Perfectly Imperfect

Two things (and a few additions along the way) set me on a journey that I would like to share with you: The book, “One Year to Live” by Stephen Levine, and “A Course in Miracles – Made Easy”, by Allen Cohen.

Spending each moment, each day, as though I only have this one year to live is not a stretch for me. I contemplate my death at times (come on, that’s not so crazy!) trying to realize how precious life is, how fleeting it is, and how much of it I have wasted.

The challenge of “One Year to Live” is to focus on the moment, not the past or the future. To consider what is really important and what is not, to leave a richer legacy for those I leave behind, and to have no regrets. All of which I do fairly well at times and suck at most of the time.

“The Course” promises to take me even deeper. “Mastering the journey from fear to love”.  I pray to be ever present to all God has to teach me along the way.

Levine considers this process “a restoration of the heart when we confront our life and death with mercy and awareness. A year-long experiment in healing, joy, and revitalization.”

(ACIM) “Every moment offers us a choice between fear and love. Fear hurts and love heals. There are no other choices. Answer fear with love and you will find the peace you seek.”

Just this short introduction to both these books has made it so clear that I have wasted more time in the past, in the negative, and in fear than I want to admit. God has given me this precious life, meant to be beautiful, abundant, and rich, and I have tasted such a small sample of it. But I’m still here, still breathing and I can begin again, and again.

(SL) “A year to live gives a person the power to heal that which remains unloved.” I have believed the lies that I am unworthy of love since childhood. I am always on guard to protect a fragile ego that I have created myself. The truth that longs to set me free from these lies is the fact that I am a child of a loving God; made in his image. I am not a worthless, invisible mess, and neither is anyone else. I don’t need to defend an image that is not reality and I don’t need to attack others to protect it.

(SL) “There are two main elements that constitute the foundation of this life’s renewal, (1) exploration of what has gone before and a way of clearing a path for what is to come, and (2), to become more present, more mindful of the process we call life.”

(ACIM) “When you challenge God as to how the world will be changed, his answer is: Through you. You bring the presence of God to the world simply by being yourself (your true self, not the self you created). Each time you choose, your choice is your evaluation of yourself.”

Stephen Levine says that this year should empower me to finally heal that part of me that still feels unloved. The part that is often unloving. Living the lies of the past powerfully impacted the present. What are my limiting beliefs that keep me stuck there? If can recognize them I can change them to empowering and positive beliefs.

All of this work to become aware and to let go of the past, is critical to the work God would have me do. Now I realize that my negative beliefs color my life and rob me of the love, joy and peace that are my birthright.

Yes, I make mistakes (DUH!). It is fear that keeps us from living fully and joyfully in the present. Why is it so hard to believe that God wants to use me (ME!) as a witness to his love?

If all of this isn’t challenging enough, I was also introduced to Marianne Williamson’s book, “The Gift of Change” which refers often to “A Course in Miracles”. Her book is so powerful and reaches to the depth of my being.

Then, I had the blessing of meeting for lunch with a dear friend who introduced me to Christine McDonald. Her story of being sex trafficked for almost twenty years, the drugs and homelessness, physical abuse and often torture, the sense of hopelessness and then the powerful way God moved in her life is a story beyond anything we could ever imagine. And her beautiful spirit is something to behold! I have read her book, “The Same Kind of Human” (which was being considered for a movie at the time).

Sometimes I question if I read too many things at one time. But then I think of it as having several friends and each has a unique relationship with me. All the books I am reading are speaking to that same depth of my heart but in different, unique ways. All sharing one important message, “You’ve got work to do, Linda”. So, shake off your doubts, acknowledge your fears and then let them go. I have plans for you and you’re not getting any younger – just sayin’”.

These teachings have been challenging to say the least. For sure, they are helping  guide me on this journey of change, renewal, awareness, and conviction. Conviction that now is the time. That whatever God has planned for me, whatever steps I have taken to this point, are all converging for a reason. I truly believe that the next adventure I sign up for, and I don’t even know what it is yet, will be my most significant. Ever!

Here is the common theme I see with these authors: meditation and contemplative practice are to be our most critical focus. Then, we focus on how that will be done. Those two things will demand more time and attention than I have ever given to anything.

To that end, I am compelled now to set all else aside and focus on God and on our relationship. That means more time sitting in his presence. Quietly. That’s huge for me! And listening – I’m so bad at listening!

Until now I could never have imagined such intensity of purpose. Fear has always kept me at a safe distance from it. But God has finally broken through this hard shell around my fragile heart.  I thought I had to be perfect for him to love me. But, he has shown me that I have misunderstood what Jesus meant by” perfection” in Matthew 5:48, which has been the cause of my pain and suffering because I felt I never measured up. The wholeness God offers us has nothing to do with perfection.

If we interpret Jesus’ saying, “You must be as perfect as God” through the lense of most religious teachings that has to mean that we can never, ever, ever sin. EVER! – then there’s no hope for any of us.

But many Scripture Scholars don’t believe that was what Jesus meant. Besides, if it was, and we became that perfect human what would we need God for? God knew we would all “sin and fall short”. It’s the nature of humanity.  So, let’s insert the word “strive”. Strive for perfection and when you screw up, which you will, seek God’s forgiveness, which he will, and move along.

I will end with something that will hopefully help you, as it has me: GET OVER YOURSELF! You’re welcome.

It’s to Die For: Caring for the Poor in an Age of Consumerism


All across the country, people stand in lines three-deep for hours to be the first to plop down a few thousand dollars for the latest iPhone. As usual, the media, the gatekeeper of American values, gleefully stands watch over the frenzy.

Nearby, and unnoticed, other people stand in lines. They are the invisible poor in our midst. Statistics show that on any given day, some portion of the 14.3 million families in this country are standing in food lines (Bread for the World 2022).

 And it’s getting worse. Those numbers will increase as programs like the Child Tax Credit, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), and the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) are all being cut by our current administration.

To the “haves”, the expression ‘It’s to die for” refers to our obsession with “things”. To the “have-nots”, that expression resonates from the pit of their empty stomachs. In both cases, consumerism defines who we are.

For those obsessed with self-gratification, and there are many “Christians” in their ranks, what they “have” defines who they are. For the poor, what they don’t have determines their value. The former well fed, the latter hungry, both dying spiritually. But this is nothing new. God has grieved over this fact of our humanity since the beginning of time.

He has been sending us Prophets, starting with Amos and Isaiah, to speak to this travesty. And they did not hold back! They continually called out those who believed all their riches and privilege were due to being favored by God. So, the admonishments and “woe to you” warnings of the prophets were simply laughable and annoying to them. Perhaps that’s why Jeremiah wanted to run and hide when God called him into service! But he finally went when he could no longer bear Yahweh’s grief, and he paid a hefty price for that courage.

Then, along came Jesus. Jeremiah and Jesus shared the same passion for the poor and disgust for their oppressors, and they bore the same hatred from those who didn’t want to be reminded of their sinfulness. God’s message was clear to both of them: Be willing “to die for” those who suffer.

Christ still tells us that when we care for the least of these, we care for him. Why are we still not listening? Could it be that we, too, are so enmeshed in this consumerist mentality and individualism that we simply don’t care? Or could it be that the gospel of American Express is louder and more appealing? “Woe to you, shopper, if you don’t use your REDcard for all your needless purchases.”

Do we feel a little better about it if we know that a tiny percentage of our spending goes to African Relief? That works for the barely guilty and isn’t risky because we don’t actually have to see the poor and suffering. Not so easy when hungry children are right in our midst, as are modern-day prophets.

How are today’s prophets speaking to our obsession with self? They are speaking the truth about the chasm between the rich and the poor. They scream unfair andtell us boldly and without reserve, that if we call ourselves Christians, we are charged to care for the poor.

 Mother Teresa says Woe to us if we do not recognize the dignity of the poor, that they too are made in the image of God. “Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.”

Dorothy Day was a tireless advocate for the poor: “The Gospel takes away our right forever, to discriminate between the deserving and the undeserving poor.”

John Kavanaugh, S.J. “It is our consumeristic culture today that defines our values, and forms our meaning and purpose. Companies market hope and identity in commodities, not relationships.”

Walter Burghardt, S.J., said that feeding the hungry is not simply a miracle Jesus performed; it is a mandate for Christians.

Kenneth Himes tells us that the word “consume” means “devour, waste, exhaust“, and calls our obsession with consumption in America pathological. “Consumer behavior has been removed from ethical judgment”, which then allows us to become complacent about God’s call to share our resources and acknowledge our indifference toward our starving neighbor. What has been lost is the essence of who we truly are and why we exist.

Mirabai Starr, “Our encounter with the manifold losses that characterize the human experience can till the soil of our hearts so that we are more available to the suffering of other beings and the earth we share. Sorrow can be paralyzing at first, but compassion, which can sometimes take the form of anger, is a wellspring that offers infinite sustenance.”

 As for me, my life changed drastically when I finally looked in the mirror and saw my own sinfulness. Woe to me! My greed and self-fulfillment came on the backs of the poor and hungry. My refusal to give up the slightest want caused children to go to bed hungry. “Thus says the Lord God, enough, Linda! Do what is just and right.” (Ezekiel 45:9)Truth be told, I still suck at it at times. But I’m getting better at self-correcting ahead of that Holy Whack!

In a country in which the majority of people profess to be Christian, our actions do not match that profession of faith. Woe to us, “Hypocrites!” Pope Paul IV spoke of rights as the right not to “have” more, but to “be” more. That is true for all human beings – the needy, and perhaps even more so, the greedy.

Linda, Listen to ME!

(tenor gif)

I know many people, and I’ll bet you do too, perhaps even you, who can’t believe God has a plan for them. Over the years, I have encountered people who don’t believe me when I tell them my story. “Oh, really?! God told you to do that, huh? Right!”  

To be honest, I wouldn’t have believed it myself if he hadn’t gradually brought me to a place where I could trust him, even if I was fearful and had no idea what he was up to. Which, frankly, is still most of the time.

God has always longed to grow me into the person he meant me to be. It was me resisting, me not being present to him, me missing the mystery and majesty that surrounded me because I was just too busy to notice, or more likely, too afraid. So instead, I skipped along, trying to drown out his voice, “Lalalalalalalala, I can’t hear you!”

For years, there were little promptings that, in hindsight, proved to me he was on the job (Romans 8:28). Then bigger ones that required more trust and offered way more grace than I deserved. God opened my heart in ways I could not have imagined.

Though I still mess up – and often – I know God’s response is out of love for me; his admonishments tell me that he loves me too much to let me stay stuck in my messiness.

