of Death

by Linda Russell, posted in Oh, death where is your sting?, Well, done good and faithful servant

(Originally posted 10/17/13)

After extensive research by the Centers for Disease Control, it is confirmed that everyone who starts breathing will eventually stop. But if you’re holding out for a miracle, I have some bad news for you. Are you sitting down? Stop breathing, and you’re gonna die. So, stop breathing at your own peril…

DUH!

Do we really need the Centers for Disease Control to tell us that we will all die? Perhaps. Apparently, in our western culture anyway, many of us believe that if we ignore that 900-pound gorilla in the room, death will never darken our door.

Not so, folks. Sorry to be the one to dampen your dreams of living forever, at least here on this earth, in this body. It just ain’t gonna happen. Why does it matter? Because there’s a reason we refuse to accept that death is another part of our journey. But, if we can’t bring ourselves to face our own mortality, then those following us may be doomed to that same fear and uncertainty.

There could be any number of reasons we avoid the inevitable. Pick one or choose your own:

  • I am afraid of the unknown, and death is the ultimate unknown. If someone would just come back and tell me what it’s like…sigh…

Remember the rich man begging from hell that his five brothers be told of his torment so they wouldn’t end up there. Luke 16:27-31: The rich man said, “Then let me ask you, Father: Send him to the house of my father where I have five brothers, so he can tell them the score and warn them so they won’t end up here in this place of torment.” Abraham answered, “They have Moses and the Prophets to tell them the score. Let them listen to them.” “I know, Father Abraham,” he said, “but they’re not listening (my emphasis).“

  • I kinda like it here with all my stuff.
  • I don’t want my husband to remarry some snarky woman who will raise my children. (That used to be my favorite. Never mind that I was that snarky woman!)
  • I wanna be here for: graduations, weddings, and grandkids. Oh yeah, and the anniversary when you get all those cool red vases and candy dishes you never use.
  • I have lots of plans: I have to finish school, finish a marathon, finish the dishes.
  • And, what is probably the biggest reason: fear that my sins will come back to haunt me on that great judgment day. They are surely logged somewhere: I never forgave _________, I never asked forgiveness from ________, I never admitted to stealing ________, or lying about _________, or coveting ___________. And – sin of sins – I missed Mass on October 23rd, 1974.

It’s all there. All my ugliness. I really intended to clean that up “one of these days”. I just never got around to it because there was lots of time. I never considered that I would die at an inopportune time.

  • All of the above.
  • None of the above.

Death is Cousin Eddie: obnoxious, showing up unannounced, making impossible demands, and flushing your sewage in the middle of the street for everyone’s viewing pleasure.

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Beauty, for sure, but ugliness also manifests itself during the dying process: Ours, that of the person dying, or both, as the world watches in horror and disbelief. “Whoa, didn’t see that coming!” A good example was the funeral of my grandmother. With a room full of friends and relatives, my mother and aunt began to fight over who would get my grandmother’s…ready?…wheelchair. Not millions of dollars or prized possessions, but her wheelchair. There you go. What’s your worst memory? I’m sure you have one. We all have at least one.

As I sit here and write today, tears well up in my eyes from an experience I had just last night. When called by my supervisor, I will sit vigil with dying patients. I consider it a blessing and a privilege to be in such a holy place at such a time in the dying person’s life and to be with loved ones if they’re there.

Some are not there by choice, as was the case last night. For obvious reasons, I cannot share details of the person I visited. But I can tell you this, she was a believer, but her husband was not. They had no children and no other family. When her husband was told she would likely not make it through the night, he refused to go see her. Now, I am only speculating here because I have no way of knowing. She had dementia and was not coherent enough for me to understand her needs or the source of her torment. I can only speculate after reading volumes of examples from the experiences of hospice RNs.

Trying to fully understand what is happening during the dying process is impossible because it is one of God’s great mysteries. However, we do have hints of what may be taking place. For example, some people will not die until a son from out-of-town arrives or until a beloved spouse says they will be okay and gives them “permission” to pass.

I am slowly witnessing glimpses of the mystery and beauty of our creation by a mighty and loving God. We just welcomed our thirteenth grandbaby two days ago. YEA! What a blessed event!!! Even at number thirteen, I am still awestruck by the magnificence of the beginning of life. Aren’t we all? Isn’t it just breathtaking? But the end of life? Not so much.

I will try my best, as inadequate as this may be, to summarize what I have grown to understand about death and dying. Bear with me.

