Category: Humility

Don’t Allow Fear to Destroy Your Peace

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, fear, God's plan, Humility, life's trials, peace, Trusting God, Whining to God

“Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.” (source unknown.)

Here she comes – Miss America! There she goes to save the Coastal California Gnatcatcher, repair a broken nail, and, of course, bring peace to the world. And how about those hippies back in the 1960s with their mantra of peace and love (not to mention sex, drugs, and rock & roll)? Maybe we shouldn’t doubt the good intentions of anyone who claims to advocate peace.  

Only one Nobel Peace Prize is awarded each year,and, unless I’ve missed something, I don’t believe that world peace, or any lasting peace, has ever come with the prize. Of course, it’s a very big world. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are seven billion people worldwide, more than two billion of whom are Christians. So how can this be such a violent place when it’s home to two billion Christians? Surely, two billion Christians could’ve changed the world by now! Why aren’t we making a greater impact?

The Heart of the Matter

Where does peace begin? How about violence? Are they hatched at peace rallies, do they spring forth during the heat of battle, or are they created in our hearts? Consider how different this world would be if every one of us lived the virtue of peace within our own hearts! Matthew tells us, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things” (Luke 6:45).

We shake our fists at the injustice and violence that are out there, but deny the violence within. We cannot know peace or offer it to others until we’re able to face our own brokenness – our own need for God’s healing and grace. I was good at shaking my fist at the injustices in the world, all while inflicting my own injustices on others. Why? Because I had no peace in my heart, which was filled instead with anger, fear, and pride.

“Peace I Leave with You, My Peace I Give to You” (John 14:27)

How beautiful Jesus’ words sound, yet we find very little success in our attempts to make peace a reality in our lives. In fact, the struggle seems so daunting that we often settle for a very limited version of peace: an occasional moment of calm in the midst of our troubled lives. That was how I coped for years. Frustration would prompt me to seek God’s intervention, but I wasn’t actually interested in peace with the people in my life. I wanted to be able to inflict “justice” on those I felt were stealing my peace.

Sometimes we think we have peace. “Whew! My husband is going fishing with the guys. I’ll have two whole days of peace.” Or “My kids have stopped fighting. There’s finally peace in the house.” Maybe your controlling mother-in-law mercifully moves out of town, or that tyrannical boss may be transferred to a distant city. But those examples don’t constitute peace. They’re merely the absence of war.

Can you recognize the difference between a peaceful person and someone who’s simply stifling his emotions? That’s the kind of person who attempts to control himself enough to give the appearance of peace, but he’s not fooling anybody. I know. That was me.

I always had public and private personas. In my private life, everything was out of control, though publicly I acted as if the opposite were true. But my kids invariably gave me away – usually in church or in the middle of the grocery store. That was when my amateur ventriloquist skills would kick in. Smiling through clenched teeth and with a death grip on the offender’s arm, I would quietly threaten, “Either you knock it off, or there’ll be hell to pay when I get you home!” Obviously, “peace” was not flowing like a river. This river was a maelstrom of anger, fear, discontent, and pride. 

What, then, is the key to peace? It’s humility, and I can’t wait to tell you why. This is where I get to expose my dark side to you. So let’s begin with the anger.

Anger: A Double-Edged Sword

I’ve lived with anger all my life and, since childhood, have cowered behind it when threatened by bullies. The parent bully, the teacher bully, the neighborhood bully, the checker at the grocery store bully. I’ve always considered myself a victim. But there’s no justification for lashing out with angry words that are embedded in someone’s heart. 

When I was a child, my outbursts generally involved slamming doors and mumbling “I hate you!” under my breath. As I withdrew more and more into myself, I began to feel invisible. My longing for recognition became fertile soil for the anger that was festering inside me. Later, when I had outgrown parental control I gave myself the freedom to express anger without fear of punishment. With each outburst, I was essentially screaming, “Pay attention to me!” – and I was oblivious to anyone’s feelings other than my own.

