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Finding Your Truth in the Chaos

by Linda Russell, posted in "Christians" who hate, fear, God is LOVE, loving others, Sermon on the Mount

Centuries ago, the words “know thyself first” were inscribed in gold (that’s how important it was) at the entrance of the temple of Apollo. Valeria Sabater, Ph.D., tells us those words were believed to be imperative because “No question makes sense if you don’t first answer the most important one: Who are you? It’s impossible to change how we feel about others until we know, really know, ourselves.”

If I truly know myself, then I will be able to recognize the source of my thoughts and feelings toward others – good or bad.

What is the basis for our love or hatred toward others? Have you ever thought about that? If not – why? Possibly because who wants to venture down that rabbit hole and come face-to-face with ourselves?! No thanks. Too scary. Yet, I believe God constantly challenges us to look honestly at how we pull others in or push them away and judge others without caring about what they may be dealing with in their lives.

We seem to have forgotten Jesus’ purpose for coming here: “Jesus hates you, this I know, ’cause the Bible tells me so.” Come on, sing along with me. You know the words. Wait, no… Jesus came to show us up close and personal how to love and care for those who are rejected and suffer terribly at the hands of others.

You may say you love your mother because she fed and clothed you and made your brother clean the bathroom once. But is that the impetus for your love? I have been known to say, ‘I love chocolate mint ice cream’ – which, full disclosure, I have said, but – REALLY?!

You may say you hate so-and-so because they did something to hurt you, but that isn’t really the reason. It goes much deeper than that. People have hurt me terribly over the years. It began with my own mother, then others – all reinforcing my belief that I was not worthy of love. Then, I did my best to hurt back for many of those years, believing I was justified.

The moment we strike out at someone or degrade them, the truth of our identity is being revealed –which is fear. We either fear others who are not like us, or we fear ourselves, which Freud termed “projection”. There’s something planted deep down that we hate about ourselves that shows up in that person.

Psychologist Brad Reedy says, “If we find part of ourselves unacceptable, we tend to attack others in order to defend against the threat. If we are okay with ourselves, we see others’ behaviors as ‘about them’ and can respond with compassion. If I kept hate in my heart for another, I would also have to hate myself. It is only when we learn to hold ourselves with compassion that we may be able to demonstrate it toward others.”

Hate is not our default setting, but there are people, sadly even some professed Christians, who make it seem so. Many have bought into the idea that if you don’t believe what I believe, you’re my enemy, and I’m watching you closely. Don’t screw with me! I have no doubt the Elf on the Shelf was created by someone who hates kids! But I digress…

We can easily point to Scripture to justify ourselves. How about “An eye for an eye” – huh?! It’s right there in the Bible! Yes, it is, and it may seem pretty compelling when it excuses our actions. However, I’m sorry if you really like that one because you would be using it out-of-context, as we tend to do with so much of Scripture.

The “eye for an eye” verse originated long before it showed up in Exodus and was not meant to validate personal vengeance. It was enacted into law to protect the vulnerable. According to Crosswalk.com, “The phrase is used in the circumstance of a court case before a civil authority such as a judge. ‘An eye for an eye’ was thus intended to be a guiding ethic for legislators and judges.” And didn’t Jesus clear that up in the Sermon on the Mount – teaching us to love the “least of these”? Give them your shirt, your last dollar, and a great big hug!

If we believe that God created us in his image and he resides within us, then what comes out of us as hatred toward others would not be possible. Can love and hatred coexist within the same heart? I suppose they can if that love is shallow and selective. But then, that’s not God’s love, is it? God’s most profound, truest love is indiscriminate, unconditional, and life-giving. It doesn’t strip others of their humanity and dignity.

“We do not realize that it wasn’t the person or event right in front of us that made us angry or fearful—or excited and energized. At best, that is only partly true. How we see will largely determine what we see and whether it can give us joy or make us pull back with an emotionally stingy and resistant response….what we are able to see and are predisposed to see in the outer world is a mirror reflection of our own inner world (my emphasis) and state of consciousness at that time.” Richard Rohr

Our every thought, word, and action depends on our awareness of who we are on the innermost level. That often requires brutal honesty, and, at least for me, that honesty often comes in the form of someone else’s admonitions. It’s hard for us to be vulnerable enough to be objective about our weaknesses and failings if we’re preoccupied with protecting our self-image.

It’s critical to have someone in your life who can be honest with you about who you are and how you project yourself into the world. And, believe me, that’s not fun if they will honestly tell you that what you just did or said to someone – well – it was mean, and you suck, and you should apologize immediately! There are times when I can actually do that myself – but not many.

I will leave you with this thought: “Compassion is the ultimate expression of your highest self.” Russell Simmons

“Bad” Kids and “Hopeless” Saints

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in bad kids, Healing, hope, If not us, then who?

I recently completed chaplaincy training for my church, making me a “certified” Lay Chaplain – yeah, me! My long-held desire to work with kids in Juvenile Detention will soon be realized.

During this celebratory moment, I had an encounter with someone that I did not see coming. When I excitedly told him about my graduation and plans to work with the kids, he said, “Oh, the bad kids”. Alrighty then – a remark from a “Christian” kid who wants for nothing.

That was the conversation that prompted this post. My immediate response to him was that there are no “bad” kids, just kids who have made bad choices, often in the midst of circumstances likely out of their control. I know those kids well, having been one myself. No, I was never in jail, but there were times I came close.

Over many years, I have worked with kids in varied ministries and jobs and have shared those stories in past posts. I’ll tell you about two that profoundly impacted my life:

It all started about forty years ago when I decided it would be fun to put together a youth group at our church. I wasn’t really “qualified” to lead a youth program, so I embarked on a three-year Youth Ministry Studies Program.

I came out on the other side, brought together some amazing young adults to help lead it, and it took off. It didn’t seem too intimidating. You know, “good” kids just having fun together and learning a bit about God at the same time.

I recall one incident during that time that deeply impacted me! Two brothers came. One of them, I’ll call him John, always seemed to be bored to death. I often witnessed his brother’s cruel remarks toward him in front of everyone, but this kid kept coming every week.

One time, we put our chairs in a circle for a discussion. John pulled his chair up outside the circle, slumped back, and folded his arms, signaling total indifference. Subtle but noticeable. So, I asked a question. A few of the kids responded, and then John responded. I said to him, “That’s a great answer, John. I would not have thought of that!” Then, he looked at his brother, smiled smugly, and pulled his chair into the circle. Subtle again, right? Until you know his story. Then you realize how profound that gesture was.

John’s family was a mess. His brother excelled in everything he did, and their parents often reminded him of his failings and how he should be more like his brother. His brother also jumped on that ridicule train and criticized him every chance he got. So, his seemingly understated act of pulling his chair into the circle was huge!

A few years later, I went to work for Youth-In-Need and met a kid who challenged my authority – which I wore as a badge of honor. – “Don’t mess with me, I’m in control here, kid!”  I’ll call him Justin. God called him my teacher.

I don’t think Justin ever knew his real identity as a “beloved child of God”. It’s likely that no one ever told him that in his short twelve years of life. I lived that story for years myself, and I sometimes still fall back into a false belief that I’m not worthy.

Anyway, here he was at Youth-In-Need, where I worked as a glorified house-mom. Troubled kids came there just before they ended up in Juvenile Detention if our therapists couldn’t help them get their lives together.

Justin was always angry and pounding his fist on anything that didn’t pound back. On his worst night, we felt we had to contact the on-call therapist. I went downstairs to the office, called her, and explained the situation. She asked if I felt threatened. If I said “yes,” they would have sent the police to take him away.

At that moment, God reached into my exhausted and hardened heart and broke through my stubborn will to control. I told her “no,” I did not feel threatened and that it would be fine.

As soon as I hung up, Justin, who was listening at the door, burst into the office, still angry, “You gonna call the police?! Go ahead, I don’t care! I’m not afraid of you!” I told him that I was not going to call the police and to just go upstairs, get his shower, and go to bed.

Out of somewhere came the words, “And, Justin, if you want a hug, I’ve got one for you.” To which he quickly replied, “Yeah, right!” and slammed the door when he left. While filling out the incident report, I thought, “Yeah, right. What was I thinking?”

When I walked upstairs, he came out of the bathroom, clearly not angry anymore. He looked at me and asked, “Can I have that hug now?” I hugged that kid so hard, wondering if he had ever been hugged. Had anyone ever made him feel worthy of love?

Here is a beautiful quote from Father Gregory Boyle. Working with gang members in L.A. he founded and directs Homeboy Industries. “You stand with the least likely to succeed until success is succeeded by something more valuable: kinship. You stand with the belligerent, the surly, and the badly behaved until bad behavior is recognized for the language it is: the vocabulary of the deeply wounded and of those whose burdens are more than they can bear.”

Do you know how many Saints could also have been defined as “bad” kids? A lot! Here are just two that come to mind for me:

St. Moses the Black

Saint Moses was an enslaved Ethiopian in Egypt in the fourth century. He murdered someone, got kicked out of his master’s house, and became the leader of a band of murderers and robbers. After an AHA moment, determined to change his ways and repent of his sins, he attempted to enter a monastery and become a monk but wasn’t well received because the monks didn’t trust his sincerity. It took a long time to convince them that he had changed. They eventually accepted him, and he also was instrumental in the conversion of some in his former band of robbers.

St. Augustine

 He was also a piece of work. Augustine described himself as a “very bad little boy.” He admitted to being full of anger, a liar, a thief, and a cheat!

 We hear about his mother’s fervent praying for his lost soul, but they also had a terrible relationship. He was mean to her, and there was a two-year period when they didn’t speak to each other.

Augustine continued to struggle with his sins and passions even after his conversion.

So, there you go. We should never assume that any kid is innately “bad”, no matter their actions. Kathy Escobar reminds us to “look the outcast in the eye and remind them of their worth” because it is likely that no one has ever done that.” 

I plan to take all of the God moments and lessons I’ve learned into the Detention Center every time I have the opportunity to love on the kids! Deep down, I want them to know that God will not punish them until they cry “uncle”. He won’t try to scare them into submission like so many of their parents or guardians likely did.

I want to say to all of them, “God wants to love you so fiercely that you will cry – with the joy of knowing you are his beloved, and there’s nothing you can do about it!” I want to help them sort through the kurfuffle they have likely dealt with all their lives. And, yes, I will use the word “kurfuffle” because they’ll love it! I’m going to laugh and cry with them. Then I’ll go home, thank God for another opportunity to love as Jesus loves, take a nap, and do it all over again and again – for as long as I can!

Who knows? Maybe I’ll be known as the kurfuffle-busting granny. They may invite me to their graduations, weddings, and baby baptisms!

And, finally – hopefully – when God’s plan for me has been fulfilled, and I stand before him, I will hear those magical words, “Well, Linda, what a ride, huh?! I will say you got on my last nerve at times, but kudos and well done my good and faithful servant! Oh yeah, and bonus, you can stop counting calories now!”

A Non-Exclusive Jesus Club

by Linda Russell, posted in "Christians" who hate, Do you love Me?, Follow Me, God is LOVE, loving others, Lukewarm Christian, the greatest of these is love
(Pope Francis blesses a leper Photograph: Claudio Peri/EPA)

Over the past few weeks, I have heard visceral and angry comments from others about homosexuality, mostly from professed Christians. Of course, this is nothing new.