 We are so used to being in a world that is loud and demanding of our attention. We busy ourselves filling in uncomfortably quiet places. That’s how we miss God’s “still small voice” or “gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:12). Sure, he’s good at those show-stopper whirlwinds and earthquakes and fire. Even what I have called 2×4 moments but didn’t leave marks like the ones my mother inflicted.

Because of her, I was always on guard for those “laying down the law” whacks that I expected from God, too, when I messed up. However, I believe he speaks more often through the Spirit’s whispers of pure grace.

We can become so enmeshed in and blinded by the things of this world that we miss our whole purpose for being here. So if you are going through life day after unremarkable day, schlepping through the same routine to ad nauseum – STOP IT! Your life has a purpose that God depends on you to fulfill. You matter that much!

We are all called to holiness, called to use the gifts and talents already given us for God’s kingdom work right here – right now. It just takes awareness on our part. (I would highly recommend Anthony DeMello’s book by the same name, “Awareness”).

Leo Tolstoy’s novel, “The Death of Ivan Ilyich,” considered a masterpiece, was written just after his own “profound spiritual awakening” and conversion experience.

While lying on his deathbed, Ilyich ruminated about the reality that his entire life was superficial and self-serving, and he profoundly stated, “Maybe I didn’t live as I should have done.” In the end, he posited a question that Tolstoy must have pondered himself, “What if I really have been wrong in the way I’ve lived my whole life, my conscious life?” Oops, a little late, buddy!

It was too late for Ilyich, but not Tolstoy. He discovered his purpose and rejected his aristocratic life to follow Jesus’ teachings – particularly the Sermon on the Mount. Years later, his writings had a profound impact on Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and countlessothers.

Soooooo, what are you waiting for? You must still be breathing, or you wouldn’t be reading this. That’s a start. Incredibly, no matter how you lived your life to this point, it’s not too late to begin again. New beginnings are God’s specialty!

“To infinity and beyond!” God coined that phrase, you know. Don’t believe me? HUMPH! Check out Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” 

Alrighty then, you’re pumped and ready to go, right? You’ve packed your sandals and camel hair coat and checked Google Maps – for what? A sign from God?

(free bible images)

Stop! Take a deep breath. Maybe start by sitting quietly with God and waiting.

Don’t look to anyone else to give you a formula or a checklist to send you on your way to your destiny. But I willtell you this: You cannot love and serve others (which is our greatest calling) until you can love yourself.

And you can’t love yourself by utilizing any of the myriad self-help books on the market. You can only do that by growing in the knowledge that you are deeply and passionately loved first by the God who created you!

And you can only do that by being in relationship with him, which requires your time and attention. You are his son/daughter with whom he is well-pleased (Matthew 17:5). Let that sink in. We are all deeply loved sinners. It’s high time we act like it, don’t you think?

Absolutely, go to church, take the time to read scripture, and pray, But mostly, LISTEN! Geeeezzzzz, we’re so bad at listening.

Living One Wild, Beautiful, and Fulfilling Life

If someone approached you and demanded everything you have accumulated and cling to or they will kill you right where you stand, what would you be willing to die for? Anything? Would you quickly, without hesitating, hand it all over? I’m guessing you would. I would!

Martin Luther King said, “If a man has not found something worth dying for, he is not fit to live.” And he should know. His final words in his Mountaintop speech were prophetic as they seemed to predict his death, “We’ve got some difficult days ahead. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And he’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over and I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. And so I’m happy tonight; I’m not worried about anything; I’m not fearing any man.”

So, the question for us during these times of uncertainty and volatility becomes, what is worth dying for? I have a one word answer. Ready? Love. That’s it.

I don’t know about you, but my most profound moments of clarity come after attending funerals when I do a life review. If funerals don’t cause us to evaluate our own existence, I don’t know what will. We may still be standing at the grave site when the questions surface: Do I matter? Have I value? What is my legacy? Will anyone care when I’m gone? Has God really given me a purpose? What have I done to make the world a better place? Will I have to eat that crappy potato salad at the luncheon again? (Oh, sorry, I digress)

Today, we want absolute certitude about God even though it really isn’t possible because he is more mystery than we want to believe. Unquestioned religion is shallow and makes no demands on us. Which is fine with so many of us.

Faith has nothing to do with certitude, it’s a calculated risk, but we don’t like risk even if there is a high degree of probability. It’s too iffy. No thanks. Which I find pretty amusing considering the things some people will do for “fun”. Like, I don’t know, jumping off buildings, scaling walls, motorcycle stunts! And that’s not risky??

(AI generated)

A shaky questioning faith might be less cut and dry than mindlessly following a set of rules. It may be more uncontrollable and mysterious than what you have ever experienced, but that is what will bring you into the presence of Love and the very essence of God.

You may not have been told this but you’re allowed to wrestle with God; to question the reason for your pain and suffering, or the suffering and heartache in the world. He encourages us to bring to him the struggles within us. God’s tough. Trust me. He can take it!

I got so angry with him during a very difficult time in my life that I cried and shook my fist at him, “God, if you love me so much where were you when my mother was abusing me?! When I was being sexually abused?! Huh?”  I ranted on and on excusing my years of indifference to him because of all the suffering he allowed in my life.

What I got back from him was not a bolt lightning, which I was prepared for, but a gentle loving response that unsettled the very core of my being. “Linda, I did not abandon you during that time. I suffered along with you. My heart ached for you. I have lovingly, sorrowfully, held your tears. But, the choices people make are beyond my control. I’m truly sorry. But, you, my dearest daughter, have also sinned and fallen short. Even then, I never have I stopped loving you. I’m just waiting for you to trust me. Then, your healing will start and you will be able to forgive those who hurt you.”

You see, there are no church rules or dogmas that will ever bring us into that kind of deep abiding relationship with God, which, in turn will shine a light on our purpose in life. It is what we call “experiencing” God. Until we can let go of our need to “know” that God is real, we will never allow ourselves to open our hearts to experiencing him. It’s that simple and that critical. It’s no more complicated or profound than that!

William O’Malley nailed it when he said, Genuine religion begins – not as it did for most of us, with indoctrination and imposing worship but with a personally captivating experience, a “sense” of the numinous, a presence larger than the capacities of this world to produce.”

Frederick Buechner tells us, “The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.”

You have to believe that you matter! That is what John Eldredge says, “If we could believe that about our lives, and come to know that is true, everything would change. We would be so much more able to interpret the events unfolding around us…. We would discover the task that is ours alone to fulfill. We would find our courage. The hour is late, and you are needed. So much hangs in the balance. Where is your heart?”

Alrighty then, we’re almost done. Now, I would like to offer you one last thing to contemplate before I go. Which of these scenarios would most likely keep you trembling in fear of screwing up and landing in hell or bring you right to the heart of God?

  1. All your years growing up, you were drug to “Church” by your parents. “Get up, clean up, sit quietly, don’t touch your brother, and act like this isn’t the most boring thing in your life! Then you’ll get donuts.” Then teachers of “religion” stepped in: “Memorize all the sins that will send you straight to hell. Miss one Mass – straight to hell. Think those dirty thoughts – straight to hell.” In short order that “little light of yours” was snuffed out! But you keep going. You keep getting your card punched on Sunday mornings when you’d rather be somewhere else. Not even the donuts appeal to you now.
  • Every day you encounter Someone (guess who) doing things that draw you to him: Feeding the hungry, comforting the dying, kissing the leper, dining with prostitutes and beggars. He is so sincere and passionate about what he’s doing that something incredible reaches deep down into the very core of your being and you can’t shake it. You are awe-struck, probably for the first time in your life, and you want to emulate him. You want to follow him. You want to sit at his feet and learn from him.

Go ahead. Choose. God’s waiting.

The Blessings, Beauty, and Boldness of Not-Quite

I am in a place in my life, that last bit of my journey, that rounding the corner and spotting the finish line, where I could easily bemoan my failings. I’m now certain it’s too late for, oh, I don’t know, running the New York City marathon or climbing Kilimanjaro. Beyond that, I don’t know.

The blessings of uncertainty

Uncertainty seems to be rejected by many Christians who see it as a weakness. Certitude, on the other hand, is what we subscribe to in a faith that makes God more acceptable and knowable, with no surprises lurking in the bushes. It offers a checklist of everything we need to do to “get to heaven” – Attend church weekly. Check. Tithe 10% of your earnings before expenses and frivolous spending. Check-ish. No cursing, snarkiness, or holier-than-thouness – on Sundays – the rest of the week is fine.

If you’ve checked those boxes, nothing more is expected of you – EVER! You can just go about your life any way you please. I can profess to having been all in with those “rules”. Until I wasn’t. That’s the point in my life when I looked back and saw the emptiness and shallowness of my existence. That’s when God spoke into my brokenness and showed me his equally broken heart because he knew he created me for more. The gifts and blessings he had given me sat unused because of fear and doubt that I was worthy of them.

In this place, I thought I could act as if God didn’t really care, and I could go about my life risk-free. But what if my denying that my life actually had a purpose turned out to be a no-good, very bad, nightmarish end? What then? Could I take my “followed all the rules” checklist to the gates of heaven, and they would open wide to me while the angels sang hallelujah? (BTW, heaven isn’t a place. You know that, right?) Anyway…

I ever so slowly began to sit with God and actually listen to his promptings to “go,” like Abraham. I trusted him—mostly. I also resisted my impulses to explain to him why whatever direction he was pointing me in was probably not a good idea. I reminded him of the litany of all my failings and wondered if someone else (think Moses) might be a better choice. Is Aaron still around?

Slow but steady change

I know exactly when I began to change. It was in 2001, on that momentous day, in the early morning, when God butted into my perfectly peaceful run and changed my life. I’ve told that story often, so I won’t bore you with it again, except to say that God has had me on a lot of adventures since then!

I have had many fits and starts and often questioned the wisdom of his guidance, only to see afterward how each experience changed and grew me in some way. They have each played a part in helping me to believe that God’s plan for each of us is perfect – always! And if you doubt that for a moment, let me share this incredible story about St. Benedict Joseph Labore. Everything in quotations is taken from the book SAINTS FOR SINNERS by Alban Goodier, S.J. https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/st-benedict-joseph-labre-the-beggar-saint-5838.

The poor, homeless, beggar saint who never stumbled

Saint Benedict Joseph Labore was born into a wealthy family. His parents and fourteen siblings loved that lifestyle, but not Benedict. He rejected their obsession with fame and fortune – it disgusted him. So, off he went as a young teenager to make his own way, to discover his purpose. He was certain he was destined to be a monk. But it was a long road with many rejections and disappointments along the way.