Do I believe that anger is always wrong? No, I think that misplaced anger is. As people who never express their anger fail to understand, inner anger has to go somewhere. It has to be dealt with. A person may look composed, but on the inside, there could be a pressure cooker destined to explode – or to implode, in the form of ulcers, cancer, stroke, or heart attack. There’s no peace in denial, just as there’s no peace in exploding into unjustified and unrighteous anger.

Sometimes God is angry with us, and he doesn’t mince words when that happens. In many verses throughout Scripture, he admonishes his people, calling them liars, adulterers, idolaters, and self-righteous fools. As he said to Judah, “For you have kindled a fire in my anger which shall burn forever” (Jeremiah 17:4).

So what’s the difference between God’s anger and mine? It’s a case of righteous versus unrighteous anger. Unrighteous anger is the outward expression of unmet needs. When fear is the underlying emotion that sets us off, the anger is dangerous and hurtful. In the Bible, the Book of Nahum says, “He avenges his foes. He stands up against his enemies, fierce and raging. But God doesn’t lose his temper. He’s powerful, but it’s a patient power” (Nahum 1:2-3 – The Message). Anger is not permissible when it turns to aggression, and that aggression is fueled by fear, frustration, or a sense of inadequacy.

We need to accept that anger is a learned behavior, not a genetic trait. My mousy brown and grey hair, which I’m forever trying to cover up, is genetic. My behavior, which I’m forever trying to cover up, isn’t. Unrighteous anger is violence against others. It’s the suffering and death of Jesus at the hands of an angry mob. It’s a frightened child cowering in the dark. It strews victims everywhere. 

When I realized God’s unconditional love for me, my anger began to subside – yet something continued to rob me of his peace. Fear was so deeply embedded in the very depths of my being that it freely manifested itself in every area of my life. Even though I was no longer railing constantly at every perceived threat, fear was still wreaking havoc in my life, albeit with greater subtlety, and of course, fear is Satan’s most powerful and creative tool.

Since we’re afraid of our own brokenness, we expend tremendous energy denying it, covering it up, or justifying it. Any time we strike out at someone else, or whenever we curse our circumstances, we’re motivated by fear – fear of losing control or of feeling invisible, unwanted, unloved. Can you name your fears? Can you admit that you have any?

Who’s Your Boogie Man?

Growing up, I was afraid of everything, yet somehow I seemed to be scared of nothing. Whenever my dad paddled me, I didn’t cry. When my teachers disciplined me, I feigned indifference. Back then, teachers were allowed to inflict corporal punishment on their students, and they did!

My first-grade teacher used to have me sit under her desk when I misbehaved, which gave me the opportunity to entertain my fan club by sticking my head out of my jail and making faces. My second-grade teacher spanked me, and my third-grade teacher regularly whacked me with a ruler. I was a class clown on the outside and a frightened child on the inside. I thought that drawing attention to myself was crucial to preserving my fragile ego.

The sixth grade presented me with an interesting means of gaining attention without enduring physical pain. By impressing my peers with my vast knowledge about sex, I developed, at the age of twelve or thirteen, my very first feelings of power and acceptance. Never mind the fact that I had no idea what I was talking about. None of us had any knowledge about sex, but we were curious. So I stepped into that gap. I became the facts-of-life expert. 

My classmates were responsive and eager to learn from me, so at recess we would gather for my no-holds-barred sex-education class. When I think of all the young minds that I warped back then, I’m pretty much aghast. For instance, I wonder how many girls were too terrified to kiss boys while menstruating because I’d warned them that they’d get pregnant that way. Somewhere out there, someone is cursing the day she met me!

Fear: God’s Nemesis

God continually tells us not to fear anything.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God” (Isaiah 41:10).

“…then, as the Lord lives, there is safety for you and no harm” (1 Samuel 20:21).

“In God I have put my trust; I will not fear” (Psalm 56:4).

The only way to live a fearless life is by forming a relationship with God. I have never felt protected by anyone in my life. It wasn’t until I learned to trust in God’s protection that the truth about fear was made manifest to me. Satan, in all his trickery and deceit, is rendered powerless by the light of God’s love.

