Centuries ago, the words “know thyself first” were inscribed in gold (that’s how important it was) at the entrance of the temple of Apollo. Valeria Sabater, Ph.D., tells us those words were believed to be imperative because “No question makes sense if you don’t first answer the most important one: Who are you? It’s impossible to change how we feel about others until we know, really know, ourselves.”
If I truly know myself, then I will be able to recognize the source of my thoughts and feelings toward others – good or bad.
What is the basis for our love or hatred toward others? Have you ever thought about that? If not – why? Possibly because who wants to venture down that rabbit hole and come face-to-face with ourselves?! No thanks. Too scary. Yet, I believe God constantly challenges us to look honestly at how we pull others in or push them away and judge others without caring about what they may be dealing with in their lives.
We seem to have forgotten Jesus’ purpose for coming here: “Jesus hates you, this I know, ’cause the Bible tells me so.” Come on, sing along with me. You know the words. Wait, no… Jesus came to show us up close and personal how to love and care for those who are rejected and suffer terribly at the hands of others.
You may say you love your mother because she fed and clothed you and made your brother clean the bathroom once. But is that the impetus for your love? I have been known to say, ‘I love chocolate mint ice cream’ – which, full disclosure, I have said, but – REALLY?!
You may say you hate so-and-so because they did something to hurt you, but that isn’t really the reason. It goes much deeper than that. People have hurt me terribly over the years. It began with my own mother, then others – all reinforcing my belief that I was not worthy of love. Then, I did my best to hurt back for many of those years, believing I was justified.
The moment we strike out at someone or degrade them, the truth of our identity is being revealed –which is fear. We either fear others who are not like us, or we fear ourselves, which Freud termed “projection”. There’s something planted deep down that we hate about ourselves that shows up in that person.
Psychologist Brad Reedy says, “If we find part of ourselves unacceptable, we tend to attack others in order to defend against the threat. If we are okay with ourselves, we see others’ behaviors as ‘about them’ and can respond with compassion. If I kept hate in my heart for another, I would also have to hate myself. It is only when we learn to hold ourselves with compassion that we may be able to demonstrate it toward others.”
Hate is not our default setting, but there are people, sadly even some professed Christians, who make it seem so. Many have bought into the idea that if you don’t believe what I believe, you’re my enemy, and I’m watching you closely. Don’t screw with me! I have no doubt the Elf on the Shelf was created by someone who hates kids! But I digress…
We can easily point to Scripture to justify ourselves. How about “An eye for an eye” – huh?! It’s right there in the Bible! Yes, it is, and it may seem pretty compelling when it excuses our actions. However, I’m sorry if you really like that one because you would be using it out-of-context, as we tend to do with so much of Scripture.
The “eye for an eye” verse originated long before it showed up in Exodus and was not meant to validate personal vengeance. It was enacted into law to protect the vulnerable. According to Crosswalk.com, “The phrase is used in the circumstance of a court case before a civil authority such as a judge. ‘An eye for an eye’ was thus intended to be a guiding ethic for legislators and judges.” And didn’t Jesus clear that up in the Sermon on the Mount – teaching us to love the “least of these”? Give them your shirt, your last dollar, and a great big hug!
If we believe that God created us in his image and he resides within us, then what comes out of us as hatred toward others would not be possible. Can love and hatred coexist within the same heart? I suppose they can if that love is shallow and selective. But then, that’s not God’s love, is it? God’s most profound, truest love is indiscriminate, unconditional, and life-giving. It doesn’t strip others of their humanity and dignity.
“We do not realize that it wasn’t the person or event right in front of us that made us angry or fearful—or excited and energized. At best, that is only partly true. How we see will largely determine what we see and whether it can give us joy or make us pull back with an emotionally stingy and resistant response….what we are able to see and are predisposed to see in the outer world is a mirror reflection of our own inner world (my emphasis) and state of consciousness at that time.” Richard Rohr
Our every thought, word, and action depends on our awareness of who we are on the innermost level. That often requires brutal honesty, and, at least for me, that honesty often comes in the form of someone else’s admonitions. It’s hard for us to be vulnerable enough to be objective about our weaknesses and failings if we’re preoccupied with protecting our self-image.
It’s critical to have someone in your life who can be honest with you about who you are and how you project yourself into the world. And, believe me, that’s not fun if they will honestly tell you that what you just did or said to someone – well – it was mean, and you suck, and you should apologize immediately! There are times when I can actually do that myself – but not many.
I will leave you with this thought: “Compassion is the ultimate expression of your highest self.” Russell Simmons
PASSION, PURPOSE & POOPYHEADS 