Category: Consider trials pure joy!

Don’t Allow Fear to Destroy Your Peace

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, fear, God's plan, Humility, life's trials, peace, Trusting God, Whining to God

“Peace is that brief, glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.” (source unknown.)

Here she comes – Miss America! There she goes to save the Coastal California Gnatcatcher, repair a broken nail, and, of course, bring peace to the world. And how about those hippies back in the 1960s with their mantra of peace and love (not to mention sex, drugs, and rock & roll)? Maybe we shouldn’t doubt the good intentions of anyone who claims to advocate peace.  

Only one Nobel Peace Prize is awarded each year,and, unless I’ve missed something, I don’t believe that world peace, or any lasting peace, has ever come with the prize. Of course, it’s a very big world. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are seven billion people worldwide, more than two billion of whom are Christians. So how can this be such a violent place when it’s home to two billion Christians? Surely, two billion Christians could’ve changed the world by now! Why aren’t we making a greater impact?

The Heart of the Matter

Where does peace begin? How about violence? Are they hatched at peace rallies, do they spring forth during the heat of battle, or are they created in our hearts? Consider how different this world would be if every one of us lived the virtue of peace within our own hearts! Matthew tells us, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things” (Luke 6:45).

We shake our fists at the injustice and violence that are out there, but deny the violence within. We cannot know peace or offer it to others until we’re able to face our own brokenness – our own need for God’s healing and grace. I was good at shaking my fist at the injustices in the world, all while inflicting my own injustices on others. Why? Because I had no peace in my heart, which was filled instead with anger, fear, and pride.

“Peace I Leave with You, My Peace I Give to You” (John 14:27)

How beautiful Jesus’ words sound, yet we find very little success in our attempts to make peace a reality in our lives. In fact, the struggle seems so daunting that we often settle for a very limited version of peace: an occasional moment of calm in the midst of our troubled lives. That was how I coped for years. Frustration would prompt me to seek God’s intervention, but I wasn’t actually interested in peace with the people in my life. I wanted to be able to inflict “justice” on those I felt were stealing my peace.

Sometimes we think we have peace. “Whew! My husband is going fishing with the guys. I’ll have two whole days of peace.” Or “My kids have stopped fighting. There’s finally peace in the house.” Maybe your controlling mother-in-law mercifully moves out of town, or that tyrannical boss may be transferred to a distant city. But those examples don’t constitute peace. They’re merely the absence of war.

Can you recognize the difference between a peaceful person and someone who’s simply stifling his emotions? That’s the kind of person who attempts to control himself enough to give the appearance of peace, but he’s not fooling anybody. I know. That was me.

I always had public and private personas. In my private life, everything was out of control, though publicly I acted as if the opposite were true. But my kids invariably gave me away – usually in church or in the middle of the grocery store. That was when my amateur ventriloquist skills would kick in. Smiling through clenched teeth and with a death grip on the offender’s arm, I would quietly threaten, “Either you knock it off, or there’ll be hell to pay when I get you home!” Obviously, “peace” was not flowing like a river. This river was a maelstrom of anger, fear, discontent, and pride. 

What, then, is the key to peace? It’s humility, and I can’t wait to tell you why. This is where I get to expose my dark side to you. So let’s begin with the anger.

Anger: A Double-Edged Sword

I’ve lived with anger all my life and, since childhood, have cowered behind it when threatened by bullies. The parent bully, the teacher bully, the neighborhood bully, the checker at the grocery store bully. I’ve always considered myself a victim. But there’s no justification for lashing out with angry words that are embedded in someone’s heart. 

When I was a child, my outbursts generally involved slamming doors and mumbling “I hate you!” under my breath. As I withdrew more and more into myself, I began to feel invisible. My longing for recognition became fertile soil for the anger that was festering inside me. Later, when I had outgrown parental control I gave myself the freedom to express anger without fear of punishment. With each outburst, I was essentially screaming, “Pay attention to me!” – and I was oblivious to anyone’s feelings other than my own.

Do I believe that anger is always wrong? No, I think that misplaced anger is. As people who never express their anger fail to understand, inner anger has to go somewhere. It has to be dealt with. A person may look composed, but on the inside, there could be a pressure cooker destined to explode – or to implode, in the form of ulcers, cancer, stroke, or heart attack. There’s no peace in denial, just as there’s no peace in exploding into unjustified and unrighteous anger.

Sometimes God is angry with us, and he doesn’t mince words when that happens. In many verses throughout Scripture, he admonishes his people, calling them liars, adulterers, idolaters, and self-righteous fools. As he said to Judah, “For you have kindled a fire in my anger which shall burn forever” (Jeremiah 17:4).

So what’s the difference between God’s anger and mine? It’s a case of righteous versus unrighteous anger. Unrighteous anger is the outward expression of unmet needs. When fear is the underlying emotion that sets us off, the anger is dangerous and hurtful. In the Bible, the Book of Nahum says, “He avenges his foes. He stands up against his enemies, fierce and raging. But God doesn’t lose his temper. He’s powerful, but it’s a patient power” (Nahum 1:2-3 – The Message). Anger is not permissible when it turns to aggression, and that aggression is fueled by fear, frustration, or a sense of inadequacy.

We need to accept that anger is a learned behavior, not a genetic trait. My mousy brown and grey hair, which I’m forever trying to cover up, is genetic. My behavior, which I’m forever trying to cover up, isn’t. Unrighteous anger is violence against others. It’s the suffering and death of Jesus at the hands of an angry mob. It’s a frightened child cowering in the dark. It strews victims everywhere. 

When I realized God’s unconditional love for me, my anger began to subside – yet something continued to rob me of his peace. Fear was so deeply embedded in the very depths of my being that it freely manifested itself in every area of my life. Even though I was no longer railing constantly at every perceived threat, fear was still wreaking havoc in my life, albeit with greater subtlety, and of course, fear is Satan’s most powerful and creative tool.

Since we’re afraid of our own brokenness, we expend tremendous energy denying it, covering it up, or justifying it. Any time we strike out at someone else, or whenever we curse our circumstances, we’re motivated by fear – fear of losing control or of feeling invisible, unwanted, unloved. Can you name your fears? Can you admit that you have any?

Who’s Your Boogie Man?

Growing up, I was afraid of everything, yet somehow I seemed to be scared of nothing. Whenever my dad paddled me, I didn’t cry. When my teachers disciplined me, I feigned indifference. Back then, teachers were allowed to inflict corporal punishment on their students, and they did!

My first-grade teacher used to have me sit under her desk when I misbehaved, which gave me the opportunity to entertain my fan club by sticking my head out of my jail and making faces. My second-grade teacher spanked me, and my third-grade teacher regularly whacked me with a ruler. I was a class clown on the outside and a frightened child on the inside. I thought that drawing attention to myself was crucial to preserving my fragile ego.

The sixth grade presented me with an interesting means of gaining attention without enduring physical pain. By impressing my peers with my vast knowledge about sex, I developed, at the age of twelve or thirteen, my very first feelings of power and acceptance. Never mind the fact that I had no idea what I was talking about. None of us had any knowledge about sex, but we were curious. So I stepped into that gap. I became the facts-of-life expert. 

My classmates were responsive and eager to learn from me, so at recess we would gather for my no-holds-barred sex-education class. When I think of all the young minds that I warped back then, I’m pretty much aghast. For instance, I wonder how many girls were too terrified to kiss boys while menstruating because I’d warned them that they’d get pregnant that way. Somewhere out there, someone is cursing the day she met me!

Fear: God’s Nemesis

God continually tells us not to fear anything.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God” (Isaiah 41:10).

“…then, as the Lord lives, there is safety for you and no harm” (1 Samuel 20:21).

“In God I have put my trust; I will not fear” (Psalm 56:4).

The only way to live a fearless life is by forming a relationship with God. I have never felt protected by anyone in my life. It wasn’t until I learned to trust in God’s protection that the truth about fear was made manifest to me. Satan, in all his trickery and deceit, is rendered powerless by the light of God’s love.

Have you ever stayed up all night, worried and afraid? Remember how you couldn’t eat, couldn’t think? Remember how irritable and short-tempered you were? So tell me something: how much did all that agonizing help? Not much? Well, it’s not what God wants for us, as Matthew reminds us in a very familiar story:

The disciples were in a boat out in the middle of the sea, and the wind and waves were fierce. When they suddenly saw someone walking on the water, they were understandably scared out of their wits. In fact, they thought it must be a ghost, but it was Jesus, who urged them not to be afraid. Impressed, Peter decided that he’d like to do the same thing. So Jesus told him to step out of the boat, which he did, and he was fine as long as he was focused on Jesus. As soon as he looked away, though, he began to sink, crying out, “Lord, save me!” And this was the man whom Jesus would be entrusting with the keys to heaven? At that moment, though, with the ravenous water closing in around him, Peter wasn’t trying to impress anybody. He wasn’t trying to save face. He was trying to save his sorry behind. He knew who to call on when he was in trouble!

Fear has no teeth when we put our trust in God – and I don’t mean when we know the outcome. Yet we function so poorly on trust alone. Instead, we dig in our heels and refuse to budge. If we don’t know for sure what’s happening around the corner, we stay put. Fear denies us the fullness of life that God has promised. 

If you’re still satisfied with your entrenched self, consider this scenario. Imagine that, when God called me to graduate school, I blabbed the news to all my friends and family members, then failed miserably and whined about my failure to everybody. Then imagine that God called one of them to do something extraordinary. Would she do it? Of course not. After witnessing my dismal failure, she’d surely decline the invitation. “No thanks. I’m good. I saw how that played out for Linda!”

However, God isn’t going to allow us to make him look bad. We can trust him to fulfill his plans for our lives in ways that we never could’ve imagined. And if Mary and Jesus didn’t need to know the eventual outcomes of their commitments to God, then neither do we.

Contentment Isn’t Out of Reach

Is it really possible to remain content in the midst of difficult circumstances? Or does your life have to be perfect before you can be happy? Do you need to run away from home and responsibilities, live in seclusion on some primitive island, eat coconuts and wild berries, soak up the sun all day, and laze in the tropical breezes at sunset? Wait. This is beginning to sound pretty good! Oops…sorry.

As far back as I can remember, I was never content. I was never satisfied with anything. I never had enough money or nice clothes. I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t thin enough. I wasn’t popular enough. My teeth weren’t straight enough. My hair wasn’t blonde enough. 

I spent a long time in the desert just like the Isrealites, and I didn’t have any fun there. When I was in the midst of it, though, I couldn’t see it for what it was. I had to have things. I had a beautiful home, new cars, and a swimming pool; shopping was my favorite pastime. Whenever I felt down, I’d treat myself to a new outfit or two, or three. Occasionally, I’d throw in a little trinket for my husband (as a nod to my guilty conscience!), but he was never allowed to buy me clothes. I mean, he once bought himself a polyester leisure suit. Enough said?

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives” (John 14:27)

Our peace is stolen from us every time we lose sight of God, every time we allow others to define us. Only God can define us! “This is my beloved son/daughter in whom I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17). You were made in the image and likeness of God; no one and nothing on earth can rob you of your birthright.

Linda, Listen to ME!

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Consider trials pure joy!, Follow Me, grace, listen to me, surrender, Trusting God, Using our gifts, you are enough
(tenor gif)

I know many people, and I’ll bet you do too, perhaps even you, who can’t believe God has a plan for them. Over the years, I have encountered people who don’t believe me when I tell them my story. “Oh, really?! God told you to do that, huh? Right!”  

To be honest, I wouldn’t have believed it myself if he hadn’t gradually brought me to a place where I could trust him, even if I was fearful and had no idea what he was up to. Which, frankly, is still most of the time.

God has always longed to grow me into the person he meant me to be. It was me resisting, me not being present to him, me missing the mystery and majesty that surrounded me because I was just too busy to notice, or more likely, too afraid. So instead, I skipped along, trying to drown out his voice, “Lalalalalalalala, I can’t hear you!”

For years, there were little promptings that, in hindsight, proved to me he was on the job (Romans 8:28). Then bigger ones that required more trust and offered way more grace than I deserved. God opened my heart in ways I could not have imagined.

Though I still mess up – and often – I know God’s response is out of love for me; his admonishments tell me that he loves me too much to let me stay stuck in my messiness.

 We are so used to being in a world that is loud and demanding of our attention. We busy ourselves filling in uncomfortably quiet places. That’s how we miss God’s “still small voice” or “gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:12). Sure, he’s good at those show-stopper whirlwinds and earthquakes and fire. Even what I have called 2×4 moments but didn’t leave marks like the ones my mother inflicted.

Because of her, I was always on guard for those “laying down the law” whacks that I expected from God, too, when I messed up. However, I believe he speaks more often through the Spirit’s whispers of pure grace.

We can become so enmeshed in and blinded by the things of this world that we miss our whole purpose for being here. So if you are going through life day after unremarkable day, schlepping through the same routine to ad nauseum – STOP IT! Your life has a purpose that God depends on you to fulfill. You matter that much!