At that moment of birth, we are most connected to the very core of our Being – God. Remember, God “knew” us before we were born: Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” But, then, so many things go awry, don’t they? We lose our way, push away, “cut the cord” I suppose you could say, and go our own way.

Then the end comes. (I told you that was going to happen, right? Okay, just wanted to be sure I didn’t leave that little detail out.) So, guess what happens then? God shows up, if you will, to bring us back to our core, back to him, back home. It’s mysterious and glorious. But, if we’re not ready, we will fight it with all we have left.

We often struggle to get to that place of peace and trust in the process because of all of our “stuff”. And that’s what I believe was happening to the woman I sat with last night. I do know this: she’s a believer, but her husband is not (a huge problem for her). They both were very ill and, at some point, promised not to put the other in a nursing home. That’s all I know for sure. The rest is speculation.

Her breathing would slow, then race, then stop – over and over again. She would seem to be peaceful one moment and then cry out inaudibly the next. What was she trying so desperately to say? Was it physical pain or emotional torment she was expressing? I don’t know. I prayed with her and for her and her husband, and at times that would make her cry out. At one point, she said clearly, “pray”. So I did. Is she still with us today? I don’t know as yet. But here’s what is so important about what I have shared with you:

Life should be lived each day as if it’s the last because it may very well be. Suppose you and I would just accept that fact and live accordingly. Wouldn’t we make our little world a better place while we’re here, and wouldn’t we make our own dying something beautiful and memorable for our loved ones? When it’s my turn to take that final journey, I want my kids, my thirteen grandkids, and seven great-grandkids to witness the glory of God at his best and not fear their own journey. I want to die with grace. The End.

You Were Made for Such a Time as This

by Linda Russell, posted in Book of Esther, For such a time as this

Can we be as brave as Esther?

https://www.freebibleimages.org/illustrations/esther-glorystory/

Esther ROCKS! – plain and simple.  She was the joy of her cousin, Mordecai, who raised her.  She was a beautiful Jewish girl who became the wife of King Ahasuerus after he defrocked, dethroned, and divorced Queen Vashti for refusing to obey him.  Big mistake Love!

When the king searched for a replacement, he chose the meek (not really, as we will see) and lovely Esther.  In Esther’s day, women were to be seen and not heard.  She was undoubtedly reminded of Vashti’s fate as the crown was placed on her head.  Even as Ahasuerus’ wife, there was no exception to the rule everyone else had to follow.  There would be no “Hi honey, how was your day?” conversations over tea.  Instead, she had to request an audience with him or risk death.

Everything was going well until Mordecai refused to bow to Haman, who was elevated to the highest position under the king. Haman got a big head (men!) and required everyone to bow to him (except the king, I suppose).  In his wrath, he became hell-bent on wiping out the entire Jewish population.  And the king, albeit unwittingly, signed a death warrant for all Jews and made it official.  (An important note here: Esther and her cousin failed to mention to the king that she was Jewish – oops.)

Mordecai sent a message to Esther, hoping she would go to the king to save her people.  She reminded him of the king’s decree that no one could approach him without advanced authorization.  Doing so would surely result in her death.  To which Mordecai replied, “…who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this”?  And her reply?  (You gotta love it!) First, she asked everyone to fast and pray for three days.  Then, she said, matter-of-factly, “And so I will go to the king, which is against the law; and if I perish, I perish”! (4:15-16) Meek huh?  Not so much.

Do you know what makes Esther’s story really incredible?  There is no mention of God – anywhere!  God came to Abraham in a vision, Jacob in a dream, and Moses in a bush.  There are countless “God sightings” in the Old Testament – but nothing for Esther, at least nothing visible.  She had no idea if her story would end there.  But that didn’t stop her.  Do you know why?  I would suggest to you that it is no different today for us.  When was the last time you stood before a talking bush?  I didn’t think so – me either.

Esther did what we should all be doing; she fasted and prayed.  From that simple devotion, she had to know, deep down in her heart, that it was what she was “called” to do even though God remained mysteriously hidden.

I will tell you that God’s call to me to write my book was as clear as anything spoken to me.  I would never have dreamt that up myself.  Never!  Most of the time, His voice is not so audible, but I still know.  Deep down, I know it is what I am supposed to be doing, and I know God is behind it.

The point I am trying to get to is that God has a plan for your life.  A plan that goes far beyond what you could ever imagine.  My book is full of God stories, of tentative “yeses” – waiting for more clarification “maybe’s” – and out-and-out Jonah-sized “No way’s”!

