Tag: death

Life’s Teachers in Disguise

by Linda Russell, posted in A Holy Whack, AHA moments, death's lessons

I know I may seem to spend an inordinate amount of time on the subject of death. But, really, when something happens that brings death to the forefront of my thoughts, the deeper revelation is always about life, the meaning of the fullness of life, the blessings of life, and its fleeting reality. 

The most basic question I return to over and over again? Am I living my life like I KNOW all of that? The answer is usually, “Not so much,” – and so, I begin again until I forget again, and then I am reminded…again! 

I must be forgetting too often because I recently had two powerful reminders from past experiences. Cherie Carter-Scott, in her amazing book, “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules,” offers her ten rules for being human. Rule #4 applies here: “Lessons will be repeated until learned.” I guess I’m a slow learner. So, let me try again.

A few years ago, Tom & I were driving home. On the highway, we swerved to miss hitting a dog that someone else had hit. It was still alive, so we went back. We waved traffic away from the dog so we could pull it off the road. Tom called the police, and we sat on the side of the road for thirty minutes while the dog lay dying. With the exception of its labored breathing, it never moved. The police never came, and the dog finally died.

seattle-humane-society

It was a pit bull with no collar. As I sat there, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a stray, if it was wild, if it was rabid. But none of that mattered. When once I would have been afraid of this dog, I was now stroking its head.

And my reminder about life? I was thinking about all the people who die this way. Every human being has been created in the image of God. All are loved by God. Yet, many die in obscurity, alone and broken.

This brings me to the second incident I recalled when a dear friend’s father died. Her parents had been divorced for years, and all of her siblings disowned him. They could never forgive him for the pain he caused them and their mother. But she stayed in relationship with him all those years. My own attitude towards him was cold and indifferent.

When he died, I went to the funeral service. There were a lot of people there, which surprised me. Then, another surprise! The service was on a Wednesday. People could leave work for a few minutes to pay their respects to the family, but surely they would return to work or their busy lives. When everyone was invited to attend the luncheon, most of them went. It was crazy. I went for a few minutes but had to leave. Okay, I really didn’t have to leave, but I did. My friend and I agreed to meet the next morning to go for a walk.

This is where God entered my cold, pathetic heart. When I met with her, she began to relate to me what had happened after I left. She had noticed that there were several people there her family didn’t know. As everyone was eating lunch, she asked if anyone wanted to share a story about her father.

Some began to stand up and talk about him. One was a waitress in one of his favorite restaurants. She said he was so nice and would listen to her talk about things that she struggled with in her life. Several other people from other places he frequented said the same thing.

So there I was…I stopped dead in my tracks and began to sob, “Oh my gosh. I missed a blessing! I refused to give your father the compassion and care he deserved, and I missed the blessing of the life he tried to live.”

Yes, he made mistakes, and yes, he hurt his family. But, over those years of separation from them, he became a different person, a better person, but for strangers, not his daughters. How sad and how common that is. By pushing him away and shutting him out of their lives, none of them ever healed.

In my long, often selfish lifetime, I have learned that there is really only one thing that’s important—love. Not love of things; love of God, ourselves, and others.

Thinking about those two incidents ushered God back into my thoughts about life and death:

  • Death does not care if we have left business unfinished, relationships broken, or children to be raised. It doesn’t matter if we are not ready or sit on promises to change.
  • It will take the weak with the strong, the humble with the proud, the saint with the jerk.
  • Death doesn’t respect wedding plans, vacation plans, or unmet deadlines.
  • It does not operate by a timetable we set, and is no respecter of age.
  • It does not discriminate between the most loved and most hated.
  • It may not wait for the most brilliant to cure cancer, bring peace to a troubled nation, or receive a Nobel Prize.
  • Denying that death is a part of life is like believing we still look like our high school picture.
  • We can’t rely on death to come when we are ready. We can rely on it to teach those of us who are willing how to truly live.
  • It can and should be a time of reflection. Have I lived well, loved well, forgiven — honestly – and sought forgiveness humbly?
  • Good or bad, I have touched the lives of family and friends, the mailman, and the grumpy receptionist at the doctor’s office. Have I left love and joy in the hearts of those I will leave behind?
  • I may have amassed wealth and recognition and may leave a fortune to my loved ones. All things they can pack away, gamble away, or throw away. But, at the end of the day...what have I left in their hearts?

Well, I’m not dead yet, so I can get back on track and try to live my life fully, love fully, and allow the ebb and flow of life and certainty of death to teach me what truly matters if I am a willing student.

And now, I will leave you with this awesome quote by Grace Hansen: “Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” 

Do Expiration Dates Matter?

by Linda Russell, posted in AHA moments, forgiveness, grace, the glory of God
clipart-library.com/clipart/LTd5r4GXc.htm

According to the FDA: “With the exception of infant formula, the laws that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) administers do not preclude the sale of food that is past the expiration date indicated on the label. The FDA does not require food firms to place ‘expired by’, ‘use by’, or ‘best before’ dates on food products. This information is entirely at the discretion of the manufacturer.”