We are all called to holiness, called to use the gifts and talents already given us for God’s kingdom work right here – right now. It just takes awareness on our part. (I would highly recommend Anthony DeMello’s book by the same name, “Awareness”).

Leo Tolstoy’s novel, “The Death of Ivan Ilyich,” considered a masterpiece, was written just after his own “profound spiritual awakening” and conversion experience.

While lying on his deathbed, Ilyich ruminated about the reality that his entire life was superficial and self-serving, and he profoundly stated, “Maybe I didn’t live as I should have done.” In the end, he posited a question that Tolstoy must have pondered himself, “What if I really have been wrong in the way I’ve lived my whole life, my conscious life?” Oops, a little late, buddy!

It was too late for Ilyich, but not Tolstoy. He discovered his purpose and rejected his aristocratic life to follow Jesus’ teachings – particularly the Sermon on the Mount. Years later, his writings had a profound impact on Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and countlessothers.

Soooooo, what are you waiting for? You must still be breathing, or you wouldn’t be reading this. That’s a start. Incredibly, no matter how you lived your life to this point, it’s not too late to begin again. New beginnings are God’s specialty!

“To infinity and beyond!” God coined that phrase, you know. Don’t believe me? HUMPH! Check out Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” 

Alrighty then, you’re pumped and ready to go, right? You’ve packed your sandals and camel hair coat and checked Google Maps – for what? A sign from God?

(free bible images)

Stop! Take a deep breath. Maybe start by sitting quietly with God and waiting.

Don’t look to anyone else to give you a formula or a checklist to send you on your way to your destiny. But I willtell you this: You cannot love and serve others (which is our greatest calling) until you can love yourself.

And you can’t love yourself by utilizing any of the myriad self-help books on the market. You can only do that by growing in the knowledge that you are deeply and passionately loved first by the God who created you!

And you can only do that by being in relationship with him, which requires your time and attention. You are his son/daughter with whom he is well-pleased (Matthew 17:5). Let that sink in. We are all deeply loved sinners. It’s high time we act like it, don’t you think?

Absolutely, go to church, take the time to read scripture, and pray, But mostly, LISTEN! Geeeezzzzz, we’re so bad at listening.

Living One Wild, Beautiful, and Fulfilling Life

by Linda Russell, posted in "Experiencing" God, Consider trials pure joy!, Life's Choices, life's trials, passion and purpose, religion vs faith, the greatest of these is love, Using our gifts, wrestling with God, wrestling with God

If someone approached you and demanded everything you have accumulated and cling to or they will kill you right where you stand, what would you be willing to die for? Anything? Would you quickly, without hesitating, hand it all over? I’m guessing you would. I would!

Martin Luther King said, “If a man has not found something worth dying for, he is not fit to live.” And he should know. His final words in his Mountaintop speech were prophetic as they seemed to predict his death, “We’ve got some difficult days ahead. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And he’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over and I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. And so I’m happy tonight; I’m not worried about anything; I’m not fearing any man.”

So, the question for us during these times of uncertainty and volatility becomes, what is worth dying for? I have a one word answer. Ready? Love. That’s it.

I don’t know about you, but my most profound moments of clarity come after attending funerals when I do a life review. If funerals don’t cause us to evaluate our own existence, I don’t know what will. We may still be standing at the grave site when the questions surface: Do I matter? Have I value? What is my legacy? Will anyone care when I’m gone? Has God really given me a purpose? What have I done to make the world a better place? Will I have to eat that crappy potato salad at the luncheon again? (Oh, sorry, I digress)

Today, we want absolute certitude about God even though it really isn’t possible because he is more mystery than we want to believe. Unquestioned religion is shallow and makes no demands on us. Which is fine with so many of us.

Faith has nothing to do with certitude, it’s a calculated risk, but we don’t like risk even if there is a high degree of probability. It’s too iffy. No thanks. Which I find pretty amusing considering the things some people will do for “fun”. Like, I don’t know, jumping off buildings, scaling walls, motorcycle stunts! And that’s not risky??

(AI generated)

A shaky questioning faith might be less cut and dry than mindlessly following a set of rules. It may be more uncontrollable and mysterious than what you have ever experienced, but that is what will bring you into the presence of Love and the very essence of God.

You may not have been told this but you’re allowed to wrestle with God; to question the reason for your pain and suffering, or the suffering and heartache in the world. He encourages us to bring to him the struggles within us. God’s tough. Trust me. He can take it!

I got so angry with him during a very difficult time in my life that I cried and shook my fist at him, “God, if you love me so much where were you when my mother was abusing me?! When I was being sexually abused?! Huh?”  I ranted on and on excusing my years of indifference to him because of all the suffering he allowed in my life.

What I got back from him was not a bolt lightning, which I was prepared for, but a gentle loving response that unsettled the very core of my being. “Linda, I did not abandon you during that time. I suffered along with you. My heart ached for you. I have lovingly, sorrowfully, held your tears. But, the choices people make are beyond my control. I’m truly sorry. But, you, my dearest daughter, have also sinned and fallen short. Even then, I never have I stopped loving you. I’m just waiting for you to trust me. Then, your healing will start and you will be able to forgive those who hurt you.”

You see, there are no church rules or dogmas that will ever bring us into that kind of deep abiding relationship with God, which, in turn will shine a light on our purpose in life. It is what we call “experiencing” God. Until we can let go of our need to “know” that God is real, we will never allow ourselves to open our hearts to experiencing him. It’s that simple and that critical. It’s no more complicated or profound than that!

William O’Malley nailed it when he said, “Genuine religion begins – not as it did for most of us, with indoctrination and imposing worship but with a personally captivating experience, a “sense” of the numinous, a presence larger than the capacities of this world to produce.”

Frederick Buechner tells us, “The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.”

You have to believe that you matter! That is what John Eldredge says, “If we could believe that about our lives, and come to know that is true, everything would change. We would be so much more able to interpret the events unfolding around us…. We would discover the task that is ours alone to fulfill. We would find our courage. The hour is late, and you are needed. So much hangs in the balance. Where is your heart?”

Alrighty then, we’re almost done. Now, I would like to offer you one last thing to contemplate before I go. Which of these scenarios would most likely keep you trembling in fear of screwing up and landing in hell or bring you right to the heart of God?

  1. All your years growing up, you were drug to “Church” by your parents. “Get up, clean up, sit quietly, don’t touch your brother, and act like this isn’t the most boring thing in your life! Then you’ll get donuts.” Then teachers of “religion” stepped in: “Memorize all the sins that will send you straight to hell. Miss one Mass – straight to hell. Think those dirty thoughts – straight to hell.” In short order that “little light of yours” was snuffed out! But you keep going. You keep getting your card punched on Sunday mornings when you’d rather be somewhere else. Not even the donuts appeal to you now.
  • Every day you encounter Someone (guess who) doing things that draw you to him: Feeding the hungry, comforting the dying, kissing the leper, dining with prostitutes and beggars. He is so sincere and passionate about what he’s doing that something incredible reaches deep down into the very core of your being and you can’t shake it. You are awe-struck, probably for the first time in your life, and you want to emulate him. You want to follow him. You want to sit at his feet and learn from him.

Go ahead. Choose. God’s waiting.

The Blessings, Beauty, and Boldness of Not-Quite

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Consider trials pure joy!, fear of failure, God's "rules", God's plan, life's trials, serving others
(https://www.roman-catholic-saints.com/index.html)

I am in a place in my life, that last bit of my journey, that rounding the corner and spotting the finish line, where I could easily bemoan my failings. I’m now certain it’s too late for, oh, I don’t know, running the New York City marathon or climbing Kilimanjaro. Beyond that, I don’t know.

The blessings of uncertainty

Uncertainty seems to be rejected by many Christians who see it as a weakness. Certitude, on the other hand, is what we subscribe to in a faith that makes God more acceptable and knowable, with no surprises lurking in the bushes. It offers a checklist of everything we need to do to “get to heaven” – Attend church weekly. Check. Tithe 10% of your earnings before expenses and frivolous spending. Check-ish. No cursing, snarkiness, or holier-than-thouness – on Sundays – the rest of the week is fine.

If you’ve checked those boxes, nothing more is expected of you – EVER! You can just go about your life any way you please. I can profess to having been all in with those “rules”. Until I wasn’t. That’s the point in my life when I looked back and saw the emptiness and shallowness of my existence. That’s when God spoke into my brokenness and showed me his equally broken heart because he knew he created me for more. The gifts and blessings he had given me sat unused because of fear and doubt that I was worthy of them.

In this place, I thought I could act as if God didn’t really care, and I could go about my life risk-free. But what if my denying that my life actually had a purpose turned out to be a no-good, very bad, nightmarish end? What then? Could I take my “followed all the rules” checklist to the gates of heaven, and they would open wide to me while the angels sang hallelujah? (BTW, heaven isn’t a place. You know that, right?) Anyway…

I ever so slowly began to sit with God and actually listen to his promptings to “go,” like Abraham. I trusted him—mostly. I also resisted my impulses to explain to him why whatever direction he was pointing me in was probably not a good idea. I reminded him of the litany of all my failings and wondered if someone else (think Moses) might be a better choice. Is Aaron still around?

Slow but steady change

I know exactly when I began to change. It was in 2001, on that momentous day, in the early morning, when God butted into my perfectly peaceful run and changed my life. I’ve told that story often, so I won’t bore you with it again, except to say that God has had me on a lot of adventures since then!

I have had many fits and starts and often questioned the wisdom of his guidance, only to see afterward how each experience changed and grew me in some way. They have each played a part in helping me to believe that God’s plan for each of us is perfect – always! And if you doubt that for a moment, let me share this incredible story about St. Benedict Joseph Labore. Everything in quotations is taken from the book SAINTS FOR SINNERS by Alban Goodier, S.J. https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/st-benedict-joseph-labre-the-beggar-saint-5838.

The poor, homeless, beggar saint who never stumbled

Saint Benedict Joseph Labore was born into a wealthy family. His parents and fourteen siblings loved that lifestyle, but not Benedict. He rejected their obsession with fame and fortune – it disgusted him. So, off he went as a young teenager to make his own way, to discover his purpose. He was certain he was destined to be a monk. But it was a long road with many rejections and disappointments along the way.

He was first drawn to the Trappist Order as their ideas were contrary to what everyone else seemed to treasure. He applied to the La Trappe Abby, but when he arrived, they rejected him, stating that “He was underage, he was too delicate; he had no special recommendations.” But he didn’t give up. He applied to the the Carthusians of Montreuil only to be rejected once again. Still unwilling to give up, he applied to another Carthusain order. He was accepted but was soon rejected by them because “The monks grew uneasy; they feared for the brain of this odd young man. They told him he had no vocation, and he was dismissed.” Even after being rejected three times and being told he was simply not monk material, he was still resolute, knowing differently in his heart.

Undeterred, he began a year-long course of studies the Carthusians listed as the cause of his rejection. He reapplied, and they accepted him. But, again, it was short-lived, and they showed him the door. Still, he tried two more times for acceptance, to no avail.

So, at the age of twenty-five, undeterred and still determined to live his calling, he set off on his own, with nothing and no one to accompany him. He endured the extreme elements, ate what was given to him by the generosity of others, and he smelled – bad! But, somehow, he felt “no bitterness or disappointment” in this life of poverty that he embraced. He died a pauper at the age of thirty-four. Awww, too bad, you say? What a wasted life, you say? Wellll….

Here comes a miracle!

Word quickly got out that he died: “So great was the crowd that the guard of police had to be doubled; a line of soldiers accompanied the body to the church; more honor could scarcely have been paid to a royal corpse.

From the moment it was laid there, the church thronged with mourners….The throng all the time went on increasing. People of every rank and condition gathered there, at the feet of Benedict the Beggar. But the enthusiasm did not end with the funeral. Crowds continued to flock to the church, and soldiers were called out to keep order. At length the expedient was tried of closing the church altogether for some days. It was of no avail; as soon as the church was reopened, the crowds came again and continued coming for two months. Nothing like it had been seen before, even in Rome; if ever anyone was declared a saint by popular acclamation it was Benedict Joseph Labre, the beggar.”

Who am I to question God’s plan?

Now, I could easily compare St. Benedict’s story to my own meager efforts to use the gifts God has given me to serve and care for others. But what I have learned from this is that God isn’t asking for perfection. He has no expectations other than the offering of my “yes” to him and that I will do my best. The rest belongs to him. And the only thing I should long for at the end of my life are the words, “Well done!” Well done – indeed!

Jesus: I’m Back! Did You Miss Me?

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, Easter, Energized by hope, fear, Lent, Good Friday, Easter, the Pascal Mystery, Resurrection
(I couldn’t find the source of this image)

I think it’s fair to say that this Easter will be like no other, and I would like to think of that as a good thing – eventually – hopefully. For sure, we are bombarded daily with news that is frightening for us and the world around us. We struggle to see any good coming out of it. But, stay with me here.