He was first drawn to the Trappist Order as their ideas were contrary to what everyone else seemed to treasure. He applied to the La Trappe Abby, but when he arrived, they rejected him, stating that “He was underage, he was too delicate; he had no special recommendations.” But he didn’t give up. He applied to the the Carthusians of Montreuil only to be rejected once again. Still unwilling to give up, he applied to another Carthusain order. He was accepted but was soon rejected by them because “The monks grew uneasy; they feared for the brain of this odd young man. They told him he had no vocation, and he was dismissed.” Even after being rejected three times and being told he was simply not monk material, he was still resolute, knowing differently in his heart.

Undeterred, he began a year-long course of studies the Carthusians listed as the cause of his rejection. He reapplied, and they accepted him. But, again, it was short-lived, and they showed him the door. Still, he tried two more times for acceptance, to no avail.

So, at the age of twenty-five, undeterred and still determined to live his calling, he set off on his own, with nothing and no one to accompany him. He endured the extreme elements, ate what was given to him by the generosity of others, and he smelled – bad! But, somehow, he felt “no bitterness or disappointment” in this life of poverty that he embraced. He died a pauper at the age of thirty-four. Awww, too bad, you say? What a wasted life, you say? Wellll….

Here comes a miracle!

Word quickly got out that he died: “So great was the crowd that the guard of police had to be doubled; a line of soldiers accompanied the body to the church; more honor could scarcely have been paid to a royal corpse.

From the moment it was laid there, the church thronged with mourners….The throng all the time went on increasing. People of every rank and condition gathered there, at the feet of Benedict the Beggar. But the enthusiasm did not end with the funeral. Crowds continued to flock to the church, and soldiers were called out to keep order. At length the expedient was tried of closing the church altogether for some days. It was of no avail; as soon as the church was reopened, the crowds came again and continued coming for two months. Nothing like it had been seen before, even in Rome; if ever anyone was declared a saint by popular acclamation it was Benedict Joseph Labre, the beggar.”

Who am I to question God’s plan?

Now, I could easily compare St. Benedict’s story to my own meager efforts to use the gifts God has given me to serve and care for others. But what I have learned from this is that God isn’t asking for perfection. He has no expectations other than the offering of my “yes” to him and that I will do my best. The rest belongs to him. And the only thing I should long for at the end of my life are the words, “Well done!” Well done – indeed!

Living in Scary and Uncertain Times: Finding Solace in Galatians 5:22-23

This post started out differently than what you’re seeing here. I intended to simply write about the Fruits of the Spirit and most of the content came directly from my book. Then, I received a “holy prompting” to focus it on the present reality of the violence, hatred, and fear we are daily inundated with.

 Yes, we are living in scary and uncertain times, which is likely causing so many to hide behind locked doors, have the groceries delivered, skip church or any crowds, and throw up frantic prayers to God.

Which makes this a perfect opportunity to delve into Galatians 5:22-23. I have long felt it was the most poignant of all of Scripture and has so much to tell us today.

Imagine God inspiring the writer(s) of these verses and being pleased with their work. Then, sitting back crosses his fingers and hoping we choose wisely because he has no control over our decisions.

We are daily challenged to decide between:

Love or hate

Joy or misery

Peace or worry

Patience or agitation

Kindness and gentleness or malice

Self-Control or instability

So, let’s go…

LOVE

Does love have limits? Many of us carry scars of past pain and hurt that play out in our lives daily and affect how we treat others. I swore I would never be like my mother – does that sound familiar?

When love is conditional, it is worldly, shallow, and indifferent. It can easily transform into hatred. From that perspective, we watch closely for others to screw up just once, and we’re done with them.

We seem to forget that God’s immense love and grace have no expiration date. “Oops, your get-out-of-jail-free card has expired. Sorry.”

He longs to help us love those that we find humanly impossible to like—even ourselves at times. But here’s the key: I can learn to love only when I have accepted God’s love myself.

Know the Difference: worldly love wears the sheepskin of an “if it feels good” mentality over the wolf that devours childhood innocence, destroys relationships, makes compassion a burden, and muddies the pure waters of selfless love created by God (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

JOY

“Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth; break forth in song, rejoice, and sing praises.” (Psalm 98:4)

A common response to the idea of joy might be something like this: “News flash, dufus, joy is the noise made by fools who don’t have a clue what is going on in the world.”

All right, fair enough (no need to call me names). I actually do know about the terrible things happening in the world today: anger, violence, and hatred. I also know about a man who suffered an indescribable death at the hands of those who wrongly accused him of a crime. He was beaten, spit on, and mocked. Then, he was nailed to a cross as many watched him slowly suffocate and die.

We know the life stories of those who have and continue to follow Jesus’ example. Do you think for one moment they would sign up for that if they were following a fool? They knew that the only way to bring nonbelievers to Christ was to live joyfully because no idiot would follow someone who spewed bad news on a regular basis.

So, what about us? Suffering has a purpose, and when you discover that truth for yourself, as I finally did after many years, hopefully, you will have arrived at a place where you, too, can shout for joy and share the Good News with others.

Joy is the oasis of laughter in the desert of loneliness. It is a caring touch coming through the locked door of a broken heart. It is peering through tear-stained eyes into an empty tomb. Pain and suffering are temporary. Joy is eternal.

PEACE

If I wanted true peace in my life, I would have to let go of the anger and lashing out. I would have to recognize the part I played in my own misery, and I would have to release the people who were on the receiving end of all the pain and hurt that was bottled up inside of me. Did I turn some people away from God because there was no peace in my life? 

One of Jesus’ final acts was to offer his disciples peace, and they were going to need it! “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.” 

Have you known someone in your life who radiates peace? If you are wise, you will do everything, short of stalking them, to be in their company, to glimpse through them the very nature and essence of God, which is peace, and then claim it for yourself.

PATIENCE

Today, patience is a dinosaur, and if it doesn’t come in a pill form, we aren’t interested. I want it now! I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want to deal with it. Give me a pill, a distraction, or a bus ticket out of here.

A display of patience we might tolerate would be something like a gentle nudging to wait your turn, wait for your elderly grandmother to catch up, wait for a phone call. Just a small interruption in our daily routine may be okay.

The word patience literally means to suffer and endure. If that’s true, then how much would be required of us to be in a relationship with someone who is unbearable or endure intolerable circumstances? Yet that is exactly what God is asking of us when he calls us to patience, to suffer, and bear the burdens of life.

We excuse ourselves when we fail to be Christ-like to others, yet we expect God to be all-loving, all-forgiving, and all-patient with us. “Well, God’s a bigger man than I am.”  So, you’re comfortable with that excuse, are you?

But hold on. I have some good news for you. God doesn’t demand anything from us that he will not give us the power—his power—to achieve. So why is God so patient with us? He knows our human frailties and longs for us to trust him. He longs to shower us with blessings and guide us through all the obstacles this world presents to us.

A question we are called to ask ourselves: is my impatience a stumbling block to others?

KINDNESS & GENTLENESS

What are the prejudices and injustices we perpetrate on others because of our pride, pious attitudes, and forgetfulness of just how imperfect we are?

If we thought about it, we could all probably recall at least one person in our lives whom we have distanced ourselves from because of struggles in our relationship. That person may be as close as our living room couch.

We are often so determined to stay focused on the hurt we endure from others that we’ll stay there as long as it takes to make that person suffer. But, you know what? That person is a child of God, just like we are. That person is likely broken, just like we are. It’s time to let them off the hook.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.” Brad Meltzer

GOODNESS

Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment.” C. S. Lewis

I learned a few tricks from my mother, who was the master of masking. She was from the old school of “What would the neighbors think?” When you walked out the door, you left the dark family secrets behind and played the game in public.

And, oh, the games we play, the lies we tell. But the real tragedy, I believe, is that we think we’re faultless, even though our sins tell a different story. Goodness doesn’t seem to be on the same scale as holiness, does it? I think I could rationalize myself into the category of good, but I would have a tough time comparing myself to Mother Theresa (don’t think I haven’t tried!).

I believe most people really want to do good, but we are constantly in a battle. That’s why Galatians 6:9 says, “Don’t grow weary doing good.”

Our true character is who we are when no one is looking.

Now comes the proverbial question, “Why should I?”  The answer is that being good, especially to our enemies, can bring far greater rewards than treating them the way we think they deserve to be treated. And if you still need convincing, go back to the cross for a reminder of what loving your enemy looks like.

Now, go love that jerk …oops…child of God.

FAITHFULNESS

God’s faithfulness is steadfast, but what about ours? I can only relate to you what has brought me to a place where I know faithfulness means far more than I was ever willing to admit. That didn’t happen as a result of one miraculous event: No burning bush, no parting of the sea, no Lazarus-like miracle, just a journey, a very long journey, to a patient and loving God.

How do we rationalize our indifference to the horror of what took place at Calvary? Could it be that we trivialize Jesus’ suffering to make our meager sacrifices appear to be significant and our sins acceptable? Thus, Jesus becomes a warm fuzzy, and we’re off the hook.

Trivialize this…“Take up your cross and follow Me.” (Mark 8:34) Oh boy, here we go. This is where we disconnect.

We know the kind of men the apostles were before Jesus died. They were a bunch of misfits. They doubted, they questioned, and they fell asleep when he asked them to stay awake and pray with him. Then, they ran away when he was taken to be hanged. But they knew they screwed up big time!

Now, here they are in the Upper Room after Jesus is buried, eleven men lost in confusion and grappling with their weakness; their denial. Then Jesus shows up. And what are his first words? “Peace to you.” (Luke 24:36) 

When Jesus said, “Anyone who wants to take up his cross and follow Me, anyone who wants to suffer the same fate as Me, step forward.”  They did. All of them. There would be no turning back now. No running, no denying. The cock could crow till the cows came home, and not one would falter. Not this time.

Now it’s our turn. Certainly, most of us will not be called to martyrdom. But, we are called, though, to die in our own selfish, self-centered ways. We are called to be different, to suffer if need be. We must stop asking, “Why me, Lord?” and accept our trials with faith and trust that God is right there with us to turn our sorrows into joy.

SELF-CONTROL

Everything that Satan is behind—those worldly things that we call pleasure are really his skillfully disguised handiwork. Each time we justify the smallest sin, we become insensitive to the fact that it actually is sin.

For all those who have been deceived into believing that there is such an excusable thing as a “tiny indiscretion,” those are the lies of Satan that keep us out of a relationship with God.

While we’re on the subject, we would do well to look at all areas that we excuse but God does not. Have we been lulled into a belief that there is nothing wrong with what we are doing? What has happened to our consciences?