I admit that I can be lax about adherence to those dates. Even perishable food can be tested. Milk is a good example. After it has reached the date on the carton, smell it, and take the tiniest taste. Then, you’ll know if it’s okay for another day—simple enough and money-saving.

To many, the expiration date stamped on food products is gospel, which, they believe, is critical to our health and well-being and justifies throwing away so much food when nearly 34 million Americans suffer food insecurity. 

Then there are human expiration dates

This begs the question: Why do we so stubbornly oppose, ignore, or deny THIS expiration date:

That reality is probably the most profound image of “whistling past the graveyard”. Every one of us has an expiration date. It’s not arbitrary or negotiable. And, yes, it IS set in stone.  

Okay, a bit of clarification: God can change that date if he wants to. He can do anything he wants. But are you willing to bet on that?

It’s also quite possible when your doctor told you you had six months to live – ten years ago – that all those prayers raised to heaven on your behalf were answered. But I believe it’s more probable that the doctor was wrong. It reminds me of the expression, “If it ain’t your time to go, not even a doctor can kill you”.

Anyway…

Here’s a fun factoid (sorry, this is probably gross for you to consider), when we humans reach our final stage of life, usually the last couple of days or hours, there is an unmistakable smell of death (a bit like spoiled milk – only worse!).

It’s one of the signs of the end of life’s journey. I have experienced it sitting vigil with Hospice patients. But don’t count on that smell test to help you decide to hurry up and clean up your act. Unfortunately, at that point, you will be too far gone to make any life-changing decisions.

How to begin to prepare for that fateful day

So many times, I have tried to change, then failed miserably. However, the older I get, the more I realize my time is running out for a course correction.  Perhaps it would be easiest if I start with small changes. Then work up to the, “Damn! You did what, Linda?!”

I can smile at that grouchy neighbor of mine and stop throwing his dog’s poop over his fence after dark – maybe – IDK – I kind of enjoy that!

I can apologize for all the messes I have made in people’s lives. That should fill my time!

It often sucks royally because I’m certain some are not likely to acknowledge or accept my efforts. I must keep trying, though, with humility and by the grace of God, who tells us that our efforts will not be in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

With that in mind, I have determined – again – to make an honest effort to make course corrections while I still can. I have so much to consider:

  • Old hurts I have refused to let go of that make me angry and mean.
  • Lies of other broken people I have fed on and nurtured.
  • My own guilt and shame I cannot let go of.
  • And, most importantly, denial of my worth as a beloved child of God.

What’s the goal?

I long to grow in love. I want to use each day, however many I have left, to fully live as the person I was created to be.

Saint Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.”  If we call ourselves Christian, we should want to strive for our faith’s ultimate goal – to love God, love ourselves, and love and care for others. And it’s not a goal we can afford to put off. It’s something we should strive for every day, right here, right now because this is where our heaven and hell reside. We choose heaven and hell daily.

Our hell is right here if that’s the life we are living.

Our heaven is right here if we choose to live as God calls us to.

Good Grief

by Linda Russell, posted in gratitude, Healing, life is short, Oh death where is your sting?, Using our gifts, what dying teaches us about living
https://tenor.com/

Last year, an unwelcome course correction arrived at my doorstep with the sudden passing of my husband. My life came to a screeching halt as I faced the stark reality of being thrust into the unknown and the numbing emptiness that followed.

I unwillingly became a part of a club with no guidelines, rules, or secret handshake. I was signed up without permission and couldn’t “cancel at any time”. 

The blessings that came from a forty-seven-year marriage were overshadowed for most of this past year by regrets over things said or done, the if onlys, and lost opportunities. I thought that dark cloud would not dissipate. It totally sucked.

I needed someone to complain to. Ahhhhh, God. I could complain to God. I’m so good at that. But the last time I tried, it went something like this:

Me: dialing the number I found on the Internet…

The message in response:

                Dial 1 to leave a message of gratitude.

                Dial 2 to leave a complaint. You will be prompted to whine, grovel, and beg.

(FYI – this box is not monitored).

How in the world did I fool myself into believing that my life would just keep plugging along with only a few potholes here and bumps in the road there until I drifted unceremoniously into eternity? I was lulled into believing that the way my life was going would not change drastically or without some kind of damn warning.

Wrinkles and gray hair warn you. They don’t just show up one fine morning. Instead, they tiptoe in without much fanfare, giving you plenty of time to disguise them before your next high school reunion. The aches and pains of aging sneak around your joints like a ninja, which mercifully eases you into the acceptance that your running days are over.

For as long as I can remember, each day of my life seemed to blend into the next. Birthdays piling one on top of another were no more thought-provoking than a trash can filling up. Any thought of purpose or meaning was often left unaddressed until tomorrow, next week, or…. 

I think life’s subtle changes are meant as a wake-up call. But they’re too subtle for me. They need to scream loudly into my failure to act before it’s too late…but…oh yeah…pride helped me ignore the fact that I probably needed a hearing aid. Until now – until this.