I’m going to assume that this Easter’s preparations will likely be stripped of the non-essentials we always focused on in the past: new outfits, haircuts, hidden eggs. Although a review of proper behavioral expectations for the kids at church, “how to stay awake” for adults, and making up tiny sins suitable to hide the deeper embarrassing stuff for the annual confession may still be in order.

So, in light of where we’re at in this fearful and uncertain time, how about we take a new look with fresh eyes at the unfolding of Easter week? And remember, it was also a week that revealed humanity at its worst and its best. What might that mean for us today?

We begin with Palm Sunday. Those crowds were lovin’ on Jesus the Prophet on his way to becoming their anticipated King who would finally save them. Christ was celebrated as the One who would bring his people out of captivity. They were enthralled with him. The cheering was almost deafening, sorta like opening day at Busch Stadium. But, remember, these were his faithful followers, and it was all palms and rose petals.

Then it all went sideways as he went to Jerusalem to encounter a not-so-supportive crowd. What a different picture, huh? Here he’s among the political elite, the leaders of the temple, who know enough about him by now to fear and hate him.

So, the chief priests and elders meet to plot against him. They know they have to get him away from his faithful followers first. “But not during the Feast,” they said, “or there may be a riot among the people.” (Matthew 26: 3-5).

And how about those disciples who vowed never to leave him at the height of his ministry? We know James and John made it clear they wanted to have an honored place next to him when he came into his glory (Mark 10:35-37). Perhaps the rest thought they already had that favored position all sewn up. But then they all scattered and ran for cover when he was taken away to be crucified. “This is not what we signed up for!”

In very short order, He was convicted and dragged before an angry crowd who screamed for his crucifixion, and they probably didn’t even know why. How many do you suppose just got caught up in the moment and didn’t realize until afterward what they had participated in – the torture and murder of an innocent man they would later discover was PRETTY SPECIAL?

Then at the Cross on Good Friday, we watch horrified as Jesus suffers an unspeakable death, and his mother suffers in silence.

On Saturday, the waiting begins as we are called to silently contemplate what has happened. But, unlike the disciples, we already know that his glorious resurrection is coming. We used to believe that peace on earth would prevail. But now that truth seems to have been morphed by fear and the unknown.

So, will our waiting for Jesus’ return now be spent like all the rest these past few weeks trying to numb ourselves to what we imagine is coming instead? Where’s the peace in that?

We usually only have the capacity to think our hearts are at peace when everything is perfect: our relationships are perfect, our kids are perfect, and the mother-in-law moved away (oops, not nice). But even, or especially, in these times when fear will try to overwhelm you, don’t let that happen!

Take heart because the resurrection is only a day away. God is ready to prove to you that nothing and no one has the power to thwart his plans for us. He wants us to believe in the depth of our hearts that his love for us will never fail and that we are stronger, braver, and more resilient than we ever imagined! (Which will come in handy when your mother-in-law has to move back in with you).

As Alan Cohen tells us in his book, A Course in Miracles Made Easy, “No person, group, situation, or condition has the power to take away your happiness. NO ONE. NO THING. NEVER. The experience of joy is your God-given right. People can try to remove your happiness, but they cannot remove your peace unless you give them that power.”

Let’s not forget that the waiting on Saturday for the disciples was stressful, to say the least! They all sat with regret knowing they did the unthinkable by abandoning Jesus and running away. Did they wish they could have a do-over? I would think they must have.

I think I read somewhere that at that fish fry, Jesus reminded them of the Last Supper, “Hey guys remember the great time we had then?” – since they all seemed to have forgotten. “Remember how I washed your nasty feet?” Then he reiterated his call to them to love one another (John 13:34). “And just so we’re clear…that was not a suggestion.” I wonder if any of them choked on their food at that point.

Now, what about us? Here we are, kind of like the disciples, in the midst of what is surely one of the most uncertain times of our lives. And, funny thing, God is still here, still loving and merciful and compassionate. But where are we? Big question.

How many of us have been running from him all our lives? Oh sure, we have been going through the motions of being a “Christian,” mostly to impress others. But what have we done as Christ’s followers? How have we been Christ to others?

So, this Easter, maybe more than ever, we need to let the light of the Risen Christ shine in and through us for those who are lost and alone. That is God’s hope and greatest longing.“ “Look,” ”He says on Easter morning, “I never left you, and I never will. So, stop trying to hide from me. Let’s sit together and get to know each other. What else do you have to do?”

(anonymous)

I think that’s what God is trying to teach us so we can pass it on to others who have become frozen with fear. Just imagine what beauty, joy, and peace would be created in our lives and the lives of those around us!

THIS IS OUR TIME. THIS IS OUR CALL TO LOVE! AND WHO KNOWS BUT THAT WE WERE CREATED FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS (Esther 4:14).

AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!

THIS IS GONNA BE EPIC!!

HAVE A BLESSED AND JOYOUS EASTER, EVERYONE!

The Journey to Realness: Transforming Pain into Beauty

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, embrace change, forgiveness, grace, Healing, Humility, life's trials, occasions of grace, Our Imperfection, Uncategorized

I have wasted a great deal of time lamenting my aging body. If I ever had ambitions of being a swimsuit model, that’s off the table. You’re welcome!

The wrinkles and bags seem to multiply by the day. It’s why I never want my picture taken. I figured that when I die, and my kids put together that poster board of memories, the “latest” photo of me will be a Glamour Shot from thirty years ago!

Every seasonal change prompts me to donate clothes I don’t wear, haven’t worn for the past ten years, and will likely never fit into again. When I’m finished, the “pile” of items usually consists of a pair of socks someone gave me for Christmas. That’s it. Because – well – maybe I’ll lose weight next year. Hope springs eternal!

My frequent adventures into reality never end well, as they usually prompt me to eat copious amounts of chocolate! Until yesterday, when I read a meditation by my all-time favorite author and human, Kate Bowler. It was titled “Becoming Real”, in which she shares her creation of the “Gospel of the Velveteen Rabbit.” It brought me to tears – good and bad.

Bowler tells us how sad the rabbit is because he’s so worn from being drug around through life. He’s become tattered and torn and fears he’ll be cast aside. No longer his beautiful, fluffy, shiny self. His buddy, the Skin Horse, who’s been around much longer and is much wiser, tells him, “That’s how you become real.”

Bowler explains, “We become real through our wear and tear. By healing from the cruelty we didn’t deserve. By being loved imperfectly and loving imperfectly. In both, we change and keep changing. As the Skin Horse explains, ‘Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off (check), and your eyes drop out (kinda), and you get loose in the joints and very shabby (check and check). But these things don’t matter because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.’”

As I reflected on this meditation about the beauty of “being Real,” I realized how much I have focused on the wrong things. I spent so much time lamenting my childhood, the abuse of my mother, the sexual abuse, feelings of being invisible because none of my teachers ever questioned my acting out in school, and an attempted suicide in my twenties. I never allowed myself to see the inner beauty that has made me “Real.”

The transformation of a self-centered, angry, lost little girl to the person God created me to be from the beginning should be a cause for celebration! Has that erased all the bad memories? No. But it has helped relegate them to the past, where they no longer affect my sense of who I am, my worth, and my dignity.

I would not be caring or thoughtful of myself or others, drawn towards serving others, or know how much I have to be grateful for had I not accepted this journey. Even with all its rough patches and dark places, it has made me more joyful and fulfilled than I ever could have imagined.

Oh, believe me, I have many moments of admonition from God when I screw up. More than I care to admit. But my heart is open to seeing my faults and correcting them quickly. I can only do that through a newfound humility and the grace of God.

God’s Audacious Promise of Hope Always Fulfilled

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, Energized by hope, fear, Good News, hope

This post shares quotes from others I admire so much—those who may or may not have always had hope in God’s promises when the world was saying something very different. But they persevered, and so can we!

There are about 80+ Bible verses telling us not to be afraid! But here we are—afraid of what is happening in the world today—shutting ourselves off and preparing for the apocalypse. What I’m hoping is that we can all take a deep breath and get on with the business of abundantly living our lives and helping others to do the same.

Let’s start with Hebrews 10:22-23 (Msg), “So let’s do it—full of belief….Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word.” There’s nothing ambiguous about that.

Richard Rohr:

“We are energized by the hope of God’s promises. What gives us the energy and power to keep moving is the promise, the dream, the vision of what could be and what’s beyond the moment….they’re not always what we expect or hope for, and so God calls us a little further. This is the way that divine love stretches our hearts. God’s promises energize and expand the heart, deepening our capacity for life and our quality of being in this world. That’s what the promises of God do—lead us to the experience of deeper life.”

Desmond Tutu:

Dear Child of God, before we can become God’s partners, we must know what God wants for us. “I have a dream,” God says. “Please help Me to realize it. It is a dream of a world whose ugliness and squalor and poverty, its war and hostility, its greed and harsh competitiveness, its alienation and disharmony are changed into their glorious counterparts, when there will be more laughter, joy, and peace, where there will be justice and goodness and compassion and love and caring and sharing.”

Dan Rather:

“Let us hope that we stand up to those who would wreak havoc and death. Let us hope that we continue to try to find ways to lessen suffering so that violence doesn’t feel like the only option for those who are desperate. Let us never give up on yearning for peace.

The pull of our humanity is what gives us a reason to smile when we see what is good and beautiful in our world. But it also is what provokes such sadness when we know others are in pain. We need to hold onto both the good and the bad so we can hold onto each other. We need to remember all that we have in common as we try to cope with the difficult realities of life.”

Thomas Merton:

“We did not come here to breathe the rarified air beyond the suffering of this world. We came here to carry the suffering of the whole world in our hearts. Otherwise, there’s no validity in living in a place like this.”

Martin Luther King:

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’

I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.”

Henri Nouwen:

“Hope is willing to leave unanswered questions unanswered and unknown futures unknown. Hope makes you see God’s guiding hand not only in the gentle and pleasant moments but also in the shadows in disappointment and darkness.”

And…last but not least:

Learning from Moses: Embracing Responsibility and Change

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Consider trials pure joy!, embrace change, God's plan

How many people throughout history have struggled and spent all their energy blaming everyone else for their pain: parents, co-workers, despicable neighbors? They would rather go down in flames than admit to their own faults. I’ve been there and often have to catch myself when I slip back there.

How about those Israelites as an example? Follow their trail from captivity to freedom. God heard their cries for years. I’m not sure why he made them wait through a few generations before he responded. No doubt he had a good reason. But, he finally did enlist Moses to go take care of it.

Remember that Moses was trying to live a quiet and unassuming life since that whole fiasco of him murdering and hiding the body of an Egyptian. He felt pretty comfy until God jumped out of a burning bush and surprised the c*#p out of him.

That’s what God was saving him for: “Pack up your stuff and go save the Israelites from Pharaoh.” Personally, I would ask for more details of his expectations and surety of the outcome before committing. That probably comes from years of abuse by an unyielding and demanding mother. In those God-calling moments, all I see is an authority figure I was supposed to feel safe with and trust. And my inner child screams, “RUN, IT’S A TRAP!”

If you think about it, Moses could have had abandonment issues while he was floating in the river in that basket for however long that lasted. He, too, could have feared trusting God (there were no therapists back then to help him sort through his issues). That could also be why he shoved Aaron in front of him, trying to get God to send him instead.

Anyway, Moses wasn’t really keen on the idea of confronting Pharaoh and tried to get out of it. But God wouldn’t have it. So he went…kicking and screaming. I think he was secretly excited when Pharaoh told him to take a flying leap, “See, God. He’s not budging. I’ll be going now.” But God stopped him in his tracks and had him sit through the litany of plagues, ten to be exact, that he rained down on Egypt:

  1. Blood
  2. Frogs
  3. Lice
  4. Flies
  5. Pestilence
  6. Boils
  7. Hail
  8. Locusts
  9. Darkness
  10. Killing of the firstborn

At last, Pharaoh relented. His patience expended; he told Moses to get them out of his sight. All the while, Moses had his sandals and toothbrush packed just in case. So they all scurried out of Egypt before Pharaoh changed his mind.

Now, the fun started. The Israelite’s story is strewn with whining and complaining at every turn, “There’s no water, this manna stuff sucks, my tent-mate snores.” Blah. Blah. Blah. How quickly they forgot how torturous their lives were in Egypt as they labored under cruel and unimaginable circumstances.

Now fast-forward. Remember when they were tent camping at the foot of the mountain, eating beans, roasting marshmallows over an open fire, and singing cowboy ballots while they waited for Moses to return from his historical visit with God?

(Blazing Saddles – Tenor GIF)

Wait, no, that’s the wrong scene. Sorry…

Anyway, surely you know this part of the story. Right? Bolts of thunder and lightning and God up close and personal. “No thanks! We’ll wait here.” They all gave Moses a high-five and “ATTA BOY, you got this” pep talk. Then, they waited at a safe distance. No doubt some bet on God pulling Moses into that burning bush, and that would be the last of him. They just weren’t trusting any of it.