I’m sure what has likely stirred the hornet’s nest for many were the recent words of Pope Francis permitting priests to bless same-sex couples. Undoubtedly, many bishops were incensed, and I’m sure Pope Francis expected it. What I’m also sure of is that he didn’t stop to worry about the fallout of his decision or how that would reflect on his approval numbers.

The noise was so profound for me because it came at Christmas. If you have to ask why that matters, I will tell you if you will indulge me. You are free to disagree. I would ask that you consider what I am sharing here in light of our having just celebrated the birth of Christ, which would soon be followed by his short life of loving as God taught him, followed by his unimaginable suffering, pain, and death because of that love.

Let me share the writings of two women here because they beautifully express what I feel:

First, Episcopal priest Cynthia Bourgeault explains the uncomfortable question of what the Bible says about sexual orientation: “How you answer this question depends hugely on what you take the Bible to be. If you believe that the Bible is a single, timeless, internally consistent teaching on matters of human morality dictated by God, then yes, the Old Testament book of Leviticus is definitely uncomfortable with homosexuality. But it is also uncomfortable with menstruating women, shellfish, and pigskin. (And for the record, it has some very harsh words to say about lending money at interest, a prohibition that even biblical literalists seem to find it perfectly permissible to disregard!).”

Oops…

She continues, “Like most other critically thinking Christians, I see the Bible as a symphony (sometimes a cacophony!) of divinely inspired human voices bearing witness to an astonishing evolutionary development in our human understanding of God…. As a Christian, I am bound, when I listen to this diversity of biblical voices, to set my compass by the teachings and the path walked by Jesus himself.”

Oops again…

“Nowhere does Jesus condemn gays or lesbians (or any other person identified in the diverse range of LGBTQ+)…. His harsh words are reserved entirely for those whose certainty about their religious rectitude causes them to condemn others. Jesus is all about inclusion, forgiveness, and empowerment.…

I am compelled by my Christianity to refrain from any behaviors or judgments which arrogantly demean the dignity of another human being or cause them to lose hope.”

Now, these thoughts of Alyse Jacobsen:

“In the New Testament, the original Greek words, arsenokoitai, and malakoi, have been translated to “homosexual.” But their original meanings are ambiguous at best. Scholarship suggested the words are closer to describing someone who uses authority to gain sex, someone who uses sex to hurt another human being. There was no Greek or Hebrew word for a committed same-sex relationship. Selective and literal interpretations of the Bible are dangerous.

Jesus would have known about homosexuality. He was an educated rabbi; he would have been able to recite the verses that condemned it. But he never mentioned it. Not once. I find this astounding.

Somehow, we’ve forgotten that our lesbian neighbor is filled with the Holy Spirit, too, that she is also made in God’s image. We’ve forgotten to see her as a whole person, with dreams and goals, and divine inspiration….”

Finally, I believe if we claim to be Christian, we must honestly confront any hatred and prejudice we harbor in our hearts, in light of the only “law” God gave us (Matt. 22:37) –“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself – which is every human being also created by God.”

We are all card-carrying members of a broken humanity. For the love of God, can we PLEASE try not to take our miserable mess and pile it onto others?

What are we teaching our children when we hate? What message are we giving those who are searching for the love of Christ that has been lost to them along the way? How could they feel he is trustworthy? How are we culpable in forwarding a false Christian message that Jesus doesn’t like you because you’re ______________(fill in the blank)?

No Line Here for Returns

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in a new Christmas, God's return policy, Our Imperfection, Return to Me

Okay, you got through Thanksgiving with only mild indigestion brought on by that obnoxious uncle of yours. You wanted so badly to act on your impulse to go for his juggler, but you didn’t…because that would have pissed off your mother, which, in turn, would have pissed off your father…because he would have had to listen to it after everyone left!

Then, you managed a Black Friday shopping spree that turned into an all-nighter…because you stopped at the bar to drown your annual sorrows in the beer you bought with your last few bucks…because you’ll be dragging your sorry-self home to an empty house…because your dog doesn’t even like you and runs and hides when you walk in the door.

So now, you’re sitting surrounded by random crappy gifts for people you don’t even like, who will return them after Christmas….because they don’t like you either….because of your continuous fighting over stupid political issues that you don’t even remember….because that’s how your life has spiraled out of control. Which seems to have begun when you walked away from church…because of something daft the pastor said about the monetary requirements for heaven right before the basket was passed around.

So now, take a deep breath…because right on the heels of your worst Thanksgiving ever will be the likely coming of your worst Christmas ever: Same shitshow, different day…because you can’t seem to muster the humility to stand before God where there’s no line, no waiting, no need to explain where you’ve been. He knows – duh!

All God’s asking from you is a sincere apology, an honest effort to change, and a willingness to unload the gun, tear up the next hate letter you were about to mail and delete all the anonymous posts from Facebook – ALL OF THEM!

Because…this could change the course of your entire pathetic life! This could actually make you want to wake up in the morning – volunteer at a soup kitchen – cut your neighbor’s grass – or take that crabby uncle out to lunch for no reason. Or all of the above…BECAUSE – you have finally discovered that God gave your life meaning and purpose before you even existed, and now he wants to help you fulfill it!

And why, you ask, would you even think that it would be possible to return your wretched, messy, used-up, broken self to God? Surely there’s an expiration date on returns not in “like new” condition.

Because that’s how God rolls! He forgives, he forgets, and he’s wildly and shamelessly in love with you right there in your mess. I know, crazy, huh?! And he makes all things new! That’s right – even you!

Santa, Won’t You Bring me a Mercedes Benz

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, Christmas shopping, Do Something, If not us, then who?, serving others, Uncategorized

I offer this post right before what may be the most popular day of the year – Black Friday. It is my lame effort to curtail the insanity. You’re welcome!

dear santa

Have you ever read about Janis Joplin’s life? I watched a documentary about her called Janis: Little Girl Blue. I found it to be such a sad account of a desperate and broken life. Her song Mercedes Benz was recorded on October 1, 1970, three days before she died, alone in her motel room, of a heroin overdose. The song was actually a slam against consumerism.

As Performing Songwriter Magazine stated, “She was outspoken about the illusory happiness promised (but rarely delivered) by the pursuit of worldly goods, a hippie-era rejection of the consumerist ideals.”  But then, in contrast, she was often seen wearing a mink coat given to her by Southern Comfort because she offered free advertising for them. It seems to have been her drink of choice. Needless to say, she was complicated.

Joplin grew up in a town in the heart of what her sister called redneck country. It had an active chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. And weren’t they thrilled when she spoke out against racial segregation, which also made her a target for ridicule by the other kids in her school. According to her sister, they were relentless in their attacks on her.

Her fragile ego wasn’t spared when she went away to college, either. In 1963, Joplin was cruelly voted “The Ugliest Man on Campus” at the University of Texas. “She was left with little more than the yawning chasm of a tortured loneliness,” her publicist and biographer, Myra Friedman, wrote after Joplin’s death.  Her book was titled, “Buried Alive”. On the Dick Cavett Show, she once said, “They laughed me out of class, out of town, out of the state.”

Even after she managed to get away from Texas, she could never seem to escape the loneliness and rejection she experienced there.  She just wanted to be happy, to be loved, but those longings always eluded her. The sex, the drugs, and the fatalistic sense of being lost and alone tormented her to her death.

In 1968 she wrote to her family, “From all indications I’m going to become rich & famous. Incredible! All sorts of magazines are asking to do articles & pictures featuring me. I’m going to do every one. Wow, I’m so lucky – I just fumbled around being a mixed-up kid (& young adult) & then I fell into this. And finally, it looks like something is going to work for me. Incredible. We’ll pin the review up so everyone can see – I’m so proud.”

On September 18, 1970, Jimi Hendrix died of a heroin overdose. When she heard of his death, she told friends, “he beat me to it.” Two weeks later, on October 4th, she was found dead. In her will, she left her friends and family $2,500 to throw a wake party which was held on Oct. 26. One partier remembered, “Everyone got drunk and messed around, and nobody mentioned Janis at all.”

Ronald Rolheiser summed up her struggles this way, “She simply lost the things that glue a person together and broke apart under too much pressure. Janis Joplin could not will the one thing.” That “one thing” of course, is our innate connection to God, not things of this world we aimlessly strive for to take his place.

If the current rates of depression and suicide are any indication, people of all ages continue to struggle to fill a void left by our rejection of God and the great American obsession with self.

According to the CDC, in 2017, suicide was a Leading Cause of Death in the United States:

  • Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,000 people.
  • Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54.

And what about those who have not become a suicide statistic? According to the American Psychological Association:

  • 7% of the U.S. population over age 12 took antidepressant medication in the past month.
  • There has been a 64% increase in the percentage of people using antidepressants between 1999 and 2014. In 1999, 7.7 percent of the population took the medication.

Tim Kasser, Professor and Chair of Psychology at Knox College, has studied people’s values and goals for over twenty years. He says, “The materialistic or “extrinsic” goals are the goals for money, image and status that are so encouraged by consumer capitalism. We contrast these with the “intrinsic” goals for…affiliation (e.g., having close relationships with family and friends” and community feeling (e.g., helping the broader world be a better place).”

And the bottom line? Our hunger for love is insatiable outside of God. 

How often we pray for God to do something for those who suffer but fail to hear his reply in the depths of our hearts, “I did do something, I created you.” Matthew West expressed this beautifully in his song titled, “Do Something”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_RjndG0IX8

We fail to remember that God sent Jesus here to live among us, to show us what that looks like. And then…ready?…he called us to carry on that embodied love by giving entirely of ourselves. By using the gifts, he has given us for his glory. Just like God counted on Jesus, he now depends on us. Jesus says to each of us who continue to follow him, “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these”. John 14:12-14

I could give you so many examples of people who live that truth, and many are kids who have a significant impact as they strive to make a difference in their communities.

Look at what Jon Bon Jovi and his wife are doing. This brought me to tears: https://jbjsoulkitchen.org  “The way to feel good is to do good.” Jon Von Jovi. There you go. He just said in one sentence what took me three pages!

I hope this sheds a whole new LIGHT on Black Friday for all of us. Maybe we should call it “ILLUMINATED Friday”. Yeah…I like it!

I pray that we may all stop in the midst of the usual holiday chaos and contemplate the true wonder and magic of Christmas and then share that magic with some part of this broken world.

May God richly bless you and yours this Christmas season, and beyond!

Don’t Like Your Story? – Change it!

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Consider trials pure joy!, God's plan, Life's Choices, life's trials

In the immortal words of Mike Tyson, “Everyone has a plan till you get punched in the face”. That, I believe, is the moment you realize those plans are not serving you well, that your life is out of control, and no one is coming to rescue you.  

Sooooo….

  • You have to take control of your own life if you want to start waking up to your purpose.
  • You will never have a good relationship with anyone until you change your relationship with yourself. That requires honesty and self-love.

We are so skilled at blaming others for our unhappiness: an abusive parent, that mean third-grade teacher, God, whoever.

Looking in the mirror is not an option because that would be way too scary. Instead, we allow our ego to run roughshod over us and keep us under its control. But looking in the mirror is the starting point to change.

It’s like standing on burning coals, crying out to God to take away the pain, and then being angry with him for not doing it. Just move your damn feet!

Vance Morgan speaks to our flaws and faults we try to hide, “ … What if there are some parts of my “self” that I hide because I don’t like them because they might reveal character flaws and weaknesses that I would prefer no one know about?”  Never mind that everyone does know about them. They’re pretty obvious by the way we interact with others.