Then, just as suddenly as I was knee-jerked into widowhood, the dark cloud lifted to reveal God’s promise to turn my mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11).

Being thrust into the pain of loss must become the catalyst for change, for the hope that there is more to this life. Or why do we even bother? Matthew 4:16 says, “The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light.” Jesus came along and spent his life showing us how to live abundantly in that light despite the darkness.

Then, one morning, God spoke into my broken heart, “This is your new reality, Linda. You’re still here. You are surrounded by My love, the love of an amazing family, and supportive, loving friends. Now get up, dust yourself off, and do what you were created to do. Because if you haven’t learned anything else this past year, you surely have realized that this one precious life you have is short. Quit wasting it! Roll up your pity party mat and GO!”

I will leave you with two of the most powerful quotes that have helped me move beyond my sorrow:

Gian Carlo Menotti wants us to let this sink in, “Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do.”

John Shelby Spong tells us, “It is to live not frightened by death, but rather called by the reality of death to go into our humanity so deeply and so passionately that even death is transcended.”

Do Expiration Dates Matter?

by Linda Russell, posted in Easter, Lent, the glory of God

Did you know: According to the FDA, “With the exception of infant formula, the laws that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) administers do not preclude the sale of food that is past the expiration date indicated on the label? The FDA does not require food firms to place ‘expired by’, ‘use by’, or ‘best before’ dates on food products. This information is entirely at the discretion of the manufacturer.”

Article in Time, “…according to the new analysis, words like ‘use by’ and ‘sell by’ are used so inconsistently that they contribute to widespread misinterpretation — and waste — by consumers. More than 90% of Americans throw out food prematurely, and 40% of the U.S. food supply is tossed–unused–every year because of food dating.”

So, it would seem that, to many Americans, the expiration date stamped on food products is gospel. It is critical to our health and well-being. Right?

images (1)
You wouldn’t consume this. Right?

So then, the question becomes:

Why do we so stubbornly oppose, ignore, or deny THIS expiration date:

me expired

Don’t tell me you don’t. We all do. I think that reality is the most profound image of “whistling past the graveyard”. Every one of us has an expiration date. It’s not arbitrary or negotiable. And, yes, it IS set in stone. Okay, a bit of clarification: God can change that date. God can do anything he wants!

It’s also quite possible that when your doctor told you you had six months to live – ten years ago – that all those prayers raised to heaven on your behalf were answered. But, I believe it’s more probable that the doctor was simply wrong. It reminds me of the expression, “If it ain’t your time to go, not even a doctor can kill you.” But, that is a whole other blog post.

Anyway…

I can be, and often am, lax about the dates on most food products. Milk is a good example. After you reach the date on the carton, smell it, and then take the tiniest taste. You’ll know if it’s okay for another day. Simple enough and money-saving.

Actually, (sorry, this is probably gross for you to consider), when we humans reach our final stage of life, usually the last couple of days or hours, there is an undeniable smell of death. It is one of the signs of the end of life’s journey, and I have experienced it often sitting vigil with Hospice patients. But, don’t count on that smell test to help you decide to hurry up and clean your act up. Unfortunately, at that point, you will be too far gone to make any life-changing decisions.

And, what if, on your expiration date, without any warning, you just get run over by a truck on your way to the mailbox!?

download-150x1502
I know I use this a lot, but it’s SO funny!

I am writing this post at the beginning of Lent, a perfect time to reevaluate how I’m living my life. After all, it is a time when we too, are called to die…

Take a breath – it’s okay…

We’re called to die to our sins. I’m not saying that’s easy by any stretch. We so often fail miserably at our best intentions: I’m going to bake a pie for that grouchy neighbor of mine! Maybe. Or not.

We must keep trying though, and hopefully, by the grace of God, we will at least fall forward. With that in mind, I have determined – again – to make this my most profound Lenten Season EVER! (I’ll keep you posted on my progress. Or not.)

I have so much to consider:

  • Needed changes I have refused to deal with.
  • The baggage I cling to.
  • Old hurts that still affect my life all these decades later.
  • Lies of other broken people I have fed on and nurtured.
  • Guilt and shame I cannot let go of.
  • And, most importantly, denial of my worth as a beloved child of God.

I long to grow in love. I want to use these final days of my life, however many I have left, to fully live as the person I was created to be.

Saint Irenaeus said: “The glory of God is man fully alive.” I want and need to be that fully alive Christian, now. We should all, if we call ourselves Christian, want to strive for the ultimate goal of our faith. And it is not a goal to be realized after life here on earth has ended. It is a goal we should be striving for every day, right here, right now. The Kingdom of God is here, now. It’s not some faraway place we hope we’ve gotten our card pinched enough to qualify for entry.

Our hell is right here if that’s the life we are living.

Our heaven is right here if we choose to live as God calls us to.

Even if Lent is not part of your faith tradition, this is still an excellent time to consider fasting and praying as we approach Easter. You don’t have to eat peanut butter and jelly or fish on Fridays unless you LOVE peanut butter and jelly and fish. Not together – that’s gross!