Have you ever stayed up all night, worried and afraid? Remember how you couldn’t eat, couldn’t think? Remember how irritable and short-tempered you were? So tell me something: how much did all that agonizing help? Not much? Well, it’s not what God wants for us, as Matthew reminds us in a very familiar story:

The disciples were in a boat out in the middle of the sea, and the wind and waves were fierce. When they suddenly saw someone walking on the water, they were understandably scared out of their wits. In fact, they thought it must be a ghost, but it was Jesus, who urged them not to be afraid. Impressed, Peter decided that he’d like to do the same thing. So Jesus told him to step out of the boat, which he did, and he was fine as long as he was focused on Jesus. As soon as he looked away, though, he began to sink, crying out, “Lord, save me!” And this was the man whom Jesus would be entrusting with the keys to heaven? At that moment, though, with the ravenous water closing in around him, Peter wasn’t trying to impress anybody. He wasn’t trying to save face. He was trying to save his sorry behind. He knew who to call on when he was in trouble!

Fear has no teeth when we put our trust in God – and I don’t mean when we know the outcome. Yet we function so poorly on trust alone. Instead, we dig in our heels and refuse to budge. If we don’t know for sure what’s happening around the corner, we stay put. Fear denies us the fullness of life that God has promised. 

If you’re still satisfied with your entrenched self, consider this scenario. Imagine that, when God called me to graduate school, I blabbed the news to all my friends and family members, then failed miserably and whined about my failure to everybody. Then imagine that God called one of them to do something extraordinary. Would she do it? Of course not. After witnessing my dismal failure, she’d surely decline the invitation. “No thanks. I’m good. I saw how that played out for Linda!”

However, God isn’t going to allow us to make him look bad. We can trust him to fulfill his plans for our lives in ways that we never could’ve imagined. And if Mary and Jesus didn’t need to know the eventual outcomes of their commitments to God, then neither do we.

Contentment Isn’t Out of Reach

Is it really possible to remain content in the midst of difficult circumstances? Or does your life have to be perfect before you can be happy? Do you need to run away from home and responsibilities, live in seclusion on some primitive island, eat coconuts and wild berries, soak up the sun all day, and laze in the tropical breezes at sunset? Wait. This is beginning to sound pretty good! Oops…sorry.

As far back as I can remember, I was never content. I was never satisfied with anything. I never had enough money or nice clothes. I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t thin enough. I wasn’t popular enough. My teeth weren’t straight enough. My hair wasn’t blonde enough. 

I spent a long time in the desert just like the Isrealites, and I didn’t have any fun there. When I was in the midst of it, though, I couldn’t see it for what it was. I had to have things. I had a beautiful home, new cars, and a swimming pool; shopping was my favorite pastime. Whenever I felt down, I’d treat myself to a new outfit or two, or three. Occasionally, I’d throw in a little trinket for my husband (as a nod to my guilty conscience!), but he was never allowed to buy me clothes. I mean, he once bought himself a polyester leisure suit. Enough said?

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives” (John 14:27)

Our peace is stolen from us every time we lose sight of God, every time we allow others to define us. Only God can define us! “This is my beloved son/daughter in whom I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17). You were made in the image and likeness of God; no one and nothing on earth can rob you of your birthright.

The Journey to Realness: Transforming Pain into Beauty

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, embrace change, forgiveness, grace, Healing, Humility, life's trials, occasions of grace, Our Imperfection, Uncategorized

I have wasted a great deal of time lamenting my aging body. If I ever had ambitions of being a swimsuit model, that’s off the table. You’re welcome!

The wrinkles and bags seem to multiply by the day. It’s why I never want my picture taken. I figured that when I die, and my kids put together that poster board of memories, the “latest” photo of me will be a Glamour Shot from thirty years ago!

Every seasonal change prompts me to donate clothes I don’t wear, haven’t worn for the past ten years, and will likely never fit into again. When I’m finished, the “pile” of items usually consists of a pair of socks someone gave me for Christmas. That’s it. Because – well – maybe I’ll lose weight next year. Hope springs eternal!