Leo Tolstoy, in his essay, The Lion and the Honeycomb, Why Do Men Stupefy Themselves? explains: “What people most want is not that their consciousness should work correctly; it is that their actions should appear to them to be just.”

God says in 1 John 5:3, “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.” Seriously? They seem awfully burdensome to us, don’t they? But as Christians, we are called to be disciplined in our lives. Until we can give everything to God; until we can come to a place where we are “seeking the Kingdom of God first” (Matthew 6:33), we will repeatedly fail. That’s why self-control is not self-alone.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Following Christ does take a great amount of discipline, and it is only possible through him. To everyone who feels battle-scarred right now, whether those battles of life have only been skirmishes or they have been “all-out, fight-to-the-death, take-no-prisoners” wars, take heed.

We don’t make a one-time – this is it – I surrender – commitment to Christ and then throw ourselves a party. If you think all your sinfulness will instantly be eradicated when you do that, you’re gonna fall hard, smack your loser head, and go join the circus.

Come back here. Don’t do that. Just fall on your bruised knees, seek forgiveness from a merciful and loving God, and start over. You can do this! God created you and equipped you to do this.

Finding Peace in Uncertainty: Trusting God

When your family is happy and healthy, your job seems secure, and the bills are paid –When everyone is doing what you demand, and no one challenges you – you’re certain your life is under control, and you have yourself to thank.

Life is good; God is in his heaven where he belongs, and that’s where you want him to stay. You’ve got this. You’re doing just fine. Thanks.

Then the bottom falls out: someone gets out of line and upsets your “plans”. Someone you love becomes desperately ill and dies. You lose your job and your security. You watch the murder of innocent children on the daily news, and your most certain assumptions about life are shaken to the core. 

Everything is suddenly out of control, even the state of the country, which wasn’t even on your radar six months ago!

How did that happen? How will you handle it? Where do you turn? My guess is that you will fall apart, like I nearly did, and probably shake your fist at God in the process. You’re certain he could fix it if he wanted to, but he hasn’t, and that’s why you don’t trust him. Never mind that you’re doing a sucky job of controlling it yourself! Just sayin’.

So, You Dig In

Because you are now certain that God hasn’t got a clue or doesn’t care about what’s happening to you, to us, or to our world, you will take it upon yourself (as usual) to tell him how to fix things. You always have your list of demands on hand, so it requires little effort or thought to whip it out and shake it at him – like Santa with his naughty list.

But, what you will not do is fall on your knees in surrender to his will because surrender means defeat. It’s too risky and makes you vulnerable to a God you don’t trust in the first place.  

If the question of who’s in control has not been settled for you, then your life will be wrought with uncertainty and fear when it’s assaulted and overrun by pain and sorrow. You won’t be able to handle that because you have not dealt with it in the calmness of daily life. You can’t wait until you’re thrown overboard to learn to swim. Peter tried it, and look where it got him.

God’s Got This

No doubt you have heard on more than one occasion, usually in church, that God is in control, not you. If you thought about it at all, it would likely be in those desperate moments in life when you had to face the reality that you have no power over anything or anyone beyond yourself. If you were honest about it, you’re also failing miserably at that! Which is probably why God hasn’t reached out to you for advice. Recall his words to Job, “Stand down, buddy. I’ll let you know when I need your advice!

How well I know this to be true in my own life, and how long I frantically tried to deny it because I believed my peace and happiness depended on me. No one had ever proven themselves to be trustworthy, so the only way I could protect my fragile heart was to deny access to it by anyone – even God – especially God. How often I cried out to him to explain to me where he was when I was a child and being abused. Then sat in silence for an answer.

Often, when we hear “God is in control,” we frame it in the context of the sadness and suffering in our lives and in the world where it’s easy enough to deny. What kind of God would allow such suffering? It’s much easier to believe that he plopped us down here and left us on our own, “There you go. Have a nice life. Good luck – you’re gonna need it!”

What is critical to look at, first of all, is our understanding of free will. Second, we have a belief that God causes pain and suffering. But God is not in control of our choices. Most people are basically good; some do evil things. It’s a choice we make. Please know that I am not saying that mental illness is not a determining factor in some people’s choices, especially choices that are beyond our comprehension. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

We cannot understand, or possibly even accept, the notion of free will if we believe that God causes bad things to happen. Often, in the midst of a tragedy, someone will ask, “Why did God allow that?” – Or “My brother died even though we prayed faithfully for God to save him.” But sickness happens, relationships fall apart, natural disasters occur, and death is inevitable.

Father Richard Rohr asks, “Do you realize with what difficulty surrender will come to a fixing, managing mentality? Nothing in that psyche is prepared to understand the spiritual wisdom of surrender. Pain teaches a most counterintuitive thing—that we must go down before we even know what up is. Suffering of some sort seems to be the only thing strong enough to destabilize our arrogance and our ignorance.”

God is Always at Work for our Good

But God will have the last word. He will use the tragedies in our lives for his glory. That truth cannot be denied when we witness the compassion of strangers on the daily news when disaster strikes somewhere in the world. Sadly, the nightly news usually only highlights extreme cases like hurricanes and mass shootings. But I assure you that every day, someone, somewhere, is quietly going out of their way to offer kindness to a stranger who will never make the news.

I love this recent story: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/boy-gets-shopping-spree-after-giving-away-one-dollar-kelvin-ellis-matt-busbice-louisiana/

I thank God daily that my peace, contentment, and joy are not dependent on me!   Surrendering our certitudes and obsessive need for answers in order to live our lives fully is the great paradox of our humanity. I believe that is what Jesus came to show us!

Those who suffer deeply, parents who have lost their precious children, the poor and the destitute, and those who know they are at the end of their broken lives have much to teach us about sorrow, and joy, and surrender. You see it, don’t you? In the aftermath of a terrible tragedy, something incomprehensible and beautiful unfolds. It’s God bursting into the hearts he created. Strangers reach out in love and compassion, families and neighbors draw closer together, and someone forgives the unforgivable. 

It’s a necessary reminder that it’s okay to surrender our incessant need to control because God makes all things new.

God calls us to trust him in all things. In Revelations 21:4-5 we’re assured that:

    He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

Death will be no more.

Mourning no more, crying no more, pain no more.

    And that he will make all things new.

Blessings and Peace!

I am sharing this post in January 2025. I suppose it has been sitting quietly in a folder for some time, waiting for this moment. My hope is that it will offer you peace in these uncertain times. 

This is my prayer for you and your loved ones: (Numbers 6:24-26)

The Lord bless you

    and keep you;

the Lord make his face shine on you

    and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you

    and give you peace.

Finding Hope in Crisis: Lessons from History

The disciples constantly nagged Jesus to tell them what was coming and what to expect, like the proverbial question from our kids: “Are we there yet?!

Jesus’s speaking to them in parables probably frustrated them even more. Those parables spoke to their unrelenting insistence on knowing what was coming and how to prepare. In Luke 21, Jesus simply tells them to be alert and wait for God to reveal his plan and purpose to them—all in due time. He tries to assure them that God is still in control, no matter how it seems.

Now, here we are, clutching our pearls since the election, certain the apocalypse is near! And just like the disciples, God calls us to the only assurance we need: He is still in control.

(Tenor GIF)

So, we all need to take a collective deep breath, exhale, and consider our reality in light of the work of those who are already moving to shore up our democracy and the words of those who have gone before us who fought the powers of evil in their own time. (I share an excellent resource at the end of this post)

Dr. Barbara Holmes offered her thoughts on the necessity of contemplation when a crisis arises: 

“The crisis begins without warning, shatters our assumptions about the way the world works, and changes our story and the stories of our neighbors. The reality that was so familiar to us is gone suddenly, and we don’t know what is happening….  

If life, as we experience it, is a fragile crystal orb that holds our daily routines and dreams of order and stability, then sudden and catastrophic crises shatter this illusion of normalcy. The crises … are usually precipitated by circumstances beyond the ordinary. I am referring to oppression, violence, pandemics, abuses of power, natural disasters, and planetary disturbances. 

Contemplation after or during crisis is a stillness in the aftermath of a primal scream, the abyss of unknowing, and the necessity of surviving the trauma together.”

So many of us are now in full crisis mode, and there is no telling how much worse it’s going to get over the coming years.

I believe people on both sides are dealing with their own life struggles. Fear and uncertainty are at the forefront of those concerns, and we can react differently to them. I get that.

The bottom line for me is that I am still called to love and care for others and to be an example of Christ in the world. How did I get here – from running around with my hair on fire to settling into acceptance of the reality we now face? How have I found hope and trust that we can overcome and end up stronger from the experience, even when we have no idea what will happen? I look to those heroes of faith who have gone before us.

There have been so many examples of those who faced seemingly impossible circumstances to make a difference in the world. I don’t pretend to be anywhere near their stature, but I hope to do what I’m called to do within my own capacity – to shine a light, even if it’s just a small candlelight, in the darkness.

As long as humans have been in existence, there has been violence and war somewhere in the world. Though we don’t know what to expect in the coming years in America, we see the innocent in Ukraine and the Middle East suffer untold horrors that we watch on our daily news feeds, and that’s frightening.

But, what we don’t see on the news is the stories of Ukrainians who courageously go about their lives in the midst of it. This is from an article by HOPE International, “Ukrainian believers continue to walk in God’s leading in times of war, just as they had done in times of peace. Despite the devastation Russia inflicts on their country, the Ukrainian spirit will not be broken. We will continue to see Ukrainian believers serving on the front lines of a courageous response, daily finding ways to love God and love their neighbors.” https://blog.hopeinternational.org/2023/06/28/the-heartbeat-of-hope-in-ukraine/

We, too, must trust in God each day to give us all we need, not to simply survive but to thrive and bring hope and care to those who suffer at the hands of evil. If not us, then who?

The following are amazing examples of that light in the darkness: Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Nelson Mandela, Anne Frank, Oscar Romero, and Jesus. Let’s not forget Jesus.

During the Vietnam War, Thomas Merton said, “We are living through the greatest crisis in the history of man….far from being irrelevant, prayer, meditation, and contemplation are of the utmost importance in America today.”

Maximilian Maria Kolbe volunteered to die in place of another man at Auschwitz during World War II. “The most deadly poison of our times is indifference.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was hanged for his resistance to Hitler. Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”

Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated during the civil rights movement “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was assassinated as he led the nonviolent resistance against British rule in India. “The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela spent twenty-seven years in prison because of his anti-apartheid activism. “To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity.”

And let’s not forget these powerful words of Genesis 50:20, “God uses the evil perpetrated against us for His good and makes all things new”.