And while we’re on the subject of us messy humans, let’s not forget that Moses wasn’t the poster child for perfection. I mean, he did kill that Egyptian and bury him under a pile of rocks. And he did tell God “No” several times when he didn’t like his plan. And, he whined incessantly about the Israelites whining.

Can you hear the “IT’S NOT FAIR!” mantra that must have droned on and on from all of them for FORTY.  LONG.  YEARS?

So, what about us? This is the point where we need to look in the mirror and try our damndest to deny that we do the same thing over and over and over again. Come on, you know I’m right. We do it so often it probably slips by our consciousness.

Okay, you sit there staring in that mirror if you want to, trying to excuse yourself to the God who knows better. I’m moving on. Though I’m not really sure how that’s going to work if I stay tethered to my past.

Letting go of the known, even if it’s negative thoughts and feelings that serve no good purpose, is just plain scary. So often, we would rather stay right where we know what to expect than risk the vulnerability that is sure to accompany something new and uncertain.

Looking back at the abuse of my mother, as bad as it was, I knew exactly what she would do and how to dodge the bullets so-to-speak. It became so commonplace it was almost a game at times. And when she tripped herself up, like the time she chased me up the ladder on our bunk beds and it fell backward, I probably felt a great deal of satisfaction. At least until she got her hands on me.

There is a flip side to that coin. Now that I’m adult(ish) and have no one to answer to, I also have no one to blame but myself if things go sideways. Which, I believe, is how God intended it. Taking responsibility for our actions and cleaning up our own messes in the process is how we are called to live in this unpredictable, messy life.

Don’t Like Your Story? – Change it!

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Consider trials pure joy!, God's plan, Life's Choices, life's trials

In the immortal words of Mike Tyson, “Everyone has a plan till you get punched in the face”. That, I believe, is the moment you realize those plans are not serving you well, that your life is out of control, and no one is coming to rescue you.  

Sooooo….

  • You have to take control of your own life if you want to start waking up to your purpose.
  • You will never have a good relationship with anyone until you change your relationship with yourself. That requires honesty and self-love.

We are so skilled at blaming others for our unhappiness: an abusive parent, that mean third-grade teacher, God, whoever.

Looking in the mirror is not an option because that would be way too scary. Instead, we allow our ego to run roughshod over us and keep us under its control. But looking in the mirror is the starting point to change.

It’s like standing on burning coals, crying out to God to take away the pain, and then being angry with him for not doing it. Just move your damn feet!

Vance Morgan speaks to our flaws and faults we try to hide, “ … What if there are some parts of my “self” that I hide because I don’t like them because they might reveal character flaws and weaknesses that I would prefer no one know about?”  Never mind that everyone does know about them. They’re pretty obvious by the way we interact with others.

And besides, we all have flaws and faults. We can sit in judgment of everyone who makes messes in our lives. But at the end of the day, we must turn that anger toward our own sinfulness.

Years ago, I read a book by Cherie Carter-Scott titled, “IF LIFE is a GAME, THESE are the RULES”. She explains that our life’s lessons are repeated as often as it takes to learn them. Then, we can move on to new lessons.

Those people in your life who seem to hurt your feelings repeatedly? Lessons.

Those people who get on your last nerve? Lessons.

If we are willing to reflect on the triggers they cause, we will see what the universe constantly tries to show us.

Believe me, after all the years that I whined and cried about the unfairness of my life, of the constant dumping of other people’s crap into my lap, I could finally see I was reacting to the actions of others that reside within myself. It wasn’t pretty.

When it finally became too much to bear, and I fell into the grace of God with all the humility I could muster (which wasn’t much), something unexpectedly changed my focus and, in turn, my life. It began with my working with teenagers who, truth be told, I didn’t even like very much at the time.

I started a youth group at my church, thinking I would be doing them a favor. Aren’t I awesome, and don’t you love me to pieces because I’m doing this for you? It took God a while to get through my hard head as to why I was doing it. I needed my hurting ego fed. But the kids were very accommodating, and my ego was getting all the attention it longed for – until it wasn’t. It was pretty pathetic.

When you invest so much time and energy in something so shallow it inevitably collapses in on itself. Which is what happened to me. Then, there was a sudden breakthrough concerning the immense difference between taking and giving. Constantly taking is draining, while giving without expectations is fulfilling beyond imagining.

I believe it was then that I grew to love those, sometimes obnoxious, teens for no reason except that God loved them. That moment changed the trajectory of my life and showed me that I indeed had a purpose, that I was not the center of the universe, and the only person making me miserable was – well – me.

Though my purpose has changed and evolved over the years, the fullness of heart I feel comes only from God and from listening to him. Even when I wonder if he has lost his mind!

My life, thus far, has been an amazing and often surprising adventure. It has not been without its share of heartaches and disappointments. But through it all, God has never left me, or misguided or disappointed me.

So, if you are in a place in your life where you feel stuck in your messiness and trapped in your hurt and anger towards others you think have ruined your life – I implore you to stop. God has a plan for you. I know that for a fact. He’s waiting for you to let go of that over-burdening ego and allow him to guide your life. You will not regret it.

Those God wants to send you to serve are waiting and hoping for exactly what your gifts can bring into their lives. And isn’t that better than being continually “punched in the face”?!

Death – Our Uninvited Teacher

Featured by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, death's lessons, Good Friday

I wrote the following Blog post on 4/2/2021 (Good Friday), having no idea that my husband would pass away just fifteen days later. The words are now more poignant than ever. I have added my thoughts since his passing at the end.

(Pixabay image)

Every death diminishes me

Every Good Friday, we are called to remember the brutal beating and crucifixion of Jesus. He walked in the midst of those deemed lesser and unimportant. They experienced his love and compassion for them. But he walked a lonely road to his death. Sure, a few dared to walk with him (ahem…the women!). But many, his disciples in particular, scattered for their own safety, feeling powerless to stop it from happening.

Also, we are reliving the horrific facts of George Floyd’s death during Derek Chauvin’s trial. Hearing the witnesses’ testimony as they broke down and grieved over watching Floyd die has been excruciating for many. Most witnesses were strangers to him, yet they all spoke of feeling helpless and guilty that they didn’t try to help him. Even though they also knew they were powerless to do so.

Jesus was innocent of any crime. George Floyd was not. But the fact remains that neither deserved to die so violently at the hands of others.

So, I sit and contemplate how their deaths have impacted me. As a professed Christian, I am called to emulate Jesus’ radical love in every aspect of my life. I mostly fail, but I keep trying and longing to be more like him and less like me.

And George Floyd? I didn’t know him and likely never would have, nor would most of us, if not for witnessing his horrific death on the daily news.

In those beautiful and poignant words of John Donne, “No man is an island; entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind.”

That is a fact of God’s making. We are all interconnected – like it or not. The death of another, be it a loved one or a stranger, should call us to stop and take inventory of our own lives. Every funeral I attend does that for me and often shines a light on my failings to be Christ-like to others. Thankfully, every day is a new day – a day to begin again.

Wake up!

So, here’s what I will contemplate and pray about and hopefully act on daily. It doesn’t have to be Jesus who calls us to be better, kinder, softer, and to live and love more fully. It can also be the death of a stranger we have never met that wakes us from sleepwalking through life.

Facing the realization that we will also die (sorry if that’s news to you) – maybe sooner than later (sorry again) – should cause us to ask ourselves if our houses are in order and, more importantly, what we are leaving behind because…

Death doesn’t care

Death does not care if we have left business unfinished, relationships broken, or children to be raised. It doesn’t matter if we are not ready or sit on promises to change. It will take the weak with the strong, the humble with the proud, the saint with the jerk.

Death doesn’t respect wedding plans, vacation plans, or unmet deadlines. It does not operate by a timetable we set and is no respecter of age. It does not discriminate between the most loved or most hated. It may not wait for the most brilliant to cure cancer, bring peace to a troubled world, or receive a Nobel Prize.

Denying that death is a part of life doesn’t change its reality. We can’t rely on death to come when we are ready. But we can depend on it to teach those of us who are willing how to truly live.

Death can and should be a time of reflection.

Have I lived well, loved well, forgiven — honestly – and sought forgiveness humbly?

For good or bad, I have touched the lives of family and friends, the mailman, and the grumpy receptionist at the doctor’s office. I may have amassed wealth and recognition and left a fortune to my loved ones. All things they can pack away, gamble away, or throw away. But, at the end of the day…what have I left in their hearts?

So now?

As I contemplate the reality that my life has changed drastically, my beliefs have not.

The suddenness of my husband’s death has not made me fearful or anxious, as I know God’s love and care for me have always been steady and unchanging, even when I have so often failed to appreciate it. But, at the same time, it drives home the fact that my own life is not guaranteed beyond this moment. So, what does that mean?

My life is filled with many moments of disbelief that my husband is actually gone. I’m sure that will continue for some time. But, in the midst of that, as I daily make decisions about how I am to “live and move and have my being” (Acts 17:28) – I am discovering my better self, my true self, not the self on display when others are watching.

I am asking critical questions that will surely determine my life’s direction, purpose, and focus for whatever time I have left here. How will/should I live my life moving forward? What do I want my loved ones to remember when I’m gone?

God longs for us to use the gifts he has given us to leave the world better than we found it. How will I do that? How will I serve in this time of such need and suffering? Every moment of every day allows us to grow in love and compassion for all those we encounter on this journey.

There truly are gifts in the midst of our goodbyes. What do I want mine to be? What do you want yours to be?

Suck it up Buttercup!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!

(Originally posted 1/22/16)

I have not posted since August. Not because I got bored with writing or died. (I hope you’re happy I didn’t die!) On August 18th, I was on the receiving end of a vaccination shot gone terribly wrong! That shot was the cause of four months of constant pain, an emergency room visit, failed treatments, and rotator cuff surgery.

For the first few weeks after surgery, my husband had to do almost everything for me. God bless him; he’s a trooper. My neighbor has come over several times to fix my hair when I actually cared about what I looked like.

I know I have been more miserable than necessary because I cannot take pain medications. They make me feel physically and mentally whacked. I have experienced more pain than ever in my life, including childbirth! Seriously. Besides, that pain is short-lived, and there’s a blessed little prize at the end – until they’re two, anyway!

But I am getting better. I am able to do more for myself. Occasionally I will muster up the energy to cook a meal and clean the house. But it takes everything I have to do it. My husband never complains, which I am eternally grateful for.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes I catch myself actually enjoying the sympathy from friends and family and even strangers. Of course, no one is going to feel sorry for me if I don’t complain, right? When someone asks how I’m doing, I jump feet first into my pit of misery and do my best to pull them in with me! I might begin by saying, “Oh, you’re probably tired of hearing about it it’s been going on for so long!” But then I don’t give them a chance to respond before, choking back tears, I give an update on my ongoing misery. Poor, poor pitiful me!

Then, one day,  “Holy lesson-in-the-making Batman.” I received another of God’s proverbial admonishments. It’s never audible. It just hangs around me like a shroud until I acknowledge its presence, “Okay, Lord, there’s a lesson here I just know it! You’re not going to let me get away with this, are you?”

This was actually a lesson in the making since December when I was thinking about the silly New Year’s Resolutions I usually end before they even begin. I’m going to lose weight right after this super-sized hot fudge sundae, or maybe the next, or maybe not at all. I don’t know. I’m not feelin’ it.

So, this time, in order to grow deeper in faith, I chose to focus on a virtue instead of giving up something. Nightly, I would meditate and journal on all I thought, said, and did that day (while eating my hot fudge sundae). Then, out from under that shroud, “Or, Linda, how about gratitude?” Hum. Gratitude. Okay, that’s a good one! At the end of each day, I could write in a Gratitude Journal all the things I was grateful for that day: a beautiful sunrise, the song of birds outside my window…

That’s lovely, Linda, and safe. But let’s go deeper. You’re thankful for your good health, but how about the help you received from others while you recovered from your injury? You’re grateful for friends who are low-maintenance, but what about the relationships that are difficult? You’re grateful for all the things you have, but what about the things others have that you don’t, that you covet?”

When we consider gratitude, if we consider it at all, we often stay within the realm of the warm squishy stuff. I remember the times at my son’s house when the kids were small. They would each take turns thanking God, mostly for “things” – a doll, a stuffed animal, a birthday present envied by their siblings. Unfortunately, as adults, we are still prone to thankfulness for adult “things” that make us happy.

Being grateful for our struggles in life just doesn’t make sense. It’s easier for us to see a beautiful sunrise, attribute it to God, and thank him for it than to thank him for adversity. Are you old enough to remember this commercial?

(Sorry, I just had to throw that in!)

I suppose we are in one of two camps when dealing with suffering: we either believe (a) God doesn’t cause suffering, but he allows it, think of Job, or (b) God is behind everything that happens to us. I’m going with (a). Either way, we are probably going to complain and complain loudly! If we believe it’s the former, we cry out, “Lord, why don’t you stop this?” or the latter, “Lord, how could you do this to me?!” Either way, God is to blame for our suffering.