My frequent adventures into reality never end well, as they usually prompt me to eat copious amounts of chocolate! Until yesterday, when I read a meditation by my all-time favorite author and human, Kate Bowler. It was titled “Becoming Real”, in which she shares her creation of the “Gospel of the Velveteen Rabbit.” It brought me to tears – good and bad.

Bowler tells us how sad the rabbit is because he’s so worn from being drug around through life. He’s become tattered and torn and fears he’ll be cast aside. No longer his beautiful, fluffy, shiny self. His buddy, the Skin Horse, who’s been around much longer and is much wiser, tells him, “That’s how you become real.”

Bowler explains, “We become real through our wear and tear. By healing from the cruelty we didn’t deserve. By being loved imperfectly and loving imperfectly. In both, we change and keep changing. As the Skin Horse explains, ‘Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off (check), and your eyes drop out (kinda), and you get loose in the joints and very shabby (check and check). But these things don’t matter because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.’”

As I reflected on this meditation about the beauty of “being Real,” I realized how much I have focused on the wrong things. I spent so much time lamenting my childhood, the abuse of my mother, the sexual abuse, feelings of being invisible because none of my teachers ever questioned my acting out in school, and an attempted suicide in my twenties. I never allowed myself to see the inner beauty that has made me “Real.”

The transformation of a self-centered, angry, lost little girl to the person God created me to be from the beginning should be a cause for celebration! Has that erased all the bad memories? No. But it has helped relegate them to the past, where they no longer affect my sense of who I am, my worth, and my dignity.

I would not be caring or thoughtful of myself or others, drawn towards serving others, or know how much I have to be grateful for had I not accepted this journey. Even with all its rough patches and dark places, it has made me more joyful and fulfilled than I ever could have imagined.

Oh, believe me, I have many moments of admonition from God when I screw up. More than I care to admit. But my heart is open to seeing my faults and correcting them quickly. I can only do that through a newfound humility and the grace of God.

My Journey to Finding True Purpose and Self-Acceptance

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Boasting, grace, Humility, Our Imperfection, serving others
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Oh, the games we play. I know them well. I’ve been playing them all my life. The games that hide our suffering, that mask our own sinfulness, and help us survive.

Growing up, I was always made to believe I was not worthy of love or care. So, I tried desperately to find my worth in things and accomplishments.

I have been artificially propped up by an ego that is always on the alert for another opportunity to impress others, starting years ago as a youth minister and then at Youth-in-Need, hospice, and working with the homeless.

Being pumped up by the admiring comments of others filled a void, “Oh, I admire you for what you do. It takes a special person to do that.” I pretended to brush off the comment while secretly hoping this would be the year I would receive the Time Magazine Person of the Year award. I kinda gave up on that one. I know…shocking!

Are you impressed yet? Do you know who isn’t impressed? Who’s saddened by this litany of “accomplishments” by yours truly? GOD!

1 Cor. 7 speaks directly to the ego, “What are you so puffed up about? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if all you have is from God, why act as though you are so great and as though you have accomplished something on your own?” Ouch!

In hindsight, I know God was present in all of this. He watched and waited for my AHA moments; for those moments, I could clearly see my shallow attempts to feed the hunger and loneliness of others – all while denying my own.

And those AHA moments were truly profound! Moments when my initial shallowness transformed into compassion and empathy for those I was serving. That’s how God works. He was converting my heart right in the midst of my brokenness.

So, there’s my story—the good, bad, and ugly. And this is my hope – that I am finally recognizing the person I was created to be and the purpose I am to fulfill for whatever time I have left here: to truly point others to God and not myself.

I’m not sure what tomorrow’s going to look like – but I am sure I’m in good hands! I will leave you with this beautiful song by Casting Crowns: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eQd3K2Fxp4

Welcome to My Groundhog Day

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Boasting, death's lessons, Groundhog Day, Humility
(Groundhog Day movie)

I recently celebrated my seventy-fourth birthday. I think seventy-four years is a loooooong time to be doing the same dumb things over and over. I also think God agrees! That’s surely why he’s intent on repeating himself until I – hopefully (hope springs eternal) – change.