Lastly, I have been following Andrea Chalupa. She is an amazing Ukrainian-American Journalist and Filmmaker. Here is a link to her podcast with lots of action guides: https://www.gaslitnationpod.com/action-guide

God’s Audacious Promise of Hope Always Fulfilled

This post shares quotes from others I admire so much—those who may or may not have always had hope in God’s promises when the world was saying something very different. But they persevered, and so can we!

There are about 80+ Bible verses telling us not to be afraid! But here we are—afraid of what is happening in the world today—shutting ourselves off and preparing for the apocalypse. What I’m hoping is that we can all take a deep breath and get on with the business of abundantly living our lives and helping others to do the same.

Let’s start with Hebrews 10:22-23 (Msg), So let’s do it—full of belief….Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word.” There’s nothing ambiguous about that.

Richard Rohr:

“We are energized by the hope of God’s promises. What gives us the energy and power to keep moving is the promise, the dream, the vision of what could be and what’s beyond the moment….they’re not always what we expect or hope for, and so God calls us a little further. This is the way that divine love stretches our hearts. God’s promises energize and expand the heart, deepening our capacity for life and our quality of being in this world. That’s what the promises of God do—lead us to the experience of deeper life.”

Desmond Tutu:

Dear Child of God, before we can become God’s partners, we must know what God wants for us. “I have a dream,” God says. “Please help Me to realize it. It is a dream of a world whose ugliness and squalor and poverty, its war and hostility, its greed and harsh competitiveness, its alienation and disharmony are changed into their glorious counterparts, when there will be more laughter, joy, and peace, where there will be justice and goodness and compassion and love and caring and sharing.”

Dan Rather:

“Let us hope that we stand up to those who would wreak havoc and death. Let us hope that we continue to try to find ways to lessen suffering so that violence doesn’t feel like the only option for those who are desperate. Let us never give up on yearning for peace.

The pull of our humanity is what gives us a reason to smile when we see what is good and beautiful in our world. But it also is what provokes such sadness when we know others are in pain. We need to hold onto both the good and the bad so we can hold onto each other. We need to remember all that we have in common as we try to cope with the difficult realities of life.”

Thomas Merton:

“We did not come here to breathe the rarified air beyond the suffering of this world. We came here to carry the suffering of the whole world in our hearts. Otherwise, there’s no validity in living in a place like this.”

Martin Luther King:

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’

I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.”

Henri Nouwen:

“Hope is willing to leave unanswered questions unanswered and unknown futures unknown. Hope makes you see God’s guiding hand not only in the gentle and pleasant moments but also in the shadows in disappointment and darkness.”

And…last but not least:

Learning from Moses: Embracing Responsibility and Change

How many people throughout history have struggled and spent all their energy blaming everyone else for their pain: parents, co-workers, despicable neighbors? They would rather go down in flames than admit to their own faults. I’ve been there and often have to catch myself when I slip back there.

How about those Israelites as an example? Follow their trail from captivity to freedom. God heard their cries for years. I’m not sure why he made them wait through a few generations before he responded. No doubt he had a good reason. But, he finally did enlist Moses to go take care of it.

Remember that Moses was trying to live a quiet and unassuming life since that whole fiasco of him murdering and hiding the body of an Egyptian. He felt pretty comfy until God jumped out of a burning bush and surprised the c*#p out of him.

That’s what God was saving him for: “Pack up your stuff and go save the Israelites from Pharaoh.” Personally, I would ask for more details of his expectations and surety of the outcome before committing. That probably comes from years of abuse by an unyielding and demanding mother. In those God-calling moments, all I see is an authority figure I was supposed to feel safe with and trust. And my inner child screams, “RUN, IT’S A TRAP!”

If you think about it, Moses could have had abandonment issues while he was floating in the river in that basket for however long that lasted. He, too, could have feared trusting God (there were no therapists back then to help him sort through his issues). That could also be why he shoved Aaron in front of him, trying to get God to send him instead.

Anyway, Moses wasn’t really keen on the idea of confronting Pharaoh and tried to get out of it. But God wouldn’t have it. So he went…kicking and screaming. I think he was secretly excited when Pharaoh told him to take a flying leap, “See, God. He’s not budging. I’ll be going now.” But God stopped him in his tracks and had him sit through the litany of plagues, ten to be exact, that he rained down on Egypt:

  1. Blood
  2. Frogs
  3. Lice
  4. Flies
  5. Pestilence
  6. Boils
  7. Hail
  8. Locusts
  9. Darkness
  10. Killing of the firstborn

At last, Pharaoh relented. His patience expended; he told Moses to get them out of his sight. All the while, Moses had his sandals and toothbrush packed just in case. So they all scurried out of Egypt before Pharaoh changed his mind.

Now, the fun started. The Israelite’s story is strewn with whining and complaining at every turn, “There’s no water, this manna stuff sucks, my tent-mate snores.” Blah. Blah. Blah. How quickly they forgot how torturous their lives were in Egypt as they labored under cruel and unimaginable circumstances.

Now fast-forward. Remember when they were tent camping at the foot of the mountain, eating beans, roasting marshmallows over an open fire, and singing cowboy ballots while they waited for Moses to return from his historical visit with God?

(Blazing Saddles – Tenor GIF)

Wait, no, that’s the wrong scene. Sorry…

Anyway, surely you know this part of the story. Right? Bolts of thunder and lightning and God up close and personal. “No thanks! We’ll wait here.” They all gave Moses a high-five and “ATTA BOY, you got this” pep talk. Then, they waited at a safe distance. No doubt some bet on God pulling Moses into that burning bush, and that would be the last of him. They just weren’t trusting any of it.

And while we’re on the subject of us messy humans, let’s not forget that Moses wasn’t the poster child for perfection. I mean, he did kill that Egyptian and bury him under a pile of rocks. And he did tell God “No” several times when he didn’t like his plan. And, he whined incessantly about the Israelites whining.

Can you hear the “IT’S NOT FAIR!” mantra that must have droned on and on from all of them for FORTY.  LONG.  YEARS?

So, what about us? This is the point where we need to look in the mirror and try our damndest to deny that we do the same thing over and over and over again. Come on, you know I’m right. We do it so often it probably slips by our consciousness.

Okay, you sit there staring in that mirror if you want to, trying to excuse yourself to the God who knows better. I’m moving on. Though I’m not really sure how that’s going to work if I stay tethered to my past.

Letting go of the known, even if it’s negative thoughts and feelings that serve no good purpose, is just plain scary. So often, we would rather stay right where we know what to expect than risk the vulnerability that is sure to accompany something new and uncertain.

Looking back at the abuse of my mother, as bad as it was, I knew exactly what she would do and how to dodge the bullets so-to-speak. It became so commonplace it was almost a game at times. And when she tripped herself up, like the time she chased me up the ladder on our bunk beds and it fell backward, I probably felt a great deal of satisfaction. At least until she got her hands on me.

There is a flip side to that coin. Now that I’m adult(ish) and have no one to answer to, I also have no one to blame but myself if things go sideways. Which, I believe, is how God intended it. Taking responsibility for our actions and cleaning up our own messes in the process is how we are called to live in this unpredictable, messy life.

Don’t Like Your Story? – Change it!

In the immortal words of Mike Tyson, “Everyone has a plan till you get punched in the face”. That, I believe, is the moment you realize those plans are not serving you well, that your life is out of control, and no one is coming to rescue you.  

Sooooo….

  • You have to take control of your own life if you want to start waking up to your purpose.
  • You will never have a good relationship with anyone until you change your relationship with yourself. That requires honesty and self-love.

We are so skilled at blaming others for our unhappiness: an abusive parent, that mean third-grade teacher, God, whoever.

Looking in the mirror is not an option because that would be way too scary. Instead, we allow our ego to run roughshod over us and keep us under its control. But looking in the mirror is the starting point to change.

It’s like standing on burning coals, crying out to God to take away the pain, and then being angry with him for not doing it. Just move your damn feet!

Vance Morgan speaks to our flaws and faults we try to hide, “ … What if there are some parts of my “self” that I hide because I don’t like them because they might reveal character flaws and weaknesses that I would prefer no one know about?”  Never mind that everyone does know about them. They’re pretty obvious by the way we interact with others.

And besides, we all have flaws and faults. We can sit in judgment of everyone who makes messes in our lives. But at the end of the day, we must turn that anger toward our own sinfulness.

Years ago, I read a book by Cherie Carter-Scott titled, “IF LIFE is a GAME, THESE are the RULES”. She explains that our life’s lessons are repeated as often as it takes to learn them. Then, we can move on to new lessons.

Those people in your life who seem to hurt your feelings repeatedly? Lessons.

Those people who get on your last nerve? Lessons.

If we are willing to reflect on the triggers they cause, we will see what the universe constantly tries to show us.

Believe me, after all the years that I whined and cried about the unfairness of my life, of the constant dumping of other people’s crap into my lap, I could finally see I was reacting to the actions of others that reside within myself. It wasn’t pretty.

When it finally became too much to bear, and I fell into the grace of God with all the humility I could muster (which wasn’t much), something unexpectedly changed my focus and, in turn, my life. It began with my working with teenagers who, truth be told, I didn’t even like very much at the time.

I started a youth group at my church, thinking I would be doing them a favor. Aren’t I awesome, and don’t you love me to pieces because I’m doing this for you? It took God a while to get through my hard head as to why I was doing it. I needed my hurting ego fed. But the kids were very accommodating, and my ego was getting all the attention it longed for – until it wasn’t. It was pretty pathetic.

When you invest so much time and energy in something so shallow it inevitably collapses in on itself. Which is what happened to me. Then, there was a sudden breakthrough concerning the immense difference between taking and giving. Constantly taking is draining, while giving without expectations is fulfilling beyond imagining.

I believe it was then that I grew to love those, sometimes obnoxious, teens for no reason except that God loved them. That moment changed the trajectory of my life and showed me that I indeed had a purpose, that I was not the center of the universe, and the only person making me miserable was – well – me.

Though my purpose has changed and evolved over the years, the fullness of heart I feel comes only from God and from listening to him. Even when I wonder if he has lost his mind!

My life, thus far, has been an amazing and often surprising adventure. It has not been without its share of heartaches and disappointments. But through it all, God has never left me, or misguided or disappointed me.

So, if you are in a place in your life where you feel stuck in your messiness and trapped in your hurt and anger towards others you think have ruined your life – I implore you to stop. God has a plan for you. I know that for a fact. He’s waiting for you to let go of that over-burdening ego and allow him to guide your life. You will not regret it.

Those God wants to send you to serve are waiting and hoping for exactly what your gifts can bring into their lives. And isn’t that better than being continually “punched in the face”?!