Philippians 2:14 tells us to “Do all things without grumbling or questioning.” But we just can’t, can we? Whining is in our nature, apparently. Look at the Israelites, for heaven’s sake. I can see why Moses tried to get out of God’s call on that fateful day! But he acquiesced and was drug into the Israelite’s unrelenting pity parties. He went to God and begged him to make it stop! I suppose the Israelites got it in their heads that because they were God’s chosen people (Exodus 6:7) life would be grand. Their suffering was over. Not so much.

When things don’t go as planned in my life, it’s usually a wake-up call. After all, when did I win the perfect life lottery? When was I promised immunity from suffering and pain? We can’t seem to watch the news or talk to a neighbor any day of the week and not hear of someone’s tragedy: A death, an illness, a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, a lost job. But when that’s my story, I scream NOT FAIR! I pout and complain and solicit sympathy from anyone who will listen, especially God – I think he plugged his ears long ago.

Let Us be Silly!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, Consider trials pure joy!, God's plan, Laugh at yourself
https://vimeo.com/19071448

This 1978 song “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor was turned into the “Alien Song”. It has made me laugh for years! Watch it, then come back. I’ll wait.

Are you laughing? Come on. That was hysterical! Now wipe that frown off your face, and let’s get to more funny business because we take life way too seriously.

Do you think God doesn’t have a sense of humor? Really? If He hadn’t had a sense of humor, Genesis might have read a bit differently, “And God made one robot with a whole bunch of clones.” – then He decided to quit while He was ahead. “ My grand plan is for every creature to simply exist for my pure pleasure. I like it. I’m done. Why muddle it up?”

But then Spirit, observing it all, objected, “But, Lord, who will return Your love then? Isn’t that what this is all about”? God replied, “Oh, please! Let’s think about this. If I want them to love Me, I will have to give them all the free will to do it, and you know what that’s gonna make them, don’t you? A royal pain!”

But, alas, God relented, “Okay, fine. But if we’re going to do this, we can’t have all drama and whining. If they can’t laugh at themselves or take a little ribbing occasionally, then we’re gonna replace them with more trees and rocks!”

So God made humankind in His image (Genesis 1:26), reluctantly giving everyone free will. And just as He foresaw, it went very badly! Okay, not totally. That’s why God gave us a sense of humor to help us over the rough spots. And to keep, at least some of us, from that incessant bellyaching, “Why me, Lord”? Waaa, waaa, waaa…

I truly believe that you cannot learn to really laugh – I mean laugh till you pee – laugh until you have cried, cried from the deepest sorrow that life throws at you. If you know what I’m talking about, you know that getting through this life is like being pecked to death by a chicken. And you had better find the humor in it, or that chicken may just turn into a buzzard – and you? Roadkill!

I can’t tell you how often my screw-ups have turned into life lessons, followed by laughter. God has the uncanny ability to admonish me and then stick a mirror in front of me until I can no longer keep a straight face. It’s a beautiful thing to know that I am a deeply loved idiot because, as that famous saying goes:

I will end with one of my favorite poems, which prompted this post:

LET US BE LOVELY – Edward Monkton

Let us be lovely

And let us be kind

Let us be silly and free

It won’t make us famous

It won’t make us rich

But damnit how HAPPY we’ll be!

Major New Year’s Resolution Fail – AGAIN!

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, God in the ordinary
Jeff Larson cartoon

This was going to be the year I would recreate myself! Maybe I’ll try to be the first great-grandmother on The Titan Games! YEAH! That’s the ticket! I missed the opportunity to be the oldest great-grandmother bodybuilder in the Guinness Book of World Records. That coveted title went to Ernestine Shepherd, who recently celebrated her eightieth birthday! Okay. But I can still impress the masses with my stellar fitness! It will be epic!

I was off to a great start on January 1st! I got out my planner, dusted off my scale, bought some adorable running pants, ordered some new microgreen seeds & potting soil, found that meditation DVD I bought last year, and revamped my workout routine. BAM! Ready to go.

But NO!  Two weeks into the new year, and I haven’t committed to anything! Statistically, I only have a few more weeks before I give up. According to U.S. News, “Approximately 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February.” So the odds are against me. But it’s not ALL my fault!

I am currently working with the homeless for St. Vincent DePaul. Since I am the only one in my parish doing it, I receive all the phone calls for assistance. (I have not given any personal information or used anyone’s real name here. I should have given myself an alias, as this is another embarrassing “tell on Linda” post.)

Monday morning:

The phone rang—a message on our helpline. A homeless woman was at a motel. Could I call her?

Betty just completed her fourth chemo treatment for colon cancer and has COPD. In our conversation, she told me how she loved the nuns at St. Mary’s Academy, where she went to high school “a long time ago”. Smiling through broken and missing teeth, she wondered if any of the nuns who taught her were still there and if she could visit them.

How did her life go so wrong? She and her husband had been homeless for years. Her husband could never seem to provide for them. They never owned a home. She never had her own gym in her basement (ahem). Her “workout routine” consisted of wrestling to get comfortable and stay warm in the car she and her husband slept in. And yet, this woman praised God. How is that possible?

Tuesday morning:

I have always struggled to lose weight. I know what to do. I just choose not to. But no more! In preparation for my return to healthy eating, I have gotten rid of everything that tempts me to failure and replaced it with all things fresh, green, and organic! WOOT! WOOT!

The phone rang – a message on our helpline. Could we help a homeless family trying to get back to Kentucky?

Jim and his wife, their three kids, and her mentally disabled brother lost their home in a fire in Nebraska. Friends in Louisville offered them a place to stay and jobs there. But they ran out of money and gas and had a flat tire. Mom & dad hadn’t eaten for two days to provide for the kids, but now they were out of food. So we provided them with a room for the night and gave them money for gas, tire repairs, and bags of food. All items with pop-top lids they could eat cold while they traveled. These were fill-a-void-in-the-stomach foods. NOT A SINGLE GREEN THING in those bags. And yet, Jim’s eyes fill with tears of gratitude.

He told me they felt they had lived in a good community. Their neighbor’s kids were always at their home. They called him “Uncle Jim”. But, after the fire, not one neighbor reached out to help them. He and his wife could not believe the love and support they received here from strangers.

Their hearts ached for their kids and her brother because of what they were going through. But I could see something else: Their love for God, each other, and their kids. Somehow I knew they would prevail over their struggles. Their kids were learning tough but powerful life lessons. They were actually the happiest kids I have ever seen! Can you imagine?

Cold spagettios would not be the choice of a health snob like me. After having met such a beautiful family, it made me wonder how strong my faith would be and how well I would survive in their circumstances. I’ve never been tested like that. Nor do I want to be! Truth be told, I’m probably not as strong or resilient as I would like to believe.

Wednesday morning:

Okay, this was it! It was SO COLD, but I was determined to pull on my new running pants,  jacket, and hat I bought when we went to the French Alps over the holidays – and go! I usually don’t like running in the cold, but this is the new me. Bring it on!

Then the phone rang—a message on our helpline. A young dad, his wife, and a two-year-old were staying at the motel. The manager was trying to overlook the fact that they were falling further and further behind in their motel bill. Could we help them?

Jason rode a bike to work from the motel to a new job ten miles away. His two-year-old son was ill and had seizures. All their income went to the motel bill. They had no family or support.

The difference between Jason and me should be obvious. He doesn’t ride his bike in the winter because he is obsessed with the benefits of exercise and loves the challenge. And I don’t have to be out in bad weather if I don’t want to. Instead, I can go back to bed or down to my basement and jump on the treadmill.

Thursday Morning:

For years, I was able to maintain a healthy weight. I ran half-marathons for seven years. In 2010 I ran two! That was the year after I had a kidney removed. Basically, I ROCKED it! Now, I beat myself up for failing to get my act together. And I don’t believe age has anything to do with it. (So, get that thought out of your head.) I’M JUST LAZY. There, I said it! But I need to get over it and realize that I am not happy where I’m at and the only one who can change that is me.

Then the phone rang—a message on our helpline. A homeless couple staying at the motel ran out of money. She was disabled, and he was out of work. Could we help them?

When I met with Rick and Amy, I held the door as he helped Amy walk inside. Every step seemed labored. She had been in a motorcycle accident and broke her back. At the time, she was a nurse. Now, she was on total disability. Her constant pain was more than I could imagine or bear to watch.

They had never been homeless before. He always had a good job and worked hard to provide for his family. Then, due to circumstances involving his ex-wife, a shady lawyer, and back child support, he ended up in jail for three days, which awarded him a police record. They also took his driver’s license away, so he lost his job.

When they first became homeless, he lived in his car for two months, and she went to live with a friend. They tried to get into a shelter before calling us, but the only bed available was an upper bunk, which she couldn’t manage. Yet they expressed gratitude to God even when their lives were turned upside down. So why weren’t they shaking their fists at God?

I could go on and on with the stories of pain and struggle we encountered almost daily. But, somehow, right now, at the beginning of this new year, God has been shining a bright light on my obsession with my “personal” resolutions. I’m sure He has no problem with my wanting to be healthy. But I’m betting He thinks I take it too far, focusing too much on myself. A transformation of my heart is what He desires. It is what we were made for, not simply a lifestyle change.

Marcus Borg ends his most profound book, Speaking Christian, with these words, “Christianity…at its best, is about truth, goodness, and beauty. And it addresses the two great yearnings – our longing for personal transformation and our desire that the world be a better place.”

The Christian message reduced to its essentials is: love God (as known in Jesus) and love everyone.” Okay. My new resolution will hopefully endure every day I wake up until I take my last breath: love God above all things, and find ways to touch others with that love every day. And, please, God, may I have left this world a little bit better for having been here – sweatpants optional.

Church – A Great Place to Hide

by Linda Russell, posted in "Christians" who hate, "Experiencing" God, Consider trials pure joy!, Defining God, Is God Relevant?, the glory of God, Who do you say I am?

The church has been made safe, comfortable, and non-threatening. We leave our messy and damaged selves outside, freeing us up for Worship Aerobics. We greet, bow, kneel, sit, stand, sing, bow, kneel, recite, pray, hug, sit, stand, stare, judge, wiggle, squirm, and daydream – then go home for a nap.

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BoringDamagedIbizanhound-mobile.mp4

THE DISCONNECT:

Rev. Gretta Vosper shared these thoughts with a reader who left her church and felt disconnected, “It is so hard to realize that you are no longer drawn to a community of faith by the faith of the community.” Vosper offered opportunities to consider for community and service outside the church, like food banks, women’s shelters, and many others. “Any one of them would lift your heart and connect you to that great power of love by which so many needs in the world are filled.”

I, too, walked away from the church, which seemed impossible to imagine for a long time.

How about you?

THE PROBLEM WITH DONUTS AND LATTES:

If, as a youth, going to church was nothing more than an obligation and the only time you didn’t drag your feet and complain was Donut Sunday – that’s a problem.

If the only thing that set your heart on fire at Youth Group were the cute girls/boys – that’s a problem.

If you quit attending church the minute you came of age because it was never your “thing,” whose failure is that? The Churches’? Your parents? Yours?

https://imgflip.com/gif/2ph0wz

STUCK IN ORDINARY:

The Catholic tradition has what is called “Ordinary Time” – basically the times before and after Easter and Christmas. I would imagine that resembles other traditions even if it isn’t named as such.

Perhaps the word “ordinary” is a problem. “Hey, I live ordinary, monotonous, boring every day of my life! So why on earth would I want to get up early, dress up, squeeze into a pew full of strangers, and listen to irrelevant “stuff” that puts me back to sleep and causes me to snore and drool out the side of my mouth?

Megachurches have tried to fill the gap with music, and light shows that could rival “Jesus Christ Superstar”. The problem is, while folks are swinging and swaying and belting out thirty minutes of music (albeit beautiful music), Jesus left the building, and no one noticed.

https://www.buzzmag.co.uk/jesus-christ-superstar-stage-review-2/

TRANSCENDING ORDINARY IS RISKY:

Is it the Church’s responsibility to turn “ordinary” into extraordinary? And what exactly is “extraordinary? Can we even define “church” in the context of what we know about God?

God is: compassionate, merciful, and forgiving. His gratuitous love should spill out into the heart and soul of everyone who professes to follow Him. He cares deeply about the lost and forsaken. But is that what we experience in church? Is that what we hear from the pulpit? Is that what we base our actions and attitudes on?

From the daily news of the violence and hatred emanating from many “Christians” today, it doesn’t seem so. How many of us feel culpable if we stand by and watch but don’t actively participate in that violence? How many of us hate in silence?

Mary Collins shares the words of the British writer Monica Furlong, “It has been customary to talk as if the purpose of the Church has been to put people in touch with God, or to keep them in touch with God. Although, on the face of it, the church seems to exist to help its adherents into relationship with God. It equally, and perhaps essentially, plays the opposite role of trying to filter out an experience of transcendence which might be overwhelming.”