Let me say that God has done some pretty incredible work in my life! And there have been significant changes over the years. But there is one thing, and unfortunately, it is the main thing I have struggled to submit to: humility. Oh sure, I can lay claim to superficial humility. You know, that surface stuff that implodes the first time some jerk gets on my bad side!

And so, like our poor friend Phil, I go to bed every night with good intentions and wake up the next morning finding myself stuck in the same place.

I recall that moment in the movie when Phil said to Rita, “I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned, and every morning I wake up without a scratch on me”? That would make a great metaphor for my life, except for the “without a scratch” part.

My Groundhog Day consists of continual lessons in humility – or lack there of. Ready? Buckle up!

I was once a concept of God’s wild and magnificent imagination. I can envision all the angels in heaven dancing for joy at the sight of every single creature God brings to life. Then, without warning, I was plopped into a broken world, and life immediately began re-creating me into the person God no longer recognized. And the angels fell silent.

Through life, I too (metaphorically), “have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned”. First, by a mother God entrusted with my care who was mean and abusive. Later, by my own attempts to simply survive in my brokenness.

My focus was not on living with joy, and the fullness of life promised to me. My focus became a matter of enduring the next worst thing, like Phil waking up every day in a world that never changed. Everything this Original Creation was supposed to be, became unrecognizable.

Like Phil, I tried to end my pain too. I didn’t have a groundhog strapped to my steering wheel, and it wasn’t on railroad tracks. Instead, it was me drunk in my little MG on the highway, praying that I would crash and die. Phil’s reaction when his attempt to kill himself failed was, “Ah, nuts.” Mine was the same. I think my exact words were, “Great! I can’t even do this right!” I remember getting out of bed the next morning and going off to work: same empty life, different day.

Over the years, since that not-so-fatal day, much has happened. God has continued to work in my life, considering my incessant resistance to the death of my own will. We have been through so much together! When I think about what he has managed to accomplish in this continual wrestling match, it has been nothing short of a miracle!

After Phil described his torture, he exclaimed that there was “not a scratch on me”. I couldn’t say that, but I did think that “not a scratch on me” meant that on the outside no one ever noticed what a mess my life was. Considering that has made me, and God, very sad.

But luckily, God isn’t a quitter and doesn’t give up on us. As long as that is true, I’m always hopeful for a new beginning. I know God is ever so gently loosening my white-knuckled grip on my stubborn self-will and shining an uncomfortable light on my lack of humility.

Of course, as is God’s mysterious way, and because I have been in total denial of my lack of humility, I am confronted almost daily with examples of “Who do you think you’re kidding, Linda?”

I had to sit with that and realize the truth of my whining and whaling and lashing out at anyone who has pushed my ever so fragile buttons. It came from many years of always being on the defensive. And, if I’m listening, I hear God say, “Humility…Linda. Let’s give it another try.”

Here’s what God has been showing me in the process of mediation, prayer, and experiences that provide the litmus test of how I’m doing. I think it’s some pretty awesome stuff.

What I believe has set this entire process in motion began years ago with my hospice training and work with dying patients. You get a much different perspective on life when you sit with the dying.

When I began my work with Hospice, I made it a practice to tell people I was a “volunteer chaplain” – I had to get it in, and technically it was true enough because of my past schooling and training. But, I was ever so profoundly admonished by God. He rolled his eyes and repeatedly shook his head at my need to pump up my false self.

Then, the more I sat with dying patients, the more I realized how little it mattered. No one ever said, “Thank you for being a chaplain.” They said, “Thank you for coming.” That’s all. They thanked me for my presence, not any vast wisdom or knowledge I thought I possessed and they needed to hear.

They were dying; they couldn’t have cared less about my degrees or accomplishments. I witnessed what was really important to those with so little time to fool with ego, pride, and self-centeredness.

This should be a powerful lesson for anyone who thinks that God does not want to be deeply involved in our lives. It has happened too often for me to believe otherwise. Now, if I can just get out of his way, perhaps humility is not impossible – even for me.

I hope and pray that I will continually strive to surrender to God’s Love and be the empty vessel he desires.