It’s those pesky “no’s” that stop God in his tracks.  It’s too bad because I often imagine I miss out on many blessings and grace-filled moments when I sit on my fears.  Then God tells me, “That’s fine, Linda; I’ll get someone else to do it.  But this is a gift I had given you since before you were born, and guess what, young lady?  I am going ask you for an accounting when I see you.” Oops.

So, tell me:

  • Do you know what gifts God has given you?
  • Are you now using those gifts for him?
  • If not, why not?
  • Have you ever even thought about it? If not, that’s the place to begin.

It is often said, “God does not call the equipped; he equips the called.”

If the world has told you that you are nothing special, I am telling you that’s a LIE!  I don’t care how mundane your life is or how many times you have sinned and fallen short.  God’s plan for you has not changed and never will!  He will not take back your gifts but will be sorely disappointed if you waste them.  Actually, more than disappointed, according to Gian Carlo Menotti, “Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do.”

Let me give you one short version of an example (the full version is in the book).  I graduated from high school and was nine credit hours short of an Associate’s Degree (central point) when God came calling.  “Guess what, Linda?  I am giving you an opportunity to go to graduate school for theology!  Are you SO excited?!” Excited wasn’t the word I chose.  It was more like, “Have you lost your mind”?!  Here’s where I leave you in suspense.

But, I would like to say this in conclusion.  Fear has no teeth when we trust God – and I don’t mean when we know the outcome.  We function so poorly when we’re afraid to trust him.  Instead, we dig in our heels and refuse to budge.  If we don’t know for sure what’s happening around the corner, we just stay put!  Fear denies us the fullness of life that God has promised.

So what are you waiting for?

First and foremost, get on your knees and face your fears because it’s from that place where God can do his mighty work in and through you.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Then, be prepared for awe and wonder like you could never have imagined!  So, what the heck – if you perish, you perish.  But,  come on, don’t let that stop you.  Wouldn’t you rather go that way than be run over by a bus or dropped off a cliff?

Now go.  Because this, my friend, is your time!

Members Only – Keep Out!

by Linda Russell, posted in "Christians" who hate, Gandhi & Christians, God is LOVE, God's VIP Membership, Religion or Spirituality

Throughout Jesus’ ministry, inclusion of everyone was his message and purpose; in the way he lived, loved, and taught others. It was what ultimately got him killed. And yet, here we are.

Can we look honestly at ourselves in the context of that truth for a moment?

Wait! Don’t leave…

If you want to leave because you’re afraid your beliefs may be called into question and you’re not sure you can defend them, wouldn’t that signify that something is wrong?

If you want to bolt, cover your ears, send a few choice words my way – something or Someone needs your attention… God Maybe?

  • Getty Images

If it is to be real, the faith we adhere to requires truth-telling. Deep down, whole-hearted, fierce, raw, unabashed, truth-telling – first to ourselves and then to others.

Does your faith today look any different than your parent’s faith when you were a child or what you were taught in Sunday School? It should. We should always be maturing in faith. Ownership of our beliefs is critical to the moral integrity that guides our lives. If it is not, why not?

Is it fear of what lies outside the immovable brick walls of our comfortable, unchallenged belief system? Walls that separate us from those who are not like us? Walls that keep God at a safe distance? Walls that violate the very essence of our being – God within us? Are we so busy projecting our pretentiousness onto others that God sits in our shadow?

I am reminded of the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector in Luke’s Gospel (18:11-13). The Pharisee unexpectedly dropped dead and found himself standing before God.

(Fun Factoid: When he was standing in line, which, make no mistake, he hated – he thought to himself, “Gosh, God’s shorter than I imagined!” Wait, no, that was Moses at the burning bush. Sorry.)

Anyway, he suddenly noticed the guy standing in line next to him (not behind him, which he also hated!). “Ahhh, that low-life tax collector is here. This should be fun!” Now, our Pharisee was always prepared for this day and kept his handy “ain’t I special” checklist on him at all times to impress God.

He finally got to the head of the line, “Ahem, I thank you, God, that I am not like, you know, those people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.” He then whips out his checklist, “I fasted, I tithed, I didn’t cuss or lust-on weekends, I didn’t kill anyone (God side-eyes him) – okay, that one time it looked like I shoved that heathen into a pit – but that was an accident – he slipped. I swear – oops!” (side-eye again!)

Then, he turned his smugness toward the tax collector as if to say, “Good luck topping that, loser!” But the tax collector humbly stood there praying for God’s mercy. Which God immediately granted as the Pharisee desperately tried to rewrite his “this ain’t getting you out of hell” list.

