Acting ‘As If’: A Path to Healing and Growth

(Original post-2021)

Well, I’m still here in case you were wondering – or even if you couldn’t care less (in which case, I don’t suppose you’d be reading this). Regardless, here we go…

For over a year, I went kicking and screaming into a sudden and uncertain reality. In the process, I have slowly, often unwillingly, been discovering who I am in the midst of loss, pain, and sorrow. The world I thought would never change – changed – without any warning. NOT FAIR!

I reasoned (something my A.D.D. brain should know by now to question) that it was time for a change. So, I packed up my former self, one box, one picture, one memory at a time. I suddenly realized I had been trying to suppress the uncertainty of my future with superficial words and inadequate certitudes, “I’m fine. Really!” – even though it may appear that I’m losing my shit!

Some “experts” encourage us to act “as if” _________(fill in the blank) until it becomes our truth. So, I did – or at least I tried. But, in pretending I was already there, I believe I also denied the necessary process of change. So, does acting “as if” my life is often a total shitstorm count? Because right now it is – no acting required.

Jen Hatmaker beautifully describes the inevitable change of seasons in life, “It can be difficult to envision a new start but impossible to deny one. This is your work. No one can do it for you. Something doesn’t have to be bad to be over. That season has possibly given you everything it had to offer; it shaped and developed you, and it stretched and inspired you. We are not entirely rebranded with each new season; we simply build the next layer. As a testament to our design, we are capable of preserving the best of each season while rejecting the worst. The human heart is shockingly resilient. We need to get better at permission and grace.”

The pictures are packed up now, leaving bare walls and lots of nail holes my husband never knew about because, well, why measure when you can just eyeball distance, even if you suck at it! I didn’t take the time to count, but I’m pretty sure there were at least five or six holes behind each picture!

But I digress…

It has become clear to me that I have been stuck in the past. God tells us to stay out of there and move on, trusting Him every step of the way. The past certainly formed my identity to this point, and I am grateful for all of its lessons. But that’s not the end of my story or my journey. Hatmaker says, “You can care about new things and new beginnings and new people. Carry on, sister!” Carry on, indeed!

God wants me, wants all of us, to boldly step into each new day, believing every life experience, good or bad, will influence how we impact our world. Our loving God has created our most outlandishly gifted, magnificently designed selves for that very purpose.

It’s time to grab onto the desire of my heart that has been sitting too long and aching to be acknowledged, that one passion refusing to fade away no matter how much I have tried to ignore it.