And besides, we all have flaws and faults. We can sit in judgment of everyone who makes messes in our lives. But at the end of the day, we must turn that anger toward our own sinfulness.

Years ago, I read a book by Cherie Carter-Scott titled, “IF LIFE is a GAME, THESE are the RULES”. She explains that our life’s lessons are repeated as often as it takes to learn them. Then, we can move on to new lessons.

Those people in your life who seem to hurt your feelings repeatedly? Lessons.

Those people who get on your last nerve? Lessons.

If we are willing to reflect on the triggers they cause, we will see what the universe constantly tries to show us.

Believe me, after all the years that I whined and cried about the unfairness of my life, of the constant dumping of other people’s crap into my lap, I could finally see I was reacting to the actions of others that reside within myself. It wasn’t pretty.

When it finally became too much to bear, and I fell into the grace of God with all the humility I could muster (which wasn’t much), something unexpectedly changed my focus and, in turn, my life. It began with my working with teenagers who, truth be told, I didn’t even like very much at the time.

I started a youth group at my church, thinking I would be doing them a favor. Aren’t I awesome, and don’t you love me to pieces because I’m doing this for you? It took God a while to get through my hard head as to why I was doing it. I needed my hurting ego fed. But the kids were very accommodating, and my ego was getting all the attention it longed for – until it wasn’t. It was pretty pathetic.

When you invest so much time and energy in something so shallow it inevitably collapses in on itself. Which is what happened to me. Then, there was a sudden breakthrough concerning the immense difference between taking and giving. Constantly taking is draining, while giving without expectations is fulfilling beyond imagining.

I believe it was then that I grew to love those, sometimes obnoxious, teens for no reason except that God loved them. That moment changed the trajectory of my life and showed me that I indeed had a purpose, that I was not the center of the universe, and the only person making me miserable was – well – me.

Though my purpose has changed and evolved over the years, the fullness of heart I feel comes only from God and from listening to him. Even when I wonder if he has lost his mind!

My life, thus far, has been an amazing and often surprising adventure. It has not been without its share of heartaches and disappointments. But through it all, God has never left me, or misguided or disappointed me.

So, if you are in a place in your life where you feel stuck in your messiness and trapped in your hurt and anger towards others you think have ruined your life – I implore you to stop. God has a plan for you. I know that for a fact. He’s waiting for you to let go of that over-burdening ego and allow him to guide your life. You will not regret it.

Those God wants to send you to serve are waiting and hoping for exactly what your gifts can bring into their lives. And isn’t that better than being continually “punched in the face”?!

I Can’t Deal With You Today: And tomorrow ain’t  lookin’ too good either

by Linda Russell, posted in Uncategorized
https://gifdb.com/gif/holy-water-please-disappear-vintage-show-h0lybu0zmf1uha86.html

Am I the only one who often wants to go live in a cave with a porta-potty, refrigerator, a mattress, and no human contact – EVER AGAIN?!

Let’s see – I would definitely need to pack bug spray…and snake repellant…and a water filter (gotta have that!). I wonder if Amazon would be able to make deliveries. Oh, never mind.

Those moments are usually fleeting and arise after encountering some dumbass or, worse, watching lots of them huddled together on the news.

The world seems to be growing more and more insane by the day if we only focus on the god-awful people who make the news in the first place. Don’t we have enough to deal with just surviving without being constantly reminded of the ugliness that surrounds us?

Then recently, unexpectedly, my faith and hope were renewed. I attended a prayer service for “National Gun Violence Awareness Day”. I thought it was just a gathering of my church to recognize and pray for an end to gun violence. I had no idea it was a national movement that started in 2015.

On their site, they state, “In 2022, more than 1500 partner organizations, influencers, corporate brands, elected officials, and landmarks joined hundreds of thousands of Americans to unite around a call to end gun violence.” I was blown away. Those, my friends, are God numbers!

Burning bush moments

There are so many examples in Scripture of God confusing people by showing up unannounced in unexpected places trying to find an opening in our hard heads.

My heart suddenly filled with a trust (which I should have always had) that God is working right in our midst, in all the turmoil, insanity, and seeming lostness of humanity – as always. We often aren’t aware of it because we’re not present in our own burning bush moments. And apparently, that’s not newsworthy – God’s not newsworthy. Humph!

Still waiting?

Now, does all this mean that we can just sit back and wait for God to show up and fix every mess we humans have created ourselves? It seems that we continually take our complaints to him, expecting a reset.

ME:  Lord, I’m tired and confused and drained of any desire to come out of my cave and try again. Please don’t give me that stink-eye, or worse, the silent treatment. Can you just fix it?

GOD:  (defeating silence)

Hopefully, in that silence, we realize we have forgotten why we’re here in the first place. God does amazing work in and through us. The mind knows that, but the heart fears it will demand too much from us.

This is not complicated

God sent Jesus as a living, breathing template along with a one-word instruction manual. My A.D.D. brain always bulks at sitting and reading forty-page instruction manuals before starting a project. Then, inevitably, I end up with missing or extra parts and no idea what to do with them. But God’s manual has only one word: LOVE!  

Jesus has always managed to work with the messy humans assigned to him, but he surely rolls his eyes in response to our efforts because we add stipulations to loving others: I will think about loving you if ______________ (fill in the blank).

Jesus mastered his task to love unconditionally all the way to the cross as he handed his disciples, and now us, the baton, “Now, it’s up to you and the Spirit within you, to carry on God’s work in my name. Don’t screw this up. I’m depending on you, Gods depending on you.”

I’ll leave you with two of my favorite quotes:

“Nothing shows the presence of the spirit in human life as well as love does…. When love is expressed as compassion, the spirit enables us to come out of ourselves, put ourselves in the other’s place, and bend over the person who has fallen by the wayside. … By grace, we participate in God’s very being. Here the human spirit is touching the hem of the Holy Spirit’s garment.” Leonardo Boff

“I worship Something Else that says that everyone is a beloved child of the divine, nothing more, nothing less, no matter what. We are not better than.” Tommy Airey  https://radicaldiscipleship.net/2023/06/05/a-god-who-confuses/

A Continual Holy Calling

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Follow Me, God's plan, If not us, then who?

Go ahead – try to hide from God

(Shaquille O’Neal – like you can’t tell!)

Last Sunday was the Feast of the Ascension, celebrated by many Christian faiths.  

Let’s begin with a refresher of the lead-up to this pivotal moment, just in case you slept through it or you didn’t think it applied to you.

 The big question is, why did God send Jesus here?

It wasn’t to flex his muscles – although he could have. He could have taken his anger out on our sinfulness and rejection and wiped us all out. He did it before you know…No, it was to show us in the most powerful way he could how deep his love is for us, particularly those who suffer.

It wasn’t to gather groupies who would idolize him, serve him, and cater to his every whim – although that would have been easier. All he had to do was eliminate free will. But our free will to love him – or not – was too important to him even though the will of those in power nailed his Son to the cross. No, it was to model meekness, humility, and service to those most in need. 

It wasn’t to puff out his chest and boast of his great might – although he had plenty to boast about. No, his extravagant love was manifested through his beloved Son, not puffed up and boastful, but rejected and slumped over on a cross.

And so, Jesus comes without any fanfare

Jesus came to earth as a human being, just like you and me (we seem to have a hard time believing that). He had a particular purpose to fulfill, just like you and me (we can’t seem to believe that either).

God wanted him to show us up close and personal how deeply and passionately we are loved, how much he longs to bless us, and how we should care for and be blessings to others (those truths also seem to have been lost to us on our often broken journey).

Jesus set out to fulfill his purpose even though he knew he was making a lot of “important” people angry, so angry they would kill him. I’m pretty sure no one wants to kill us for striving to be all God created us to be (though that’s not true for many Christians even today.

Just to be sure though, we have to come up with some excuse to opt out – and we do: I’m not smart enough, I’m busy, I don’t think that applies to me. I need to straighten up my messy life and my underwear drawer first (BTW, you can quit using that one. Everyone knows your mother still does that for you).

Daily, Jesus had to decide if he would keep doing what he came to do. Just before they came to take him away, Scripture tells us that he was in agony, praying that God would make it disappear (Luke 22:39-46). After all, the human side of him did not want to suffer. But, in the end, he accepted whatever God’s will was.

In Holy Week – we are reminded of Jesus’ suffering, death, and glorious resurrection on Easter Sunday, which we celebrate as the church’s most powerful reminder of how much God loves us! Easter Sunday is the moment in time when the disciples came out of hiding, when their fears and doubts fell away.

And now we come to the Ascension (Acts 1:5-11). This is when the disciples and Jesus get together for the last time, and they ask him if this would be his grand finale – restoring God’s kingdom. They were beside themselves with excitement and anticipation.

And his response? “Yeah, that’s not your business. That is the business of God. But, not to worry; he will fill you with the Holy Spirit to help you carry on in my name. The work you will do will be epic!”

Then, poof, he was gone. The disciples just stood there scratching their heads and staring up into the emptiness. Then, two guys in white robes showed up, “Hey, what are you doing? Why are you just standing there? It’s time to pull up your big boy pants and get going. It’s called adulting, guys. Jesus worked with you for three years to bring you to this moment of becoming response-able for your part in God’s kingdom work.”

So, what now?

God tells us he made us in his image and had special plans for us before we were even born. He gave everyone gifts and talents and, at the same time, made each person unique and special. (Jeremiah 29:11)

(Charles Schultz quote)

Sure, you may doubt yourself. You may not want to risk using gifts you feel inadequate to pursue. But, if you trust that God gave you those gifts, then you must believe that he has already given you everything you need to use them for his glory. Not doing that would be sort of like gifting you with a new car and not giving you the keys.

What do you say?

If you haven’t already, there is no better time than now to reflect prayerfully on your life’s purpose. Sit quietly with God and ask him to help you consider the following:

  • Do you enjoy helping others?
  • Do you consider yourself a leader?
  • What makes you happy – sad?
  • What are you passionate about?
  • Has someone else told you that you are good at something?
  • Who do you admire and why? (Often, what we admire in others is what we would like to develop in ourselves).

God is waiting for each of us to come out of hiding, step out of our comfort zone, and serve this broken world.

It’s time to deeply contemplate Jesus’ life, death, resurrection – and his calling to each of us. Is this your resurrection moment? Is it time for your “yes”?  

2 Corinthians 5:17 proclaims that you are a new creation in Christ each new day, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

Also, and very importantly, when considering your gifts and how you are called to use them try not to get all full of yourself in the process – okay? It would be easy to do, but, dear heart, this isn’t about you! Sorry.

Now, go on. What are you waiting for? Have no doubt that God knows you’re a hot mess – so what?

Ignoring God’s Call – Bad Idea!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Do Something, fear of failure, life is short
(iStock photo)

First, I will treat you to the condensed version of: “What the #%*& am I waiting for?”

  • About twenty-three years ago, in a clear audible voice, God told me to write a book. So I did. Then, I paid $10,000 (yep, that’s the correct number of zeros) to have it edited and self-published. Two thousand copies were dropped off on my front porch a few months later. Then, I stared at them, realizing I knew nothing about marketing. And apparently, I knew nothing about trusting a “Christian publisher” who knew nothing about editing. So they languished in my basement until I had them burned. Literally. I rewrote the book and had five hundred printed. Most of those are still in boxes.
  • I continually claim I want to be healthy, yet I have started, changed, and failed on more diets than I want to admit. Oh yeah – and – mint chocolate ice cream!
  • I am determined to start running again. I dust off my running shoes and trip over boxes of books, trying to get out the door. Then, have to rest with an ice pack on my ankle.
  • I have been writing a blog for 20 years and give up whenever I consider submitting articles for publication. When writing, I sometimes crack myself up with my weird sense of humor and occasionally impress myself when writing about some awesome AHA moment. But I’m likely just living in the light of my own ego.