Failure Will Not Have the Last Word

Funny word, “failure”. We tend to judge everything that misses the mark according to our expectations: Anything that does not invoke praise and accolades from others is deemed a failure. The times I have whined to God in deep sorrow for my failings have grown beyond my ability to number them.

Lord, I know this was from you – I did it – I failed at it – I am a despicable wretch! For example: remember way back in 2001, when You said, “Write a book”, and I did? I am yet to see it on the New York Times best-seller list. Your book would have been #1 on that list – forever!”

The Bible comes to mind. “No disrespect, but why didn’t You just write it yourself? I mean, really. Countless people have written and rewritten it until the essence of Your message is often blurred and confusing.

God: Are you finished, Linda?”

Me: Oops (a Job moment), “Yes. Sorry.”

God: “I’m not interested in how the world views your work. I am ONLY interested in how you trust and obey Me. I thought your story of surrendering to Me was beautiful. Okay, there were a few typos. But, that part about ‘giving birth’? I’m still laughing at that one. So, will you please quit your whining!?”

When we are obsessed with the outcomes success and failure, trusting in God’s plan can become obscured by fear. Often, I read these magnificent words from Thomas Merton to remind myself of God’s call for me to trust Him:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

I have learned countless lessons about trusting God. Many of my attempts were wrought with uncertainty and assumptions of failure throughout eleven years of my book-writing adventure. But I knew without a doubt it was God speaking to my heart from the beginning. His words, “Write a book”, were not cloaked in ambiguity. They were clear and undeniable.

The book’s first edition (yes, there have been two) was an unbelievably daunting and very expensiveas in $10,000 expensive – challenge. God made it sound simple enough. But, here’s where I began to falter: I made some very costly errors in judgment when choosing the Editor, and the book was published with several issues. I was angry with the publisher (that soon after went out of business) and myself and proceeded to complain to God.

Through tears of disappointment and self-doubt, I wanted to know why He had directed me to write a book when I understood nothing about the process that would ensue. I felt I had failed Him because everything seemed to go wrong. So, here’s God, ears covered, “Blah, blah, blah, I can’t hear you. Get it published.” Fine. I attempted many times to offer it to publishers, becoming the recipient of more rejections than Charles Manson when he tried to find a date for the prom! So, I self-published it. 

After the fact, I read a book about self-publishing. Wanna know what it said? NEVER, write a book FIRST! Get your name out there with published articles, establish a following, and then write your book.” Apparently, God failed to read that book.

Anyway, I was confused about how to proceed. Did I mention that I had 2500 books delivered to my doorstep and knew nothing about marketing? Did I mention that?! Then, to my utter amazement, people actually bought the book; people not even related to me!

The next surprise? The publication and subsequent sales, (though nothing earth-shaking for sure) of my very imperfect book led to a few speaking engagements – a notion that I found incomprehensible since I had never felt the slightest longing to stand in front of an audience and reveal my true self.

All my attention-grabbing stunts during my childhood had been designed to hide the real me! The very idea of speaking to a group of people horrified the adult me. I wanted to slap myself silly for saying “yes” without consulting my more reluctant self. What a long list of grumblers I follow: Moses (Exodus 4:10-17) and Jeremiah (Jeremiah 4-9), just to name two we know well.

Did I mention that the book is now in its second edition (edited more professionally)? I’m still not sure why. Still no call from the New York Times or Oprah. But – and here is where God has wanted me all along – it doesn’t matter if I sell even one. I am happy to give them away. God said, “Write”, – so I wrote. Everything else is fodder for Satan.

I, like Job, learned the hard way to accept being on a need-to-know basis when I feel God calling me, like Abraham (Genesis 12:1-3), to get on my camel and ride. No GPS, no roadmap, no crystal ball. I now find myself enjoying the adventure, even with blindfolds on!

So the next time you find yourself making room on the shelf for your next trophy, only to stare at the empty space it should have been placed in, try sitting quietly with the lesson. It’s there. Pray and wait for it.

When you are passed over for the job rightfully yours, stop to consider the lesson. When your plans to join a mission team in Haiti are dashed because you could not raise the funds – you got it – stop and listen to God. There’s a lesson there somewhere.

(clipart library)

I can never give up trusting that God’s plan for me is PERFECT, even if everyone else tells me I am a pathetic loser!

Oh, and if you’re interested in a book, I have a few hundred still available – free. Just contact me!

Acting ‘As If’: A Path to Healing and Growth

(Original post-2021)

Well, I’m still here in case you were wondering – or even if you couldn’t care less (in which case, I don’t suppose you’d be reading this). Regardless, here we go…

For over a year, I went kicking and screaming into a sudden and uncertain reality. In the process, I have slowly, often unwillingly, been discovering who I am in the midst of loss, pain, and sorrow. The world I thought would never change – changed – without any warning. NOT FAIR!

I reasoned (something my A.D.D. brain should know by now to question) that it was time for a change. So, I packed up my former self, one box, one picture, one memory at a time. I suddenly realized I had been trying to suppress the uncertainty of my future with superficial words and inadequate certitudes, “I’m fine. Really!” – even though it may appear that I’m losing my shit!

Some “experts” encourage us to act “as if” _________(fill in the blank) until it becomes our truth. So, I did – or at least I tried. But, in pretending I was already there, I believe I also denied the necessary process of change. So, does acting “as if” my life is often a total shitstorm count? Because right now it is – no acting required.

Jen Hatmaker beautifully describes the inevitable change of seasons in life, “It can be difficult to envision a new start but impossible to deny one. This is your work. No one can do it for you. Something doesn’t have to be bad to be over. That season has possibly given you everything it had to offer; it shaped and developed you, and it stretched and inspired you. We are not entirely rebranded with each new season; we simply build the next layer. As a testament to our design, we are capable of preserving the best of each season while rejecting the worst. The human heart is shockingly resilient. We need to get better at permission and grace.”

The pictures are packed up now, leaving bare walls and lots of nail holes my husband never knew about because, well, why measure when you can just eyeball distance, even if you suck at it! I didn’t take the time to count, but I’m pretty sure there were at least five or six holes behind each picture!

But I digress…

It has become clear to me that I have been stuck in the past. God tells us to stay out of there and move on, trusting Him every step of the way. The past certainly formed my identity to this point, and I am grateful for all of its lessons. But that’s not the end of my story or my journey. Hatmaker says, “You can care about new things and new beginnings and new people. Carry on, sister!” Carry on, indeed!

(Tenor GIF)

God wants me, wants all of us, to boldly step into each new day, believing every life experience, good or bad, will influence how we impact our world. Our loving God has created our most outlandishly gifted, magnificently designed selves for that very purpose.

It’s time to grab onto the desire of my heart that has been sitting too long and aching to be acknowledged, that one passion refusing to fade away no matter how much I have tried to ignore it.

Passion, Purpose and Poopyheads

Life sometimes seems like a “Comedy of Errors” from our first breath. You probably expected something very different while you were being formed in that cozy little B&B. You’re all comfy in there, aren’t you? Floating around getting all your needs met. It’s pretty sweet.

Except for those damn hiccups and people poking at you and trying to converse with you right in the middle of your nap. But then the party’s over. Without any warning, whoosh outcha’ go there little feller. You get flipped on your head and slapped silly by a stranger with a mask (that’s not scary!). All the while, you’re thinking this is not what the brochures promised!

I have fourteen grandkids and, at last count, fifteen great-grandkids. I am always awe-struck at the sight of babies. They show up all fresh and new, a clean slate. Well, they do have all that slimy stuff all over them, true, but it washes off.

And then life happens.

Good grief, life can be a shitstorm some days, can’t it? It really wasn’t meant to be that way, you know. Long before we set one teeny foot into this world, God had our life all figured out. He gave us a big hug and a heart bursting with love. Our purpose was to use the gifts he gave each of us to share that love. Then, finally, after all the work of creating us in his image (remember that for later), he kicked back, patted himself on the back, and proclaimed to himself, “Nice work!”.

Then, it all went sideways.

Maybe a parent failed us, or a friend betrayed us. A cheating spouse or a devastating illness caught us off guard. Then, throw in our own missteps and sinfulness. All of which helped to build a wall around our fragile hearts that God can’t even penetrate. That wall is fortified by a culture that worships independence, self-sufficiency, and self-promotion. As a result, we lose our way and move further from God. The world does not offer us choices that are meant to fulfill our lives. We simply learn how to climb into the least leaky boat.

If we dare step back, take a deep breath, and pay attention, the emptiness is almost palatable. But how did we end up here if it wasn’t meant to be that way? Well, somewhere along the way, we forgot who and Whose we were.

Being indoctrinated into “religion” only made it worse. Jesus’ whole purpose was to remind us of God’s love, the desire of God for relationship with us, and the longing of God for us to share that love with a broken world. But, we got lost in the “rules” and fell asleep. 

Oh sure, sometimes we get some crazy notion that we are here for a reason. So, we start beating our chest, determined to face our fears, stand down the bullies in our lives, and our own shadow. But it doesn’t seem to last long. We fizzle out for many reasons: Confusion, fear, lack of trust in ourselves, that stupid poopyhead that keeps showing up uninvited to the party, or that zombie apocalypse in our heads (you know that’s not real, right?)!

Well, crap!

But hey, if it’s any consolation, think about the hand-picked bunch of misfits Jesus had to deal with! Allow me to paint a picture for you. Better still, stick yourself in this moment. You’re Simon Peter at the Last Supper. Now don’t get all gender-specific about it; just indulge me, okay?

Anyway, everyone’s enjoying fellowship and a great meal. You start to take an extra helping of mashed potatoes with a big slab of butter. Yum. Then,  just as you’re about to dig in, Jesus turns to you and asks a question that seems to come out of nowhere, “Simon Peter, do you love me?”

You: “What?! Seriously? Of course I love you,” you say as you go back to stuffing your face (by the way, you should cut back on those carbs).

Jesus: “Feed my sheep.”

You nod.

But you barely get that spoonful of lusciousness to your mouth when Jesus asks again, “Simon Peter, do you love me?”

You’re flabbergasted, and your potatoes are getting cold. “Yes, Lord, I do. I swear (oops)!”

“Where is this coming from?” you mumble under your breath.

Jesus, unrelenting, “Feed my lambs.”

You scratch your head but get lost in – drum roll please – dessert. OMG! Your favorite, apple pie ala mode! You grab the server before she gets away and ask for an extra scoop of ice cream. You start to dig in, and….yep…

There he goes again, “Simon Peter, tell me again. Are you sure you love me?” Now, in all fairness, it’s understandable why Jesus keeps asking you that since you did run and hide when it all got too scary for you. But you’re about to lose it anyway, “Why do you keep asking me that same question? Yes, yes, yes, I love you.”