We are all called to love, to have faith and trust and hope, to be filled with joy and peace, and humility, which underlies it all. None of this is remotely possible if it is not born of a heart filled with awe and wonder at God’s magnificence, power, and glory. None of it!

Consider Matthew 3:13-17, “Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan to be baptized by him. John tried to prevent him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, yet you are coming to me?”

There is a whole bunch of humility going on there! John the Baptist never felt worthy “to tie Jesus’ sandals (Mark 1:7)”. How often are we willing to decrease so Jesus can increase?And think of Jesus himself allowing John to baptize him. He wasn’t a sinner and didn’t need to be baptized. Yet he humbled himself before everyone to lead the way to his Father.

Reading that Scripture was like a one-two punch. No, God doesn’t punch, but I’m telling you, he flicks! I have been flicked often enough to know. And it hurts. Because he’s not flicking my head, he’s flicking my heart!

When we go our own way, we obey the parts of God’s command that are easy and discard the parts that don’t appeal to us: Love your neighbor – check, love your enemy – scratch – is it any wonder God hates that? Are we putting forth an image of ourselves – more importantly – an image of God that others can use to justify their own sinfulness?

I want to say that I have finally conquered this one, but I know better, and I’m pretty sure there will be another lesson tomorrow…

                                   and the day after that…

                                                                          and the day after that!

It’s funny; the Scripture verses here are not new to me. “HOLY COW, I never knew God felt so strongly about THAT!” – Liar! It has just been an inconvenient truth, demanding something I have not been willing to submit to. I pray that is all changing. The power of humility lies within each one of us. We have no excuse to believe or act otherwise.

Certitude – the Bane of Our Existence

by Linda Russell, posted in "Christians" who hate, Follow Me, God is LOVE, Humility, Lukewarm Christian, Religion or Spirituality, religion vs faith, religion vs. faith

It’s a shame that Gandhi, Buddha, and all their followers are in, or headed to, hell. So say many Christians. What do you believe? What do I believe? People who profess to be Christian indeed have a sacred calling. Scripture tells us so. If that’s true – what is it? Is it to announce the luck of the draw for members in an exclusive club with the secret handshake and a never to expire ticket to heaven, or to announce the bad news of condemnation and the hell-bound destiny of all those tough-luck-for-you-non-Christians? Over all my seventy-two years, I have probably accepted, without question, those beliefs more than I care to admit.

As feeble as it is, this post is my attempt to offer a different possibility of what Christianity means to me. Though it is different than what so many have come to embrace, it is actually what the first Christians believed about themselves as followers of Jesus. You may agree, or you may not. Either way, this is where I have landed after many years of struggling with and contemplating my ongoing journey of faith, anger, falls from grace, brokenness, and healing – sometimes all in one day! My very being has been squeezed through the wringer, patched together, taped up, and super-glued so often I look like Humpty Dumpty! 

This post has been difficult and challenging for me to write. It has developed through months of witnessing the continued dumpster fires of 2020. In particular, the ugliness, anger, hatred, and violence seem to have rendered many of us oblivious to the suffering of so many innocent people, children in particular. They have become collateral damage in this war – and it is a war – a spiritual war.

But what has endured through it all for me are the words of wisdom and encouragement of those I quote in this post. Those folks I consider to be outstanding voices and true examples of what it means to be a follower of a Holy, Magnificent, All-Loving God of every single messy one of us! Every one! You will see a lot of italics within the following quotes. They are all my doing! They have powerfully pierced my heart and uplifted my soul. They have given me new hope that the God I love, has always deeply loved me, even when I often lose sight of him. He has never changed. He is steady and immovable even when we try desperately to change him to suit our egocentric selves in moments of darkness and uncertainty.

I have been in that place more often than I can count. But I do not want to be stuck there again. I recognize that god-awful place where it seemed to be easier for me to default to taking sides and raising my own fist against those I disagree with than to follow in the footsteps of those I so admire: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and, of course, at the top of that list, the One we all should be emulating – Jesus. Even Gandhi loved Jesus and learned from his life. He loved the Sermon on the Mount! And yet, it’s very telling that he once remarked, “I like your Christ, but not your Christians.” Ouch!