So, that’s the condensed story of me getting and staying stuck for most of my adult life. Unfortunately, I can’t give you an accurate number of years. But I can say with confidence that I have never been good at “adulting” well!

Now, here I am, looking down the barrel of old age and the reality that I am not a modern-day female Methuselah who has lots of time to get my act together.

James Finley says of Step Two of AA, “The admitting then brings us to a place in which, if this is up to me, it is not looking good. As long as we were still holding on to this ideology of our brokenness as having the final say in who we are, we were not capable of seeing this because we actually had faith in our own brokenness as the power to name who we are.” That pretty much describes me!

Another enlightening moment materialized for me after reading Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work, which I wrote about in my last post. He tells us to “Stop telling the story of your past and start telling the story of your future.”

Apparently, all of our “stuckness” is of our own making because we have allowed others to define us. That gets embedded into our beliefs about ourselves and directs our thoughts and actions. Fun stuff!

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”

And so, here I sit after fracturing a pelvic bone and being told by the doctor to SIT for 4-6 weeks! I don’t listen well and certainly don’t “SIT” well! But this incident certainly got my attention. Actually, I believe it was God that got my attention:

GOD: So, Linda, there you sit on your broken parts, checking off the days until you are mobile again. While you’re sitting there, have you come up with a new excuse for not using those gifts I gave you? You do know I never created a female version of Methuselah, right?

I’m losing my patience with you, Linda Russell. You don’t want me to lose my patience (read: Job and Jonah).

ME: Oops.

Alrighty then. Here I go. Today, I will spend my sitting time finding a Christian Publishing Company that accepts articles. Submit one. Say a prayer. Send. Then, celebrate with a well-deserved nap!

Holy Week Clashes with My Former Self

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, Boldness in adversity, Easter, Good Friday, Holy Saturday
(Shutterstock image)

I am in such a strange and incredibly exciting place right now.  I’m not sure I know how to write about it. But here it goes.

When I’m done here, you may think I have gone off the deep end, and you will soon hear that I ran away to live in a commune in the woods (they still exist, you know). It’s okay. I know I’m in a better place just being able to write this with a smile on my face and a full heart, not worrying about what others think. I’ve done that for too long, and I’m now aware of how it affects my very being. 

I have often said that I’m an introvert, but I now believe it would be more honest to say that I avoided people because of fear of being judged. In the past, when faced with meeting new people in new circumstances, I would be a nervous wreck. Obsessing over my appearance being acceptable, how I would speak, how I would be perceived/judged by others. Did I forget to shave my legs? It was exhausting!

For most of my life, I have been a mess of contradictions (and let all the people say, “DUH!”). Then, I began learning to meditate through the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. It’s profound that it started during Lent, as I was constantly reminded of the truth of my life in light of the Easter story.

I have learned how we get stuck in the past. How our thoughts, words, and actions can’t seem to get beyond our misguided beliefs about ourselves. Instead, we allow others to determine our worth and tell ourselves repeatedly that what they say about us and what we believe about ourselves is true. Then we ruminate on our painful past experiences to prove it!

We go through every day on autopilot, settling for the mundane when God longs to shower us with a rich and abundant life beyond our imagining (1 Cor. 2:9). We need only claim it as our inheritance. But we don’t believe it. Our past experience tells us not to trust it, there’s always a catch!

I’ve come to recognize the emotions I bought into: fear, anger, hopelessness, emptiness, and judgment. Yet, God yearns to exchange those lies for our true essence –manifested through our innate desire for something more than the world can offer. That “more” can be realized through the Easter story, if we open our hearts to it.

Resurrection was not a once-and-done deal, it is continual for all of us. God’s redeeming love is never-ending. In his grace and mercy, he can change our misery into joy, fear into hope, and emptiness into the fullness of life. He can shine his light into the darkness of our despair.

God can give us new eyes to see that in the depth of the Easter story, Jesus shows us the beauty of replacing ego with humility. We are called to emulate his life, which requires us to let go of the parts of ourselves that have caused us and others untold pain and suffering.

We are meant to thrive, not simply survive, but our past holds us back and tells us we are not good enough, loved enough, or powerful enough to create a different reality. Even though, during every Easter season, God proclaims from the Cross into the depths of our hearts, “That’s not true – none of that is true!”

So, here’s where my deepest longings encountered the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus this Easter:

Good Friday:

Have you ever asked yourself why it’s called “Good”?

Pastor Rachel Srubas explains it beautifully, “A sense of sacred irony, of eloquent mistakes, has for centuries enabled Christians to call the Friday of Jesus’ tortuous execution “good.” This is not a matter of putting a happy spin on a grisly, unjust tragedy. Good Friday, and all Christian life, is about embracing paradox. When you and I embrace Jesus’ essential paradox—that to lose is to gain and to die is to live—we come to God, who gathers up the broken pieces of the world and makes them more complete and beautiful than they were before they broke. It’s a life we get to live here and now, by grace and faith. It’s the life toward which Lent has always pointed.”  

Holy Saturday:

This day we sit in darkness. Today, we experience uncertainty, just as the disciples did, and have no idea what to think or believe about God. (The bold lettering and underlining are my emphasis)

Richard Rohr gives us an understanding of this day through the writings of the unknown 14th-century author of “The Cloud of Unknowing”. He says, “.…first we have to enter the Cloud of Forgetting—to forget all our certitudes, all our labels, all our explanations….They are nothing but our ego projecting itself. It has nothing to do with objective reality.

The author of The Cloud teaches that after we enter into the Cloud of Forgetting, letting go of our hurts and our labels, then we must go into the Cloud of Unknowing, where we actually don’t need to label anymore…(my emphasis). I think the biblical word for that–is faith. It’s this willingness to live with a certain degree of humility.”

Easter Sunday:

Father Rohr tells us, “Understanding the Universal or Cosmic Christ can change the way we relate to creation, to other religions, to other people, to ourselves, and to God….we won’t be the same after encountering the Risen Christ.

Jesus’ historical transformation allows us to more easily experience the Presence that has always been available since the beginning of time, the promise and guarantee of our own transformation. God’s presence became more obvious and believable in the world. The formless took on form in someone we could “hear, see, and touch” (1 John 1:1), making God easier to love.”

Contemplative theologian Beatrice Bruteau says, “When we take a little time to remember to look, to marvel, we find that there are sources of joy, of esthetic delight, of quiet happiness on every hand….  

Our joy is not confined to ourselves but radiates out to all. Just as Jesus intended to enter into us, that his joy might be in us and our joy might be full (John 15:11), so neither can we contain our joy: our peace and happiness envelop all those around us. When we interact with people—or circumstances—we do not feel drained of energy, as we did when we were still obliged to protect and defend our ego-self….we feel ourselves fully living, full of the richness of God’s life. The reality of God is intensely perceived as present in everything.…   When we are shaken awake, we see it.”

And finally, the words of Matthew Fox brought it all home for me. We are told that death is never final. It will never have the last word. “I cannot dwell in [despair] and death and anger and oppression and submission and resentment and pain forever. I need to wake up, get up, rise up, put on life even when days are dark, and, my soul is down, and shadows surround me everywhere.

How much in love with life am I? Is my curiosity alive? My gratitude? My mind? My imagination? My laughter and sense of humor? My creativity? My powers of generosity and compassion? My powers for continually generating and regenerating life?”  

Resurrection is a commitment to hope and being reborn. It is a commitment to creativity, to the Spirit who “makes all things new” (Revelation 21:5).

How much in love with life am I? Is my curiosity alive? My gratitude? My mind? My imagination? My laughter and sense of humor? My creativity? My powers of generosity and compassion? My powers for continually generating and regenerating life?”  

Now, I could profess to be a “new creation in Christ” (2 Cor. 5:17), and would love to project that out into the world. But I believe saying it and living it are so very different. It’s much easier to say but far more challenging to live.

So, here I am, “shaken awake”, intent on not falling back asleep. I have missed too much. I don’t want to miss another glorious moment of life! God has given us a mandate to live and love fully in this broken world, and as beings created in his image, he has given us all we need to do just that!

If you care to join me on this journey, know that it is not for the faint of heart. It will require every ounce of courage you can muster and challenge every certitude about God you have ever professed. But then, somewhere along the way,  you will encounter God, who has been waiting patiently and lovingly to bring you into your new life!

And, get this, it all comes with a lifetime guarantee! That’s right. If at any point you regret all the energy you poured into the journey, God will give you your old crappy life back! How’s that?!

How to Boil a Frog

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, a new Christmas, Follow Me

(originally posted 1/18/20)

Boiling a frog is not complicated because frogs are…well…stupid. The hardest part will be to find one; the rest is easy. Simply put enough water in the pot (not too hot or cold), so its little head won’t be submerged. Place the frog in the pot and set the flame on low.

That’s it! You don’t need to watch the pot, cover it with a lid, or tie an anchor to froggies feet. The frog will not move a muscle. In about twenty minutes, you will have a tender, succulent frog for dinner. You’ll find great recipes online too. (By the way, it really does taste like chicken!)

(Imgflip image)

We are so like those frogs! Seriously. And when life gets a little sticky or uncomfortable and starts to boil over, we just stay stuck in our misery.

If you find yourself going through life day after mundane day, repeating the same routine to ad nauseum, perhaps God is trying to get your attention. WOW! Do you realize what a great segue this is to the miracle and magnificence of the Incarnation? No? Well, hang on…

We’re in mid-January. By now, the decorations are down, trees shredded into mulch, ugly sweaters returned or regifted, and everything packed away for another year. Now we can focus not on the miracle of Christ’s birth we’re done with that, but on fixing all the stupid, unhealthy things we did over the holidays: Drank too much, ate too much, and spent too much.

What are you doing right now? Okay, you’re reading this. But what were you doing before that, for…say… the thirty or so days leading up to Christmas? What about the weeks and months, and years before that?

Wanna know what I was doing? I wasted much of Advent doing nothing that really mattered. But I did have an AHA moment thinking about Mary’s pending parenthood. Do you think she lived her life like a typical teenage girl today? Polishing her nails at sleepovers, giggling about the little Jewish boy her girlfriend sat next to on the bus? Texting, tweeting, and posting selfies all day?

Do you believe for one minute that Gabriel just popped in on her at the eleventh hour and dropped that bomb, “Guess what, Mary, oh favored one, do we have a surprise for you!” Are you kidding me? Even though Mary may not have known what was coming, you can be sure that her entire life was preparation for it. Let’s go back a little further – to her parents. They likely had no clue, either. But, we can be sure the Spirit guided them to parent her well. That was their calling, and they were well prepared for it.

The takeaway for me is that we are all called to holiness, called to use the gifts and talents already given us for God’s kingdom work. But it takes awareness on our part. I would highly recommend Anthony DeMello’s book, Awareness if you need some help climbing out of that boiling pot.

See the segue now?