Collins continues with a striking question, “What did she (Furlong) judge to be one of the church’s key filters for helping people avoid too great an intimacy with God? Liturgy. Liturgy as ‘keeping in touch’ without getting too close. Yet the bravest among us allow ourselves to wonder. Dare we agree that liturgical practice itself, in whatever form, conceals truth about God that we are unable to bear?”

In my own faith, which has grown from non-existent to something beyond my imagining, God-filled AHA moments did not happen while I sat in the pew on Sunday. Don’t get me wrong. I loved certain aspects of being a part of a church community. What frustrated me was seeing the most central expression of our faith – communion –forgotten the minute we (myself included) walked out the door.

When we share communion, we are reminded of Jesus’ words at the Last Supper, “Take this bread and never forget Me. Never forget how much I love you! But, we do forget. We stroll in late, then haul purses, coats, and kids through the communion line and straight out the door for the important stuff of the day: Soccer, brunch, bingo, whatever.

We forget that more must occur the other six days of the week. God’s call to take what we were just fed into a hurting world rings hollow in hearts that are not transformed. We refuse to accept that the problem has anything to do with us, and we certainly don’t want to get close enough to God to hear the truth. That’s too scary. It may expose us to the real God, and it’s that real God we go to great lengths to avoid.

The God we worship must meet our expectations and demands. The world is a mess – He must fix it. People are suffering – He must help them. I am a Christian – He must put me first. So our worship amounts to praise if things are going well and complaining if they’re not.

Those “bravest among us,” Collins calls God-seekers who take risks. She says, “Monica Furlong observed that god-seekers risk more than the ordinary. They risk their sanity – their healthy adjustment to conventional thinking – by opening themselves to powerful disclosures of the divine. The rest of us, less adventurous, go to church. But it is possible to be both.”

WOULD WE LAY DOWN OUR LIVES? (JOHN 15:13)

Saint Oscar Romero was a bishop in El Salvador. He was gunned down at the altar while celebrating Mass. He knew that was likely to happen when he pleaded on the radio the night before for the violence and murders to stop.

He called out the National Guard troops in particular. They had already killed six other priests, so he was sure he would also die at their hands. But he spoke out anyway, he celebrated Mass anyway, and the people came anyway! He passionately and fearlessly upheld the gospel mandates to care for all our brothers and sisters in Christ!  

The purpose of the church is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. We, as Christians and the preachers who are called to lead, should hear and ACT ON Romero’s powerful words, or our profession of faith is empty and superficial.

Romero said, “Very nice, pious considerations that don’t bother anyone. That’s the way many would like preaching to be. Those preachers who avoid every thorny matter so as not to be harassed, so as not to have conflicts and difficulties, do not light up the world they live in. … The gospel is courageous.”

God wants us to know that every bit of pain and suffering we see or experience calls for our response. Without us, nothing will change. Nothing! Annie Dillard also presents a harsh reality, “There is no one but us. There is no one to send but only us. There never has been.”

“What is required of us but to do justly and to love mercy” (Micha 6:8). We are called to be the instruments of God’s justice and compassion in this world. We are to sing through our hurting, rejoice through our suffering, and be a beacon to others.

JUST WHO ARE YOU, GOD?

Can we ever be brave enough to accept the reality of a God we can’t imagine? Even though every theological method of putting a label on God has been tested through the ages, one fact remains, and it’s one we as human beings refuse to accept: We will never figure God out! And I am certain He rolls His eyes at our feeble attempts at it.

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?!

We can affect change in the world if we become bold enough. God is searching for people hot after His own heart, like David. Yes, that David, the adulterer, and murderer. He was a screw-up who hobbled through life, often missing the mark. But when he got it right and was on fire for God, there was no stopping him! And people took notice. They smelled something burning and came to check it out.

Now, dear friends, it’s our turn.

WHACK!! Welcome to my Most Profound 2×4 Moment Ever!

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, Boasting, Consider trials pure joy!

(Originally posted October 25, 2012)

Many people use, and believe the expression, “the patience of Job”.  Actually, Job was not a patient man. Perhaps a bit more patient than his lovely wife who told him to “Curse God and die!”– And his so-called friends who insisted God had exposed him for his wickedness. Their accusations had no limits:

Eliphaz, like most people in Jesus’ time, believed suffering was a direct result of sin; that suffering exposes you to God’s wrath – you’re busted! Sadly, many people still believe that.

Eliphax tells Job that he suffers at the hand of God because “those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same”. (Job 4:7-8)

Bildad chimes in, “God has rejected you because you’re evil!” (8:20). Ouch!

And, of course, not to be outdone by the others, Zophar annihilates any sense of worth Job may be clinging to, “You’re a damn fool! Waxing poetic nonsense like you can dupe everyone, even God. Are you crazy?! We’re going to hang out here until God decides to give you a piece of his mind. And he will. You watch. If you weren’t such an idiot you would reach out to God while you still have breath in you!” (Job 11-14). Honestly, that’s all in there. Okay, I might have taken some license with it.

So, would “patient” be the appropriate verb for Job? After all, he admits, “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest; but trouble comes” (Job 3:26). I do, however, believe Job endured more hardships than most of us could possibly imagine. So, let’s give him that.

Then, there was God, who was eerily quiet until He came storming out of the whirlwind (38:1-40:2) into Job’s broken heart, revealing His power and majesty. And what was Job’s response? How could it have been anything other than “what shall I answer You? I lay my hand over my mouth” (40:4). And later, “Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know” (42:3).

I think we could also give Job credit for finally surrendering to God even in the midst of his suffering; even though he still had no idea why God allowed him to suffer such pain and loss. God owed him no explanation, and Job no longer questioned him. Good call, Job!

As for me? How long have I been questioning God? Forever, I think. Questioning often grew into whining and whining into mistrust until I felt I would never know the deep faith I so longed for. I was too afraid and too busy trying to control my own destiny. I talked about surrender and wrote about surrender, but felt my hypocrisy would one day be exposed because I wasn’t living it. Easy enough for me to tell you to surrender your life to God! Go on now. You’ll be fine. Honest.

In all fairness to my fragile ego, in two of the major events in my life: writing a book and going to graduate school, I did get the first part of God’s calling right, “Go”. The problem was my need to second-guess Him; to run ahead of Him. But let’s go back to where it all began.

God said to me one day, out of the clear blue, “Write a book.” Long story short, it was a work in progress for ten years: written, rewritten, and self-published twice. Writing the book was the part of God’s call I listened to and accepted.

The part I added later went something like this: “I’ve just written a book! Since this came from you, Lord, I can only assume it’s going to be on the New York Times best-seller list! WOW! I can’t wait!” When that didn’t happen, I began to grow weary of God failing to meet my expectations and started to whine and complain again, “God, why did you have me write this book? There have been so many mistakes made in the process. You knew I didn’t know what I was doing. So, why? Why? Why? Why?” Those incessant questions were born out of my feeble attempt to control the process and the outcome.

The next chapter begins with a friend asking me to speak at her church. I muttered a few words in God’s direction, “Lord, if you are now calling me to speak, even though this is also something I never would have imagined doing, then I will do it.” I enrolled in a Speakers Training Workshop and had promotional DVDs made and mailed to everyone I could imagine would care. I was offered a few opportunities to speak, and although I was extremely nervous – actually scared to death – they went well, and the feedback was positive.

Wait, don’t leave! There’s more! In 2006, I was approached by my pastor to consider a program that would entail studies for a graduate degree in Pastoral Care (I still have the laugh lines from that one!). Seriously, I was nine credit hours short of an Associate’s Degree from a community college, and this was a graduate program! Right! To appease my pastor, I completed the application forms, certain they would not accept me.

When the letter came I confidently opened it. My assumed rejection began with “We are pleased to inform you…” Wait, that’s not nice! You are pleased to tell me what I already know – I’m a loser? However, the letter went on to say they had accepted me.

“Oh shit!” That’s what I said. Those two words usually only come out in extreme circumstances like a car coming at me head-on, being stuck in a burning building, or having Robert Redford knock on my door and I’m in my bathrobe and curlers. (Yes, I’m that old!).

So…“OH SHIT!”

An impossible and immutable reality was staring me in the face, and again, I was scared to death! But I went, frightened and uncertain, and graduated in 2009. Glory be to God – well, and to Linda, who, after one semester of preaching classes and a head full of myself, determined that I would probably become the female Billy Graham on the preacher’s circuit. But, alas, more dashed dreams of fame.

I was supposed to move right from graduation to a position as a Pastoral Associate in my comfortable little church. Yep, you guessed it, that’s not what happened. After three grueling years of studies, I was told that the position was not available due to a lack of funding. It was during the 2008 recession.

So, there I sat in my pile of poopy dreams and unfulfilled aspirations as an imminent writer, speaker, preacher, and/or Pastoral Associate faded into oblivion.

For three years, I have been bellyaching to God just like Job. And then it happened. God’s preferred method of attention-getting for me is a 2×4. While driving down the highway, minding my own business – from out of nowhere – WHACK!

God: “Are you paying attention, Linda?”

Me: “I am now!”

Suddenly, I was pummeled by God, or at least that’s how it felt, with a review of the course of events that had transpired. Here’s a chronology of those events:

  • My book is the story of how God reached into my pain and suffering at the hands of others and my own sinfulness and spoke healing into my brokenness. He used the process of writing the book and the opportunities I had to speak to continue that healing, which in turn, has helped others who have shared their own experiences with me.
  • Graduate school was really, really, REALLY a struggle for me. Writing graduate-level papers and reading the works of theologians like Thomas Aquinas and Bernard Lonergan made my head explode! I was anxious for most of those three years. I felt inadequate at best and downright stupid at worst.
  • Academically, I felt I was not on the level of most of the other students – always looking over my shoulder and waiting for someone to show me the door. I got some of it and forgot most of it, yet somehow, in the process, I grew spiritually in ways I could never have imagined.
  • One of my last classes dealt with the foundations of ministry. I remember my professor telling me at the end of the semester that I had a simple way of approaching ministry that would serve me well. He was telling me that I didn’t need to feel incompetent because I couldn’t put together a string of theological thoughts that would rival the best in the field. But I didn’t understand or appreciate his words at the time.
  • Just before graduation, I asked my pastor, “Do I still have a job when I get out of here?” He replied matter-of-factly, “No.” I was shocked! He stated that because of the economy, they could not afford to hire an Associate. I was devastated and shaken to my foundation. Fear got the best of me. If I was going to apply for a position in a different church, how would I fare in the interview process? Even though I had a 3.7 GPA, I had little confidence in my abilities, especially since I knew there would be lots of applicants and very few positions available. Oh yeah, and I was old.

Do you see how God has moved in my life over all these years? I didn’t until that fateful trip in my car last week when all of these events and situations came flooding into my head – then my heart. And, just as with Job, God spoke:

Linda, Linda, Linda, what am I going to do with you?! I called you to write a book, to do some speaking, and to go to graduate school. Who told you you were going to be a famous writer, speaker, or preacher?! Much of the time, you ran off on your own without waiting on Me, without even consulting me. You had it all figured out and then when it didn’t happen the way you planned it, you came complaining to Me. My time is not your time; my ways are not your ways. It’s about obedience and trust, Linda. I think you are finally ready to hear that.

Why, according to your timing, has it taken so long? It was important for you to feel the pain of the loss and suffering of your past and to go through your own healing process before you could enter the sacred space of others who suffer. This is Holy Ground that I am asking you to step into. You were not ready before.

Somehow you have managed to move in the direction I have called you. You’ve made it an uphill climb, but you have been falling forward, so that’s progress! I placed the desires in you before you were born, and I have set in place My plan for you and long to bring it to completion. If you will just get out of my way!

A few days after the Holy Whacking in my car, I received a Daily Meditation from Richard Rohr. Quite appropriate, I think, “All of Jesus’ guidance for ministry…are very concrete and interpersonal. They are all about putting people in touch with specific people, especially with people’s pain. Person-to-person is the way the Gospel was originally communicated. Person-in-love-with-person, person-respecting-person, person-forgiving-person, person-touching-person, person-crying-with-person, person-hugging-person: that’s where the Divine Presence is so beautifully revealed.”

What a dunce I was, “Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know” (Job 42:3). I pray I have finally learned to wait on God and know His plan for me is perfect; to trust His infinite wisdom more than my finite and feeble efforts to do things my own way.

And the saga continues…

I would like to conclude with a quote from Glennon Doyle that sums up where I’m at right now and where I hope to stay till the end.

Grandma…Really! Should You be Doing That?

by Linda Russell, posted in Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, grace, gratitude, Laugh at yourself
(CREDIT: Sacha Goldberger)

Cellulite and shrinking bladders.

We’ve been thinner, and we’ve been fatter.

Aches and pains; always have to pee.

Adjusting to new hips and knees.

No trophies sitting on the shelf,

Just accolades we give ourselves.

Paltry savings in the bank.

Is this God’s dirty little prank?