The tax collector knew what we often fail to accept about ourselves: We’re ALL sinners. All of us. Romans 3:11 is a sobering reminder of that truth, “None is righteous” There are no exceptions. So, we simply try to make ourselves exceptions, just like the Pharisee. Do I detect a bit of a HUMPH slipping through those clenched teeth of yours? Huh? Come on, were you doing that?

Was there suddenly a God-thump on your heart trying to remind you of that piety and self-righteousness that has been shielding you from the truth of your indifference, or perhaps even participation, in the anger and violence we see today against others?

Of course, scripture tells us that brutality against humankind has existed since the beginning of time. We don’t even get through the first book of Genesis. First, God creates Adam and Eve. Then he tells them, “Go on now, make some beautiful babies and fill the earth. Spread the love!” They have two beautiful bouncing baby boys: Cain and Abel. Just two chapters later, Cain kills Abel, and it all went sideways.

It’s nothing new. It’s just that now we can see it every blasted day! We cry out, “How could anyone commit such evil against other human beings?”…and then turn off the news or computer screen and go about our business, pronouncing to God, like the Pharisee, “I thank you, Lord, that I am not like them!” But is that true? Come on, don’t get all huffy again. Hear me out because it’s essential to look at what underlies acts of violence.

Hating and hurting others does not begin with violence; it begins in the heart. Of course, none of us want to hear that, but every one of us has the potential for evil. John Phillip Newell tells us, “There are angels of light and angels of darkness in us all.”

Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Now, you could probably puff out your chest and proclaim that you have never murdered anyone, and you likely never will. But how about this…do you reject or shun anyone? Do you gossip about or make fun of someone who is not like you?

Watch this:

In 2013, Susan Boyle walked onto the stage of Britain’s Got Talent. The audience and the judges snickered and laughed at her appearance and awkwardness. She was used to that because she was made fun of all her life. But, somehow, she mustered up the courage to walk onto that stage and belt out a song that stunned everyone there to dumb silence:

She became famous overnight but could never overcome the belief that she just wasn’t good enough. People surrounded her everywhere she went. They screamed and cheered for her, but she never felt truly loved.

The song she sang that night was Les Miserables, “I Dreamed A Dream”. Pay close attention to these words:

But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So much different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed

It’s a stark commentary on the shallowness of humankind, and the unconscionable fact is that we, as people of faith, are no different.

Jesus spent his life calling out that “holier than thou” attitude of the elites and raising up those cast aside, rejected, and unworthy by the world’s standards. He is trying to speak that truth to us. But are we listening? From the looks of the mess our world is in today, it doesn’t seem so.

If we consider ourselves professed believers, we must first change in the depth of our hearts if the world is going to change. We must remove the blinders and look honestly at the faith we declare. Religion begins and ends with rules and dogmas. Spirituality moves beyond that mentality.

Religion stupefies the love of God and proclaims that if you’re not like me, you don’t matter one whit. If you don’t believe what I believe, if you don’t profess what I profess, sorry for you, you’re destined for hell. Have a nice trip.

We see the “ALL ARE WELCOME” sign on the front of many churches. But, I wonder if it’s true…the “ALL” part in particular. Often it is actually saying, “You are welcome to become one of us if you clean yourself up first. We are here to share our truth of salvation and save your wretched soul from damnation!”

Getty Images

If we don’t loosen our grip on our narrow-minded belief systems tucked into the stone walls of our churches, the divisions we experience in our lives and communities will only deepen as we entrench ourselves in a sanctimonious attitude, not born of faith but of fear.

How can we go on pretending we have some kind of VIP membership to the right hand of God, that we have the Penthouse Suite awaiting our arrival in “heaven” when we refuse to acknowledge our sinfulness against our brothers and sisters? At the same time, claiming to be bearers of God’s love. You do know that’s what we are called to be, right?

Did you know that Mahatma Gandhi once considered becoming a Christian? Yep, he read the Sermon on the Mount and fell in love with Jesus. He wanted to emulate him. So, one day he went to a Christian Church in India, but they wouldn’t let him in! He since said, “I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” That should shame every one of us. It should cause us to look deeply into our own hearts and ask ourselves if we are Christian in name only. And that should send us to our knees where God does his best work!

Underwhelmed by God

by Linda Russell, posted in Easter, Good Friday, surrender, Turning others away from God

(originally posted 3/13/16)

I am a nominal Christian. There I said it. Perhaps that is the beginning of change, like someone who goes to AA. They have to admit they’re an alcoholic first.

I have wanted God on my terms because I never really trusted him. How could I? I have not been able to trust the most important people in my life. Why would he be any different? So, in the name of self-preservation, I wanted him in time-out until he got his act together.