I know so many people, and I’ll bet you do too, perhaps even you yourself, who just can’t believe God has a plan for them. Over the years, I have encountered people who don’t believe me when I tell them my story. “Oh, really?! God told you to do that, huh? Right!”

To be honest, I wouldn’t have believed it myself if God hadn’t gradually brought me to a place where I could trust him, even if I had no earthly idea what he was up to. For years, little promptings proved to be pretty awesome if I was paying attention.

If you have come out on the other side of Christmas and find yourself back in your old routine – schlepping through the same habits, STOP IT! How about starting over? Right here. Right now. How about starting with your perception of “church” because that’s often the source of our stuckedness (yeah, spell-check it, that’s a word)?

See if any of this rings true for you: In some faith traditions, we have what is called,  “Ordinary Time” – the times before and after Easter and Christmas. But, sadly, there are way too many Christians out there called the C&E people who only attend church on Christmas and Easter, and they’re probably not even sure why they go then.

Perhaps the word “ordinary” is the problem. “Hey, I live ordinary, monotonous, unexciting every day of my life! So why on earth would I want to get up early, dress up, squeeze into a pew full of strangers, and listen to irrelevant “stuff” that puts me back to sleep and causes me to snore and drool out the side of my mouth? Why?”

Megachurches have tried to fill the gap with music and light shows that could rival “Jesus Christ Superstar”.

https://www.buzzmag.co.uk/jesus-christ-superstar-stage-review-2/

The problem is, while we were swinging and swaying and belting out forty-five minutes of music (albeit beautiful music), Jesus left the building, and no one noticed.

Is it the church’s responsibility to turn our ordinary lives into extraordinary – which is what God meant for us, you know! My own faith has grown from non-existent to something beyond my imagination. My God-filled AHA moments and the often breathtaking adventure God has me on did not develop while I was sitting in the pew on most Sundays.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a part of a church community. It keeps me grounded and enhances my faith. When we receive the Eucharist, we are reminded of Jesus’ words at the Last Supper, “take this bread and never forget me. Never forget how much I love you!” But, there is more that must take place the other six days of the week. We are told by Jesus to “never forget,” Then, at the end of the service, we are told to take that love out into a hurting world. That’s what Jesus meant by “Follow me”. He never said, “Worship me”.

Don’t sleepwalk through life, it’s too important, and frankly, it’s way too awesome to miss!

I won’t tell you where or how to worship or give you a formula or a checklist to send you on your way to sainthood. But I will tell you this: you cannot love and serve others (which is our greatest calling) until you can love yourself. And you can’t love yourself through any of the myriads of self-help books on the market or the number of “likes” on your Facebook page.

You can only do that by growing in the knowledge that you are deeply and passionately loved by the God who created you! And you can only do that by being in relationship with him, which requires your time and attention.

You are his son/daughter with whom he is well-pleased (Matthew 17:5). Let that sink in.

Take the time to read Scripture, pray, and…big AND...LISTEN. Geeeezzzzz, we’re so bad at listening.

Then, a year from now, on Christmas morning, I pray you will be sitting with me to witness in a new way what a profound mystery we behold there!

Do Expiration Dates Matter?

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, forgiveness, grace, the glory of God
clipart-library.com/clipart/LTd5r4GXc.htm

According to the FDA: “With the exception of infant formula, the laws that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) administers do not preclude the sale of food that is past the expiration date indicated on the label. The FDA does not require food firms to place ‘expired by’, ‘use by’, or ‘best before’ dates on food products. This information is entirely at the discretion of the manufacturer.”

I admit that I can be lax about adherence to those dates. Even perishable food can be tested. Milk is a good example. After it has reached the date on the carton, smell it, and take the tiniest taste. Then, you’ll know if it’s okay for another day—simple enough and money-saving.

To many, the expiration date stamped on food products is gospel, which, they believe, is critical to our health and well-being and justifies throwing away so much food when nearly 34 million Americans suffer food insecurity. 

Then there are human expiration dates

This begs the question: Why do we so stubbornly oppose, ignore, or deny THIS expiration date:

That reality is probably the most profound image of “whistling past the graveyard”. Every one of us has an expiration date. It’s not arbitrary or negotiable. And, yes, it IS set in stone.  

Okay, a bit of clarification: God can change that date if he wants to. He can do anything he wants. But are you willing to bet on that?

It’s also quite possible when your doctor told you you had six months to live – ten years ago – that all those prayers raised to heaven on your behalf were answered. But I believe it’s more probable that the doctor was wrong. It reminds me of the expression, “If it ain’t your time to go, not even a doctor can kill you”.

Anyway…

Here’s a fun factoid (sorry, this is probably gross for you to consider), when we humans reach our final stage of life, usually the last couple of days or hours, there is an unmistakable smell of death (a bit like spoiled milk – only worse!).

It’s one of the signs of the end of life’s journey. I have experienced it sitting vigil with Hospice patients. But don’t count on that smell test to help you decide to hurry up and clean up your act. Unfortunately, at that point, you will be too far gone to make any life-changing decisions.

How to begin to prepare for that fateful day

So many times, I have tried to change, then failed miserably. However, the older I get, the more I realize my time is running out for a course correction.  Perhaps it would be easiest if I start with small changes. Then work up to the, “Damn! You did what, Linda?!”

I can smile at that grouchy neighbor of mine and stop throwing his dog’s poop over his fence after dark – maybe – IDK – I kind of enjoy that!

I can apologize for all the messes I have made in people’s lives. That should fill my time!

It often sucks royally because I’m certain some are not likely to acknowledge or accept my efforts. I must keep trying, though, with humility and by the grace of God, who tells us that our efforts will not be in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

With that in mind, I have determined – again – to make an honest effort to make course corrections while I still can. I have so much to consider:

  • Old hurts I have refused to let go of that make me angry and mean.
  • Lies of other broken people I have fed on and nurtured.
  • My own guilt and shame I cannot let go of.
  • And, most importantly, denial of my worth as a beloved child of God.

What’s the goal?

I long to grow in love. I want to use each day, however many I have left, to fully live as the person I was created to be.

Saint Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.”  If we call ourselves Christian, we should want to strive for our faith’s ultimate goal – to love God, love ourselves, and love and care for others. And it’s not a goal we can afford to put off. It’s something we should strive for every day, right here, right now because this is where our heaven and hell reside. We choose heaven and hell daily.

Our hell is right here if that’s the life we are living.

Our heaven is right here if we choose to live as God calls us to.

Death – Our Uninvited Teacher

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, death's lessons, Good Friday

I wrote the following Blog post on 4/2/2021 (Good Friday), having no idea that my husband would pass away just fifteen days later. The words are now more poignant than ever. I have added my thoughts since his passing at the end.

(Pixabay image)

Every death diminishes me

Every Good Friday, we are called to remember the brutal beating and crucifixion of Jesus. He walked in the midst of those deemed lesser and unimportant. They experienced his love and compassion for them. But he walked a lonely road to his death. Sure, a few dared to walk with him (ahem…the women!). But many, his disciples in particular, scattered for their own safety, feeling powerless to stop it from happening.

Also, we are reliving the horrific facts of George Floyd’s death during Derek Chauvin’s trial. Hearing the witnesses’ testimony as they broke down and grieved over watching Floyd die has been excruciating for many. Most witnesses were strangers to him, yet they all spoke of feeling helpless and guilty that they didn’t try to help him. Even though they also knew they were powerless to do so.

Jesus was innocent of any crime. George Floyd was not. But the fact remains that neither deserved to die so violently at the hands of others.

So, I sit and contemplate how their deaths have impacted me. As a professed Christian, I am called to emulate Jesus’ radical love in every aspect of my life. I mostly fail, but I keep trying and longing to be more like him and less like me.

And George Floyd? I didn’t know him and likely never would have, nor would most of us, if not for witnessing his horrific death on the daily news.

In those beautiful and poignant words of John Donne, “No man is an island; entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind.”

That is a fact of God’s making. We are all interconnected – like it or not. The death of another, be it a loved one or a stranger, should call us to stop and take inventory of our own lives. Every funeral I attend does that for me and often shines a light on my failings to be Christ-like to others. Thankfully, every day is a new day – a day to begin again.

Wake up!

So, here’s what I will contemplate and pray about and hopefully act on daily. It doesn’t have to be Jesus who calls us to be better, kinder, softer, and to live and love more fully. It can also be the death of a stranger we have never met that wakes us from sleepwalking through life.

Facing the realization that we will also die (sorry if that’s news to you) – maybe sooner than later (sorry again) – should cause us to ask ourselves if our houses are in order and, more importantly, what we are leaving behind because…

Death doesn’t care

Death does not care if we have left business unfinished, relationships broken, or children to be raised. It doesn’t matter if we are not ready or sit on promises to change. It will take the weak with the strong, the humble with the proud, the saint with the jerk.

Death doesn’t respect wedding plans, vacation plans, or unmet deadlines. It does not operate by a timetable we set and is no respecter of age. It does not discriminate between the most loved or most hated. It may not wait for the most brilliant to cure cancer, bring peace to a troubled world, or receive a Nobel Prize.

Denying that death is a part of life doesn’t change its reality. We can’t rely on death to come when we are ready. But we can depend on it to teach those of us who are willing how to truly live.

Death can and should be a time of reflection.

Have I lived well, loved well, forgiven — honestly – and sought forgiveness humbly?

For good or bad, I have touched the lives of family and friends, the mailman, and the grumpy receptionist at the doctor’s office. I may have amassed wealth and recognition and left a fortune to my loved ones. All things they can pack away, gamble away, or throw away. But, at the end of the day…what have I left in their hearts?

So now?

As I contemplate the reality that my life has changed drastically, my beliefs have not.

The suddenness of my husband’s death has not made me fearful or anxious, as I know God’s love and care for me have always been steady and unchanging, even when I have so often failed to appreciate it. But, at the same time, it drives home the fact that my own life is not guaranteed beyond this moment. So, what does that mean?

My life is filled with many moments of disbelief that my husband is actually gone. I’m sure that will continue for some time. But, in the midst of that, as I daily make decisions about how I am to “live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28) – I am discovering my better self, my true self, not the self on display when others are watching.

I am asking critical questions that will surely determine my life’s direction, purpose, and focus for whatever time I have left here. How will/should I live my life moving forward? What do I want my loved ones to remember when I’m gone?

God longs for us to use the gifts he has given us to leave the world better than we found it. How will I do that? How will I serve in this time of such need and suffering? Every moment of every day allows us to grow in love and compassion for all those we encounter on this journey.

There truly are gifts in the midst of our goodbyes. What do I want mine to be? What do you want yours to be?

What Are We Celebrating Here?

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Easter, God is LOVE, Lent

Do you know what February 22nd is? Yeah, yeah, Ash Wednesday for millions of Christians around the world. Many are called to prayer, fasting, and penance between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday – other traditions have some version of that.

Before Ash Wednesday, they are supposed to wrestle with something that they LOVE – A LOT –like chocolate, or cussing, or binge-watching those stupid TV shows, and give it up for those forty days. Good luck with that and your commitment to exercise too! We’re so pathetic when it comes to the teeniest bit of “suffering”.

But there’s another event on this day that everyone, faithful and heathen alike, will be celebrating. Something easier to stick to. It is – drum roll, please…

National Margarita Day!!! Olay…olay…olay…olay!

(Tenor GIF)

It is a sad commentary for all people of faith that they seem to compete with each other. Think of how many faithful receive their ashes on a throbbing forehead after reveling the night before.

    Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

Ash Wednesday should be one of the most sacred of church seasons. You see them everywhere, people with those strange ashes on their foreheads. You want to reach up and wipe it off for them because you think they don’t know it’s there, “You have something on your forehead. Let me get that for you.”

Some people focus these forty days before Easter entirely on the “giving up” aspect of it. Chocolate sales are probably higher on the days leading up to Lent than on Valentine’s Day! Perhaps that’s how Valentine’s Day got its start! Ya’ think? People began buying copious amounts of chocolate in February, and someone at Hershey noticed. It probably had nothing to do with St. Valentine. It’s a commercial windfall for Hershey and Hallmark. Cha-Ching! But I digress.

The morning after Ash Wednesday and National Margarita Day may appear to be similar.

Ash Wednesday:

  • You wake up wondering if you really want to do this again.
  • You feel an emptiness you can’t define.
  • You wonder if you did anything the past year that you’ll regret confessing because you conveniently forgot that one nasty faux pas you failed to mention last year. OOPS. You know those stay on our record, right?
  • You shower that already-faded reminder off your forehead and act like it never happened. You check the mirror. Thank goodness it’s not a tattoo!
  • You ask yourself, again, “Why do I put myself through this forty-day review of all my shittiness… Every. Single. Miserable. Year?!”
  • You question if any of it even matters.

National Margureta Day:

  • You wake up forgetting what happened the night before.
  • You feel an emptiness you can’t define.
  • You wonder if you did anything stupid the night before. You usually do, and someone you were with will probably remind you or point out that tattoo they warned you against.
  • You down a couple of aspirins for the headache.
  • Then, you ask yourself – again – why you continue to do this when the outcome is always the same?
  • You question if this annual event should be struck from your calendar!

Like it or not, they will both be back. You just have to decide which one you will allow in because it really is up to you. Alcohol will try to force its way into your mouth. Jesus will gently knock on the door of your heart. One will try t’kill’ya, and the other wants to bring you back to life. You decide.

Here is the beautiful lesson of Lent we can all take away, “Lent is not about giving up. It’s about finding. It’s about healing. It’s about cleansing. It’s about weeping. It’s about reconciling,” says Carla Mae Streeter, O.P. (one of my former professors.) And only a person in love truly “gets it.” That’s where remembering becomes critical. Of course, we must never forget the suffering of Christ and the Love that hung on the cross on Good Friday. But that cannot be where it ends.

We must take our remembering into Easter Sunday and beyond – and rejoice! Death has no sting. Hell has no victory! God loves us that much! If we forget that, if we become so caught up in other “things” in our lives, we lose, and Satan wins.

John Eldridge tells us that “the story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it. We must never forget that we are part of a greater story.”

(author unknown)

Lent has something to teach us, no matter what our faith is. It’s about remembering. And who doesn’t need to be continually reminded of who we are as God’s beloved? (Also, when you walk out your front door the next morning, remember that God loves your neighbor too – even though he threw up on your lawn last night!)

During the most difficult of times, are we aware that we are truly being held by a Mighty, Awesome, and Loving God? The richness of your life comes from a promise kept by the God who LOVES YOU DEEPLY AND PASSIONATELY. If the cross doesn’t prove that, if the empty tomb doesn’t prove that, if the resurrection doesn’t prove that, nothing will. You were created for love. Try to remember that.

I Want a Do-Over…I Think…Maybe Not

by Linda Russell, posted in gratitude, Life's Choices, Trusting God

(Originally posted 6/30/2014)

One of my daughters-in-law recently asked me what I thought was important to teach their kids, which surprised me because she knows I’ve made a LOT of parenting mistakes. It’s something that always comes to mind for me on Mother’s Day and other random days when I am particularly vulnerable to my darker side. That said, I suppose I would be an expert on what not to do! I often wish I could have a do-over. A chance to enact that age-old expression, “if I knew then what I know now”.

So, how would I parent differently if I had it to do over? First, it’s possible, but very difficult, to instill in your children what has not been instilled in you. “Don’t do as I do, do as I say” doesn’t work. Neither does my all-time favorite, “Because I said so.”

The reality that children learn by our example more than anything else sometimes catches us off-guard, often in uncomfortable places: in front of friends, the pastor, or a new neighbor. We blush with embarrassment and exclaim, “Johnny, where did you hear that?” Then, here it comes, “From you, mommy!”  We often fail miserably to live out the values we want to impart to our children, and you can be sure they’re watching and taking notes.

So, there are six values (in no particular order) and one HUGE command that come to mind for me, none of which, I might add, were modeled to me as a child.

Generosity:

If we were all honest, we would admit that we embrace some degree of selfishness. Like, I don’t know…

Hiding in the bathroom with the last piece of pie from last night’s dinner. Knowing full well it was your husband’s favorite pie. AND it was more like two pieces! AND you told him it was all gone!

Holding onto that favorite can’t-live-without-it sweater when packing up a box of clothes for the hurricane victims in Haiti – never mind that it doesn’t even fit you anymore. They really wouldn’t appreciate it anyway. And you’re giving them all this other stuff that’s clean and doesn’t have holes or stains. Okay, maybe it is your dear dead grandmother’s stuff from ten years ago, but it’s still usable.

Ignoring the bills in your wallet and digging in the bottom of your pocket for meager change to hand out the window of your moving car to the homeless guy on the corner, and feeling pretty good about it because the three people in front of you drove right past him. You may have even offered him a blessing as you drove away.

Is that the kind of “generosity” our kids see in us? Will they respond to the “least of these” (Matthew 25:40) in the same way? How giving and selfless do we want them to be? Like us – or like Jesus? I would hope you would say, “like Jesus”, which begs the question, am I like Jesus?

The challenge becomes: How generous are we willing to be the next time we are given the opportunity to give to or serve others? Enough that it hurts a little bit?

Here’s a recent experience I had:

I encountered this homeless man on the Katy Trail one morning. I greeted him kindly as I ran past him – because I’m a runner, not out of fear – okay, FINE – it was both.

Later, I saw a man standing next to his bike talking to him. When I passed them, I couldn’t help but think about how I had avoided him, excusing it as a safety measure on my part. After all, the trail was secluded, and no one else was around at the time.

However, when I got home, I enlisted my husband to help me pack some food and water and take it to him. We found him trying to fish with a string and a hook and talked with him for a while before he went on his way. I’m pretty sure I did all that out of guilt and felt the Holy Spirit’s nudging when I tried to get past him on the trail that morning.

The point is, as I am continually reminded, it isn’t enough to throw a few coins from the safety of your car. Your brother or sister needs touch. They need the love that says you care. They need to see and feel the tender love of Christ. Have you heard the expression, “You may be the only Christ a person meets”? Think about that.

Forgiveness:

This is probably the hardest one of all, especially if what you are teaching your children to forgive seems unforgivable to you. But how do they know? Have you taught them that? Did you tell them you don’t visit Uncle Jim because he did something awful to you and you can’t stand him? Do you talk about the neighbor you hate or the friend you don’t see anymore because of some grievance you have against them? Then one day, your daughter comes home from school and tells you she hates her once best friend for whatever reason, and you tell her that it’s not nice to hate?

Countless times I said to my kids, “Hate’s a strong word. We don’t use that word”, while for years, I hated my mother and others who abused me. I am gradually learning to forgive those who hurt me deeply and to seek forgiveness from those I hurt in the past and sometimes still do. We need to realize and teach them that you can’t truly forgive without the grace of God.

Compassion:

God could have kept Jesus safely at home, sparing both Son and Father the agony they’d soon be suffering. But those who had been cast aside by society desperately needed Jesus up close and personal. The woman who came to the well after all the other women had shunned her. The leper who’d been sent into a lonely, humiliating exile. The adulterous woman, shamed and frightened, stood half-naked before a self-righteous crowd eager to stone her. All of them, and so many more, needed Jesus’ loving touch, which the world rejects because it’s beneath them.

As we grow into the people God created us to be, made in his likeness, we must accept the call to share that love with others – not as a burden, but as a blessing. Jesus said, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart….” (Matthew 11:29).

We are all undeserving, yet we receive God’s compassion and mercy unconditionally. He calls us to reach out to others in the same way. The world would have us believe that it’s dangerous to reach out to others, especially strangers. But, as Mother Theresa says, “Do it anyway”.

Here’s an important question to reflect on: Could you or I have compassion for someone in need if no one was watching?

Of course, the Pope knows everyone is watching him, and this picture makes a lovely photo op. But, I think few people doubt Pope Francis’ empathy and compassion. It is truly genuine, and we know it.

Someone snapped a picture of Officer Larry DePrimo after he bought boots and thermal socks for a homeless man. He didn’t do it because someone was watching or because he would gain anything for himself. He did it because he cared. Plain and simple.

Acceptance:

Our kids are often more accepting of others than we are. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for us, but it is. We can’t accept the jerk next door that spews profanity at everything from his crabgrass to the mail carrier to his wife…and you, of course. I can find something wrong with everyone I know, myself included, if I’m honest, because the list of the things that make me the mess that I am is very long.

Think about the time your shitty old neighbor moved. You hope against hope the new ones will be different. They seem normal. Then they do something stupid by your standards, and suddenly, they become an instant ass; the honeymoon is over, and you want to take back that “Welcome to the neighborhood” plate of cookies.

If we could only grasp these profound words of Richard Rohr, “Once we have learned to discern the real and disguised nature of both good and evil, we recognize that everything is broken and fallen, weak and poor—while still being the dwelling place of God….That creates the freedom to love imperfect things! As Jesus told the rich young man, “God alone is good!” (Mark 10:18). In this, you may have been given the greatest recipe for happiness for the rest of your life.” 

Humility:

“Love does not get puffed up” (1 Corinthians 13:4) Puffed-up love, or pride, is always turned inward. I know all about pride because I once made an almost effortless transition from self-hatred to self-love. Not the self-love God refers to in Mark 12:31. The self-love I’m talking about hides within the ego and thrives on a superior self-image. That’s not what God had in mind when he modeled humility in the life and death of Jesus. He became “the least of these”.

Would I do that? Would my child?

Trust:

This has always been a huge one for me.

Are you trustworthy? Because if you’re not, it stands to reason that you will not trust others and find yourself cynical of their motives. Do your children trust you?

I learned very early about trust. Once, I hid the key to our bathroom because I wanted a safe place to run to when my mother had one of her frequent angry fits. Soon after that, while my brother and I were playing, I cursed, and he ran home to tell our mother. I ran past him, flew into the house, and locked myself in my safe place. There was a pounding on the door.

“Linda, open the door.”

“No. You’ll hit me!”

“I said open the door!”

“Promise you won’t hit me.”

“Open the g@#*^ door, or I’ll climb in the window!”

“Promise you won’t hit me!”

“Okay, I promise. Now open the door!”

Trusting her – after all, she was my mother, right? – I opened the door. She beat me until I fell into the bathtub and continued beating me until she was convinced I had learned my lesson. Well, I did learn a lesson that day: don’t trust anyone. It was a lesson that would stay with me for many years. I instantly determined that no one would hurt me like that ever again.

Why is it that we’ll trust people who have no interest whatsoever in us or our well-being, yet we can’t seem to trust the One who died for us? How many of your four hundred Facebook “friends” care about your salvation? Do you think they care that you struggle? Do you think for a moment they wonder how you’re doing? “Gee, that’s a shame about Linda’s brush with hell” – yawn.