Even today, people are dying for their faith while we rearrange deck chairs on the Titanic. Brilliant! Yeah us! Speaking the truth to power doesn’t often end well. But, in the immortal words of Saint Mother Theresa, “Do it anyway”.

Nothing in scripture tells us that Jesus, or any of his followers, would die for the belief of those Christians today who condemn non-Christians to hell or proclaim some sort of special status for themselves.

And if that’s not enough, here’s another stark and uncomfortable reminder for us comfy, cozy American Christians in our watered-down, lukewarm faith. You know, the belief that Jesus railed against? (Rev. 3:15-16). Whew…yeah, that one’s way too awkward! Let’s just skip over it. Surely, he didn’t mean it. He was probably just having a lousy day…maybe too much caffeine. (But, I digress.)

Jesus said abandon your possessions (Matt. 19:21) – we try to dicker, “Ummm, how about if I sell one mink coat or one car. No? Okay, this is killing me, but how about if I sell one condo and then donate a few dollars to charity? Will that get me a ticket to heaven? Come on, cut me some slack, Lord!”

Jesus said to abandon family and friends (Luke 14:25-27) – instead, we cling to them and turn our backs on those not like us.

Jesus said, abandon your very self (Matt. 16:24) – we might lay one bad habit down. But give up all our “stuff” – all our striving for power and influence – all our dreams of fame and fortune? No way!

There it is. We have just watered Jesus down and settled him into our comfort zone, rendering him mediocre – along with God. Hmmmm, sorta like us. But what have we lost in the process? I can easily imagine, but dread to think, that I could one day say the same thing as Tolstoy’s character Ivan Ilyich said on his deathbed, “What if my whole life has been wrong.”

Steven Weinberg reminds us that, “With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”

Why do we stay stuck in doctrines and dogmas? Because it’s safe. But, is that actually what God wants? Is that what Jesus and so many others died for?

It appears there are two options to consider: Would I march myself into martyrdom for a doctrine created long ago by a church seeking control of its people? Or would I commit to an unwavering faith in the God who makes no demands for allegiance, but simply and profoundly speaks within the depth of our hearts and calls us to love, to show compassion and care for others, no matter the cost? I want to be counted among the latter. Thanks.

From the book by Brennon Manning, “Holy Rascals”, “The God that can be branded is not the true God. Our job isn’t to dethrone the emperor, only to point out that the emperor has no clothes. Our task isn’t to banish the Great and Terrible Wizard, only to reveal that the Land of Oz is run by a small man with a large megaphone.”

In the words of Mirabai Starr, “The sacred scriptures of all faiths call us to love as we have never loved before. This requires effort, vigilance, and radical humility. This is the narrow gate Jesus speaks about… mutual dedication to lovingkindness as the highest expression of faith. The call does not come softly. It bangs the shutters of your heart and wakes you from a deep sleep. You have no choice but to respond.”

So, here I stand naked and humbled before God. As uncomfortable as that may seem, it is far more desirable than sleepwalking through this one, short, marvelous life we have been given.

The experience of my seventy-second birthday a couple of weeks ago was more profound than even life’s typical milestones some call “rites of passage”. Like sixteen when I smoked in front of my dad for the first time. Guess he was just tired of me stealing his cigarettes, and since I now had a job, I could buy my own. Not sure how that stacks up with being allowed to wear makeup or going on a first date. It simply paved the way for a swifter road to possible lung cancer. But who thinks about that at sixteen? At twenty-one, I could discard the fake ID I had already used for a few years to get drunk. Now I would remain drunk and stupefied for years! Woohoo!

As you may have deduced by now, few birthdays for me became Kodak moments. Except for this last one. Hopefully, not last as in LAST. But that’s the final point I want to make here. If this past year has not impacted me any other way, it has reminded me of what’s really important because I often forget that we have no guarantees in this life. And God will be VERY disappointed if, for whatever time I have remaining, I have not left this world better in some way for my having been here. Thankfully, there’s still time as long as I am breathing.

At the end of my life, I DO NOT want to be reminded of these profound words by Gian Carlo Menotti, “Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do.”