God wanted to be the most important thing in my life, but I kept him at a comfortable distance. He wanted to show me how much he loved me, but I refused to accept his love, reasoning that he was trying to trick me. He had to be. He said he wanted me to trust him and surrender my life to him, but his cunning wouldn’t fool me. I was smarter than that! Sure, I played the game when it served me. But I’m not sure my “playing” was believable to others, and God certainly knew!

I do have moments of sincerity and longing that God latches onto. He doesn’t miss an opportunity. When the door is opened, even just a crack, he zooms in with lightning speed! One recent example was when I was struggling in a relationship with someone important to me. I felt a “loving confrontation” was necessary to resolve the issue once and for all.

Now, I don’t handle confrontation very well. So, in a rare moment of submission, I turned to God first and prayed for his guidance. I wonder if he’s gotten over the shock yet, especially considering I waited for his response! That’s nothing short of a miracle.

A few days later, I went for a run at about 10:30 in the morning – not my usual time to run. I turned on my MP3 (that’s right, shocking, huh? I don’t have an iPhone, an iPad, or any I-want-what-you-have gadget. But somehow, I manage to hobble through life).

I turned on the radio instead of my playlist – also not usual. As soon as I turned it on, the woman announcer talked about a book she was reading, “Unoffendable” by Brant Hansen. As soon as I got home, I downloaded it on my Kindle. I couldn’t put it down. Honestly. It was amazing and just what I needed. Not just for this situation but for all time. He is so spot on and so incredibly funny. (He says he’s not, but he is.)

When Hansen says we Christians are the worst examples of always being offended and reacting with “righteous anger”, sadly, he’s right, and I am the worst offender of all. And, folks, that is why I have to admit that I am a nominal Christian, no matter what else I do to try and convince myself otherwise. But, hey, I tithe generously, fast, pray, and go to church. Why isn’t that enough?

Wait! Who do I sound like? The guy in Luke 18:13 who stood humbly before God and prayed? “He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’” Not hardly. More like this guy in verses 11-12: Looking around to make sure everyone was listening, he says, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'”

When I consider my “righteous” anger in the context of my relationships, I have to understand that I am making a statement about my faith and about God. Every time I try to one-up someone, I show them a false image of God, of Christ. I imagine them saying, “Oh sure, Linda, you have planted within me a burning desire to run to God with arms stretched out. Longing for His tender embrace.”

NOT!

What I am actually doing is turning others away. There’s a scripture verse for that, starting with WOE TO YOU, knuckleheads! Check it out all through Matthew 23. It’s not an affirmation! And, no, he doesn’t use the word “knucklehead”. What He does use is worse!

So, back to Hansen’s book. I was looking through it for my favorite quotes, but there are too many. And the scripture verses he quotes are too numerous to mention. So, just get the book and fasten your seatbelt!

After reading the entire book without taking a breath (I’m not kidding! Okay, I’m kidding), I prayed, asking God’s forgiveness for my pride and self-righteousness, for seeing myself as the savior of the world, and then I finally let it go. God’s timing is impeccable, considering Good Friday and Easter Sunday are right around the corner.

The Pascal Mystery is relived for us every year because we too quickly forget! Our tears of sorrow on Good Friday may turn to tears of joy on Easter Sunday, but then dry up on Monday. If God is lucky, we might make it to Tuesday. If our promised surrender to God was something tangible, it would end up on Craig’s List like the treadmill from a New Year’s Resolution with the heading, “Like New – Rarely Used”.

Being a nominal Christian does not have to be my fate. I no longer believe surrendering to God is an instantaneous, magic wand moment or nothing at all. In Matthew 4:5, the devil tempted Jesus to jump off the cliff with a promise of great reward. Not God. God doesn’t give us an all-or-nothing ultimatum.

If we just start somewhere in our messiness to trust him, to give up something we are clinging to, he will show us what he can do with it. He will reveal to us the peace and joy in our hearts that can only come from turning loose of our need to control.

This can be the time for us to sit at the foot of the cross and “see” with our very hearts what is right before us.

What do you see there?

Do you see a God to be feared?

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Do you see a God trying to trick you into submission?

Do you see a God who will betray your trust?

Or do you see a God who loves you THIS MUCH:

God is not a nominal God, and we are not called to be nominal Christians. Instead, we are called to take his love into a hurting and broken world without fear, knowing he goes before us.

Are we in or out? (By the way, that confrontation I told you about never took place because I felt God’s gentle nudge to let go of the need to “fix” other people. And the angels rejoiced!).