Though I kept God at arm’s length for a long time, gradually, he got through to my hardened heart. Gradually I began the process of turning loose of those things that – truth be told – I never had control of anyway. Finally, I was beginning to trust that he might just be wiser than me.

As I have grown closer to God, I have come to hear his voice more clearly, trust his guidance more readily, and wait a bit more patiently when he is silent. Yet, what is critical to understand in all of this is that I still fall short. Just when I believe I have overcome my defensive attitude, someone pushes my button and sets me off. And the insecure Linda I try to keep locked up is revealed. Busted!

So, there are the six virtues I wish I had learned as a child from loving, virtuous parents. They are the virtues I should have modeled to my own kids. They never saw it then; I hope and pray they and my grandkids do now.

 When we fail – and we do, as will our kids – discouragement will become our constant companion if we do not accept the fact that we will never be perfect, and neither will they. Because I could not believe that in the past, I felt I was continually failing God when I couldn’t control or discipline myself, my husband, my kids, or the dog. But, as shocking as it may seem, the greatest commandment is not, “Get your act together, stupid!”

And as for our children, sure, we want them to grow up with moral fortitude and integrity, but we also have to accept that it might not happen the way we envision it. There are no guarantees.

God has lent us our children. They don’t belong to us, they belong to him, and he wants them back in the same “condition” we received them. Of course, he knows we aren’t the only ones influencing their behavior. He does not hold us accountable for the possibility that others may lead them astray. I’m sure there were people in my earlier years (I’m thinking of some of my teachers) who wouldn’t have given me a snowball’s chance in hell of staying out of jail! Well….

https://tenor.com/

The days of raising my children have long passed, and lest I forget, they’re quick to remind me of that fact. But if I did have it to do over, I would have first learned to love them unconditionally because of God’s unreserved love for me. I would have accepted them as the individuals they were created by God to be, faults and all, because that’s how God created and accepted me. And I would not have felt such a need to control the hell out of them!

That brings us to my final thought: that ONE HUGE COMMAND that Jesus left to his disciples and us.

The GREATEST of these…is…

Drum roll, please….

LOVE – “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you.” If the basis of all we do as parents, spouses, friends, and neighbors is to love as we are called to, our children will be just fine.

Suck it up Buttercup!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!

(Originally posted 1/22/16)

I have not posted since August. Not because I got bored with writing or died. (I hope you’re happy I didn’t die!) On August 18th, I was on the receiving end of a vaccination shot gone terribly wrong! That shot was the cause of four months of constant pain, an emergency room visit, failed treatments, and rotator cuff surgery.

For the first few weeks after surgery, my husband had to do almost everything for me. God bless him; he’s a trooper. My neighbor has come over several times to fix my hair when I actually cared about what I looked like.

I know I have been more miserable than necessary because I cannot take pain medications. They make me feel physically and mentally whacked. I have experienced more pain than ever in my life, including childbirth! Seriously. Besides, that pain is short-lived, and there’s a blessed little prize at the end – until they’re two, anyway!

But I am getting better. I am able to do more for myself. Occasionally I will muster up the energy to cook a meal and clean the house. But it takes everything I have to do it. My husband never complains, which I am eternally grateful for.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes I catch myself actually enjoying the sympathy from friends and family and even strangers. Of course, no one is going to feel sorry for me if I don’t complain, right? When someone asks how I’m doing, I jump feet first into my pit of misery and do my best to pull them in with me! I might begin by saying, “Oh, you’re probably tired of hearing about it it’s been going on for so long!” But then I don’t give them a chance to respond before, choking back tears, I give an update on my ongoing misery. Poor, poor pitiful me!

Then, one day,  “Holy lesson-in-the-making Batman.” I received another of God’s proverbial admonishments. It’s never audible. It just hangs around me like a shroud until I acknowledge its presence, “Okay, Lord, there’s a lesson here I just know it! You’re not going to let me get away with this, are you?”

This was actually a lesson in the making since December when I was thinking about the silly New Year’s Resolutions I usually end before they even begin. I’m going to lose weight right after this super-sized hot fudge sundae, or maybe the next, or maybe not at all. I don’t know. I’m not feelin’ it.

So, this time, in order to grow deeper in faith, I chose to focus on a virtue instead of giving up something. Nightly, I would meditate and journal on all I thought, said, and did that day (while eating my hot fudge sundae). Then, out from under that shroud, “Or, Linda, how about gratitude?” Hum. Gratitude. Okay, that’s a good one! At the end of each day, I could write in a Gratitude Journal all the things I was grateful for that day: a beautiful sunrise, the song of birds outside my window…

That’s lovely, Linda, and safe. But let’s go deeper. You’re thankful for your good health, but how about the help you received from others while you recovered from your injury? You’re grateful for friends who are low-maintenance, but what about the relationships that are difficult? You’re grateful for all the things you have, but what about the things others have that you don’t, that you covet?”

When we consider gratitude, if we consider it at all, we often stay within the realm of the warm squishy stuff. I remember the times at my son’s house when the kids were small. They would each take turns thanking God, mostly for “things” – a doll, a stuffed animal, a birthday present envied by their siblings. Unfortunately, as adults, we are still prone to thankfulness for adult “things” that make us happy.

Being grateful for our struggles in life just doesn’t make sense. It’s easier for us to see a beautiful sunrise, attribute it to God, and thank him for it than to thank him for adversity. Are you old enough to remember this commercial?

(Sorry, I just had to throw that in!)

I suppose we are in one of two camps when dealing with suffering: we either believe (a) God doesn’t cause suffering, but he allows it, think of Job, or (b) God is behind everything that happens to us. I’m going with (a). Either way, we are probably going to complain and complain loudly! If we believe it’s the former, we cry out, “Lord, why don’t you stop this?” or the latter, “Lord, how could you do this to me?!” Either way, God is to blame for our suffering.

Philippians 2:14 tells us to “Do all things without grumbling or questioning.” But we just can’t, can we? Whining is in our nature, apparently. Look at the Israelites, for heaven’s sake. I can see why Moses tried to get out of God’s call on that fateful day! But he acquiesced and was drug into the Israelite’s unrelenting pity parties. He went to God and begged him to make it stop! I suppose the Israelites got it in their heads that because they were God’s chosen people (Exodus 6:7) life would be grand. Their suffering was over. Not so much.

When things don’t go as planned in my life, it’s usually a wake-up call. After all, when did I win the perfect life lottery? When was I promised immunity from suffering and pain? We can’t seem to watch the news or talk to a neighbor any day of the week and not hear of someone’s tragedy: A death, an illness, a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, a lost job. But when that’s my story, I scream NOT FAIR! I pout and complain and solicit sympathy from anyone who will listen, especially God – I think he plugged his ears long ago.

Would Jesus Invite a Porn Star to the Prom?

by Linda Russell, posted in God in the ordinary, God's "rules", Misfits for Christ, the greatest of these is love

(Originally posted on March 23, 2012)

I never attended a prom. Back in my day, with a certain number of credits, short of a diploma, we could obtain a “certificate,” which had no value beyond getting out of classes you hated, which was pretty much all of them for me. Today, you’re just labeled a loser and drop-kicked into the world to fend for yourself.

But prom prep is coming very soon to a high school near you. It’s time for the annual dress shopping and thirty-day diet protocol. Time for the reality check that, for some like me, no one would invite you if you begged and paid for a date with the biggest loser in school. It’s humiliating.

Who knows, maybe it would have happened if a guy like Mike Stone had been around in my day. Here’s the headline I caught in the news a few days ago that prompted this post. Granted, our friend here may have had a different motive than Jesus. But who’s to judge anyway?

Teen’s porn star date to prom scuttled by district officials. 

Now back to Jesus. I know, I know, there’s nothing in Scripture about Jesus’ prom. Do you know why? Why is there nothing about him from the age of twelve to thirty-three when he began his ministry? Did you ever wonder about that? Well, I have a theory (of course, you do, Linda!).

When Jesus got in trouble for going off to the Temple without telling his parents, that was just the beginning of his rebellious streak. His teen years were just around the corner. The hair instantly stands up on the back of the neck of any parent who has raised teenagers – can I get an AMEN?!

On his thirteenth birthday, Jesus invited all the misfits in the neighborhood and a few clowns with balloons to his party, along with his snooty relatives, and they were livid! After that, his relatives refused to attend his birthday parties, which was fine because they were too stuffy anyway!

I’m sure the real challenge for Mary and Joseph was the unexpected letter from Jesus’ principal just before graduation. Fortunately, they hadn’t rented his tux yet. The letter read:

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Joseph (last name unknown),

I regret to inform you that we have had to administer an out-of-school suspension for Jesus. As a result, he will not be allowed to attend graduation ceremonies or prom. We have repeatedly discussed with him the school “rules”, yet he has continued to defy them. We have given him ample opportunities to follow the regulations required of all our students and feel we have no other choice in the matter. Below you will find the documented offenses:

Jesus has demonstrated a refusal to adhere to the precepts of submission to his teachers and repeatedly questions their authority to run roughshod over the troublemakers. He seems to have a misguided concern for the poor, the meek, and the place of women in our society. We have laws and customs, you know! You really need to talk to him about that. We would also caution you to be more aware of these people he is associating with. You know – birds of a feather! I’m just sayin’.

He will receive his diploma by postal carrier.

Regards,

Mr. Caesar,

Principle, Nazareth High School (Go, Lions!)

Now, do you see why Scripture writers probably skipped over this period of Jesus’ life? They collectively decided that teens are too easily influenced by their peers, which could tick off parents. Anyway, back to that dreadful letter…

The letter arrives. Then…that dreaded, you know you’re in trouble, summons,  “JESUS!” (No middle name here either; too bad. Middle names are critical for a parent’s emphasis! So it loses some of its oomph.) But Jesus knew what was coming. “Dad, I can explain.” Joseph was calm and attentive, “Okay, I’m listening.” Joseph was actually proud of his son but contained himself because Mary was listening from the kitchen.

This conversation ended as you might expect – with a parable! (This is where he got the material for his later ministry, trying it out on Mom and Dad.)

“See, Dad, there’s this rich guy who prepared a banquet. He first invited all the “important” people. But they all had some lame excuse not to attend. Now he’s furious thinking of the rejection and the money he wasted on those ingrates. So, he went to Plan B. He ordered more pizza, rented a big ole bus, grabbed the servant, and ordered him not to return until he rounded up every misfit he could find. It’s party time! Pizza and beer with true friends trumps wealth, fame, and fortune! (Luke 14:16-24). Joseph gave him a high-five and assured Mary it was all straightened out.

So, I’ll ask you again – would Jesus take a porn star to his prom?

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 Of course, he would have (not as a date, silly!), but along with every lost and broken person God loved and the “popular kids” rejected. And what a grand time they would have had!

Welcome to My Groundhog Day

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Boasting, death's lessons, Groundhog Day, Humility
(Groundhog Day movie)

I recently celebrated my seventy-fourth birthday. I think seventy-four years is a loooooong time to be doing the same dumb things over and over. I also think God agrees! That’s surely why he’s intent on repeating himself until I – hopefully (hope springs eternal) – change.

Let me say that God has done some pretty incredible work in my life! And there have been significant changes over the years. But there is one thing, and unfortunately, it is the main thing I have struggled to submit to: humility. Oh sure, I can lay claim to superficial humility. You know, that surface stuff that implodes the first time some jerk gets on my bad side!