Then, without responding, Jesus stands up, walks to the window, and pulls back the curtain. “Simon Peter, come here.”

“Oh man,” you groan. Great, now your ice cream is going to melt. Everyone else is finished, and the server comes to clear the table, “Don’t take this,” you say, “I’ll be right back”! You walk to the window.

Jesus, “Simon Peter, look outside. What do you see?”

At this point, you get a little snarky: “I see trees of green, red roses too; I see them bloom for me and you, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.”

Jesus, “Oh, for heaven’s sake! You don’t see that mother crying as she holds her starving child? Don’t you see the beggar everyone is ignoring? You don’t see the broken humanity right outside this window?”

You swallow hard because you sense your moment of reckoning is here.

Jesus, “Three times I called you to feed my sheep, and three times you chose to feed yourself instead. You give lip service to my call to care for those who hunger and, in the same breath, claim to love me.”

Hopefully, this is where you pass on the dessert and get your sorry self out there doing what really matters like you were supposed to all along. But how do you do that? That, my friend, is a  good question. It was supposed to have been answered by your Kindergarten teacher when you were learning “This little light of mine”. Unless, of course, you were a public school kid like me. Okay, then, maybe you began to learn it in Sunday school – unless you were a heathen like me. Then, there’s the possibility your dear granny sat you on her knee (before knee surgery) and taught you all about Jesus’ love – unless your granny was a heathen too.

I think we were set up too when the Church decided to take control by creating lots of rules to keep us in line. It worked for a while, actually a very long while. But then, people tired of “rules” that couldn’t fill the void. Years of studies by Pew Research can attest to that fact, even if the Churches have decided to ignore it. The studies show the number of people fleeing from churches, particularly millennials, is growing.

Even older folks are just showing up to get their cards punched. They shake the Pastor’s hand and lie about how good his sermon was (if they stay that long), then grab a bulletin to prove they were there. Done for another week or two, or maybe till Easter. 

Then, as if that isn’t enough, we have the “stories” in the Bible. I know we could debate all day long about whether or not the “stories” are factual or myths. I know how I see them. You’ll have to decide for yourself.

Let’s look at just two I have a real problem with: Adam and his accomplice wife, Eve. We’re told that Adam and Eve set us up for failure. No sense in trying to be good. That’s a lesson in futility because, well, we can’t be “good”. It’s called “Original Sin”. It’s like a hereditary disease. We all have it, and there’s no cure for it. (Believe me, if the pharmaceutical companies could come up with a pill for it, they would have long ago!)

“I’ve got you now, you wretched little creature!” (Not sure how the Scripture verse that says we were made in God’s image reconciles with that, but there it is.) Like the Elf-on-the-Shelf, he watches our every move, just waiting for us to screw up. I mean, really. He was lurking around in the garden while they tried to hide, but he caught em’.

GOD: “I can see you, Adam.”

ADAM: “No, you can’t.”

GOD: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can.”

Then, there’s that whole burning bush thing. Do you think for one minute that wasn’t a setup for Moses? “Come on out God. We know you’re hiding there, waiting to pounce on our slightest indiscretion. That’s sneaky.” Sorry, I just can’t believe in that kind of god.

Somewhere along life’s journey, we are supposed to grow into the person we were created to be. But, we got snookered by the lies. Unfortunately, change isn’t going to happen on its own.

And don’t think for a moment that it’s just you. People who seem to have everything are hungry for that something “more”. Deep within every one of us is a longing for purpose. But, we can spend a lifetime whacking away at it in our foolish efforts to figure it out.

I think our world today has successfully sucked the life out of anyone who believes for one minute that we are here for more than accumulating fake friends on FB, making lots of money, having the newest iPhone, or investing in the latest miracle weight loss cure. And for what?

Get up. Do life. Go to bed. Repeat.

The fact remains, we have all been given a purpose in this life, the passion to fulfill it, and lots of poopyheads along the way intent on screwing it all up! The truth of our essence has been stifled, stuffed away, and rendered irrelevant, along with God and all that matters for humankind.

I believe “religion” has become something God never intended. For so long, if we stuck with it, we learned to stay within our comfortable unquestioned faith because to do otherwise was just too daunting. So religion became empty and void of meaning. And when young people came along who were not afraid to ask the hard questions and were not content with the canned answers the Church offered, they left in droves, and they’re still leaving.

“So what is my purpose?” – you ask. Why am I here? Good question. Our struggle is embedded in worldly pursuits that ultimately bring us to a dead-end. We want life on our terms. We don’t want to struggle, we don’t want to suffer, and we damn sure don’t want to encounter anyone else’s suffering. We have enough to deal with trying to stand out in this dog-eat-dog world. The point is that none of it offers fulfillment that lasts. Striving for more, paradoxically, leaves us emptier and hungrier.

Consider this: What would you be willing to die for if someone approached you and demanded everything you have accumulated and cling to, or they will kill you right where you stand? Any of it? Or would you quickly, without hesitating, hand over all the “things” you value? I’m guessing you would. I would!

Martin Luther King said, “If a man has not found something worth dying for, he is not fit to live.” Ouch! So, the question then becomes, what is worth dying for? I have a one-word answer. Ready? Love.

There it is.

I don’t know about you, but my most profound moments of clarity are when I do a life review at funerals. If funerals don’t cause us to evaluate our existence, I don’t know what will. We may still be standing at the grave site when the questions surface: Do I matter? Have I value? What is my legacy? Will anyone care when I’m gone? Do I really have a purpose? What have I done to make the world a better place? Will I have to eat that crappy potato salad at the luncheon again? (Oh, sorry, I digress)

We too want absolute certitude that what we are after is real. Faith is a calculated risk, but we don’t like risk even if there is a high degree of probability. It’s too iffy. No thanks.

A shaky questioning faith might be less cut and dry than mindlessly following a set of rules. It may be more uncontrollable and mysterious than you have ever experienced, but that will bring you into the presence of Love and your true worth as his beloved.

You may not have been told this, but you’re allowed to wrestle with God, to question the reason for the suffering and heartache in the world. You can tackle the very struggles and heartache within yourself that you have never thought you could bring to him—God’s tough. Trust me. He can take it.

I got so angry with him during a very difficult time in my life I cried and shook my finger at him, “God, if you love me so much, where were you when my mother was abusing me?!” I ranted on and on about all the suffering he allowed in my life. And what I got back from him was not a lightning strike which I was prepared for, but a gentle, loving response that unsettled the core of my being. “Linda, I did not abandon you during that time. I suffered along with you. My heart ached for you. I have lovingly, sorrowfully held your tears. But the choices people make are beyond my control. I’m truly sorry. But, you, my dearest daughter, have also sinned and fallen short. Even then, never have I stopped loving you. I’m just waiting for you to trust me and start loving me. Then, your healing will start, and you will be able to forgive those who hurt you.”

No church “rules” or dogmas will ever bring us into that deep-abiding relationship with him. It is what we call “experiencing” God. Until we can let go of our need to “know” that God is real, we will never allow ourselves to open our hearts to experience him.  It’s that simple and that critical.

That is Good News!

William O’Malley nailed it when he said, “Genuine religion begins – not as it did for most of us, with indoctrination and imposing worship but with a personally captivating experience, a “sense” of the numinous, a presence larger than the capacities of this world to produce.”

Frederick Buechner once wrote, “The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.”

YOU MATTER!

That is what John Eldredge tells us, “If we could believe that about our lives, and come to know that is true, everything would change. We would be much more able to interpret the events unfolding around us. We would discover the task that is ours alone to fulfill. We would find our courage. The hour is late, and you are needed. So much hangs in the balance. Where is your heart?”

Alrighty then, I’m done, and if I didn’t lose you long ago, I would like to offer you one last thing to contemplate: Which of these two scenarios would most likely bring you right to the heart of this very critical moment of truth, the most profound question of our existence?

(1) All your years growing up, you were drug to “church”. Parents started it: “Get up, clean up, sit quietly, don’t touch your brother, and act like this isn’t the most boring thing in your life! Then you’ll get donuts.” Then teachers of “religion” stepped in: “Memorize all the sins that will send you straight to hell: Miss one Mass – straight to hell. Think those dirty thoughts – straight to hell.” In short order “that little light of yours” has been snuffed out!

Or….

(2) You encounter Someone (guess who) doing things that draw you to him: Feeding the hungry, comforting the dying, kissing the leper, dining with prostitutes and beggars. He is so sincere and passionate about what he is doing that something incredible reaches deep down into the core of your being, and you can’t shake it. You are awe-struck, probably for the first time in your life, and you want to emulate him. You want to follow him. You want to sit at his feet and learn from him.

How to be a Human – for Dummies

(Originally posted on May 21, 2012)

how-to-be-human-for-dummies

Yesterday, I invited God to a whine-fest, “I’m so sorry! Why do you put up with me? I can never seem to get this human thing right.” Paul and I are like kindred spirits, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Romans 7:15). Mea culpa, mea culpa.

And then, this morning – an AHA moment! That holy 2×4…WACK, “Pay attention, Linda!”

It began a few days ago as a presumed uneventful adventure into the Bible. I resisted my usual habit of skipping over the begots, genealogies, and the “order of Creation.” That’s why I try to avoid the Old Testament unless I am searching for a particular verse. You know, the short, profound, meaningful ones.

I have persevered now. I’m almost to the end of Genesis – whew – it’s like running a marathon! Suddenly, the reality of yesterday’s whine-fest smacked me silly. I act like I’m the only misfit God created, the only failure. God’s only recorded mistake – ever!

But, alas, realizing a common bond, I have found myself shaking my head and laughing at the characters in Genesis! I’m sure you know these stories well. But have you ever connected the dots between them and us? Here’s what I find so amusing, though I’m not so sure God is amused:

  • God creates paradise. He plops Adam and Eve right in the middle of it. Eve barely gets her first morning stretch in before Satan offers her breakfast –THE APPLE! She bites (literally). Gives it to Adam. He bites. God shows up unannounced (he’s sneaky like that!). Adam whines and passes the blame off on Eve, “It’s not my faultShe made me do it”! (Genesis 1:1-3:24)
  • Adam and Eve have sex, as the job of being “fruitful and multiplying” rested entirely on them at this point.
  • So, Caine and Able are the first to arrive. Time lapses. Then, Caine, out of jealousy, kills his brother Able.  God shows up unexpectedly. Again. He punishes Caine. Caine whines, denies any wrongdoing, and with an in-God’s-face retort, “I don’t deserve this!” – he pleads for his life. (4:1-15)

Next, we have Noah…

  • He most likely didn’t whine. Well, maybe he complained about cleaning up after all those stinky animals, but we don’t know that for sure. Perhaps he kept his mouth shut because he was privy to God’s anger about all the stuff he had to put up with. Noah knew God was having Creator’s remorse and decided to wipe humanity out and start all over (6:9-8:19). (I don’t know, God. Maybe this would have been a good time to reconsider that whole free-will thing. Maybe.)
  • Even though God promised not to wipe out all of creation ever again, he didn’t promise not to annihilate a small part. Just a shot across the bow on Sodom and Gomorrah. God couldn’t even find ten faithful people there. So, Sodom and Gomorrah are no more. (19:1–25) Then, God asks anyone watching, “How do you like me now?!”
(clipart library)

Then, as soon as Noah’s sons hit dry land they began multiplying, cause God said so.

