Two things (and a few additions along the way) set me on a journey that I would like to share with you: The book, “One Year to Live” by Stephen Levine, and “A Course in Miracles – Made Easy”, by Allen Cohen.
Spending each moment, each day, as though I only have this one year to live is not a stretch for me. I contemplate my death at times (come on, that’s not so crazy!) trying to realize how precious life is, how fleeting it is, and how much of it I have wasted.
The challenge of “One Year to Live” is to focus on the moment, not the past or the future. To consider what is really important and what is not, to leave a richer legacy for those I leave behind, and to have no regrets. All of which I do fairly well at times and suck at most of the time.
“The Course” promises to take me even deeper. “Mastering the journey from fear to love”. I pray to be ever present to all God has to teach me along the way.
Levine considers this process “a restoration of the heart when we confront our life and death with mercy and awareness. A year-long experiment in healing, joy, and revitalization.”
(ACIM) “Every moment offers us a choice between fear and love. Fear hurts and love heals. There are no other choices. Answer fear with love and you will find the peace you seek.”
Just this short introduction to both these books has made it so clear that I have wasted more time in the past, in the negative, and in fear than I want to admit. God has given me this precious life, meant to be beautiful, abundant, and rich, and I have tasted such a small sample of it. But I’m still here, still breathing and I can begin again, and again.
(SL) “A year to live gives a person the power to heal that which remains unloved.” I have believed the lies that I am unworthy of love since childhood. I am always on guard to protect a fragile ego that I have created myself. The truth that longs to set me free from these lies is the fact that I am a child of a loving God; made in his image. I am not a worthless, invisible mess, and neither is anyone else. I don’t need to defend an image that is not reality and I don’t need to attack others to protect it.
(SL) “There are two main elements that constitute the foundation of this life’s renewal, (1) exploration of what has gone before and a way of clearing a path for what is to come, and (2), to become more present, more mindful of the process we call life.”
(ACIM) “When you challenge God as to how the world will be changed, his answer is: Through you. You bring the presence of God to the world simply by being yourself (your true self, not the self you created). Each time you choose, your choice is your evaluation of yourself.”
Stephen Levine says that this year should empower me to finally heal that part of me that still feels unloved. The part that is often unloving. Living the lies of the past powerfully impacted the present. What are my limiting beliefs that keep me stuck there? If can recognize them I can change them to empowering and positive beliefs.
All of this work to become aware and to let go of the past, is critical to the work God would have me do. Now I realize that my negative beliefs color my life and rob me of the love, joy and peace that are my birthright.
Yes, I make mistakes (DUH!). It is fear that keeps us from living fully and joyfully in the present. Why is it so hard to believe that God wants to use me (ME!) as a witness to his love?
If all of this isn’t challenging enough, I was also introduced to Marianne Williamson’s book, “The Gift of Change” which refers often to “A Course in Miracles”. Her book is so powerful and reaches to the depth of my being.
Then, I had the blessing of meeting for lunch with a dear friend who introduced me to Christine McDonald. Her story of being sex trafficked for almost twenty years, the drugs and homelessness, physical abuse and often torture, the sense of hopelessness and then the powerful way God moved in her life is a story beyond anything we could ever imagine. And her beautiful spirit is something to behold! I have read her book, “The Same Kind of Human” (which was being considered for a movie at the time).
Sometimes I question if I read too many things at one time. But then I think of it as having several friends and each has a unique relationship with me. All the books I am reading are speaking to that same depth of my heart but in different, unique ways. All sharing one important message, “You’ve got work to do, Linda”. So, shake off your doubts, acknowledge your fears and then let them go. I have plans for you and you’re not getting any younger – just sayin’”.
These teachings have been challenging to say the least. For sure, they are helping guide me on this journey of change, renewal, awareness, and conviction. Conviction that now is the time. That whatever God has planned for me, whatever steps I have taken to this point, are all converging for a reason. I truly believe that the next adventure I sign up for, and I don’t even know what it is yet, will be my most significant. Ever!
Here is the common theme I see with these authors: meditation and contemplative practice are to be our most critical focus. Then, we focus on how that will be done. Those two things will demand more time and attention than I have ever given to anything.
To that end, I am compelled now to set all else aside and focus on God and on our relationship. That means more time sitting in his presence. Quietly. That’s huge for me! And listening – I’m so bad at listening!
Until now I could never have imagined such intensity of purpose. Fear has always kept me at a safe distance from it. But God has finally broken through this hard shell around my fragile heart. I thought I had to be perfect for him to love me. But, he has shown me that I have misunderstood what Jesus meant by” perfection” in Matthew 5:48, which has been the cause of my pain and suffering because I felt I never measured up. The wholeness God offers us has nothing to do with perfection.
If we interpret Jesus’ saying, “You must be as perfect as God” through the lense of most religious teachings that has to mean that we can never, ever, ever sin. EVER! – then there’s no hope for any of us.
But many Scripture Scholars don’t believe that was what Jesus meant. Besides, if it was, and we became that perfect human what would we need God for? God knew we would all “sin and fall short”. It’s the nature of humanity. So, let’s insert the word “strive”. Strive for perfection and when you screw up, which you will, seek God’s forgiveness, which he will, and move along.
I will end with something that will hopefully help you, as it has me: GET OVER YOURSELF! You’re welcome.
PASSION, PURPOSE & POOPYHEADS 