And so, like our poor friend Phil, I go to bed every night with good intentions and wake up the next morning finding myself stuck in the same place.

I recall that moment in the movie when Phil said to Rita, “I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned, and every morning I wake up without a scratch on me”? That would make a great metaphor for my life, except for the “without a scratch” part.

My Groundhog Day consists of continual lessons in humility – or lack there of. Ready? Buckle up!

I was once a concept of God’s wild and magnificent imagination. I can envision all the angels in heaven dancing for joy at the sight of every single creature God brings to life. Then, without warning, I was plopped into a broken world, and life immediately began re-creating me into the person God no longer recognized. And the angels fell silent.

Through life, I too (metaphorically), “have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned”. First, by a mother God entrusted with my care who was mean and abusive. Later, by my own attempts to simply survive in my brokenness.

My focus was not on living with joy, and the fullness of life promised to me. My focus became a matter of enduring the next worst thing, like Phil waking up every day in a world that never changed. Everything this Original Creation was supposed to be, became unrecognizable.

Like Phil, I tried to end my pain too. I didn’t have a groundhog strapped to my steering wheel, and it wasn’t on railroad tracks. Instead, it was me drunk in my little MG on the highway, praying that I would crash and die. Phil’s reaction when his attempt to kill himself failed was, “Ah, nuts.” Mine was the same. I think my exact words were, “Great! I can’t even do this right!” I remember getting out of bed the next morning and going off to work: same empty life, different day.

Over the years, since that not-so-fatal day, much has happened. God has continued to work in my life, considering my incessant resistance to the death of my own will. We have been through so much together! When I think about what he has managed to accomplish in this continual wrestling match, it has been nothing short of a miracle!

After Phil described his torture, he exclaimed that there was “not a scratch on me”. I couldn’t say that, but I did think that “not a scratch on me” meant that on the outside no one ever noticed what a mess my life was. Considering that has made me, and God, very sad.

But luckily, God isn’t a quitter and doesn’t give up on us. As long as that is true, I’m always hopeful for a new beginning. I know God is ever so gently loosening my white-knuckled grip on my stubborn self-will and shining an uncomfortable light on my lack of humility.

Of course, as is God’s mysterious way, and because I have been in total denial of my lack of humility, I am confronted almost daily with examples of “Who do you think you’re kidding, Linda?”

I had to sit with that and realize the truth of my whining and whaling and lashing out at anyone who has pushed my ever so fragile buttons. It came from many years of always being on the defensive. And, if I’m listening, I hear God say, “Humility…Linda. Let’s give it another try.”

Here’s what God has been showing me in the process of mediation, prayer, and experiences that provide the litmus test of how I’m doing. I think it’s some pretty awesome stuff.

What I believe has set this entire process in motion began years ago with my hospice training and work with dying patients. You get a much different perspective on life when you sit with the dying.

When I began my work with Hospice, I made it a practice to tell people I was a “volunteer chaplain” – I had to get it in, and technically it was true enough because of my past schooling and training. But, I was ever so profoundly admonished by God. He rolled his eyes and repeatedly shook his head at my need to pump up my false self.

Then, the more I sat with dying patients, the more I realized how little it mattered. No one ever said, “Thank you for being a chaplain.” They said, “Thank you for coming.” That’s all. They thanked me for my presence, not any vast wisdom or knowledge I thought I possessed and they needed to hear.

They were dying; they couldn’t have cared less about my degrees or accomplishments. I witnessed what was really important to those with so little time to fool with ego, pride, and self-centeredness.

This should be a powerful lesson for anyone who thinks that God does not want to be deeply involved in our lives. It has happened too often for me to believe otherwise. Now, if I can just get out of his way, perhaps humility is not impossible – even for me.

I hope and pray that I will continually strive to surrender to God’s Love and be the empty vessel he desires.

We are all called to love, to have faith and trust and hope, to be filled with joy and peace, and humility, which underlies it all. None of this is remotely possible if it is not born of a heart filled with awe and wonder at God’s magnificence, power, and glory. None of it!

Consider Matthew 3:13-17, “Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan to be baptized by him. John tried to prevent him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, yet you are coming to me?”

There is a whole bunch of humility going on there! John the Baptist never felt worthy “to tie Jesus’ sandals (Mark 1:7)”. How often are we willing to decrease so Jesus can increase?And think of Jesus himself allowing John to baptize him. He wasn’t a sinner and didn’t need to be baptized. Yet he humbled himself before everyone to lead the way to his Father.

Reading that Scripture was like a one-two punch. No, God doesn’t punch, but I’m telling you, he flicks! I have been flicked often enough to know. And it hurts. Because he’s not flicking my head, he’s flicking my heart!

When we go our own way, we obey the parts of God’s command that are easy and discard the parts that don’t appeal to us: Love your neighbor – check, love your enemy – scratch – is it any wonder God hates that? Are we putting forth an image of ourselves – more importantly – an image of God that others can use to justify their own sinfulness?

I want to say that I have finally conquered this one, but I know better, and I’m pretty sure there will be another lesson tomorrow…

                                   and the day after that…

                                                                          and the day after that!

It’s funny; the Scripture verses here are not new to me. “HOLY COW, I never knew God felt so strongly about THAT!” – Liar! It has just been an inconvenient truth, demanding something I have not been willing to submit to. I pray that is all changing. The power of humility lies within each one of us. We have no excuse to believe or act otherwise.

Waiting for Tomorrow Are Ya’?

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, death's lessons, life is short, Life's Choices, Oh death where is your sting?

(Originally posted 8/08/2012)

https://tenor.com/view/the-holiday-kate-winslet-iris-hate-my-horrible-life-horrible-gif-4754640

Some day you’re going to apologize to your neighbor (who hates you, by the way, for other reasons) for backing over his cat and blaming it on the mail carrier.

Some day your humdrum existence will magically transform into the fairy tale life you have always dreamed of.

Some day you will hit the lottery and buy your neighbor a new cat. Okay, you won’t do that because you’ll move to a deserted island where you won’t have any neighbors.

If you believe one morning you’ll wake up and your butt will have fallen off as you slept – that’s right – you’re delusional. (You might want to lay off the chocolate darlin’)

Wanna know where I’m at as I write this and why my thoughts went where they did? I am sitting with a dying hospice patient. I’ll call him Fred. I can’t show you a picture of him for obvious reasons, but I can show you a picture of the wall I’m staring at in his room. It’s 2:30 am, and I have been staring at this wall for two hours.

I don’t know if Fred has any family, but no one visits him. He was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease when I first met him, so we were never able to communicate. I have no idea what he did for a living, but for now, he is my teacher, like all the patients I see.

I know what you’re thinking. How could someone who has lost the ability to respond to their environment or converse with anyone teach you anything? How could they impart words of wisdom like Mahatma Gandhi, shine a light on injustice like Martin Luther King, or inspire Jesus’ call to “serve the least of these” like Mother Theresa? Well, they can’t….

They can sometimes do more – at least for me – at this moment.

When I meet a new patient, I first look at the pictures in their room. Some, like my dear mother-in-law, have their walls and shelves cluttered with family pictures. They make for great conversation. But here’s my buddy Fred with four blank walls.

What am I supposed to do with that? I have discovered that that is the wrong question. The real question is – what is God wanting to teach me here?

It is no coincidence that at this very time, I am reading a most profound book by Kathleen Dowling Singh, “The Grace in Dying”.

So, what am I finally learning at this late stage in my life? What I have grown to believe from Gandhi, King, and Mother Theresa, has been personified by Singh and Fred.

Singh’s book moves from words on a page to experience that reaches the depth of my heart as I sit here with a dying man. I have grown to appreciate that this is Holy Ground and that God is truly present here.

I sense that God is trying to tell me during these times to review my own life. He calls out to anyone with ears to hear, “You’re gonna die too. Maybe even today. So, get your act together!”

Because I have a warped brain (DUH! Surely you know that by now), I had to laugh because that reminder sent me to this cartoon. It’s a Hallmark card.

At this stage in life, considering priorities is surely in order, don’t you think? Can we stop obsessing over things that don’t…actually, never did...matter? Stop dwelling on old hurts, lost opportunities, and someone else’s expectations? Stop striving for more and more of what someone else will trash before you’re cold in your grave? Stop trying to control everything? Stop shadowboxing? Donate those skinny jeans that will likely NEVER fit you again (geeezzzzz)?

Singh tells us, “When we are deeply aware of our own impermanence, every fleeting moment is recognized as precious. Our desire to be present in each moment amplifies. Meditating on death instantly calls us to question on the deepest of levels. What am I doing? What do I want? What does this all mean?

Contemplating our own mortality…our precariously impermanent existence can call us to complete and thorough accountability. It can call us to instant reordering, a rearranging of our priorities and our intentions. It blocks off all of our habitual detours into denial.”

The bare walls in Fred’s room don’t tell me anything about Fred, but they signify two realities for me: (1) To ask honestly if my life has been empty and void of significance. (2) God always offers us a clean slate – to begin again if I have failed to fulfill my purpose.

Thank you, Fred. In your dying, you are teaching me how to truly live while there is still breath in me.

Now, go in peace…I pray…into the hands of our loving and merciful God.

Let Us be Silly!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Consider trials pure joy!, God's plan, Laugh at yourself
https://vimeo.com/19071448

This 1978 song “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor was turned into the “Alien Song”. It has made me laugh for years! Watch it, then come back. I’ll wait.

Are you laughing? Come on. That was hysterical! Now wipe that frown off your face, and let’s get to more funny business because we take life way too seriously.

Do you think God doesn’t have a sense of humor? Really? If He hadn’t had a sense of humor, Genesis might have read a bit differently, “And God made one robot with a whole bunch of clones.” – then He decided to quit while He was ahead. “ My grand plan is for every creature to simply exist for my pure pleasure. I like it. I’m done. Why muddle it up?”

But then Spirit, observing it all, objected, “But, Lord, who will return Your love then? Isn’t that what this is all about”? God replied, “Oh, please! Let’s think about this. If I want them to love Me, I will have to give them all the free will to do it, and you know what that’s gonna make them, don’t you? A royal pain!”

But, alas, God relented, “Okay, fine. But if we’re going to do this, we can’t have all drama and whining. If they can’t laugh at themselves or take a little ribbing occasionally, then we’re gonna replace them with more trees and rocks!”

So God made humankind in His image (Genesis 1:26), reluctantly giving everyone free will. And just as He foresaw, it went very badly! Okay, not totally. That’s why God gave us a sense of humor to help us over the rough spots. And to keep, at least some of us, from that incessant bellyaching, “Why me, Lord”? Waaa, waaa, waaa…

I truly believe that you cannot learn to really laugh – I mean laugh till you pee – laugh until you have cried, cried from the deepest sorrow that life throws at you. If you know what I’m talking about, you know that getting through this life is like being pecked to death by a chicken. And you had better find the humor in it, or that chicken may just turn into a buzzard – and you? Roadkill!

I can’t tell you how often my screw-ups have turned into life lessons, followed by laughter. God has the uncanny ability to admonish me and then stick a mirror in front of me until I can no longer keep a straight face. It’s a beautiful thing to know that I am a deeply loved idiot because, as that famous saying goes:

I will end with one of my favorite poems, which prompted this post:

LET US BE LOVELY – Edward Monkton

Let us be lovely

And let us be kind

Let us be silly and free

It won’t make us famous

It won’t make us rich

But damnit how HAPPY we’ll be!