  • Somewhere in all that begetting, Abraham is born, grows to manhood, and marries Sarah. And they have sex too, but Sarah can’t conceive. God promises them a son in their old age, but they do not believe it, and Sarah is even caught laughing at him (18:10-15). Really!
  • When Abraham told Sarah she would conceive at the age of ninety-five, she rolled on the floor laughing. God heard her, “Are you laughing at me”? Sarah tries to deny it, “No, no, I wasn’t laughing…really”! God replied, “Yes, you were! Just for that, you’re not only going to conceive, but I will also give you, and every woman after you, stretch marks! Not so funny now, is it?”  But, really, I’m not sure Sarah grieved over her stretch marks. It’s not like bikini lines were an issue.

Hold on, more whining is coming…

  • In verses 16:1-6, the waiting got to be too much for Sarah. She failed to trust God’s promise. Whining to him for making her barren, Sarah takes matters into her own hands and gives Abraham her maidservant, Hagar, to conceive a child for her, and we all know how that turned out! Now, Sarah whines to God again. Hagar is making her life a living hell (16:1-6). Then, unbelievably (even though God promised), Sarah conceives Isaac (21:1-7).
  • Okay, now here’s Isaac, a grown man. He falls in love with beautiful Rebekah, who becomes his wife (24:62-67). Ahhh, a marriage made in heaven…NOT! They have twin sons, Jacob and Esau…awe…. Mom and dad play favorites. Isaac loves Esau, and Rebekah loves Jacob (25:27-28). And, you guessed it, Rebekah whines because Esau was born first and therefore had the birthright she wanted for Jacob. So, she and Jacob trick Isaac (25:29-34, 27:1-46).
  • Jacob falls in love with Rachel but is coned by their father into marrying her older sister. Then, whining, he realizes he has no alternative but to work longer so he could also marry Rachel. And, of course, there was plenty of whining between the two sisters, now sharing a husband. They were each pumping out baby after baby, trying to win his favor (29:1-30:24). Whoever thought of that arrangement never knew about PMS! Yeah, I say Jacob deserved it. Can I get an AMEN, sisters?!

Okay, that’s as far as I have gotten in the Old Testament – the FIRST BOOK! And, of course, there are lots more to come. We know that – deceit, murder, adultery, and the endless, incessant whining – everything we’re seeing and doing today, they were doing then. Even those God loved and favored. This has been the reality of humanity throughout the ages.

Yes, we are sinners, grumblers, and selfish, self-centered creatures – the whole lot of us. But God refuses to wipe us out again. And because we have not changed one tinsy bit, what he did seems more ridiculous than ever, “Christ died for the ungodly. Scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man, someone would dare to die. But God demonstrates his love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:6-8).

If Jesus wanted to walk with the sinless, he would have had to walk alone. If he was looking for someone, anyone, who was without fault, he would have had to look in the mirror. If he would only die for those who deserved it, he would not have bothered to come.

We humans, we sinful, messy, prideful, self-centered outcasts, are deeply loved by God in spite of ourselves. Why? It bears repeating that we were made in his image, and yet we beat ourselves up constantly for who we have come to believe we are, for only seeing our faults and assuming that’s all God sees too. Oh, he sees our faults – don’t ever doubt that! But he also sees the beauty deep within when he gazes lovingly at us. Every stinkin’ one of us.

And how about this for a revelation! Do you think God “gazed lovingly” at the Pharisees in the Old Testament times or their counterparts today? He shouldn’t have by our standards. But, here’s the reality. The sun shines, the cooling rains fall gently, the mighty Oak tree’s shade covers – all – the good and the evil.

Unlike the Pharisees, we “Publicans” know we need God. I ask you, is that not what is going on every time we whine? Something is happening in our life at that moment that is not right, and we know as Christians that God is the only one who can make it right. We grumble to the One who can take it and turn it around – it’s the Job story played out over and over again.

Henri Nouwen, in his book “The Life of the Beloved” says, “I want you to hear that voice, too. It is a very important voice that says, “You are my beloved son; you are my beloved daughter. I love you with an everlasting love. You belong to Me. That is where the spiritual life starts — by claiming the voice that calls us the beloved.”

Life can seem as painful as being pecked to death by a chicken. But live it we must if we are to fulfill our calling; our destiny. Claiming the innate blessedness of our humanity offers no trophies to set on a mantle, no promises of worldly success, no protection from pain, no surety of love from others. What it does offer, with surety, is a life unimaginable if we can just trust that God resides in our messiness.

Here’s my “Tear-Out for Quick Reference” because I daily forget who I am. What would yours look like?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tear-out for Quick Reference:

  • Begin and end every day in prayer. Spend a good deal of that time listening.
  • Stop my incessant whining and start living as the deeply and radically beloved sinner I am.
  • Admit my faults and ask forgiveness from those I have hurt.
  • Let go of my “right” to hurt others as they have hurt me. Forgive them.
  • Follow this simple and straightforward path of Micah 6:8, “Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.”
  • Don’t be a jerk.
  • Leave the world a better place than I found it.

Underwhelmed by God

(originally posted 3/13/16)

I am a nominal Christian. There I said it. Perhaps that is the beginning of change, like someone who goes to AA. They have to admit they’re an alcoholic first.

I have wanted God on my terms because I never really trusted him. How could I? I have not been able to trust the most important people in my life. Why would he be any different? So, in the name of self-preservation, I wanted him in time-out until he got his act together.

God wanted to be the most important thing in my life, but I kept him at a comfortable distance. He wanted to show me how much he loved me, but I refused to accept his love, reasoning that he was trying to trick me. He had to be. He said he wanted me to trust him and surrender my life to him, but his cunning wouldn’t fool me. I was smarter than that! Sure, I played the game when it served me. But I’m not sure my “playing” was believable to others, and God certainly knew!

I do have moments of sincerity and longing that God latches onto. He doesn’t miss an opportunity. When the door is opened, even just a crack, he zooms in with lightning speed! One recent example was when I was struggling in a relationship with someone important to me. I felt a “loving confrontation” was necessary to resolve the issue once and for all.

Now, I don’t handle confrontation very well. So, in a rare moment of submission, I turned to God first and prayed for his guidance. I wonder if he’s gotten over the shock yet, especially considering I waited for his response! That’s nothing short of a miracle.

A few days later, I went for a run at about 10:30 in the morning – not my usual time to run. I turned on my MP3 (that’s right, shocking, huh? I don’t have an iPhone, an iPad, or any I-want-what-you-have gadget. But somehow, I manage to hobble through life).

I turned on the radio instead of my playlist – also not usual. As soon as I turned it on, the woman announcer talked about a book she was reading, “Unoffendable” by Brant Hansen. As soon as I got home, I downloaded it on my Kindle. I couldn’t put it down. Honestly. It was amazing and just what I needed. Not just for this situation but for all time. He is so spot on and so incredibly funny. (He says he’s not, but he is.)

When Hansen says we Christians are the worst examples of always being offended and reacting with “righteous anger”, sadly, he’s right, and I am the worst offender of all. And, folks, that is why I have to admit that I am a nominal Christian, no matter what else I do to try and convince myself otherwise. But, hey, I tithe generously, fast, pray, and go to church. Why isn’t that enough?

Wait! Who do I sound like? The guy in Luke 18:13 who stood humbly before God and prayed? “He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’” Not hardly. More like this guy in verses 11-12: Looking around to make sure everyone was listening, he says, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'”

When I consider my “righteous” anger in the context of my relationships, I have to understand that I am making a statement about my faith and about God. Every time I try to one-up someone, I show them a false image of God, of Christ. I imagine them saying, “Oh sure, Linda, you have planted within me a burning desire to run to God with arms stretched out. Longing for His tender embrace.”

NOT!

What I am actually doing is turning others away. There’s a scripture verse for that, starting with WOE TO YOU, knuckleheads! Check it out all through Matthew 23. It’s not an affirmation! And, no, he doesn’t use the word “knucklehead”. What He does use is worse!

So, back to Hansen’s book. I was looking through it for my favorite quotes, but there are too many. And the scripture verses he quotes are too numerous to mention. So, just get the book and fasten your seatbelt!

After reading the entire book without taking a breath (I’m not kidding! Okay, I’m kidding), I prayed, asking God’s forgiveness for my pride and self-righteousness, for seeing myself as the savior of the world, and then I finally let it go. God’s timing is impeccable, considering Good Friday and Easter Sunday are right around the corner.

The Pascal Mystery is relived for us every year because we too quickly forget! Our tears of sorrow on Good Friday may turn to tears of joy on Easter Sunday, but then dry up on Monday. If God is lucky, we might make it to Tuesday. If our promised surrender to God was something tangible, it would end up on Craig’s List like the treadmill from a New Year’s Resolution with the heading, “Like New – Rarely Used”.

Being a nominal Christian does not have to be my fate. I no longer believe surrendering to God is an instantaneous, magic wand moment or nothing at all. In Matthew 4:5, the devil tempted Jesus to jump off the cliff with a promise of great reward. Not God. God doesn’t give us an all-or-nothing ultimatum.

If we just start somewhere in our messiness to trust him, to give up something we are clinging to, he will show us what he can do with it. He will reveal to us the peace and joy in our hearts that can only come from turning loose of our need to control.

This can be the time for us to sit at the foot of the cross and “see” with our very hearts what is right before us.

What do you see there?

Do you see a God to be feared?

Pixabay

Do you see a God trying to trick you into submission?

Do you see a God who will betray your trust?

Or do you see a God who loves you THIS MUCH:

God is not a nominal God, and we are not called to be nominal Christians. Instead, we are called to take his love into a hurting and broken world without fear, knowing he goes before us.

Are we in or out? (By the way, that confrontation I told you about never took place because I felt God’s gentle nudge to let go of the need to “fix” other people. And the angels rejoiced!).