The age of seventy-four is magical for me. I can’t contain myself when I consider all the experiences I have grown through. Fierce rejections, false truths, exquisite God-moments, giggly grandkids, and cherished relationships that have endured my messiness and painful childhood memories, all washed over by grace.

I have embraced a calling that gives meaning and purpose to it all. I can barely believe this is my life! My once insignificant story has blossomed into something holy and beautiful that makes me want to sing! If only I could sing.

Many, at this point, feel they have made an irreparable mess of their lives. Yet, it seems easier to continue the incessant navel-gazing than to allow God to gaze into their hardened hearts and change their lives.

And if we weren’t beating ourselves up enough, the world also tells us that we have outlived our usefulness. We are sucking valuable air and resources that would better serve the younger and more “productive.” We should simply lie down and die already.

But for others like me, grace has led us through much self-reflection, releasing a false self we so easily embraced, finally leading us to the necessary letting go. We have stopped fighting against it. With newfound courage, we have sought out forgiveness from those we have hurt and offer forgiveness to our offenders.

We have no one to impress and no status to protect. Our once false reliance on all that is worldly has been exposed. It pales in comparison to the treasure of relationships, beginning with God. As long as we are still breathing (you are still breathing, aren’t you?), we can leave a legacy of love in the hearts of those we share this journey with.

But wait. Look around you. Are you reveling in that grace-filled stage of your life alone? If so, someone is missing. If you are here and those who continue to suffer are over there, you have probably forgotten your purpose! (Mark 12:30-31). Every day brings a new opportunity for us to step onto the path of someone else’s journey to wholeness and healing. And please do it with great joy and enthusiasm!  

1 Peter 3:15 tells us, “… always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you….” News flash! No one is even going to ask if we are not living differently than the rest of the world if we spew cynicism from every pore of our wrinkled and aging bodies.

Joy is loving out loud!

I believe young people, in particular, need to hear that there really is Good News! But they don’t want to hear it from a bunch of grumpy old people.

You may ask, “With the world in such a mess, why shouldn’t we be cynical?” Well, I’ll tell you why. Cynicism is the devil’s tool for keeping non-believers away from salvation’s door. “Look,” says the non-believer, “those Christians are just as miserable as we are – maybe more so with all those thou-shalt-nots to contend with. If we’re going to be miserable, we’ll do it on our terms. Thank you very much.”

The quality that draws people to Christianity isn’t gloom and doom. Instead, it’s deep-down joy, even in the midst of trials and struggles. Joy causes the lonely and suffering to peer up from their pit of despair and ask, “Why are you so damn cheerful? What do you know that we don’t?” 

 Here are a couple of frightening statistics to consider: 1) seventy percent of Christian youths abandon their faith during college years and never return to it  (LifeWay Research), and 2) suicide is the third-leading cause of death among ten to twenty-four-year-olds (CDC). In both instances, we need to ask ourselves why. And more importantly, what have we done to convince these young people that Christ isn’t worth following, that joy isn’t worth seeking, that life isn’t worth living? When they look at us, what do they see?

https://www.disneyclips.com)

Do they see this? I can’t imagine anyone skipping joyously into the second half of life if this was all we had to offer; aches and pains and life’s dreadful stains. Just shoot me!

Or do they see this? 

Now, this is a different story! No, that picture was not photoshopped. That was my husband, who loved being silly with the grandkids. Okay, maybe it’s a bit extreme for some folks, but I think it’s hysterical, and our grandkids LOVED it. Since his passing, they now have beautiful memories of him. I kind of wish I would have done it now. But I don’t think it would have been as funny. Anyway, my claim to fame was “the running game” and the “tickle monster” – and I participated in them with great gusto!

“What this country needs are radicals who will stay that way regardless of the creeping years.” ~John Fischer

So go find someone to love on. Maybe even a teenager. Really! From many years of being a Youth Minister, I can tell you that teens are not as scary as you might think. I decided to “retire” from that ministry because I thought I was too old. Someone younger would be better suited to the job and relate better to them.

On the contrary, I found that being able to care about teens is not determined by age; it’s determined by how much we care. That’s all they want, someone to care and offer them hope and encouragement. They long for someone to help them reach within themselves to find that child who may have been lost to society but is NEVER lost to the God who created them. I know. I’ve been there. What about you?

Here are some things I have learned about life. Some the hard way:

  1. Failure is never final, and love is never wasted.         
  2. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you the way you have hurt me.
  3. Eat dessert first.
  4. I would look stupid in skinny jeans even if I could fit into them – which I can’t.
  5. Pride is overrated – laugh at yourself – often.
  6. That jerk in your day-to-day life is trying to teach you something – pay attention.
  7. Surrender is a daily act of courage, risk, and trust.
  8. Be silly! We don’t have enough silliness in this world.
  9. Leave your little corner of the world better than you found it.

Words of wisdom from Richard Rohr: “The Jesus way is to embrace our wounds and accept them as the price of the journey. We can choose to carry our wounds with dignity until the time comes when we forget why they were so important or debilitating to begin with. I think we carry our wounds until the end; they do not fully go away but keep us humble, patient, and more open to trust and intimacy. The healing lies in the fact that those same wounds no longer defeat us or cause us to harm ourselves or others.”

And finally, a quote that should conjure up an “OH CRAP” moment for all of us: 

“Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do”  Gian Carlo Menotti

Acting ‘As If’: A Path to Healing and Growth

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Boldness in adversity, Consider trials pure joy!, embrace change, God's plan

(Original post-2021)

Well, I’m still here in case you were wondering – or even if you couldn’t care less (in which case, I don’t suppose you’d be reading this). Regardless, here we go…

For over a year, I went kicking and screaming into a sudden and uncertain reality. In the process, I have slowly, often unwillingly, been discovering who I am in the midst of loss, pain, and sorrow. The world I thought would never change – changed – without any warning. NOT FAIR!

I reasoned (something my A.D.D. brain should know by now to question) that it was time for a change. So, I packed up my former self, one box, one picture, one memory at a time. I suddenly realized I had been trying to suppress the uncertainty of my future with superficial words and inadequate certitudes, “I’m fine. Really!” – even though it may appear that I’m losing my shit!

Some “experts” encourage us to act “as if” _________(fill in the blank) until it becomes our truth. So, I did – or at least I tried. But, in pretending I was already there, I believe I also denied the necessary process of change. So, does acting “as if” my life is often a total shitstorm count? Because right now it is – no acting required.

Jen Hatmaker beautifully describes the inevitable change of seasons in life, “It can be difficult to envision a new start but impossible to deny one. This is your work. No one can do it for you. Something doesn’t have to be bad to be over. That season has possibly given you everything it had to offer; it shaped and developed you, and it stretched and inspired you. We are not entirely rebranded with each new season; we simply build the next layer. As a testament to our design, we are capable of preserving the best of each season while rejecting the worst. The human heart is shockingly resilient. We need to get better at permission and grace.”

The pictures are packed up now, leaving bare walls and lots of nail holes my husband never knew about because, well, why measure when you can just eyeball distance, even if you suck at it! I didn’t take the time to count, but I’m pretty sure there were at least five or six holes behind each picture!

But I digress…

It has become clear to me that I have been stuck in the past. God tells us to stay out of there and move on, trusting Him every step of the way. The past certainly formed my identity to this point, and I am grateful for all of its lessons. But that’s not the end of my story or my journey. Hatmaker says, “You can care about new things and new beginnings and new people. Carry on, sister!” Carry on, indeed!

(Tenor GIF)

God wants me, wants all of us, to boldly step into each new day, believing every life experience, good or bad, will influence how we impact our world. Our loving God has created our most outlandishly gifted, magnificently designed selves for that very purpose.

It’s time to grab onto the desire of my heart that has been sitting too long and aching to be acknowledged, that one passion refusing to fade away no matter how much I have tried to ignore it.

The Absurdity of Hatred/The Audacity of Forgiveness

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, Consider trials pure joy!, forgiveness, grace, Healing

It may seem crazy to imagine Satan having any defining joy in his life. Seriously! Does he countdown days to special holidays? Review photos of favorite vacations with the family? Post pics of him and his buds at a hockey game? Laugh hysterically at anything remotely comical?!

Well…there is one thing – and only one thing – that does get him all giddy in the midst of his miserableness, and we stupid humans seem to love indulging him. It happens when we judge others and refuse to forgive. That is what Satan thrives on, and we seem so eager to comply, even those of us who profess to be Christians. I would go so far as to say “especially” Christians, get sucked into that ego-driven sense of superiority over others. I have to confess that I am just as guilty, though I’d like to believe I’m better than I used to be. I suppose it depends on who you ask.

Nearly twenty years ago, I thought the “revelation” that came to me about forgiveness when I was in Kentucky (which I wrote about in my book) was my most profound life-changing moment ever! Until it wasn’t. Even though I came away from that experience proclaiming the magical, mystical healing power of God!

Oh, sure, I played the game. The “I’m fine. Great actually. No, really! I’m totally healed of all my past shit” game! The game God reveals when, for a split second, I get out of His way. That moment when I let my guard down and leave just a crack in the door of my hardened heart and He shoves His foot in before I can slam it shut again. I hate when that happens!

Recently, I was confronted again by the call of God to forgive. The two people that caused me the most suffering and hurt – my mother, and the relative I have never named publicly, have both passed away. The funeral services were unremarkable and sparsely attended. The realization of that struck me profoundly! Two people who caused me so much hurt, I believe now, suffered more than I did. I never considered that possibility.

I was given the gift of grace when I was able to see the brokenness of their lives and truly feel empathy for them. Yes, they both made messes in my life, but I have also experienced healing and, as a result, have, for the most part, lived a rich and fulfilled life.

I have been blessed with a loving family and friends and have so much to be thankful for. Most importantly, a God who never gives up on me, never keeps count of my sinfulness, and loves me unconditionally often in spite of my foolishness and forgetfulness of His mercy and love. The profound truth of God’s love gets so lost when we prefer to live on the periphery where it is safer, and Satan tries his best to keep us there.

A life of faith has always been about transformation, our dying to self, and being renewed. It takes place when we step outside our theology of reward and punishment; when we decide we are bone-tired of suffering and causing the suffering of others. It happens when we step into the terror as well as the awesomeness of being human. In that place, God does His best work and can awaken the creation of something new within us. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Father Richard Rohr tells us, “For many of us, suffering is a cycle. We go back and forth, holding on and letting go, healing, hurting anew, and healing again. Suffering, of course, can lead us in either of two directions: (1) it can make us very bitter and cause us to shut down, or (2) it can make us wise, compassionate, and utterly open, because our hearts have been softened.

We’re not perfect. The project of learning how to love—which is our only life project—is quite simply learning to accept this….If you really love anybody then you have learned to accept a person despite, and sometimes even because of, their faults.”

Also consider these thoughts of Desmond Tutu on what he calls “Essential Humility”, “We are able to forgive because we are able to recognize our shared humanity. We are able to recognize that we are all fragile, vulnerable, flawed human beings capable of thoughtlessness and cruelty. We also recognize that no one is born evil and that we are all more than the worst thing we have done in our lives. A human life is a great mixture of goodness, beauty, cruelty, heartbreak, indifference, love, and so much more.“

Why You Care Matters – BUT – How You Care Matters More

by Linda Russell, posted in Consider trials pure joy!, Covid & BLM, Do Something, God's plan, If not us, then who?, Our Imperfection, serving others, the greatest of these is love, transformation, Trusting God, Using our gifts

I recently read Alan Cohen’s quote, “Please show me is one of the most powerful prayers you can speak.”

I bulked at that, or more accurately, painful memories and an ego ever on high alert, bulked, “It’s not that simple! Life is not that simple!” That comes from a place long ago when I learned not to trust anyone but myself (how scary is that?!).

As a child, I needed to trust my mother, so I could learn to trust the world around me. But she proved to be untrustworthy, which, in turn, meant the world was also untrustworthy. The world loves those who don’t know who to trust and empowers the ego to guide itself right off every unmarked cliff until we begin to doubt ourselves.

My ego-driven mind wanted every aspect of my life to be certain and laid out clearly. I believed the Spirit I dealt with didn’t care much about its guidance in my life, “You’re on your own, kid. Good luck!” Old memories, combined with my return again and again to my default settings, dredged up my monumental failures to prove I was right – hoping that Spirit-guy would finally see that I had good reason to question everything.

Two events that always come to mind are: (1) writing a book and (2) attending graduate school. Both were significant and frightening decisions that did not turn out the way I had planned. It then seemed that the outcome of these events was confirmation that Spirit-guy could not be trusted either. And just to remind him, we had a little review:

 1) One day, out of nowhere, you clearly told me to “write a book”. That was you – right? Admittedly, after laughing hysterically, I finally did believe you and wrote the damn thing. That led to me imagining myself becoming a famous and sought-after author. But that’s not what happened, is it? No!