I would prefer to dust myself off, let go of the negativity of 2020, and embrace these thoughts to empower my every action from here on out. Because every day is a new day. Every day I am a new creation in Christ. Every day I can hear God say to me, “Okay, Linda, let’s try this love thing again.”

Richard Rohr says it beautifully, not that God doesn’t (sorry, Lord), “We must re-teach all things their loveliness. That could be your one and only life calling!”  

Howard Thurman tells us:  “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The beginning of my quest for truth came with my willingness to question what I believed about who God was, who Jesus was, who I was, and who my neighbor was. Dag Hammarskjold said, “The longest journey is the journey inwards. Of him who has chosen his destiny, who has started upon his quest for the source of his being.”

Well, alrighty then…that was fun! Are you still here?

Let me leave you with my favorite prayer of blessing and this incredible song by Casting Crowns as we prepare for Christmas. I pray for God’s blessings for you and your loved ones during this season of remembrance. This time of renewal and commitment to love God and each other!

“The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you,
and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.”  (Numbers 6:24-26)

Theology Can Render You a Moron

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boasting, hope, Humility, Love your neighbor, Theology vs. Faith
moron

Okay, I can’t speak for everyone, but it certainly applies to me!

My adventures into the great unknown – better known as graduate school – began just as it ended three years later. My initial question, “What am I doing here”? – morphed into my final, most profound, and current question, “Really! What am I doing here”?

There I was, barely a high school graduate, with just a bit of junior college and a whole lot of “know-it-all” religion, running headlong into theological studies. Fortunately, at the outset, I agreed to allow God to have his way with my pebble-sized faith and my Goliath attitude. He wasted no time. From my first class to my last exam, God pelted me with enough “what ifs” to render me stupid. “Linda, what if some of the stories in Scripture aren’t “factual”?  What if I don’t have a beard? What if heaven’s not a “place”, eternity is here and now, and my “church” includes everyone – even those you don’t like? How’s your faith holding up so far?”

My faith was black and white, and it seemed so simple. In reality, “religion” may be, but true faith is hardly black and white, yet, paradoxically, it’s simpler. For example (here’s the moron in me): I had a long list of people who were destined for hell. Not specific names (well, okay, I had some), but rather, specific attitudes and actions that qualified. To be fair, I myself slipped on and off that list all my life for not following the “rules” – even when I didn’t know what the rules were!

Reality tells me that things are not what they seem and only God can know what is in the heart. My neighbor may seem like the jerk of all jerks, but only God knows him well enough to decide that. I Samuel 16:7 says, “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  God may very well agree with my “jerk” label of someone, but he says in no uncertain terms, “He may be a jerk. But he’s MY jerk, so lay off”!

In my first semester at Aquinas, I encountered the infamous St. Augustine, considered one of the greatest philosophers and theologians of all time. At the end of his life, he decided he was an idiot and didn’t know what he was talking about (see, I’m in good company!). So he quit writing and speaking. It didn’t take me that long. I’m sure God is still rejoicing over that!

Fortunately, deciding you are a moron early on has some unforeseen benefits:

  • You no longer have anything to “prove.”
  • “Rules” transform into possibilities.
  • You encounter the living Christ, in the here and now – not the long ago, far away, dead and buried – thus rendered irrelevant and easily dismissed, Jesus. Nice guy though.
  • Righteousness gives way to solidarity with all your brothers and sisters in faith, or no faith at all.
  • Unknowing looks more like wisdom than stupidity.
  • Humility flourishes. Acceptance of self, of God, and of others is borne of true humility.
  • Loving relationships carry no conditional baggage.
  • Faith and trust in a loving, extraordinary God are now actually possible.
  • And finally, you can live in this messy, sometimes violent, darkened world, with a sense of hope.

Lord knows I don’t have all the answers. “As a matter of fact, I do know that, Linda!”

Actually, I probably don’t have any answers.  But I now know that my only source of grace and hope lies in the mystery of a God that holds it all together, and holds us gently and lovingly in his embrace.

Now I can say with great conviction, “I am a deeply loved moron”!

Can I get an AMEN?