2) Then how about this? When offered the unbelievable opportunity to attend graduate school, after much consternation, I acquiesced. Even though I fully believed I would be discovered as a fraud and be tossed out on the street. When I finally realized I might actually accomplish such a crazy endeavor (which took nearly the entire three years I was there), I began to imagine myself becoming a beloved Pastoral Associate—fulfilling my need to be somebody special. But, that’s right, that’s not what happened either. Are you still with me, Spirit-guy?

When I read, “You can avoid painful errors and trials by letting the Spirit guide you”, my “failures” seem to confirm that that did not apply to me. But in a rare moment, I sat quietly and prayed. The response came quickly. I suppose because it has been the same obsessive struggle I have had for years, and you were probably peeved, weren’t you?!

Spirit (eye roll here), “Sit down and take a deep breath, Linda. Ready? Here we go for the bizzilionth time.”

1)  Yes, I did prompt you to write a book and attend graduate school. And, no, it did not catapult you into fame, fortune or recognition. No associate position in the church or loads of book sales. But it did develop into your blog, which has touched lives. How many? It really doesn’t matter because that’s not the point. The experience has changed your life in ways you never could have imagined beforehand – right?

Can you not see how much your faith grew and flourished when you cared for the dying as a Hospice volunteer? Then, working with the homeless, you showed them love, when they only knew rejection. No award, book contract, or flurry of accolades will come close to invoking those tears of love and compassion you reveal every time you reach out to those who suffer.

Maybe a review of Luke 15:4-6 is in order here. You know – when Jesus dropped everything and went after ONE (you!) lost sheep. ONE! And then he danced and sang all the way back to camp like he had hit the lottery!!

2) Admit it, Linda, it took these experiences and many others to strip away enough of your brokenness (not all, but enough for now) to open you to the love of God that had been gathering dust in your heart for a very long time. And, yes, I’m still going to be there, as always, to offer you some pearls of wisdom, even if you pretend not to notice me – the elephant in the room!

Anyway, those are the things you would probably never have considered being capable of before God wrested your shallow ‘faith’ from you and replaced it with a love for others.

Purpose can never be driven by the world’s definition of success. So, stop already putting expectations on the outcome!

Now, come on, we have lots of work to do, and you aren’t getting any younger, you know. Just sayin’.

Can you relate? Have you experienced your own come-to-Jesus moment, but you’re not sure what that means for you?

When Jesus said, “follow me,” it was a radical call, not an invitation to tea. It wasn’t the Jesus version of Simon says, “Touch your toes. Wiggle your nose. Bend your knees. Pat your head. Here’s your prize.”

You realize, don’t you, that Jesus never said, “Go to church”. Never. Church is where we often hear the Word of God, rejoice for a millisecond, and then go home to cut the grass. Following Christ means living the Word; it means being Christ to others. He told us, “I have suffered the hatred of those in power to serve those at the bottom – the forgotten and rejected. If you follow me, you will do even more and, yes, you will suffer for your efforts as well.” Our response to that call should be a resounding, “Yes”! But, it’s often, “I’ll get back to you.”

Remember that all the disciples ran for cover when Jesus was taken away. When they saw the empty tomb in unison, they proclaimed, “Bummer, this is not how we imagined it turning out.” (Does this sound familiar?) So, when Jesus showed up unannounced at their pity party, he was surely in the same place Spirit-guy has been with me so often, “Okay guys, let’s try this again. First of all, let’s get this out of the way – none of you will be sitting on any throne no matter what aspirations your mother has (Matt. 20:20-21). You’ll be sitting in the muck and mire with the least among you and, get this – you’re going to love it there because that’s what you were created for, selfless love and compassionate care for the lost and hurting.”

Today, we have been inundated by images and news concerning Covid-19, our broken economy, hunger and homelessness, and the BLM protests that have shed an uncomfortable light on the inequities in this country.

People are suffering and dying every day because they have been victims of Covid, hatred, or both. How are you affected by these realities? What do you think of when you witness this most profound moment in our history? Do you turn off the TV and retreat to your safe place? Do you pray or send a check to a food bank? – I’m not discounting those things. Both are needed for sure. But, is there a tugging on your heart to act on that reality?

This is a time of reckoning for all of us who consider ourselves decent human beings. Never mind any label you may attach to that: Christian, Jew, Atheist, none of the above, whatever – just decent human beings who know deep down we are called to lift our “caring” to a whole new level.

I love the expression: “Bidden or not bidden, God is still present”. God still lives and moves and has his being in the very depth of your heart, whether you believe in him or not. And even if you don’t, he just hangs out there, hoping you will one day acknowledge him and, in turn, recognize who and Whose you are. He’s like the heart whisperer, “I love you, you are mine, and your life matters.”

If I ever sound like I have totally got my act together, don’t think for a moment that it’s true. We are all a work in progress. We have all sinned and fallen short (Romans 3:23). I’m just thankful that God’s love and grace know no bounds. Our weaknesses don’t anger him, and our fears won’t push him away. On the contrary, he is merciful, forgiving, empowering, and likely has a wicked sense of humor! Oh yeah, and he has never been untrustworthy. Not once.

So, let’s do this. Yes, sitting quietly is important to discern how and where you are called to serve. But then, like Jeremiah, get off your butt and get over yourself because God will give you all you need to do what he calls you to do. That’s a promise we can all trust.

I will end with this wisdom from Anthony DeMello, SJ:

Once upon a time, a disciple asked the elder, “Holy One, is there anything I can do to make myself Enlightened?”

“As little as you can do to make the sun rise in the morning.”

“Then of what use,” the disciple asked, “are all the spiritual exercises?”

“To make sure,” the elder said, “that you are not asleep when the sun begins to rise.”

Leave me Alone – I LOVE Being Miserable!

by Linda Russell, posted in Consider trials pure joy!, Lent, Prodigal Son, Return to Me, surrender

Who aggravates every fiber of your being? Come on, you know someone in your life – past or present – you have wanted to throw from a moving train in one of your most angry moments!

Throw mama from the train

Perhaps it isn’t your mother (like Danny Devito in Throw Mama from the Train) You love your mother. How about Uncle Bill? Uncle Bill makes you dread holidays! Every. Single. Blessed. One. He hates holidays and, in short order, makes you hate them too. He also hates your new living room set, your cheesecake, thinks you’ve put on too much weight, and wants to borrow another $200.

How about that annoying and relentless neighbor who causes you to lock your doors and pull your shades when you see her coming? Sometimes she catches you off-guard and holds you hostage in your own yard as she rants incessantly about absolutely nothing! Oh yeah, and she thinks your new birdbath is tacky (she might be right about that).

birdbath

Anyway, you walk away, dazed and confused. Ewwww, she got you again! She makes you want to smoke more, drink more, or kick the dog. (Don’t do that. It’s not the dog’s fault.)

It’s really not the dog’s fault, Uncle Bill’s fault, or your neighbor’s fault. It’s your fault because you choose to allow others to control you. Don’t think they’re doing that? When you allow another person to upset you, for whatever reason, they are controlling you. How do you like being controlled? If you’re like me, you pride yourself on being the one in control and refuse to believe anyone could have that kind of power over you.

NEWS FLASH: When we cling tenuously to control or give it up to another, that is the prescription for misery.

Mark 7:14-23, “Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile. From within the man, from his heart, come evil….”

My dear mother-in-law recently passed away at the age of ninety-eight. Before her health took a turn for the worse, she was happy and content and loved being with her family, especially the grandkids. She was always very giving of herself and generous to a fault. But, the last few years of her life, she was miserable. Daily she expressed that misery to us, “Why won’t God take me?!” She felt like a burden, that her life no longer had purpose. She was angry, frustrated, and confused. Throw in hip pain, a bad back, possible strokes, and dementia, and of course, she was miserable!

But what’s my excuse? What’s your excuse? I believe we have forgotten who we are. Life presents a series of blows to our fragile ego, and the joy God intended for us is overshadowed by misery. Misery that we inflict on ourselves, all the while blaming others.

“Wounded by sin, clouded by temptation, we are our own worst enemy. Everything we say and do arises from within our own hearts. If our hearts change, it stands to reason that our actions will follow.” Terry Modica (http://gnm.org/good-news-reflections/ )

We see misery played out powerfully in the lives of the Pharisees during Jesus’ time. He not only came to show us by his own life how we are to live, but he also used the Pharisees as a prime example of how we are not to live. They were pious and arrogant! They were mean, vengeful, and always trying to trip up Jesus. Their hatred for him was palatable because he was constantly exposing their sinfulness. No one wants to be exposed. If they could just get rid of him! Mark 8:11 tells us that Jesus “sighed from the depth of his spirit” because of their actions.”

He could have retaliated, but he didn’t. We would have liked him to so we could justify our own reaction to the hurt we feel from others. But, he humbly walked away, and in the end, he humbly received the torturous beatings and crucifixion.

Misery can be a stern mother. But Psalm 119 tells us that being afflicted is a good thing, “It is good that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes.” Also, sometimes, we can learn from others’ afflictions. Take my mother-in-law, for instance. I learned more from her at the end of her journey when she lay dying and unresponsive. I learned more about compassion that cannot be measured, love that cannot be returned, and inexplicable joy in the midst of it all.

When I would sit vigil in the evening with her, I could sense God’s presence, as in Genesis 28:16, “…surely the Lord is in this place.” The joy I felt during that time was unmistakable. The joy of knowing that Catherine would soon be in God’s presence. Truth be told, I was a bit jealous. I recall saying to her several times, even though she could not respond, “Aren’t you excited?! You will soon see all of your family and friends that have gone before you. They’re waiting for you. God is waiting for you. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to put in a good word for me – I need it!” I thought I heard her say, “Yes, you do!” once, but it was probably my imagination.

In all the training and experiences I have had as a Hospice volunteer, you just know that God is present. You can’t explain it or quantify it. You just know. For me, the most intense times of joy are these experiences and the Lenten journey we are now on. The joy that comes in knowing God never forsakes us; never abandons us. These are times when he asks me to return to him. Joel 2:12 says, “Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart…”

Listen to this beautiful song by John Michael Talbot.

Every Lent, I read Henri Nouwen’s “The Return of the Prodigal Son”. I am enthralled by this book and Nouwen’s honesty about his life and struggles. It is a beautiful and powerfully written account of a story most of us know, yet few of us delve so deeply into it. Nouwen uses Rembrandt’s portrait of the Prodigal Son to tell the story:

prodigal son
(cover of Henri Nouwen’s book)

The son made a choice. He chose to leave his father and go his own way, to take his inheritance and “set off for a distant country, and there he squandered his wealth in wild living” (Luke 15:13). Soon, he was broke and in the midst of a famine. He was hungry, but no one offered him anything to eat.

This is a very telling example of what happens when we turn to the world to meet our needs, but all we meet there is misery. We want the world to fill us with all we ever thought we wanted, but what we want is never enough. The world can’t/won’t satisfy. The world only takes and leaves desolation in the empty places of our souls.

Notice, though, that the son finally, instinctively, knew where to turn when he was starving – his father. Though he felt he wasn’t worthy of his father’s love because of the shameful way he acted, he also hoped his father would at least feed him as the servants were fed (15:17-20). That was all the son hoped for. Imagine his surprise when he didn’t even get his well-rehearsed words out of his mouth…

HOLY FATTED CALF, BATMAN!

Being willing to receive crumbs, the son got the surprise of his life when “the father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (15:20) There’s no way my father would have done that, and my mother would likely have changed the locks on the doors when I left. The father had compassion for his son because he knew he was a miserable, lost soul – but now he was found. It was a time to celebrate; it was a time of joy and thanksgiving.

Well, okay, the oldest son was not so joyful and was not willing to offer his brother the least bit of sympathy or support. He was also angry with the father because it all seemed so UNFAIR! Here’s that “misery gremlin” again! Sucking the fullness of life and joy from anyone too self-absorbed to notice.

Nouwen says, “It seems to me now that these hands have always been stretched out – even when there were no shoulders upon which to rest them.” And of the son, he says, “He realized he had lost his dignity as his father’s son, but at the same time, he is aware that he is indeed the son who had dignity to lose.” He says, “I am loved so much I am free to leave home.”

Think about that.

What brings the joy we so long for? It’s a choice we make in how we respond to our circumstances. You can be the younger son who learns from the misery he inflicted on himself or, the older, bitter son who doesn’t seem to “get it”. It is a daily, sometimes minute-by-minute choice.

Nouwen says, “And this concerning the attitude of the elder son: “Am I so ensnared in my own self-righteousness complaints that I am doomed, against my own desire, to remain outside of the house wallowing in my anger and resentment? God says to the elder son, you are with me always, and all I have is yours.”

The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.

God always has more for us. We are always only at the beginning of love (you must understand) Jesus is pleased with you right now. He sees how much you’ve already done. He wants to see you overcome the next hurdle and get that much closer to the finish line. He is committed to taking you there.“I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Often, my prayer is that God will not give up on me and that I will daily surrender to this love that is beyond my understanding, that I will let go of all those hurts and sorrows that steal my peace and joy.